We get some actual book in the chapter, I am entirely too lazy to actually write out the full dialogue, so I encourage you to read the office scene with Ashely and Scarlett while reading this.
Thanks for all the great reviews! Hope everyone is having a good final days of 2021.
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Chapter Twenty-Four
New Orleans
March 1871
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Rhett laughed spying his wife in looking into one of the gilded mirrors in the hallway of the first floor. "My dear are you inspecting your face for news lines that had suddenly appeared because you are now 26?"
"What a dreadfully large number."
"In a month, I'll have known you for a decade."
"A decade," Scarlett looked stunned by that.
"A decade," he repeated.
"However, did that sneak up upon me."
"I imagine the same way you snuck up upon me," he smirked.
"I did no such thing Rhett. Why you pursued me, you pursued me all the way into the country."
"My dear I would have pursued you to China," his hand went to the thin fabric of her dressing gown.
"What are you doing?"
"It's your birthday and I have a gift for you if you come upstairs with me."
"You give me that gift plenty on days that are not my birthday."
"Your actual gift is upstairs, but I can think of nothing better than you naked as the day you were born and dripping in rubies."
"Dripping?"
"Dripping in rubies and diamonds," he elaborated.
She smiled as she always did with the thought of beautiful and expensive things. "But my party-" she suddenly recalled the houseful of guests they would have that evening.
"Estelle has it all in hand."
She didn't agree to go upstairs just yet. "Should we do something to celebrate a decade since we met?"
"Would you like to?"
"It would be nice."
"We could go into Atlanta-"
Scarlett frowned, "We're already going in for Ashley's party, I'd rather not be in Atlanta longer than necessary after being away from home for so long."
"Then what would you like to do?"
"If the weather's nice we could go for a ride and have a picnic. You could strip me down to my shimmy like you wanted to that first day."
"Only to your shimmy?"
"We'll see how the day goes."
"And how goes this day?"
"My shimmy hardly goes with rubies," her eyes held a mischievous glint and she turned to head towards the stairs.
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Atlanta
April 14th 1871
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"Are you enjoying your party?" Scarlett asked stepping out onto the porch where Ashley was staring off into the street.
"It's been lovely, I am lucky to have such a thoughtful wife. I am very appreciative of you and Rhett for coming into town."
"Why we wouldn't have missed it for anything."
He sighed and continued to look out, she wasn't sure what he was looking at, she could barely see anything, but the street's gas lights.
"Why is it that it takes these grand numbers or tragic life events for us to-" He asked.
"For us to what?"
"Why for us to see, to reflect, to change-" He shook his head and turned to her, "Have I told you that you get prettier every time I see you?" He smiled, "Let me see this new dress," he stepped in and took her hands, spreading them wide.
Scarlett happily stepped back to show off her dress, "It's by Worth, he's a designer to the Empress, of Austria that is. We got it when we were in Paris last year. Rhett had lined up several dresses nearly all perfectly fitted to me, I went out our very first night to the ballet in this."
The dress was a muted red, but with a daring neckline that was made more shocking by the pleated silk chiffon that emphasized her bust, silk chiffon was swept all around her and into the bustle.
Rhett had spoiled her silly and let her come home with an endless amount of house dresses, which were so elaborate she very nearly wore them out to Tara and made it so she hadn't even had the slightest desire to force Prissy to do up her stays in the house, despite the inch that continued to plague her since Julian's birth.
"Scarlett," he smiled brightly, "you get prettier all the time. Why I don't believe you'll ever get old."
She was struck with a sudden awareness that this was the first time they had been alone since that day at Tara. Suddenly recalling all the passion and desperation she had felt for him and how he haunted her every thought, why he rarely entered her mind now. She recalled how the nearness of him, no matter how many were around had once made her tremble that was oddly absent. She hadn't noticed it leaving, but then again she had not noticed it for some time. Her bright, shining darling Ashley, why she loved him and would always, but why-
She pushed the thought from her mind and looked back to how he was looking at her, no longer with loss or passion as well, but friendly without strain or fever. Looking upon her with love, as if there had never been anything, but happiness between them. No barriers, or baffling remoteness.
"Oh, Ashley, I'm getting old and decrepit."
He began to speak again and she was relishing in his adoring words, of his recollection of that day now 10 years in the past. She felt them change as he spoke of his time in prison and watched the light fade from his eyes. Then he stopped abruptly and lowered her hands. She almost wanted to take a step back or to drop into one of the seats on the porch.
Then suddenly he was reflecting on who he was and who he would have been if not for her and Melly. He wasn't sad as he'd once been, but resigned.
"It may be an awful thing to say, but I'm glad Charles and Frank died. Rhett's given you some of the old days hasn't he. He's not forced you to live this life harried by people you don't like. Not forced to live in the memories of the old days."
"I like these days better," she said as he tried to pull her down a path she kept barred.
"He's given you the world, the old and the new and all of him. All of him as I always knew you needed and I'd never be able to give you."
"He's always taking me off somewhere exciting, it's got such a glitter to it. I hadn't realized how dull life was."
"What a liar you are," Ashley smiled tenderly, "no the old days had no glitter, but they had a charm, a beauty, a slow-paced glamour. I imagine much of your life still does, but mine is only in the past, only in my memories." He took her hand again, just one as if they needed a connection to let his thoughts spread to her, he held that hand between his and if forced it within her, no place to escape. "Do you remember-"
Her eyes widened, her breath caught, her mind demanding she not look back, she'd very nearly shut down listening to Melly earlier recount the story of the sword, forcing her to relive the awful day she'd thought her baby had died and she would die as well. Die for a sword. A stupid scrap of metal and Melly had made her seem like a hero instead of the foolish and reckless girl she'd been.
She wanted to flee, but she couldn't the moment too precious to be lost despite all the pain that she knew would follow it. She knew in this moment that she would finally understand him.
The memories swept over her. Memories she constantly had to bury. There was music in his voice as she saw the life they'd once been a part of, saw the lives that had once been, the beauty of their lives, the joy and the languid grace, with her as if she'd just stepped from their side as if any moment Brent and Stuart's laughter would ring in her ears, Cade would sweep her up into a dance and spin her into Raiford's arms, the smell of brandy on her father's mouth as he would kiss her goodnight, she could smell her mother, that gentle scent and hear her soft whispers. Amongst it all was sense of security, a knowledge that tomorrow could only bring the same happiness that today had brought.
His voice stopped and long and quiet moments passed as they looked into each others' eyes, between them lay the lost sunny youth that they had shared. She understood now why he could not be happy, what haunted him, what chased him for he had not closed the door on those years as she had, he had allowed them to stay with him. He was no longer young and shining, she saw the silver in his hair, a silvery gray. The pain of seeing him made her realize how lost it all was, how far gone.
"We've come a long way since those days, Ashley," she fought to steady her voice, "We had such fine notions then. Life did not turn out as we expected."
"It never does," he said, "Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect. We take what we can get and are thankful it's no worse than it is."
Her heart suddenly filled with pain recalling that girl. That girl who had loved pretty dresses and beaux and who intended, some day, when she had the time to be a great lady like Ellen O'Hara. She had used everyone around her, abandoned Careen, crushed her Suellen's dreams, killed her husband. She hadn't been able to resist an easy life with Rhett even though she knew she needed to do things differently than she had with Frank, she had made all of the excuses to find a way to marry Rhett. She took in his ward even though another child was the last thing she wanted and gave Rhett a baby because she knew those were the things that Ellen would have done, but she had wanted none of it. Oh it had been fine eventually, but she hadn't wanted it, she hadn't been great or kind, she just imitated and people believed it.
Tears filled her eyes with all she had lost, all she wasn't and would never be. Her mother would still be disappointed, she would still see the truths in the lie that Scarlett lived.
Ashley said no more, but took her into his arms, pressing her cheek into his shoulder and dropping his head down. Her tears dried with the touch and comfort he offered. He had been so much more than the man she couldn't have. So very much more, he was what he was now. A friend, a good friend, who had seen who she was then and who she was now. It was such a comfort to be in his arms.
She gave no thought to the noise going on, of the party that lay beyond the front doors, full of happy and lighthearted conversations. She heard the door open and felt Ashley's body shift and suddenly she was thrust away from him.
Her eyes turned towards the light and there stood India, white faced, her pale eyes blazing. Scarlett experienced a moment of sympathy for the woman, India would never truly know loss because she had never truly had anything, but dreams. Her losses had been superficial as Scarlett had always done her best to treat her own as. Scarlett suddenly realized that India's losses had been far deeper because she had never had anything and Scarlett had never treated her kindly or with sympathy for such a tragedy, but with scorn and judgement.
But then stepping into the light just behind India was Rhett and Scarlett suddenly recalled Ashley's words about how grateful he was that she had found Rhett, only Rhett wasn't lucky as she was. She was a pale imitation of a great lady and he was betting that he was strong enough and smart enough to survive her.
Tears flooded her eyes anew.
She hated Ashley. She hated him ever so much. Why had he done this to her?
She heard Rhett's harsh words and she watched as India and Ashley made quick moves to leave the porch.
She hated herself, hated that Rhett would wrap his arms around her and move heaven and earth to make it better. "I'm nothing like her, I'm still exactly like my Pa!" she cried just as his arms came around her. "I still do everything wrong."
He murmured words for a moment that she couldn't hear over her tears. "Now hush," he said pulling back and withdrawing a clean handkerchief from his pocket. "Wipe your face, we're at a party and when you feel better you'll be horrified if anyone sees you this way."
She took the cloth and wiped her face while looking at him. Her husband. He was always so capable. He always kept everything in hand. Even as the worst storms shook their house and she didn't trust the shutters to keep the glass from blowing out the windows, she felt safe in his arms. When Rhett held their small baby on the rocky trip home from Tybee Island his very first summer alive or the moment Rhett let go of Ella on her pony for the first time or when he taught Wade to swim.
He was so capable, they were always so safe. He was simply so much. He was so much that she hadn't expected or deserved.
"I want to go home."
"We'll say our thanks and farewells and return to the house."
"No, our home. I want to kiss the children goodnight and go to sleep in our bed."
"Oh my dear," he said pulling her in tightly again, "whatever did he say to you?"
She shook her head, she didn't want to think about the past anymore.
"My dear it couldn't have been that bad."
"How can they all bear to live in the past? How can any of them get out of bed in the morning?"
He let out a breath of a laugh, "Oh my love, I imagine they find comfort in the memories. In recalling the happy and good times and being glad they existed."
She grunted at him and burrowed back into his chest, "I like the present."
His hands ran along her back, "I am very glad you feel that way."
She looked up with a smile, "Ashley is happy that Charlie and Frank died so I could marry you."
Rhett let out a light laugh, "Well I may need to revise my opinion of Mr. Wilkes."
She lifted the handkerchief up to her face again, "I don't know what came over me. I don't know why I let old memories get to me so much."
He smiled tenderly at her and held back a laugh because she likely hadn't realized her courses were two weeks late. He'd prefer her furious over maudlin at home, but they were out in public. It was best to let that go for now and enjoy the time he had before negative feelings were directed at him. "Are you composed enough to rejoin the party?"
She nodded and took his offered arm.
o-o-o
"Do I make you happy Rhett?" Scarlett asked back in their bedroom at the Atlanta house hours later as she brushed her hair.
"Of course, what makes you ask that?"
She shrugged, but the turned away from the vanity she was seated at to her husband reclining in bed awaiting her. It was nice that he was actually awake this late into the evening. He had taken on a far more physical role at Calverton than she had ever expected and he almost never stayed awake once his head hit his pillow unless she was in his arms. "I make you happy though, you're not just surviving me."
"Oh," he said pushing up, "there is most certainly an aspect in which I am just surviving you," he smirked.
"Rhett, I'm being serious."
"Of course, I'm happy. How could I not be?"
"You never wanted to get married, you never wanted to live in the country."
"But I wanted you and you wanted to get married and live in the country. If you're asking if I would be happier living in Atlanta with you as my mistress. We could always ask Will and Suellen if the children could stay with them for 2 weeks and find out."
"Rhett!"
There were moments for frivolity and superficiality, many moments especially with his wife, who hated looking back and looking deep within, this was apparently not one of them. Truthfulness and depth were apparently what she sought, an easy answer to provide after years of budding and reoccurring awareness. "I suppose I'm old and I value things I'd once throw away impetuously in my youth, the clannishness of families, honor and security, roots that go deep. Now I'm not recanting or regretting, but our family, our children. I imagine I would turn down a trip to the moon rather than miss these years with them."
"You could have had that with someone else."
He patted the bed next to him and she went to his side, "Now you know I couldn't have Scarlett." He wrapped an arm around her, "None of that held any appeal for me. Not marriage or children, but you wouldn't be my mistress and you already had children. The only regret I have, which I can't even have, is that I didn't marry you when you needed the money for Tara. That I allowed you to marry Frank and live a life that filled you with such self-loathing that you had to drink to survive it that I allowed someone else to father a daughter that should have been mine fully, but," he gave a tender look, "she's my daughter and I wouldn't change anything about her, so no Scarlett, no regrets."
"We could move to Charleston if you really wanted to. I wouldn't even try to change how utterly boring the entire first floor is."
He laughed. "My dear, I may have become reflective and appreciative of family as I have aged, but I have not become masochistic. Several weeks throughout the year is entirely enough time with our family in Charleston."
She laughed lightly, feeling so much better just by being against her husband.
"Now you are overly tired, I suggest we get some rest before you begin to cry while we are taking tea with the children tomorrow."
"Oh Rhett, why would you even say such a thing. I haven't had those awful dreams in so long, but I just know I will tonight, now that you've brought that up while we are in bed."
"I'm sorry my sweet. Just for your sake, I will make such blissful and all-consuming love to you that you fall into a dreamless slumber because nothing could compete with your waking life." He began to shift her onto her back.
"Maybe more gentle and tender, snuggly lovemaking. Like a hug."
"Oh I shall get our bodies very snug," he said before dropping his head for a kiss.
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April 15th 1871
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Rhett smiled down at his wife asleep against his arm as the train headed towards Jonesboro. They had been on the first train out and she had promptly returned to sleep before the train had even left the station.
Ten years. What a remarkable thought. Exactly ten years ago, all he had expected a party that would bore him, people that would bore him and then business. Instead, he had encountered her.
He rather liked the idea that she was likely expecting on this date. There seemed to be something so profound about her carrying their baby on the tenth anniversary of their meeting.
She'd be furious. He'd certainly not mar the day by mentioning his suspicions.
He still wasn't entirely sure about anything that had transpired.
How he could still find her utterly fascinating and captivating so many years later. How he could be so satisfied from a life that should have bored him to tears at time. There were parties and adventures, but it was the still moments, the small moments. The moments of them alone or with the children that brough him the greatest satisfaction, the greatest peace.
He thought of the hours he'd spend holding Julian when he was a small baby, the gentle weight upon his chest. He thought of the sense of completion he had in those moments. He'd been a man always seeking out the next thing, but holding that small baby, it was as if he finally knew his purpose in life.
He felt it now, all the way to his bones in this small moment. The weight of her against his arm, the way their bodies moved together with the motion of the train, the scent of her mixed with traces of the rose oil she used in her bath and the lemon verbena satchel she carried in the folds of her dress.
Odd how one's purpose in life could be to belong to another.
But he was hers. To protect her, to love her, to make her happy.
He was hers.
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"Perfect timing," Rhett said waiting at the bottom of the steps for his wife. She had changed out of her traveling gown and into a riding habit. It was a simple green riding habit, far unlike what she wore when she rode in the city. It was of her own design, meant for the privacy of their own property. She could move and ride far easier without the cumbersome material. The extra fabric that covered her legs from others that should pass them, was gathered on the side, held by a loop until she chose to release it. He couldn't wait until he got to undo the 16 buttons that held her high necked jacket closed.
"Did we have a set time for our picnic?" she smiled pausing on the bottom step.
"My dear, 10 years ago very near to the minute, I saw you upon a set of stairs."
Her eyes went to the grand clock in the foyer. "Why you're right." She suddenly recalled her desperation to leave Tara that morning and reach Ashley, to put it all right. Every minute had been unbearable.
"As I often am," he smirked.
"Why with all my beaux that day, who would have thought I'd end up married to you."
"Well, you did marry two of them and I believe the rest died. I was the last option."
Her face alit in a smile and she hit him gently. "Why sometimes you're absolutely impossible Rhett Butler."
"If I weren't we wouldn't be here today."
She looked up suddenly tender, "You're a far better husband than any of them would have been," she paused, "or were."
He laughed lightly.
"You got Wade and I out of Atlanta. I don't imagine any of them could have."
"They would have tried," Rhett supplied.
"And they would have gotten Wade and I killed. I am very glad you attended that party ten years ago Captain Butler," she said wrapping her arms around her husband's neck.
"I am very glad, you were such an impulsive girl that you danced with me at the bazaar," he said before dropping a kiss to his wife. He pulled away after a few moments, "Now my dear stop being so enticing, or you'll be riding a beast entirely different to Shimmer in a matter of minutes."
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They were laughing in unison over an imagined tale over they had created together regarding the stiff old biddies and their husbands they had been forced to endure the night before. One upping each other regarding imagined situations, until they were both laughing too hard to continue on.
He was sprawled out on his side, propped up on his arm on the sheet they had laid out for their picnic.
She laughed harder as he rolled onto his back continuing to laugh.
As he sat up, attempting to compose himself, a dark lock of hair sweeping across his forehead. Looking so very much like their beloved boy whose hair was growing in as thick with a slight wave like his daddy's. She loved how much Julian looked like Rhett. He was simply the most handsome man, she loved-"
It struck her in that moment that she loved him.
Not that she loved him as a father, or a husband. Or how she loved how capable and strong he was. Or how she loved how brilliant, clever and sharp he was. Or how she loved how he caused such passion within her.
She loved him. All of him. And not in an appreciative manner.
She simply loved him, completely.
What a remarkable thing.
"I love you," there was a stunned aspect to her words that he didn't notice over his laughter.
"And I love you and that evil mind of yours," he laughed, wiping away the tears that had gathered in his eyes from the laughter. "I think we need more lemonade or perhaps the brandy straight."
She thought for a moment to stop him and to explain that she love loved him. Not the easy words of love that had passed between them since Julian's birth. That she was in love with him and that now that she thought of it, she'd likely loved him for years. She couldn't remember a time since the bazaar that he hadn't occupied a chunk of her thoughts.
Why even after that first brief meeting at Twelve Oakes, she had wondered of his adventures, of the misdeed that had gotten him expelled from his family. She had wanted to ask her aunt what house had been his in Charleston only then she would have had to admit that she'd met the scoundrel.
"To the serendipitous meeting ten years ago that changed our lives," he said with his glass of lemonade up in a cheers.
She picked up the fresh glass he had poured for her. "For the better right?"
"The very best. Who has a life better than ours?"
She thought of Ashley's words from the night before, 'He's given you the world, the old and the new and all of him.' All of him. The way he looked at her. Not at the lush grass behind her, the pockets of wildflowers, not at the jaunty cap sitting upon her head or the way the dress made her waist look trim after three children. Her. Simply her. She smiled and answered, "No one."
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