Visit


Summary of the chapter:

(And suddenly, Sasuke is blocking the view he has of himself curled up on the floor, the cracks in the tiles run deep enough to scar through him whole,heart shattered, the world lying in glass pieces broken beneath his feet, he knows nothing but loss. And Naruto doesn't know how this is supposed to make him feel.)

. . .


It's needless to say, Naruto has never liked hospitals. That's an understatement, really. And as of late the reasons for his distaste have only been increasing, so much they might just turn endless. And now, crossing these same doors is even less comforting, seeing as the hospital sustained some serious collateral damage after the attack, and the efforts of the renovation now coupled with all the affected patients feel like too much of a cataclysm.

The smell of pure alcohol and sterile utensils is almost a stench, invading his senses unpleasantly. The long hallway is a simple means to an end, a thoroughfare, but the trek along it is interminable, at least inside his mind. The despairingly blank walls are staring back at him, as if daring him to go further.

With each step forward the sense of dread swells like a surface wound, bruising underneath the pulsing tissue. He smothers it down.

(The cracks running like fractures along the tiled floor, they're not there. Not anymore. And if Naruto could feel anything else outside his bereavement, this would leave him at a loss. But the cracks he wears underneath his ribcage won't stitch themselves shut.)

For one second, everything slows down. His breaths are muted, his footsteps muffled, echoes of voices (deafening screams), flashing lights (blinding darkness), split floors (tarnished in blood).

A pause, another step. The world starts back again.

Naruto breathes in, quashes out the memories.

It almost comes as a surprise when the three of them are standing outside the numbered hospital room. Sakura is the first to move, he follows after her.

"Look who's finally showed up to pay a call." It's the first thing Kakashi says once they step inside.

"You mean this is where you are staying, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura turns back on her heel. "Oops, wrong room."

Kakashi exhales noisily. "Har har, you know what? Go, get out of here and don't let me see your guileless faces again."

Naruto cracks a bit of a smile while Sakura cracks a laugh and assures him they'll take him up on his offer.

It's like a small reprieve from everything Naruto has been through up until now. As far as his loathing for hospitals goes, coming to visit Kakashi has never felt like an obligation. It's much easier too, when with every visit the man always seems to be doing better. He has started looking healthier and more like himself with each passing day.

"Morning, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura and Naruto finally greet in unison, Sai gives a small nod.

Sakura takes a seat at one of the uncomfortable but familiar chairs placed by his bed, Naruto follows her example, whilst Sai for some reason remains standing, as usual.

"To punctualize, it is closer to afternoon." Kakashi punctualizes, which earns him two eyerolls. "And here I thought you'd forgotten all about your poor old teacher." The hint of a smile is concealed below his mask, making Sakura smile back.

"As if, Kakashi-sensei. Shouldn't you know better than anyone the constant attention old men are in need of?" Naruto allows himself a bit of a shit-eating grin as he asks the mostly rhetorical question. Kakashi's eyebrow ticks in annoyance while Sakura presses her lips together, holding back a grin of her own.

"...The nerve." Kakashi drawls, flat. "...the actual nerve." The lightness in his voice is obvious and relieving. "Kids these days, disrespectful bunch..." He mutters something else under his breath, drawing a quiet giggle out of Sakura and something akin to a snicker out of Naruto, who tries to lean back in his chair and find a somewhat comfortable position, even if it's no easy task when he feels he's sitting on a slab of concrete.

Naruto has learned to take in details. (He doesn't know when it happened, exactly. Sometime around dipping his little toes in, skinning his small knees after throwing himself into the wondrous world of what being a ninja means, and now.) It is like jotting down observations he makes, only the notes are stored in his head, stacked somewhere safe he can reach again and again when he needs senseless repetition to numb horrifyingly new shock.

For example; the window in this room has a blind on it, and a view of the roof of an adjoining building in the distance, further away there is open space. Another example; at first Kakashi's head used to be tilted down, hanging, the events were a lead weight showing like scattered injuries across his body and dragging him down with them. Now his head is held higher, but humbly so.

He keeps taking the new details in. His teacher's face is still mostly bandaged, pale skin against pale whiteness, and the gauze on his left hand climbs up his forearm, hiding the minuscule tube and damage below. But the most noticeable injures are perhaps the fading bruises, he should be dismissed in a few days.

If the Fifth had not, miraculously, gotten out of her comatose state, nothing of this would be possible now.

(And, at times, when Naruto thinks of the worst, when he thinks about Tsunade, he swears he can feel his intestines tangle up in knots and his lungs shrivel up and shrink with the clash rousing inside him, when he thinks of the pain and gratitude he owes her.)

"I take it they're treating you pretty well, sensei?" Sakura asks next, busying herself with the task of peeling an apple from the bunch she brought.

Sakura's instincts—mother's instincts, especially—have only intensified since the attack, and if she can't make sure that every single one of the people she cares about is okay, she goes into a frantic, restless panic. Or, as okay as they can be. And as funny as her attempts at being a mother-hen can get at times, they all see she is trying her very best, and the amusement clouds into sadness in the blink of an eye.

Naruto wishes he could help. He sometimes catches the terrified flicker of hope dimming in her eyes and it scares him to think she could lose it (like he's already lost his).

"As well as well can be." Kakashi answers easily enough for it to be an unquestionable truth, he leans back on the couple of plush looking pillows and his mask caves in the shape of a kind smile, which Sakura returns, and Naruto does too after a beat.

The focus of their every conversation at first was Konoha's assault. And really, how do you waltz around it, how do you ignore the elephant inside the room? You don't. You can't. And linked to it was the resulting loss, the doubts, how much would it even take to rebuild what was broken (could something too broken be rebuilt at all?). Which had soon after delved into economical and political talk, which Naruto mostly didn't know or didn't even want to hear about. The tension had been at an all time high, breaching through like electrified live wire regardless of how careful the painful words had been whispered, managing to tear through their hastily put together walls with punches the size of hearts.

But, as the days turned into weeks, thankfully the heavy topics lost some of their punch and a little more humor and light-heartedness managed to seep in. Until it came to a point where they went out of their way to avoid the more serious and morbid issues. Until when they left their teacher had the imprint of a smile curving up his mask instead of the usual tipped down frown. Until the students began going home in the evenings and feeling lighter than when they'd woken up in the mornings (until Naruto pretended to do the same).

And this was something Naruto needed, and needed badly, to assure himself he could keep his sanity intact. (No, he didn't, not anymore.)

"If you must know." Kakashi levels them with an unwavering stare, continuing. "There is this one nurse who comes to see me everyday." He lowers his voice a bit, his next words sound almost conspiratorial. "I don't want to make speculations, but I think I may just be her favorite patient here. She's always bringing in more pillows, without me even asking. And, I even caught her bending the straw in my glass the first few times."

"Kakashi-sensei, that...doesn't classify as special treatment. It is part of the job, taking care of patients." Sakura states in a flat tone.

Naruto hides a snort in the collar of his jumpsuit at that. "Mah, Kakashi-sensei..." He shakes his head twice and lets the sentence hang in the air, even going as far as disdainfully crinkling his nose to add to the lightness.

"I'm not being anything." Kakashi is soon to follow with, having perfectly read the meaning behind the unspoken words. "I am merely stating facts." He seems resolute to stand his ground. "She always looks so radiant whenever she steps foot in this room, and when she sees me her eyes light up...has me wondering if my stay here will end with a parting gift, a goodbye kiss, perhaps?" He looks almost dreamy as he thinks of the various scenarios that entail parting kisses, or more.

Sakura puts a hand over her heart, and pretending to gasp she turns to Naruto, stage-whispering. "Oh no, he's delusional too, now. What should we do?"

Naruto lowers his voice a bit to match hers, chin grasped in hand in fake contemplation. "Makes you wonder, what would this 'parting gift' even be, five fingers to the face?"

"If that were to happen he'd give us an excuse, like 'having to help a pretty woman who was falling down the stairs and she accidentally hit him during the fall, only to cling onto him for dear life'. We should probably just nod and pretend to believe him, to at least spare his wounded feelings and pride." Sakura continues in a low voice, but it's pretty clear everyone is meant to hear.

"Of course." Naruto nods in agreement with an almost torn expression. "Poor old man, can't imagine having to live with such poor flirting skills to boot."

Sakura's eyebrows pinch in mock-confusion. "Do you think he actually rehearses his lines?"

Naruto pretends to think about it for a second, slowly nodding. "He must spend hours in front of the mirror, perfecting his 'technique' and thinking he's a genius for it. Who knows how many ladies have already laughed in his face?"

"Or maybe they were pitying him so much they even pretended to be impressed?"

As they keep making fun of him, in front of him, Kakashi looks utterly done with his students. "That's it. You two are banned from this room." He orders, nodding towards the door for them to leave.

"Oh, he thinks he has this kind of authority over us now." Naruto shakes his head, heaving a sigh. "Wow, his memory really isn't what it used to be, huh."

"Just nod and pretend you're agreeing with everything he says." Sakura shakes her head in the same rueful way. "It might hurt less for such a poor man with such poor flirting skills."

"Maybe the nurse pities him too, isn't that why she's put up with him for so long?"

Sakura gasps, dramatically, hiding it behind her hand. "I think that might just be it!"

"Help." Kakashi drawls, raising his voice just a little for attention. "A very kind-hearted and very handsome patient is being harassed in his supposedly peaceful room."

A nurse ends up poking her head in the room, the one the teacher had been telling his students all about. She takes a moment to notice that Kakashi is, in fact, perfectly fine. Stepping inside, she zeroes in on him and on the clipboard she's holding she clicks her pretty nails in a perfectly rhythmic show of annoyance.

"What. Do. You. Need. Now." Her curt tone suggests this is quite the regular occurrence, drawing Naruto and Sakura's attention and making them lean in so they won't miss a word. Sai remains unfazed for his part.

This time it's Kakashi's turn to put a hand over his chest, only to let out a long and delighted sigh. "I just melt at the sight of you, my dearest."

The woman rolls her eyes, the exasperation across her face doesn't look new either. "Please melt outside of my working hours, old geezer." And like that, she turns and walks out of the door with a disgruntled huff.

Kakashi is quick to face his students again with his usual, and seemingly never-ending, confidence. In a deadpan voice, he states. "See? Once we're in the same room she can't even hold back her passion. Clearly, she's crazy about me."

"...Uh-oh." Sakura and Naruto share a glance between their barely held back snorts.

"Maybe we should keep the old geezer in the hospital for a whole other reason–" And Naruto doesn't even finish his sentence that the two of them are already cracking up. Sakura's laughter is so infectious he can't help but let out his own.

"...I don't expect the likes of you, brats, to understand the concept of such a mature and wonderful display of a love this pure." Kakashi mutters in distaste.

Sakura does then take notice of Sai scribbling down something. "What are you doing?"

The boy lifts his head up enough to answer. "I am taking notes on the 'display of a love this pure' Kakashi-sensei is talking about." Sai says with the best intentions. But the thing is, his tone sounds so dull and monotonous when he says the words, it seems like he's in cahoots with the other two teens and is just looking for more ways to mock the man.

"Let me rephrase." Kakashi suddenly utters, the picture of unimpressed. "From now on you three are banned from this room."

Sakura and Naruto are set into a fit again and the more one laughs, the louder the other follows. Sai tilts his head to the side, mostly confused.

There is no tension in the air, nor any pain that can dampen this quiet corner of peace. Naruto rearranges his self and his thoughts, lets himself be pulled into the moment, leaving his mind now thankfully blank as his sole focus is right here, in a few of the people he cares about most in the world.

He doesn't know if time is stressing by in minutes or hours, doesn't keep count of it, the mindless and light chatter is enough to let everything else fall away.

It's almost unconscious, the way his eyes slowly shift to the side. The door to the room is propped open and people walk by, their shoes squeak on the pristine tiles.

One by one the walls built in his mind give in, falling away. Crumbling.

And suddenly, in the hallway, he sees himself.

(Naruto is curled up on the floor, the cracks in the tiles run deep enough to scar through him whole, heart shattered, the world lying in glass pieces broken beneath his feet, he knows nothing but loss.)

(Fingers dig deep in his ribcage. The red blood has since dried over, staining his fingers in coal black clots, it's stale with death.)

(You couldn't save him, the cacophony of voices say, so cruel and disfigured they might as well be his own. He's dead. He's dead. Deaddeaddeaddead–)

"He seems to be doing well. That's a relief."

Naruto freezes. His breath catches in his throat, his body locks in place and his hands tighten to fists by his side.

His eyes make a slow ascend, and suddenly, someone else is standing in the previously vacant space.

Sasuke.

This seems to have become a routine of sorts, because when he least expects it, is when he gets surprised the most, unpleasantly so.

And really, he shouldn't be taken off guard anymore, not after the shock of finding him there this morning. And the day before. And the day before that. But he still is.

Sasuke has Naruto stuck, and for the split of a second he feels his presence so strongly, so intensely, he thinks they might be the only two souls left in the universe with the time frozen over.

(And suddenly, Sasuke is blocking the view he has of himself curled up on the floor, the cracks in the tiles run deep enough to scar through him whole, heart shattered, the world lying in glass pieces broken beneath his feet, he knows nothing but loss. And Naruto doesn't know how this is supposed to make him feel.)

He digs his nails in the clothed flesh between his outer thigh and knee, and waits like an elastic band that if pulled too tight will end up snapping, waits in fear, in anticipation, in anger.

But nothing else happens, except for Sasuke's gaze leaving their teacher and moving towards his own. There is a small smile hanging off his mouth, seemingly genuine enough in matching his words.

One thought pushes at the other and Naruto fails to disassemble and reassemble them in orderly fashion, when everything sounds like one bad option after another. The walls inside his mind rise higher, closing in, locking him out, and there is a bitterness to the inside of his mouth so distinct, he tastes iron and acid, it sours him from within and—

"Naruto?"

He abruptly breaks off their eye contact, his head whips around just a little too quickly. And he tries to cover it up with a smile that comes off stretched a little too widely to be sincere. "What?"

"Is something wrong?" Sakura asks cautiously. His teammates and teacher are now looking at him with a hint of curiosity, worry swimming underneath.

How long has he been spacing out?

'...They can't see him.' Naruto whispers to himself, and the seconds are measured in the beats of his heart that only grow louder, and with the loud thump of them slamming repeatedly in his temples and the fact that Sasuke truly seems to be invisible to the others, the theory of a ghost doesn't sound as far-fetched now as it did in the shock of the morning.

But he can't let himself slip up, he can't let them know.

"No, I..." Naruto shifts in his chair, clears his throat even if the lump inside it feels the size of a rock, relaxes himself enough for his muscles not to be as stiff, and his body language not to give him away. "...I just thought I saw someone I recognized."

A plausible excuse since the door is still open and...maybe not so much of an excuse, after all. He is met with no further questioning and the conversation returns to its previous light-heartedness.

Naruto tries not to tense when, after a carefully awaited number of seconds, his eyes flicker to the door and Sasuke has yet to move an inch. There should be a whole lot of things bothering him, but what keeps nagging at him, in the back of his mind, is the expression Sasuke is showing. It's so...he doesn't know how to describe it.

He doesn't know. His words ring clear in Naruto's head, as if he is hearing them again, and their apparent honesty has his chest feeling tight.

Sasuke, real or not real, the memory of his dream, Team Seven, being right here now, his words—Naruto can't help it when he asks himself...

...does Sasuke even care?

The weight in his chest almost threatens to suffocate him.

He tunes back in and avoids any distractions now. He doesn't space off, neither does he look towards the door anymore. He does nothing that could give him away.

Even so, he swears he feels Sasuke's eyes burn right through him.