So sorry for not updating for so long. Hope you guys enjoy, thanks to anyone who reviewed last time!

Disclaimer: I owe my brother five dollars, how the hell can I buy Kingdom Hearts off of Tetsuya Nomura?


A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 9

The Toilet Strikes Back

"I'm a pretty little bishie, yes I am! I'm the prettest bishie in all the worlds!" Marluxia sang happily, dancing around in his greenhouse while picking the Organization's breakfast. Yes, you heard right, breakfast. The Organization never went to Publix unless it was absolutely necessary. Oh, Organization XIII in Publix…that's a scary thought ain't it?

Well anyway, they never went shopping 'cause they didn't want to pay five dollars for overpriced Tropicana Orange Juice…enough of my life story, back to this one.

Marluxia growed food (who in their right mind would let him do that? He could poison them for all we know!) and Xigbar shoot animals to get meat (run Bambi! RUN!). So they never got any artificial crap in their food. No, their food was natural.

While he was picking fruits and vegetables, Marluxia raised his nose in the air. He could have sworn he smelled smoke…but it was five in the morning, who would be up this early? Well, beside for himself and Lexaeus, 'cause they cooked, but that was out of the question.

He continued his merry way through his garden, when he stopped dead in his tracks.

There, a few feet in front of him, was a pile of ashes where his pumpkins used to be.

"OMG, my beautiful pumpkins! Who would do such a thing?" he asked no one in particular when he remembered something. The smoke he smelled earlier…

"Damn you Axel!" he screamed, even though the said pyromaniac would never be able to hear him from inside his glass greenhouse. Marluxia picked up the food he had picked, and made his way to the door, which was connected to his room.

He marched through the door into the hall, making his way to the kicthen. He'd get his revenge on Axel later, right now, he was starving!


Axel smiled to himself in a creepy way. On his way to the dining room, he bumped into Roxas, who had just come out of the bathroom.

"Good morning Axel," Roxas said, yawning.

"Hey Roxas, you'll never believe what I just did!"

"What?" Roxas asked with interest, knowing that whatever he did was probably going to get him under house arrest.

Axel snickered. "I snuck into the Sugar Plum Fairy's garden and burned her prized pumpkins."

At that, Roxas burst into laughter. Marluxia is gonna murder Axel! It took him months to grow those things!

"Come on, lets go before he come after me," Axel said, dragging Roxas along.


Breakfast went well, if you don't count Marluixa giving Axel a million death glares, then, everything was as normal as ever.

Larxene sat down on her favorite chair in the library, opened her favorite book, and stated reading. Minutes later, she was interrupted.

"What?" Larxene snapped, glaring at the person who had disturbed her.

It turned out to be Marluxia.

"What do you want?"

"I need your help. Do you know the exact size of Axel's head? And Roxas's head?" the Graceful Assasin asked.

"Excuse me?" Larxene said. What the hell?

Marluxia sighed. "You make voodoo dolls, right? Then you should know how big their heads are."

"Sorry Petal Boy, that's not how it works. I can't help you, and why do you need that sort of information anyway?"

One thing was for sure, Larxene had never seen Marluxia smile that way before.


"Hurry up Roxas, he's coming!" Axel whispered from his hiding place in a closet.

"I'm almost done," Roxas said writing something on a piece of paper, in big handwriting so people could read it, with a permanent marker. After he was done, he put some duck tape on the edge, near the top. "Done!" he said, getting up and standing next to Axel, peering out into the hallway, waiting for their victim to pass by.

Just then, Xemnas walked past, and when he went further down the hall, Axel and Roxas ran toward him. Axel ran past their Superior, and Roxas purposely slammed into his back, piece of paper in hand.

They both crashed to the floor, with Xemnas cursing under his breath. "Will you get the hell off of me!" "Sorry Superior…" Roxas said, trying to hide his smile as he got up. "I was chasing Axel…"

"Why? Never mind, I don't want to know! And no running in the halls!" Xemnas barked, stomping away.

Axel and Roxas smiled, keeping their laugher in. Xemnas's back was facing them as he walked away, so they could read the sign on his back with ease.

When Xemnas was out of sight, Axel and Roxas fell on the floor, laughing like hyenas.

"Oh, oh my fucking god!" Axel said, inbetween laughs. "He is going to kill us when he finds out!"

"But he's not going to find out, is he?" Roxas said as they both laughed their asses off.


Xemnas walked into the kitchen so he could get a cup of coffee. He saw Luxord next to the coffee machine, obviously having the same idea as himself. "Luxord, would you mind making two while you're at it?" Luxord nodded, and went over to the other side of the kitchen to get another cup.

As he returned, he read what was on Xemnas's back.

"B-Bloody hell!" Luxord screamed, stepping back in disgust. "I did not need to know that!"

Xemnas turned around. "What are you talking about?" He never got an answer because Luxord was already out the door.

Must have had too much booze last night, he's hallucinating! Xemnas thought, making his coffee and leaving. He was making his way back to his room when he passed Demyx.

The Melodious Nocturne stared at his back in horror. "Oh my god, dude! That's sick! Keep what you do with him a secret! Oh man, my poor little eyes…" He ran through a random door, leaving the other older man confused.

Xemnas blinked. I thought I told Luxord to keep the booze away from the younger members. He brushed it off and continued to his room.


Marluxia and Larxene smiled evilly Lexaeus finished up.

"Tell me again, why did you order two new toilets, both different sizes?" The Silent Hero asked, getting up.

"Because the olds ones were, well, old," Marluxia said, unable to make up a decent excuse.

Lexaeus rolled his eyes and left, wondering why Larxene was in the guys' bathroom.

"Finally, I thought he'd never finish," Larxene said. "I got to hand it to you Marluxia. I'd never thought you'd come up with something like this."

Marluxia smiled wickedly. "This will be our revenge. They will pay for burning my prized pumpkins."

Larxene stared at him. "They burnt your garden again?"

Marluxia didn't hear her due to the fact that he was laughing his evil laugh.


Xemnas sighed, stepping out of the kitchen again. After walking past Demyx, he crashed into Xigbar, dropping his coffee. Xigbar had slowly backed away, for some unknown reason, saying, "Dude, like, dude, that's so freakin' disturbing!"

Xemnas shock his head. What on earth is wrong with everyone? I really don't think it's the booze. He walked past Saix's room, as the said Lunar Diviner came out. A few seconds later, he felt someone tap his shoulder. Xemnas turned around to see a red faced Saix, holding a piece of paper in his hands.

"This was on your back," Saix said slowly, trying not to go berserk. Xemnas took the paper and read it:

I had sex with Saix last night, and boy, did I enjoy it!

Xemnas's face turned dark red, along with Saix. "Why, no, who is the asshole that put this on my back?" Xemnas said, close to going completely crazy. Then realization hit him like a brick.

(flashback)

They both crashed to the floor, with Xemnas cursing under his breath. "Will you get the hell off of me!" "Sorry Superior…" Roxas said, trying to hide his smile as he got up. "I was chasing Axel…"

"Why? Never mind, I don't want to know! And no running in the halls!" Xemnas barked, stomping away.

(end flashback)

"They did this…WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THOSE TWO BITCHES!"


"I wonder…" Axel said, leaning against Roxas's bed, "did Xemnas ever have love with Saix?"

"If he did, he'd be gay. And I'd move to the north pole if I ever saw him do it," Roxas said, flipping through the skater magazine that he was reading.

"I'd move to Port Royal. At least there's booze there."

"There's also water, and pirate ships."

"I don't mind the pirate ships, but-"

The door to the room crashed open, making the two idiots jump.

In the doorway, was Larxene and Marluxia, and Axel and Roxas really didn't like the way they were smiling.

"I didn't do it!" Roxas yelled, making his way to his window, but Marluxia ran up and tackled him. "Not so fast!" "Somebody help! He's molesting me!" Roxas yelled, making Marluxia glare at him.

Meanwhile, Larxene had pinned Axel to the wall with her knifes. "What have I ever done to you?" "Nothing, I'm just bored," Larxene smiled a very sick little smile.

"Help! The Sugar Plum Fairy is harassing me!" Roxas yelled again, as Marluxia dragged him out the door by his feet.

"What are you doing to him?" Axel asked, still pinned to the wall.

"Don't worry, you're going to get the same treatment," Larxene said.

Axel really didn't like where this was going.


"No, no, NO!" Roxas yelled. "I had nothing to do with it!"

"It was my idea, he was still sleeping!" Axel yelled, trying not to get pushed into the bathroom stall by Marluxia, who had his scythe out.

"Who cares? You two have caused too much trouble this week," Larxene said, grabbing hold of a stuggling Roxas, who was going hysterical.

"Yeah, and we spent a fortune trying to get toilets the size of your heads," Marluxia said, grabbing hold of Axel's neck.

"No, NO!"

"They're raping us!"


"Let me go Saix. Let me get them right now!" Xemnas screamed, pacing around in his room.

"Calm down Superior. Don't forget, your party's tomorrow. And anyway, I heard Marluxia and Larxene are in the bathroom with Axel and Roxas at this very moment. Let them take care of them for now," Saix said, really trying to control himself before breaking out his Claymore and going crazy.

Xemnas took a deep breath. "Fine, but I swear, if they do something stupid again, I will, and can, kill them."


Axel and Roxas collapsed on the floor in Axel's bedroom, soaking wet. Their hair was a mess, and they were pissed. Real pissed.

"That's…that's it. This calls for revenge," Axel said, shaking like a dog would after coming out of the water.

Roxas grabbed a nearby towel, surprised that Axel had one in his room. "I know, but what can we do?"

Axel thought for a moment. "Xemnas's party thing is tomorrow, so, we could do something, but I don't know what…"

A grin started forming on Roxas's face. "I think I just might have an idea…"


They got a swirly! Hahahaha! Sick mind Roxas, sick mind. Yes, very weird chapter. Make me happy and please review!