Yeah...I have a sick sense of humor...and a weird imagination.
Disclaimer: I don't Kingdom Hearts...or anything else in this story
A Tale of Two Idiots
Chapter 7
Toys Are Fun
Nighttime. Rain poured down in The World That Never Was, as everyone found shelter. The thunder banged down as a small little figure, at least a half a foot tall, walked through the pouring thunderstorm. It stopped, standing on a hill overlooking The Castle That Never Was.
"He, he, he, he, he," it muttered, walking down the hill.
"My god, is there anything to do? At all?" Demyx said, sitting in the living room with Axel, Roxas, and Zexion.
"Try counting Saix's empty wine bottles," Axel said, trying to play Roxas's DS. "Die, dammit, die already!"
"What are you playing?" Demyx asked.
"None of your beeswax," Axel replied, muttering stuff like 'crap', 'shit', and the occasional 'you son of a -'.
Demyx sighed. Zexion was reading a book, with earplugs in his ears so he didn't have to hear Axel curse under his breath. Roxas was in a nearby corner, sniffing pixie sticks, and laughing like a murder when he paused to take a deep, deep breath, then going back to sniffing his pixie sticks again.
Demyx sighed again, then went over to Roxas. "Mind if I join you?"
Roxas looked up, laughing like a hyena. "S-S-Sure t-t-t-thing b-b-b-buddy," Roxas said, handing The Melodious Nocturne a handful of sticks.
"Hey, can't beat 'em, join 'em," Demyx said to himself as he opened up one of the sticks, but then they all heard a large bang of thunder, then they were in darkness.
"Eeeeekkkkkk!"
"Saix, quit screaming like a little girl!"
"I'm dead, I'm dead I tell you, first a bright light, then darkness! One question, am I in heaven or hell?"
"Shut up, Lexaeus!"
"Larxene? Where the hell are you?"
"I felt something against my leg!"
"Must've been Vexen's latest experiment…"
"Larxene! Fix the damn generator already!"
The whole Organization was running around, since they all wanted to know what was going on (idiots…). They obviously never had a power outage before.
"Ah! Something's on me!"
"Marluxia! I knew you were a he/she, but I never knew you were gay!"
"Axel, when I get my hands on you…!"
"Be-yotch!"
"Who said that?"
"Be-yotch!"
"I'm going to kill someone!"
Then the power came back on.
"There. The generator's fixed. Now leave me the hell alone," Larxene said, storming off to her room.
"Man, I never thought I'd be so happy to see the light," Demyx said, getting up off the floor.
Another crash of thunder was heard, but this time the lights stayed on.
Ding-dong.
"Yay, the muffin man!" Roxas yelled, running off to answer the door.
"What the-? Never mind, he's as crazy as Saix when he's drunk," Demyx said, shaking his head.
Axel sighed as they followed Roxas. He was at the front door, looking at the floor.
"What you looking at?" Axel asked.
"Furby!" Roxas said, holding a black Furby in his arms (did I mention that it had BLOOD RED EYES?).
"What?" Axel said, staring at the toy in disgust.
"I read about them," Zexion said, coming toward them. "They're supposed to be super smart, but, one should not believe everything that they read…" he then left to go to his room.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Demyx asked as Roxas started taking to the Furby.
"What's six divided by two?" Roxas asked.
"Three," the Furby said.
"Wow! It is smart!"
"A third grader would have known that," Axel said, crossing his arms over his oh-so-skinny chest.
"Kiss my furry little ass, you bitch." the Furby said. "He, he, he…"
The three Nobodies stared at it, with there mouths wide open.
"Oh, it's smart all right. Smart mouthed," Demyx said.
"Ah, it's just angry 'cause Axel insulted it," Roxas said, petting it.
"Oh sure, then why did it's eyes flash red?" Axel said, staring at it with a certain feeling. "I haven't set fire to something in months, and if it doesn't shut its 'super smart' trap, it's gonna be the first on my 'to burn' list."
"Are you smoking something?" it said again.
Axel took his chakrams out and started backing away. "Roxas, no offense, but anything that's not human and anything that has a dirty sailor man's mouth is trouble. I suggest you get rid of it ASAP."
"Roxas, Axel doesn't like me, wah," it said, starting to make crying noises.
"Axel you hurt it's feelings, apologize!"
"To that piece of junk? It's evil I tell you!"
"Fine, be that way. Come on Demyx, lets go play with it by ourselves," Roxas said, glancing at Demyx.
"Actually, I gotta go take a nice, long bath," he said, running down a random hallway.
"Fine!" They both yelled, going their separate ways.
"Man, I can't believe I've been replaced by a piece of garbage," Axel said, walking up to Xigbar's room.
"Xigbar! You home?" Axel yelled, kicking The Free Shooter's door.
A minute later, Xigbar opened the door. "Why if it isn't Axel. Where's Roxas?"
"He's replaced me with a smart ass," Axel said. "You ain't asleep yet?"
"It's only eight! Come on, I need to someone to play Halo with."
Axel shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat…"
One hour later…
"I win again!" Xigbar screamed, punching the air.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Axel said, thinking about something else. "I'm gonna leave now."
Xigbar didn't hear him, and instead continued celebrating his victory.
"Man, everything's boring when someone doesn't have a sugar crazed nut doing something stupid," Axel muttered to himself, walking past Roxas's open door. Something caught his eye, so he went inside the empty room.
"He must've went to take a bath," he said as he heard a noise. He looked at the window, then was pushed to the ground as something jumped on him.
"Holy-" Axel started, staring wide eyed at the Furby that was sitting of his chest, a missile launcher in its hand.
"I going to kill you now, jackass," it said, smiling a very evil smile on its stupid plastic face, eyes red.
"Damn it," Axel said as he heard the door open.
"Axel! How could you?" Roxas said. "Attempting to shoot my little Furby!"
At first, Axel was confused, but then he figured it out: the Furby, being the smart ass that it was, dropped the missile launcher in Axel's hand, then, put itself in his other hand.
"It's not what it looks like! It tried to shoot me!"
"Look Axel, just because it's smarter than you, doesn't mean you have to shoot it!"
"Weren't you listening to me? It tried to shoot me."
"Come on! You're just jealous!"
"Jealous! I'll show you jealous!"
"Fine! Be that way! I always do what you want to do, so why can't you just stop complaining?"
Axel had had enough. "You obviously like that garbage more then me!" He stormed out.
"Zexion! Open up!" Axel shouted, slamming his fist into the emo's door.
"For crying out loud -, oh, it's just you," he said, rubbing his eyes. "Why don't you go to sleep already?"
"I need someone to help me with my problems. I asked Xigbar, but he ran away screaming like a little girl."
"Hm. Must not have gotten over the therapy season he had with Xemnas."
"Whatever. Just help me," Axel said, going into Zexion's room without him giving an answer.
Zexion sighed. "So what's your problem?"
Axel sat down. "Me and Roxas got into a fight. He likes that evil toy thing better than me."
"Friends have a lot of fights, but it still works out okay. Remember how you flipped out when he left the Organization? He came back eventually."
"What's your point emo boy?"
"He'll get bored with that thing someday, just give it time."
"Have you ever been through therapy?"
"No, why do you say that?"
"You talk about it like you've been through the same thing…"
"Shut up and let me sleep I peace."
Axel was walking through the hallway. Zexy's right. Roxas'll throw that thing out eventually. But it's so…so evil. He walked past Roxas's room when he heard a noise again. He quietly opened the door and stepped inside. Roxas was sleeping peacefully on his bed…but something else was on it. With a closer look, he saw the evil Furby, holding the missile launcher in front of him, all while muttering 'he, he, HE'.
"Roxas! Wake up! It's gonna shot you!" Axel shouted as Roxas woke up, with the Furby making an innocent face.
"Hello," it said, still holding the missile launcher as Roxas stared at it with horror.
"W-Why are you holding that?"
"Prepare to die, bastard. He, he, he, he, HE."
"Run for your life!" Roxas screamed, running down the hall with Axel, screaming.
"Not so fast you buttholes, I'll get you! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Where should we hide?" Roxas said, turning corners and running through doors.
"Somewhere where that thing won't find us," Axel said, spotting a closet. "In there. Quick!"
They dove into the closet as fast as they could, and stayed as quite as mice.
"Do you think it lost us?" Roxas asked.
"I've got you now. He, he, he, he, he, he, HE." It said, starting to hit the door with the missile launcher.
"Axel, I'm so sorry! I should have let you burn it!" Roxas said, crying. "Now we're going to die at the hands of a demented Furby!"
"I shouldn't have yelled at you," Axel said, "Friends?" Axel said, holding his hand out in front of him.
Roxas nodded. "At least we'll die together."
"Make this easier for me and open the DAMN DOOR. I'll make this as painless as possible."
They were crying and hugging each other as the Furby continued banging on the door, close to ripping it off its hinges. Then something happened.
"Stupid scientists! Can't they just get over it already? Just because they lost the science contest doesn't mean that they could send a dumb Furby to kill us! Can't they just forget it?"
They peeked out the door to find Vexen beating the stuffing out of the Furby, with his foot. The Furby lay dead at his feet.
"Stupid piece of junk," Vexen muttered. "And why doesn't Xigbar put his guns away? We have people who act like children running around this place," he said, walking off to his lab.
Axel and Roxas stepped out into the hallway, staring at the evil toy.
"Hey Axel, we should give it a proper burial," Roxas said, a mischievous smile on his evil face.
Axel also had an evil smile on his face. "We should, shouldn't we?"
And so, they began the ceremony. First they burned it, put it in a shoebox, taped the box with extra strong tape, put it on a small raft, waited until it was in the middle of the lake in the backyard, then threw fireballs and rocks at it until it sank. And they laughed their butts off.
"Man, what do we do now?" Axel said.
Roxas thought for a minute. "We could always moon the whole Organization…"
"Well, since it's almost midnight…ah, what the heck, lets go piss everyone off."
So they ended up running through the castle with no pants on, making everyone so pissed, that they chased the idiots around, passing out because they were too tired to run.
But on the roof, a small thing stood, holding a missile launcher, all while muttering "He, he, he, he, HE."
So...do you like? Read and Review while I try to get more ideas...and thanks to all of you who reviewed last time!
