So...unfortunately, my first attempts at doing a Harry/Angel crossover have gone nowhere. The character development just wasn't working out as well as I had hoped, and in any case, I had another Potterverse/Borderlands idea to work on. A Harry/Angel story is still on the cards, and I have a few ideas, but it's not happening any time soon. However, this fic might be. And I think it'll interest you, because it's a Harry/Tina pairing. Yes, that Tina.

Tiny Tina is, as it is for many players of the series, my personal favourite character of the series. She's so adorable and nutty, a bit like a mixture of Luna Lovegood, Harley Quinn, and Ace from the classic series of Doctor Who. Now, for obvious reasons, I wouldn't pair Harry with her at her age in the second game, about 13-14, but I decided to start the story with them both about 18, a little under two years prior to the third game. This also meant that, given that much of this story is set during the TWT, that it's a WBWL fic, albeit one where the WBWL in question is not an arsehole.

Finding ways to get Harry to Pandora, and to find an adoptive parent right for him, was tricky, but I've nutted out a story that works, and could be enjoyable, that ties together a lot of lore of the Borderlands games into the Potterverse. I actually originally considered having Harry the adopted son of Sir Hammerlock, as per a challenge I posted not long ago, but I felt that an adopted son of Hammerlock would be too posh for Tina, even given Hammerlock's more casual ways, which is a shame, as I like Hammerlock. However, I felt Zane Flynt, one of the playable characters from the third game, made a more fitting adoptive parent, and while most events of the second game have gone according to canon, other games, particularly the framing story of the Pre-Sequel and Tales from the Borderlands, which I am currently playing after a long period of procrastination, have gone better.

BTW, I should really give a shout-out to both Arawn D Draven and Kilo. Bot. The former, as some of you may know already, is my most frequent sounding board, and despite having no knowledge of the Borderlands series beyond wikis, they helped with my bouncing inane ideas off them. The latter, I contacted via PM regarding their story Harry Potter: Vault Hunter, which, while different in many regards to what I intended for this story, still had enough similarities (the pairing, Harry ending up on Pandora from a young age, the Magical Britain-bashing) that I contacted them as a courtesy, just in case. Thankfully, they were fine with this.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this...


FUSE AND TNT

CHAPTER 1:

BIG MISTAKE

Transcript of ECHOnet Podcast "Fuse and TNT", Posted October 31st, 2994(1).

ADVERTISEMENT, ANNOUNCED BY TORGUE: THIS ECHONET PODCAST IS SPONSORED BY THE TORGUE CORPORATION! BECAUSE EXPLOSIONS ARE A GIRL'S BEST F(bleep!)ING FRIEND, ACCORDING TO TINA!

(Intro music: 1812 Overture…during the bit with the cannon fire(2))

TINA: 'Sup, my ECHOnet subscribers! I'm Tina, aka TNT…

HARRY: And I'm Harry Flynt, aka Fuse…

TINA: And we're coming to you live from the Honeymoon Suite of the Handsome Jackpot, yet another place where Jackass placed his very shootable face on every single goddamned surface! Thankfully, despite being on lockdown for the past five years or so, there's still plenty of portraits and statues to desecrate and befoul. Bee tee dubs, I'd love to give one helluva shout-out to Rhys Strongfork, CEO of the Atlas Corporation, for the you-know-what.

HARRY: I've never heard him wail so much in despair. Hey, Robo-Jack, how are you doing?

(click)

ROBO-JACK: I WILL COOK YOUR UNBORN CHILDREN INTO A PIE AND FORCE FEED IT TO YOU BANDIT-

(click)

TINA (sotto voce): I don't think he's happy. He should eat more chocolate chip cookies, probably helps with blood sugar and cocoa levels. (normal volume) Anyway, Moxxi, my girl, and Old Man Flynt, thank you very very very much for the brilliant 18th birthday present and party. Mmph! Nothin' says 'Happy Birthday' like a heist on an evil casino fortress with plenty of gunfire and explosions to go with them! Capped off with, well…

HARRY: Tina…

TINA: Oh, right, sorry, Flynty-boy don' want me to say we...

HARRY: Tina! This is going out online!

TINA: So? They already knows we in love, girl! Chillax, okay?

HARRY: How can I 'chillax' when Brick and Mordecai are listening to this podcast? They already gave me the shovel speech when they found out we were dating. Well, Mordecai mentioned a shovel. And Talon feeding on my entrails. Brick said something about punchsploding me. To say nothing of what Lilith would do to me.

TINA: Pfft. If you hurt me, Flynty-boy, they wouldn't get the chance. Brick wouldn't have enough to punchsplode…though I think Talon likes his…her…I dunno, whatever gender Talon is at the moment. Their entrails minced and tenderised via explosion. But don' worry, I know you wouldn't do that, fo' shizzle. Anyway, we've finally shaken off our hangovers…I mean, I know Flynty-boy's dad is Irish, and Harry can put away as many drinks as his dad can, but still…just wanna say, I'm glad Flynty-boy knows a very good hangover cure that doesn't taste like Skagshit.

HARRY: Moxxi's made a killing from that recipe. I'm glad Dad shared it with her. I guess she doesn't care his mother was a Zaford, given that she's ex-Hodunk. Anyway…as Tina, my adorable little Pineapple was saying, we've been on a bit of a jaunt to the Handsome Jackpot, a casino Handsome Jack collaborated with Mad Moxxi to build, only to basically shut her out. Basically, when Jack got killed five years back, this place went into lockdown. It was already a cesspool, given that Jack liked to force those indebted by this casino's systems into indentured servitude, but with Jack dead, well…nobody could leave, and things went a bit Lord of the Flies here.

TINA: Ooh, that's the one with the kids on the island, right? Tee bee aitch, I prefer the one with the Hobbits and the evil ring. Roland got me onto that while teaching me to play Bunkers and Badasses. Bee tee dubs, we'll be back with another episode of Bunker Busters later, I hope. Anyway, Flynty-boy is right. Things went more than a little cray-cray here. Some tink called Pretty Boy, who was pretty fugly, so the name was ironic, took over. We got here, started stirring the pot, and, well, funny thing is, we met the last surviving body double of Jackass. Timmy, though…he's chocolate chip, whereas Jack makes raisins look like chocolate chip. True, he sounds and looks like Jackhole, but he's good. Wow, can't believe I said that.

HARRY: Tim's a good guy. I'm glad we managed to save him. Hell, Moxxi cared more than she let on. I think she and Tim were using Jack's own bedroom here. Anyway…it's been a bit of an adventure. We freed a bunch of people from VERY unfair debt slavery, saved a bunch of lives, and we're now part-owners in a casino, and we had a very lovely breakfast in bed this morning. We'll go into detail in another episode, we have a lunch to get to soon, but first, let's answer some questions. Huh…here's another from HungryStarlight: "Hey there, from a superfan! Been doing an archive binge of your older stuff recently. Anyway…what would you guys do if you ever got to meet Typhon DeLeon?"

TINA: Huh. That's different from her usual stuff. Usually, it's stuff like 'favourite explosion' or somethin'. Whatevs. Typhon DeLeon, he's the guy who first discovered the Vault on Promethea. Doc Tannis is obsessed with him or something, wants to have his babies.

HARRY: Well, aside from the obvious, like asking him to tell tales of his adventures, I'd also ask to show me how to use that laser whip…that came out wrong, didn't it?

TINA: Yep. (snickers) Not into that shizz, though. Unless it's Indiana Jones roleplay. I dig that fedora. Harrison Ford was great in the first three. Mmph! Don' worry, Flynty-boy, you da man for me! But yeah, I dig using that whip like Indiana Jones.

HARRY: I actually make it a hobby of looking for his old ECHO logs he left decades ago around Pandora. His anecdotes are interesting, and very different to the movies. Okay, so…next question. Ooh, another one from HunterFL4K: "Have you undertaken a worthy hunt recently?"

TINA: Ooh, yes…well, if a tink with an inverse relationship between the size of his body and the size of his ego counts…especially if he was piloting a HUUUGE mecha in Jackhole's image. Imma not lying, Jackass may have been raisins made out of shit to the core, but his taste in weapons was most definitely chocolate chip. Mmph! But it ran on money, and then on blood, so…can we say we hunted Pretty Boy if Jackass' statue went all Alucard on his ass and drank his blood?

HARRY: I don't know. Uhh, Tina…the time…

TINA: Oh crap-titties! Sorry, folks, we've gotta go! We'll answer more questions later! But for now, it's Fuse and TNT signing off!

ECHO Podcast ends.


The dining room in which the participants of one of the more audacious heists in history was not the most expensive one in the cosmos, or indeed, the entire casino. Then again, it was just as well, as the dining room that was more expensive was impractically large and gaudily decorated, and the images of the deceased former owner of the casino would have put the diners off their meal. This dining room, while still somewhat opulent, felt more personal and less like a dick extension.

Into this room walked a couple of young people in their late teens, their frames lanky. The former, a young man, had a messy mop of dark hair, and emerald eyes framed by glasses. A lightning bolt-shaped scar was just visible on his forehead, beneath his fringe. The latter, a young woman, had a wild but short mop of blonde hair, her smile always a touch too wide, dark circles rimming her eyes, her very posture screaming energy that couldn't be contained. Their clothes contrasted, the young man wearing rumpled but fairly nice casual clothes, with a jacket with a spider logo on the back, while the girl wore well-worn jeans and a shirt, both repaired. Both had pistols at their belts, while the young man wore, on a necklace, a strange, jewelled emblem, with a wedge pointing up within a circle.

At the table, an older woman with long blue hair looked up from a book she was reading, and smiled. "Tina…Harry…how are you?"

MAYA

AS

THE PHASELOCK SIREN

Don't Diss Her Books, Or She'll Kill You With Her Brain.

"Very well, thank you, Maya," said the young man, before he frowned, and looked around. "…Where's Ava?"

HARRY FLYNT

AS

THE APPRENTICE OPERATIVE

In Like Flynt.

"She's coming. She and Gaige have been talking," Maya said. "I think she's realised just how dangerous being a Vault Hunter is. It's not going to stop her, but I think this was a needed wake-up call. I'm glad Moxxi brought us in on this."

"Ava's a good girl, she just gotta tone down the brattiness," Tina remarked. "And gettin' into trouble. I mean, beyond what she can handle."

TINA

AS

THE DEMOGIRL

Just a TEENY Bit Obsessed with Explosions.

"Thanks for looking after her, you two," Maya said. "It can't have been easy, doing what is effectively babysitting during a serious mission, but…"

"Yeah, yeah, it's cool, Mayan Temple," Tina said with a dismissive wave of her hand, before turning to a server bot and plucking a menu from its hands. "I'll have the Angel Salmon and Salad, s'il vouz plait."

Harry chuckled as he took the menu. "The chicken meal, please." As the server bot hurried away, Harry added, "I remember the time Lilith fed you that salad, during that game of Bunkers and Badasses. I mean, I cooked you vegetables before, so I'm surprised you had that reaction."

"That's because, Flynty-boy, it was nice for my boy to cook me a meal. I wanted to try what you made me, even if it weren't chocolate chip cookies!" Tina sat down at the table. "So, where Moxxi and Timmy at? Still doin' the nasty like rabbits?"

"Actually, no," Maya said. "The pair of them are having a working lunch in Jack's former office, along with your father. As for Krieg…"

"I WAS TEARING DOWN THE GRAVEN IMAGES OF THE PRETENDER GOD!"

KRIEG

AS

THE PSYCHO

Will Literally Wear Your Guts For Garters.

This bellowed cry came from a huge, muscular figure dressed in little more than trousers, a gas-mask covering most of his face, save for a single eye. "Yo, my man, Blitzkrieg," Tina said. "How you feelin' this fine morning?"

"MY MIND IS FULL OF BACON NOW THAT I HAVE SHOWN THE MASKED ONE THE MEANING OF OZYMANDIAS!"

Harry looked at Krieg, and smiled. "Let me guess, 'Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair'?"

"SPIDER'S WOLF-PUP HOWLS UNDERSTANDING! BUT MY BUZZ-AXE THIRSTS FOR BLOOD AND BRAINS! NOT UNFEELING METAL THAT ONLY SCREECHES AND SPARKS!" The muscled man spasmed briefly, before a weary, calmer voice spoke. "Okay, big guy, give it a rest. Their eardrums can only handle so much."

Maya looked up at this, and smiled. "It's nice to hear your voice, Krieg…well, when you're somewhat lucid."

"Lucid…heh, close enough," Krieg said. "The big guy lets me out on occasion. I guess he's grown to pity me. Anyway, it's great to see you again, Maya. We haven't really spoken since you left for Athenas."

"You could have called me on the ECHO," Maya said.

"Yeah, but…even then, it was hard for me to talk, and the big guy tends to talk in non-sequiturs anyway."

"Better than big secateurs," Tina remarked. "He's fun to talk to, though."

"…I guess so," Krieg said. "And to be honest, it felt good royally sodomising something Jack left behind. Speaking of…the kid…Ava…when we met for this gig, you said something about her being a potential Siren, but you wouldn't elaborate."

"It's more of a gut feeling than anything, Krieg," Maya said. "A lot of things I do as a Siren, I do on instinct. It's why I took her on as an apprentice." She turned to Harry and Tina. "I hope you two took precautions last night."

"Girl, it's fine," Tina said, dismissively waving a hand. "Sex-Ed from Mad Moxxi is pretty damned thorough."

Harry nodded, though he grimaced. "And Father…he was also pretty thorough himself. So, you're not going to be a godmother just yet, Maya. We'll have to wait until things are a little more settled, anyway. There's rumours of a new bandit faction starting up back home."

"By the way…how's your…condition?"

At this, Harry fell silent. Tina, however, said, "He's doin' just fine, Mayan Temple. That treatment Doc Tannis and Doc Zed made works a treat. He's in control, even when he's…"

The door opened, and a buxom, older woman, dressed in revealing clothes vaguely reminiscent of the Mad Hatter, strutted in, her beautiful features heavily made up. "Harry's fine, Maya, and has been for years. Tannis managed to reverse-engineer some of Dr Cassius' work on Colonel Hector's gas and used it as a further means of helping Harry remain lucid during his episodes."

MAD MOXXI

Not Just a Pretty Face, Sugar.

"Good to hear, Moxxi," Maya said. "Where's Timothy?"

"In an autodoc I managed to have hacked. I don't feel comfortable having him have a bomb in his face. Zane's keeping an eye on him, just in case," Moxxi said. "Anyway, Harry, you still have the AI?"

Harry smirked, and handed a small, disc-like item the size of a coin to her. Moxxi pulled a device from her cleavage, and slotted the disc into it, before activating it. "Hello, Jack," she said, icily.

"Moxxi? Oh, you…when I get out of this, you are so dead, I…wait, why can't I move?"

AI JACK

Yeah, He's Fucked. And Not in a Good Way.

"Because you can't. What you are in is a slipfield emitter used for starships to travel at superluminal speeds. It effectively protects you from effects of physical force and so on. But it has no other properties." Moxxi's grin became vicious. "Now, when Rhys told me about you, I actually paid him quite the substantial sum to be able to kill you, but the question was how. Then, I realised it. We're on the Handsome Jackpot, the casino you have between the black holes Scylla and Charybdis. A fitting name, given what you put these people through. I flipped a coin, and you're going to be thrown into Charybdis. And the slipfield emitter should, in theory, protect you from the spaghettification forces long enough for you to be aware of your plight long after you pass the event horizon, though I've no doubt it won't withstand hitting the singularity at the centre of the black hole. I'm going to film it too, and I'm going to spend a lot of pleasurable nights watching them."

"You…you…"

"Oh, spare me. You know that, if Hell exists, you'll be going there to keep your original self company, while your wife and daughter look down on you from Heaven, where they belong. Oh, and by the way? Tim's better in bed. What did you use to describe your…endowment compared to others? Well, he's prime rib, while you were just a shoddy ratchburger. And he didn't need surgery, either. I can tell."

A silence fell, only for Krieg's crazy personality to contribute. "MASKED MIRROR LICKER'S MAN-MEAT IS SMALL, POXY, AND DOESN'T RISE TO THE OCCASION WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE!"

"What my fine friend is suggesting is that your Little Jack does, well, jack," Tina added.

A howl of sheer fury roared from the AI Jack, followed by a flood of expletives. Tina roared with laughter, as did Krieg. Moxxi smirked. "While your contributions weren't necessary, they're entertaining. So, I'm going to take him to the airlock and flush him out like the excrement he is. Say goodbye, Jack."

"YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME! I AM HANDSOME GODDAMN JACK, AND…" His rant was cut off by Moxxi.

"Wish I had a switch like that to shut him up before," Moxxi said, before she looked at Harry and Tina sharply. "…Harry…Tina…why are you two on fire?"

Harry looked down at himself, and noticed azure flames purling around him. "What?"

"Oh, cool, we're on fire and not burnin' up or dyin'," Tina said, her tone curious and nonchalant. "But where did it come from?"

Harry felt a familiar sensation. The pendant on the necklace was glowing, emitting violet energy. He hurriedly tucked it into his shirt, but before he could do anything else, the blue flames engulfed him and Tina…


…And then, they were elsewhere. Stone floor, stone walls, a vast hall lit by hundreds of floating candles, and a ceiling that had an image of the night sky. Four vast tables in front of them, one large table behind them, all filled with people, and an old man with a very long beard peering at them in shock while holding a parchment in their hand.

"Uhh, Harry?" Tina asked. "Where the hell are we?"

"Harry?" The older man asked. "Harry…Potter?"

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

He Who Wears Epilepsy-Inducing Robes.

Harry glared at the old man. He knew who it was, even if he'd only met him a few times. It was Albus Dumbledore, after all. But he had discarded that last name long ago. With an effort, he calmed himself. His father, his adoptive father, had taught him better, to only show your anger when you needed to. So, he drew himself up to his full height, and said, more calmly than he wanted to, "I am Harry Flynt. And I want to know…what am I doing here?"

A rather officious-looking piece of shit with a thin moustache and looking every inch the bureaucrat sniffed. "You have been entered into the Tri-Wizard Tournament, Mr Potter. It seems you will be competing, lest you forfeit your magic…"

CHAPTER 1 ANNOTATIONS:

So, there you have it. This is set somewhat over a year before the events of the third game. Unlike canon, Moxxi decided to hit the Handsome Jackpot earlier. We'll learn more about how Harry came to end up in the future and how he was adopted by Zane Flynt later.

1. When Borderlands is specifically set is unknown, but official blurb states that Pandora was first colonised in 2864. As it has clearly had people on it long enough for an associate of Captain Blade to have a granddaughter, I generally have it as about a century. For the sake of this story, the two time zones are almost exactly a thousand years apart, with only a few hours' difference.

2. For those who don't know, yes, the 1812 Overture actually does have provisions for cannonfire being part of the performance.