Quiet Lapse (II)


Summary of the chapter:

"Just give me a chance to help, that's all I ask."

With the stitching coming loose Naruto's world, a sheltered dome of jagged but ultimately frangible glass all around him, starts cracking again.

. . .


Naruto couldn't sit still at home, couldn't just breathe between the four walls and pretend his lungs weren't drowning in the sea of emptiness caused by this.

He doesn't know where he is now, somewhere that appears only a little familiar, he had to get out, walked on unsteady steps until his calves burned with them, until he walked through, by the looks of it, what seems to be an unkempt park. There's an old wooden bench to the side and detaching from the asphalt it stands on, it's half busted and half lit in the harsh light of a dimming lamp street. He takes a seat anyway, tries to breathe in the cool air, it's no use.

The nighttime sky is an overcast of clouds if not for a few specks of stars peeking through and the dazzle of the moon, tonight they seem feeble at best.

This, Naruto thinks, the whole time this was the needle held at the back of his neck and one inch from pressing in. The constant foreboding of it had left him, momentarily, and yet had found him again.

He had- had he forgotten about it? Wiped it out from his memories? Or had he been looking for some peace of mind?

As if the action could only be classified like an unfortunate lapse, nothing more than an oversight. Instead…

He reads the shaking words between his hands, again and again, as if his memory is four walls filled to the brim, an ocean of salt waters through which no air can seep in. His eyes sting, burn without a trace of tears, but he can't breathe around the lump in his throat.

He goes back to four days before in his mind, remembers when he had been handed the scroll first, thinking it could be about a mission.

It turns out, this was never about a next mission. It doesn't even involve Team Seven, not… the current one. But it involves a meeting, and it involves the five Kages, and it involves their decision. Now that the waters are calming it seems like the perfect opportunity to seek out the culprits of the assault at Konoha, and what took place before and after it. They discussed a suitable sentence to inflict for such crimes and it hints on a unanimous agreement toward the capital punishment, the execution.

Sasuke's name, inked in bold letters, glares at him from atop the list.

Because only a piece of paper is apparently required to determine his ex-teammate's privilege to keep his life.

His stomach lurches, Naruto feels the sickness building up in his throat once more. He tries to swallow down the apprehension but the inside of his mouth is too dry, and still, all he can taste is dread.

It's a coalescence of thoughts, emotions, what runs through him, a foreign process he doesn't understand the workings of, but a film of horror spreads open in his mind, spreads through every limb. The incessant pounding at the height of his chest is so relentless he is not even sure he can feel his heart.

Amid the shipwreck in his mind, one thought comes up for air like debris floating to the surface.

'What do I do now?'

A rush of air breezes past and the cold soaks into his skin, his hair drags wetly down his nape, bringing goosebumps, but the shivers racing down his spine have little to do with the low temperature. His hands are shaking, they just won't stop.

"…What am I supposed to do?" His voice is unrecognizable, sounding like a jarring dissonance, like someone shaved his vocal cords, tapered them off at the end to produce this subdued strangle which is supposed to sound human, but is too hollow to be.

Only now that he spoke the thought out loud does he notice the silence he is blanketed in, unable to hear anything but his shallow inhales and exhales. How can it be this quiet when static terror is buzzing so loudly inside of him? But then, maybe that's what's drowning out every other sound.

Sasuke has been silent too, the whole time he was. But now, at the question, something shifts across the careful blankness of his features and he takes a step towards him, holds his gaze steady with his own.

"Nothing, Naruto." He speaks the negation with a baffled lilt. "You're not supposed to do anything."

Naruto gasps, but nothing comes out. His turmoil takes over the expanse of his face, filling the unworded gaps for him.

"Hey." Sasuke continues, a little over a whisper but enough to get his attention.

Taking another step, taking up his view, he crouches in front of him, elbows lightly resting on top of his knees while Naruto's are painfully gouging into his own. His eyes flit to him in automatic, but the placid sight does nothing to lessen the crushing burden locking him in place.

"After everything you've already done for me…" Sasuke's voice is quiet breaths carried over by the wind, loud like heartbeats. His words seem to echo in the stillness of their surroundings, of Naruto's mind. "Shouldn't I be the one returning the favor, for once?"

Sasuke looks calm, so calm and how is he keeping his damn composure when Naruto is losing his head?

"…What are you talking about?" Naruto throws out his astonishment in the same rasp from before, it's as if something is draining from his voice, and draining him from within.

Underneath the artificial washed light Sasuke looks too real- too fucking real.

None of this is supposed to be happening.

Sasuke tilts his head to the side, at the same time the corner of his mouth tilts up in a smile. "Just give me a chance to help, that's all I ask."

Naruto's head drops and his eyes shut tight, the words rattle through him, leaving him unbalanced. It's not something he can give an answer to.

But when he lifts his head again, Sasuke is gone.

There is a rip, something coming apart, Naruto knows, he can hear it in his eardrums, can see it behind his eyelids, he can feel it, but isn't sure why it's there in the first place, or if it can even be taken in consideration enough to be deemed a break.

With the stitching coming loose Naruto's world, a sheltered dome of jagged but ultimately frangible glass all around him, starts cracking again.