THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN THE COMMERCIAL BREAKS OF 1:00 AM AND 2:00 AM

Back in the office, Jack was playing with a tape measure and looking bored. I hate these commercials, he thought. They always get in the way of me defusing the bomb, or dying, or something.

He got up, dropped the measuring tape, and started pacing. He seemed oblivious to the obvious cries of discontentment, shredding machines attacking his pants, and catcalls that surrounded the room as he paced over the desks and belongings of his coworkers.

"Somebody help me! These god dang commercials are driving me crazy!" Jack shouted unnecessarily, as all the associates in the office were staring at him, in a momentary silence. Papers swished slowly to the floor, the rings of far off phones died off, and the sounds of the copy machines ceased.

"Right, then. I'll see you all later…" Jack broke the awkward silence, and slowly backed away.

"See ya cutie!" Tony called out, hopeful. I can never get him to notice me, he thought. "There's nothing worth living for!"

As Jack was walking away, he heard a crash of a window, and the impact of something falling on a cat out in the street, but ignored it. At least 7 people tried to commit suicide during the commercials of each hour, but they were always back for their cues.

Argh! I'm so bored! Jack thought, as he walked back to his desk. And I hate these stupid anger management toys they give me! I don't have anger issues! I am perfectly normal!

In a rage, Jack swept everything of importance off of his desk, and smashed all of the serene coffee cups that read THESE THINGS HAPPEN, while screeching like Tarzan and roaring like King Kong.

Three cubicles away, Kate sighed. She knew how Jack got during a suspenseful commercial. She picked up her walkie talkie, concealed with her gun behind her ear. A magician taught her to do that. She looked around; making sure no one could witness her suspicious actions, and tell Jack. She stood up, and dived under her desk. Peaking out, she whispered into her communication device, "Code Red! I repeat Code Red! Get someone out there now, before anyone gets hurt!" On the other end was the office's discreet team of security, used only during commercials when the characters were bored.

The head of the security was Chloe, still bitter about not being allowed to join Sherry's gang. She was the bouncer, and stood in front of Jack with her arms crossed, sunglasses on her face. "Jack, this is security! I repeat, this is the office security! If you don't stop your massacre, we'll be forced to take action!"

Still Jack flew into angry seizures, destroying some poor random person's office space.

"Well then, you know what to do, men." Chloe nodded to them, as they kneeled on the floor, their weapons drawn.

Her crew proceeded in the following way. Some fired their bow staffs, making cute little hearts and shapes on the walls of the cubicle; others had medieval flails that they swung around with, without a care. The amateurs were given mines, to see how things would work out. And Chloe's two right hand men charged at Jack with the same screech that Bauer had made earlier. With stun guns in hand.

Zzzt! Zzzt! Zzzzzzzzzzz "That's enough, Charles," zzzt!

"Well, I think that did the job pretty well." Chloe said. "Haul 'em out, boys." She was referring to Jack. He would require medical attention.

"Hello, everybody. My, my, what ever has happened to poor Jackie here?" Sherry appeared, properly dressed, in the office. She really was a sweetie, when not in her ghetto clothes.

"Well if it isn't Sherry Palmer, what a joy." Chloe obviously holds grudges. "What does it look like happened? Obviously, me and my crew, took out Jack, simple as that. We're much tougher than your pathetic gang."

"Oh no you didn't just say that, homie. Cause if you did, then we got a problem up in here." Sherry's street clothes were back on, and the members of her gang appeared from behind the other cubicles, looking nasty and taking off their headsets.

"You wanna bet, Misses? 'Cause I know no Stepford wife is gonna come and challenge me, am I right? Or are you just stupid up in your head?" Sherry and Chloe closed in on each other, up in each other's faces, nose to nose.

"Now, now. Look what we have here. My two favorite people in the world, fighting. I think I'm tearing up! Sherry, whose gang is my rival, and Chloe, who continually stuns me unconscious. Well baby I'm back!" Jack exclaimed, amused.

"Oh I get you, Jack! A three way fight. Genius! All brains, and no brawn, little man," Sherry said. The two girls snickered at that.

"Hey, stupi-" Jack started, but Chloe cut him off.

"Enough of this. Let's get down to buisiness. Check it!" Chloe shouted.

Everyone kind of stood there, unsure how to start. Violence, well that was out of the question, of course. This was the office! They were respectable people! It was a battle of intimidation, and wits. Unfortunatly.

At Jack's base, he was pacing back and forward. He just couldn't figure out how to master these two other, well, masterminds. There must be a way!

Over at Sherry's base, by the Xerox machines, she was worried. She had battled jack before, and it wasn't easy. He was practically immortal. Then she had an idea.

Chloe, in the cubicles, received a text. 'u an me, team , I no his weakness.' Chloe was stunned. Her, team up with Sherry! She hadn't considered it, but I could be their only chance against the main character. She replied.

Ding! Sherry received the text. 'wat is it?' Sherry replied with one word. And over in the cubicles, Chloe smiled. And even started giggling.

The three leaders met in the middle. It was time.

"Jack? You gonna start?" Sherry asked, sweetly.

"Yes, actually. I-"

"Well that doesn't work for me. Girl, bring it out." Chloe said.

With one thrust, Sherry brought the tape measure that Jack had so carelessly thrown on the floor. With one push of one button, she brought Jack down to his knees.

"No! No! Anything but that! Please, not that, not that. You're sick! Don't do this to me!" Jack yelled, crazed. Because that tape measure happened to be a modern tape measure, with a speaker in it to record measurements. "Not the recording!"