the devil's in the details
Summary of the chapter:
"For the record, I was doing just fine without you."
"I'm sure you were."
Insufferable.
Sasuke is insufferable.
. . .
This is not his usual disorganized heap.
It's the first thought that welcomes him as he touches down into the land of consciousness. It should be common knowledge now that Naruto has always been one of those people who take longer to wake up, whose brains kick into gear in a frowzy and slow process, in static thoughts until the world around morphs into a digestible tangibleness, even if for the most part still in disarray. And lately more so than ever.
He brushes the sleep out of his eyes and down his face with a sluggish motion of the hand, fingers falling to his neck as if to trace an imaginary lump on the inside of his throat, which should be there but it's currently not.
It's the lack of apprehensiveness that is more foreboding than anything.
A quick survey of the well known room, which feels just as homely as ever, is enough for a slight pang to hit him, and for thoughts a tad more comprehensible to land in his mind. He apparently stayed at Kiba's, apparently let himself fall into the arms of Morpheus too, and although his sleep had been restless at best he does feel more rested. So at least today he won't feel like fainting with each step he takes. Probably.
Realizing he is the sole occupant of the room, he decides to go in search of the rightful owner of it. And he finds him, or, well, finds his voice first, in the kitchen.
"Morning!" Kiba exclaims from behind some pots and plates. Literally, his head has practically disappeared inside them.
"Mornin'..." He says back, with barely one third of his energy.
"I was wondering when you'd be done with your beauty sleep." His best friend jabs good-naturedly, stopping whatever he is messing with to sneak a glance around the corner of the wall, grinning a little. "Don't you just look like a sunshine today."
Naruto lets out a lethargic, amused huff. "And here I thought you liked the soap and water kind of beauty."
"No offense man, but it looks like you just got out of hibernation. And not the good kind."
"I wasn't aware there's a bad kind of hibernation?"
"Dunno if there is, I'm not a bear."
Naruto laughs, low and sort of scratchy, and his expression changes into a mostly disbelieving one as he walks up to him, though the other boy has his back still turned.
And finally out of all the ruckus he is making, which tells him that his mother and sister aren't home, or were home and have left already since they would most probably be yelling their heads off by now—one reprimanding for the loud noise so early in the morning and the other shrieking threats for being so rudely woken up—Kiba finally emerges with what their breakfast must consist of.
Naruto looks down at the plain bowls of milk he is holding, and then looks back up at him. "All that noise for these?"
"Even if my cooking skills are chef level–"
Naruto makes no attempt whatsoever to hide his snort. Kiba ignores him.
"–simple breakfasts are the best, everyone knows that. Plus, there's no more rice so we'll make do." Then leads their way to the table, where cereals are waiting to be poured.
Naruto takes a seat, feeling troubled but calmer than he has in days, the contrast of it all pretty strange.
"Sorry for apparently crashing last night." He also feels the need to apologize. "Guess I was more tired than I'd thought."
"I've told you a hundred times already, it's fine, just crash here whenever you want. 'Sides, you know at this point my mom likes you more than her own son. And Hana is kinda less scary when you're around."
Naruto gives a small smile, thinking about the kindness this family has shown him. "Thanks."
Kiba waves a dismissing hand, meaning he shouldn't even think about thanking him for something like this.
His best friend starting on his breakfast reminds Naruto that he too needs to eat, and he looks down at his portion, a little resistant.
It's not that he doesn't want to eat, really. It's just that his stomach gets so tight at times, to the point nothing could possibly fit in, and the sensation of it is so...odd. And it should probably concern him more, but it doesn't. However he loves milk, and these are the really crunchy and really sugary kind of cereals that he likes and hasn't had in a long while, so he tries to stave the odd feeling off and gives in to the temptation of something tasty after days of barely enough water, and honestly it's fairly easy to down spoonful after spoonful. He misses the way his friend glances up at him, smiling a little as he watches him eat without much hesitation this time around.
"So, I was talking to Sakura the other day." Kiba begins. "They're discharging Kakashi-sensei pretty soon."
Naruto looks up, a genuine spark of life lighting up his features. "That's good." He says, and means it. Somehow it feels like the first good news they've had in a while. "Do you think we could make something? Like a 'welcome back' kinda thing?"
Kiba looks on the verge of smiling too, although his head drops a little and his voice trudges on more uncertain territory. "That's a nice idea." He lifts his shoulders in a casual manner, but the gesture is, more than anything, reticent. "Though I know a celebration might...not sound exactly great right now."
Naruto finishes swallowing the sweet mouthful before speaking again, brows furrowing slightly in confusion. "Huh? Why wouldn't it? This is something to celebrate, right?"
Kiba goes a little rigid, staring up at him in stark surprise. Before exhaling quietly and falling back on his chair. "...No, no reason." The hand closed around his spoon flexes minutely. "You're right."
Naruto shrugs and goes back to eating the rest of his breakfast.
.
.
.
He's listening to Kiba whining about his sister having taken Akamaru with him, and somehow he is listening so intently that he thoroughly forgets about a certain issue that seems to pop up in his life quite regularly in its irregularity, especially during the early hours of the day.
"Mornin', don't know if I would classify it as 'good' though."
At the new voice sounding from behind him, Naruto almost drops the bowl. For whatever miracle his fingers manage to remain attached to it, forcibly gripping the ceramic in his hands.
He scrunches his eyes closed for a second, swearing in his head. The last two days he managed just fine without a single spike of surprise. But it seems they're back to their former routine now, aka: trying to give him a heart attack from the shock.
Fuck him and his annoying ability to turn up out of nowhere and unannounced like this. Seriously.
"Everything okay?" Kiba walks past him to put his own dishes in the sink. "You look like you've seen a ghost or something."
"Haha, truer words have never been spoken." Sasuke has the gall to laugh and announce it to the room, even though Naruto is the only one who can hear him.
"Don't...don't be ridiculous." He shrugs off Kiba's concerned glance with a bit of a forced laugh, trying his best to ignore Sasuke. And miserably failing the task, seeing as how he makes it his mission to get in his line of vision.
"I think you could tell him if you wanted to, you can actually trust him, he's a good guy. And he's worried about you." Sasuke nods in Kiba's direction, who is completely oblivious to the exchange. "Fair warning though, I feel like he's gonna find this so ridiculous he'll keep teasing you about it. I'm talking 'for the rest of your lives' level of teasing, and do you really wanna deal with that?"
As if Naruto has even the slightest intention of telling people around him that the ghost of a former...acquaintance is almost always following him around like a shadow. No matter how much he might trust his friends, no matter if at one point he thought Sasuke was a witch—very honestly, he's still not entirely convinced the witch theory can be completely discarded, even if it sounds just a little bit delusional—and was about to yell of his existence at the top of his lungs. Now he's veering into the opposite direction and no one has to know about Sasuke. That is one hassle he refuses to deal with, no thanks.
After leaving Kiba's house with the promise of meeting up again soon, Naruto...starts running.
Well, no, he is not running, but simply walking at a very fast pace to test a theory. And he takes his sweet time before he finds a building, practically plastering his back against it and somewhat catching his breath.
"You know you can't actually run from me, right?"
And Sasuke appears right in front of him.
"I wasn't running." Naruto corrects him, turning away as a light frown mars his face. He rubs two knuckles against his temple, trying to steer off another impending headache. Well, he had already imagined he couldn't completely turn a blind eye to him, not physically—uh, this is probably not the right term to use with a presumed ghost—but still, he felt like giving it a try.
Behind him Sasuke shrugs, for all the world looking like he has the upper hand here. "Jury's still out on this particular verdict." He pauses long enough to let a couple dozen seconds tick between them. "So this isn't about the meltdown you had two nights ago?"
"That was not a meltdown." Naruto immediately gets on the defensive, even a little offended.
"Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night." And Sasuke, by all accounts, has to keep up with his sarcastic streak. "Oh, I forgot, you don't do much of that these days."
Naruto breathes out, more than a tinge of vexation in his heavy exhale. What does it matter to Sasuke how many hours of shut-eye he gets when he's not even there as he does. A bit of an intrusive notion sneaks its way into his head, then.
Sasuke appears and disappears whenever he pleases, Naruto realizes.
...as if he hasn't always done so since the very beginning.
Sasuke seems to read the way he suddenly closes off at the thought and his next question comes out a little more subdued.
"Are you mad at me?"
Now this is a good one. Oh, Naruto's list is so long it might as well be a catalog, but he is almost curious to hear what the reason may be from his perspective. "And why, do tell, would I be 'mad' at you?"
"...Because I left you alone yesterday."
Truthfully, he couldn't have been more unready to hear this particular reason if he tried. Right away the image of yesterday morning fills up his mind, calling out to Sasuke only to hear ringing silence, his apartment empty. Naruto's facade cracks a bit as he slowly turns to face him.
"I can't really control it, when I..." Sasuke halts. He looks a bit stiff. Quickly, he waves a hand in the air in a way that's supposed to explicate. "I can't...always control it." He ends with, searching his eyes with his own, putting a bit of a dent to Naruto's intrusive theory.
And maybe it's the unhidden note of remorse in his voice, as shocking as his words, that manages to get to him and get under his skin. As if Sasuke knows about the consuming loneliness that eats into him.
"That's what I asked you. I just want to be left alone. Why would that make me mad?" Naruto says in a way that should suggest exactly that, but his voice is coming out a little weaker and it almost sounds like a justification. He's getting mad at himself for such thoughts. "In fact, you know what, it makes me happy."
Sasuke takes a small step back, eyes a little wide. "Oh, does it now?" Clearly not believing him one bit.
"Yes." He presses on and he almost doesn't know if this part is for Sasuke, or for himself. "I don't have a clue about why you're actually here and...the how. So the sooner we find out, the sooner you can go back to wherever you came from and I'll be much happier. We'll both be." He exhales, much heavier this time.
Sasuke keeps silent for a moment and Naruto is not sure if he's also feeling this nail of tension biting into the space between them. But a tad more uncomfortable is the way Sasuke keeps his eyes on him, as if dissecting his words, his actions.
Then, out of the blue, he is putting his hands into his pockets and staring at him with that same unthreatening expression he's been wearing since over a week now. "Okay."
Something else he was definitely not ready to hear today. Somehow it almost feels like Sasuke should have...put up a little more of a fight?
"...Okay?" Naruto echoes, a bit dumbfounded.
"Yeah, okay." Sasuke repeats, unwavering. "Let's find out why I'm here, so I can leave and you can be happy then. Right?"
Even though Naruto is the one who said it, Naruto is the one who thought about it, and Naruto is the one who feels it, having Sasuke repeat his words back to him makes it sound...unfair, almost. Like a misdeed he's committing against him. He tries to rack his brain for something to say, something that would erase this...wrongness he seems to be feeling.
"...Is this how it works?" He finally asks, a suggestion of lightness seeping in his tone, though he avoids eye contact now. "You're just going to follow me around?"
The nonplussed raise of shoulders is indication enough of his uncertainty, the doubtful question even more. "I think so?"
And the inevitable frustration rears its head back in. "Can't you just give me something to work with here? Something that explains why you're stalking me?"
"First of all..." Sasuke begins, brooding, hinting at something serious. "...I would have used the word 'haunting.'" Only to shrug with what is becoming his standard grin. "But sure, yours can work too."
At the dramatic way he had to frame that, Naruto almost rolls his eyes.
"What, I'm trying to stay on a theme here."
Yes, because being a...ghost is apparently a theme now, a trend in vogue.
He rubs his face, for the hundredth time today it feels. "Fine, then. Something that explains why you keep...haunting me."
Sasuke levels him with a bit of a funny stare. "I could say the same about you."
Naruto can't believe his own ears. "What. Do I need to remind you that you are the one who showed up? I never asked for any of this to happen."
"And second," Sasuke continues, completely bypassing the last few seconds of conversation. "I have already given you something to work with, which is everything I know about this situation." He says with a little less drive, evidently sharing his load of frustration on this. "Do I need to remind you that I'm as clueless as you are? Don't tell me you're still suffering from short-term memory loss and just deleted the last week from your head now?"
Naruto puts his mind back to their previous conversations, trying to remember the scraps of information he was given. Which were puzzling at best and not even up to scratch. He suppresses a groan and, given he has a free morning, thinks of a possible way around a solution. And actually comes up with something.
"Fine, fine. Let's go find some answers."
Sasuke suddenly seems to be on edge at the turn of events, and Naruto wonders if he's still thinking about their little (mis)adventure at the shack.
"...And where exactly would we do that?"
.
.
.
They would exactly do that in a place Naruto has just a little less than seldomly set foot in. The library.
It's a bit like stepping into another dimension. Confined in a shadowed, broad space taken over by large rows of shelves towering over them as the dust floats lazily by in the air, captured by the light streaming in through the windows. An overall calm reigns undisturbed.
He knows Sakura adores this place, she had spent hours upon hours in here, the way she used to describe the library was always with awe in her voice, as if she couldn't understand why anyone else wouldn't see the same beauty she saw to the place. But right now it's honestly giving Naruto the creeps. He almost prefers the hospital to this and that is saying something.
Sasuke takes in the wooden, half empty structure with a bit of a cynical eye. "Alright, not only is it a bit unoriginal, but I feel like this should have been the obvious place to start with...from the actual start?"
"You're only saying that 'cause you like reading." Naruto retorts, sounding a bit bratty to his own ears but choosing to brush it aside.
Sasuke's brows furrow with exasperated disbelief. "Do you even hear yourself?"
"I could say the same to you." He mutters, and tries not to pay him any mind as he trudges his way farther in, among the shelves fanning out, giving space to a central reception area and the front desk.
An old woman is sitting there, one he has no recollection of ever seeing before. She has a bit of a hoary, ghastly appearance, only adding more to it with her wrinkled, gashed face and her lustreless and gray hair, tied in an unkempt knot at the base of her head. But with her beady eyes, the color of coal, she looks to be straight out of a horror-esque sequence in a film. And Naruto had never been a fan of such films.
Now, how did one go about asking on books pertaining to ghosts and such? Especially to an old lady who not only looked like she belonged in the mystical world herself, but like she also ate children for dinner?
A shudder slithers down his spine at this particular train of thought and, just like a scared child seeking for refuge and help, he unconsciously searches for Sasuke.
"Ask about the mythology or fantasy section to start with." Sasuke helpfully provides, although he does sound amused, as if Naruto's sudden indisposition towards the library and everything it contains could be somewhat endearing to him.
He asks precisely that, receiving an answer in the form of a bony, pencil-thin finger pointed in the immediate direction. And with averted eyes and a quick nod of the head, he walks a bit too fast towards the destination.
"Keep quiet." The belated warning comes in the screech of a voice behind him, seemingly booming throughout the spacious library and successfully intimidating him.
"...Right." Naruto answers almost inaudibly, only letting out a breath as soon as he is out of eye and earshot.
The lights get dimmer the farther they walk, the shelves a bit more scarce and only a handful of people are scattered over the library, too deep in their own work to notice him. The rustling of papers and the hushed atmosphere should provide a soothing sensation. But it's all grating on his nerves.
"I don't know about you, but I feel like this is one underrated set for horror movies." Sasuke comments, offhandedly.
"I wasn't creeped out enough already, thanks for the input." Naruto grits out snidely.
Sasuke seems to be fighting off the impulse to laugh. "You really don't like this place."
"...I told you already, it's giving me the creeps." His eyes move through the room distrustfully, camouflaging his sudden circumspection by taking a sip of water, at least he has his canteen with himself.
Despite the quirk of his lips, Sasuke's expression turns into something more considerate. "You're just a bit strung out."
Understatement of the year as far as Naruto is concerned.
After the thorough inspection, he ends up picking a spot, hopefully secluded enough so as to avoid disturbances. He would rather talk to Sasuke than have that happen, and isn't it just crazy? Seeing as finding a spot has been taken care of, now it's the time to find what he came here for, and he goes to do just that. Carefully eyeing the spines of the books, reading the titles, taking those he thinks might be worth a shot.
He is crouching down, reading over the first page of one of the books that sounded appealing enough by the premise, and almost startles when he, once again, remembers he isn't on his own here.
"I'll admit it, I know places that are far less romantic than this, so I guess it's an upgrade from the last few we've been in?"
Naruto almost chokes on his own spit at hearing the word 'romantic' come from the boy who is also currently crouching beside him, and he turns his now distressed eyes on him "...should that word even be in your vocabulary?"
There's that mischievous glint in Sasuke's eyes. "Don't sell me short on that, I've been known to have a mushy side too."
Naruto deadpans. "Sure. And one half a smile a year is hard proof of that."
"...People are often hiding behind masks." Sasuke pauses only for a second, his smirk laced with a bit of an edge. "But you don't need me to tell you that."
Naruto's eyes snap to him, fingers clenching over the hard cover of the book, making it snap closed.
He falters.
Then he's cutting off their eye contact with a sharp turn of the head, browsing through the displayed books, fighting down the tension. He feels Sasuke's eyes on him, but neither of them adds anything else, not for the moment.
It doesn't take too long for Naruto to reach the table with the 'loot' and finally take a seat, and Sasuke sits opposite him. He is reluctant to admit to himself that while everything else here seems to have an unsettling effect on him, his presence is the only thing that...almost doesn't.
And seeing him so relaxed is...well, it's certainly different. Particularly when it doesn't seem like he's plotting world domination or anything of the sort, seeing as there is not a hint of malice creasing his face or exuding from him, and he looks so...comfortable. As if Sasuke is simply enjoying spending time with him.
His stomach churns a bit at the thought, but it's not in an entirely unpleasant way and maybe that is what's so baffling about it.
With a wary raise of the head, his eyes discreetly settle on him. Sasuke notices, and smiles.
There is a warmth to this dim darkness the room is bound in, and even so splotches of daylight manage to trickle in from the large floor to ceiling window to their left, catching his smile, small and uninhibited and enough to light up his face and...natural. As if Sasuke has spent years upon years just smiling, just chilling with friends and carrying on untroubled by life's adversities.
Sasuke looks so...normal.
This is the guy who literally hates him, who has cursed his name and what he stands for multiple times, who has tried to end his life on more than one occasion.
And he looks normal.
"...You know this isn't supposed to be happening, right?" Naruto utters in a hush, finally speaking the incessantly persistent thought out loud, a thought he has hashed and rehashed in his brain and has probably already given voice to, and still it sounds too loud in the silence encircling all around them, but it's not enough to disrupt this stopgap peace.
Sasuke hums, keeps looking at him, unbothered. "Guess not."
He sounds so passive in front of such an ordeal, and it's just so plainly ridiculous that Naruto can only accept the situation at hand just as passively.
This feels like a movie of sorts, like one of those scenes you don't pay much attention to in the grand scheme of things, but that stick like glue in the back of your mind once the movie comes to an end.
And it would be just like this, stuck in a movie: lost in the deepest corners of an immense library, far from anyone else, sitting in comfortably unbroken silence, when the slow strum of guitar would play in, the melody backed by a soft voice to mellow out the scene. A scene he never saw coming, but that he couldn't do much more than live inside at the moment. And throughout it Sasuke keeps smiling at him, and Naruto pretends to be more focused on the endless pages of the sprawled books in front of him.
.
.
.
The section on folklore he really likes, can't help but find it fascinating, how the younger learn from their elders. Customs and traditions and rituals and songs and tales, preserved and taught and performed and sung and told. Carried from one generation to the next so they will never get lost. There is something so...incredibly peaceful about it.
Perhaps the comfort he finds is in the timelessness, the safekeeping of it all. A precious moment locked safely in a memory, a photograph frozen in time, a written word filling the blankness of a page, erasing the risk of suffering its loss.
And the more he reads on the more it puts him at ease. Although there is a sweet melancholy wrapping itself all around it, making his throat feel thick, and the faintness of a smile appearing across his lips.
"Found something you like?" Sasuke questions, his voice pitched low in a gentle sort of way, cheek pressed to his palm, partly hiding the curve of his mouth.
The minuscule smile Naruto was unconsciously sporting fades, his guard back at full tilt. "...It's interesting."
"I'm not going to make fun of you just because you found a book you actually like, you know." Sasuke offers, as if reading his mind, still wearing that same expression.
And Naruto inevitably wavers again at his lax demeanor. And with nothing better to give back and not really knowing how else to reply, he adds a barely audible, "Whatever." Though not quite as tense as a moment ago.
Sasuke's smile grows a tad wider and he whispers something under his breath Naruto doesn't quite catch, but has no inclination in finding out what it is. And it feels like something Sasuke meant just for his own ears anyway.
.
.
.
A sharp whistle captures his attention and he looks to the side, finding nothing. Only to crane his neck up and find out Sasuke is perched on top of the tall shelf in front of him, one leg tucked in and the other dangling idly. The sight reminds him very much of the visit in the therapist's office, and, just to be that tidbit more annoying, Sasuke whistles again, almost piercing his ears, and touching an index to his wrist, signalling the passing of time.
"Shut up. I'm trying to focus over here." Naruto raises his voice a little too loudly in reproof.
And a harsh "shhh!" soon follows from around the corner.
"Why don't you tell him to shut up too..." Naruto grumbles to himself, this time keeping his voice in check in case the librarian decides to personally come and see what the ruckus is about—he'd rather avoid that.
He goes back in, almost grazes the pages with the tip of his nose with the way he's leaning in, because maybe if he reads this close he'll find a solution sooner, although he is well aware this is mostly wishful thinking. He pauses only to take a sip of water.
"It might be in vain, but the effort you're putting into this is adorable."
It just takes that last word unexpectedly coming out of Sasuke's mouth, and water is suddenly going down the wrong pipe, and Naruto is soon raising to his feet and beating on his chest, choking. Another sense of déjà vu sweeps its way in. Who knows, maybe Sasuke is actually attempting at his life by surprise-choking him to death?
"Shhhh!"
Still coughing out, this time he hasn't much reserve for a response. "Oh, I'm sorry, next time I'll try to choke quietly!"
But the admonishment that follows is drowned out by the bout of laughter coming from above him, and Naruto really wishes the librarian would yowl at him to shut up too, if only for the way Sasuke's laughter seems to echo in his ears.
"Stop messing with me." He hisses.
Sasuke feigns surprise. "But I'm just complimenting you?"
Naruto clicks his tongue, face scrunching up. "Yeah, right. Why don't you just shut up and stop making fun of me every chance you get."
The fake surprise is quick to smooth out. "Why do you keep asking impossible things from me?"
Naruto doesn't refrain himself from an eyeroll now, cursing him a little inside his own mind.
"Don't you think you're just wasting time this way?" Sasuke casually brings up again. "I'm also inclined to believe you keep having the wrong idea here, no matter how many times I tell you I don't want to mess things up for you even more." He lifts his head then, staring at the ceiling in apparent boredom, but glances at him from the corner of his eye. "If anything I'd like to help."
There it is again.
There is a sea of words between them that he could just pluck from and choose to say, but what he settles with stands in the seams of a lie and a truth.
"For the record, I was doing just fine without you." He grits out with narrowed eyes, but lacking a bit of bite to his words.
The corner of his mouth twitches into his cheek and Sasuke seems to be reading him like one of the books Naruto is losing his mind over.
"I'm sure you were."
Insufferable.
Sasuke is insufferable.
It's the absolute perfect, most fitting description for him.
Naruto fixes him with a menacing scowl—that of course has no effect whatsoever on him—and for the umpteenth time tries to disregard his presence, picking up a book at random and concentrating on its content.
Only to groan—as quietly as he possibly can—into his palms not even a minute later. His eyes are pulsing, the letters are dancing behind his closed eyelids, mocking his efforts. Can a head spontaneously combust from too much forced reading? Because it feels like his just might.
"Ah, Naruto, Naruto." The tone Sasuke is using sounds just a smidge condescending, his little smirk is certainly looking to be. "Is this really the 'solution' you should be working on right now." While his question doesn't even sound like a question.
"Instead of wasting time up there, why don't you try to help a little? Since, you know, this is about you and all." Naruto snaps, pretty fed up already.
"Oh, are we doing a recap today? Because, and correct me if I'm wrong, I very clearly remember telling you this already, you won't find the answers you're looking for in there." Sasuke says pointedly, then leans back on his hands with a little and heavy exhale, just for show. "Also, I don't feel like losing my mind reading a hundred books. What can I say, I'm pretty lazy."
Sasuke calling himself lazy is something out of this world. Something for the books, really—no pun intended—especially since he has always known him to be anything but. And it's shocking enough that he has nothing more to answer with. Slowly, he shakes his head to himself, incredulous, wondering just what on earth is going on also for the umpteenth time. And he goes back to reading.
.
.
.
Needless to say, his thorough search doesn't yield much of a result.
"There's nothing about ghosts." Incredibly enough, in the place that's supposed to have all the answers, he couldn't find anything except for bits and pieces which, again, were puzzling at best and not even up to scratch. "What the hell." He mutters to himself as he leans back on his chair, making its legs screech unpleasantly against the floor.
"You can't really blame them for it though, most of the books went destroyed." Sasuke butts in, in the middle of his astonishment, deciding to be the voice of reason for a second.
"That's right..." Naruto allows begrudgingly, burrowing his face in his hands just for the sheer comfort of hiding for an instant. Konoha always possessed its fair share of an extensive collection for a library, but what stands of it now is not even half of it, and some of these books probably come from nearby villages too. Which means he'd have to go look somewhere else for answers now and, to be completely honest, this issue is starting to become one ill-humored question he doesn't even want to find the answer to.
"Oh, hey, old acquaintance coming right in at six o'clock." Sasuke announces, pointing somewhere behind him.
For one long and appalling second he fears he will find the witch—er, old woman looming behind him with a sinister sneer and a spooky wand in hand, ready to cut him to pieces and eat him up. But that thankfully doesn't seem to be the case at all.
"...Oh, Naruto." Shikamaru blinks once, eyes widening the slightest bit from their usual half-lidded and seemingly perpetual boredom. "I definitely wasn't expecting to find you here of all people."
"Yeah, yeah, 'cause you've never seen me with a book in hand, ha-ha." He forces out a little derisive laugh to go along with his muttering, but this is mostly frustration for all his wasted efforts. "And why are you here?"
"Intel, nothing major though. I needed a few transcriptions but the library is still out." Shikamaru drawls, indolent, waving a written scrap of paper held between his fingers. "I guess I'll have to ask somewhere else."
Naruto's only feedback is a disinterested hum as he flips through the pages of a thick book, seriously taking in consideration the possibility of calling it a day right then and there as he feels a wave of exhaustion rushing through him all of a sudden.
While Sasuke, now sitting sideways on the chair next to his, with his forearm resting over the back of it, is still focused on the newcomer. "I've almost missed hearing his catchphrase."
Naruto's eyebrows meet in the middle of his forehead, almost startled by the randomness of the sentence. "What catchphrase?" He whispers under his breath, no clue whatsoever.
Shikamaru lets out a drawn out sigh as he scratches the back of his head, having a look around. "How troublesome."
"Oh, this one." Naruto says a little louder.
Loud enough for his friend to hear him too, apparently.
"Did you say something?"
Noticing his slip, he quickly shakes his head in dismissal. "Ah, no, nothing."
But Sasuke is apparently in the mood to keep providing out-of-the-blue and random commentary. "He's kind of an asshole."
Naruto really can't help it this time around when he fully turns towards him, on the verge of gaping.
"Hold your horses there, pal. I don't mean to offend any of your precious friends."
Yes, he definitely sounds condescending now, the click of tongue, that spark of arrogance Naruto does remember so well taking over his face and stretching over his lips—not as heavily as it did back then however.
"But now don't act like not one single soul has never noticed this delightful trait of his."
Naruto is quick to jump to his friend's defense. "He's not–"
"Not an asshole in the cruel, strict meaning of the term." Sasuke interrupts, as if doing him a favor by making this concession. "He just doesn't always measure up the weight of his words." Then something shifts cautiously across his face. "After all you never know who might end up hurt by what you say."
Naruto's expression shifts too, although to something far less amused and more than just a hint darker. "Aren't you the expert on that field..."
Sasuke is about to answer him, but is cut off by Shikamaru standing in their line of vision.
"You're acting strange." The way he is putting it out, tone clipped and vaguely befuddled, is somewhat blunter than any of his friends have been up until now. "Well, more than usual."
"I..." Naruto's eyes wander to Sasuke, then back to Shikamaru. "I don't act strange." And while Sasuke sounded condescending, he sounds just a little childish—complementary halves?—but chooses to overrule this too.
The slight, pointed raise of brow from Shikamaru is enough of a reply on its own, but instead of arguing about it some more, Naruto is suddenly struck by the realization that—oh, time is an actual thing that ticks by no matter what little zone you huddle yourself up in.
"Wait, what time is it anyway?"
"Don't tell me you missed lunch?"
Naruto can't hold back a grimace, pressing a palm to his forehead. "Shit, I have to go." He moves with the speed of a tornado as he shoves the books back in their respective location—not succeeding all that greatly at the task. "See ya!" He finally calls out over his shoulder as he all but runs out of the place that's given him the creeps since he first stepped in, not without missing the last "Shhhh!" thrown his way.
Shikamaru replies with a half-hearted wave of his own, arm dropping back by his side soon after. And his eyes narrow with slight confusion at Naruto's retreating back.
He'd decided that since he had time he would pay Kakashi a visit, maybe even meet up with Sakura since she had a shift here in the morning, while trying his hardest to keep under wraps the disdain he has for the place. Which brought him to now, currently going across a new wing of the hospital, this one still under construction, trying to find a 'secret vending machine'—first of all who even thinks of putting a vending machine somewhere like this?—because it has 'those high protein energy bars that you can't find anywhere else right now', like Kakashi had put it. And really, who is Naruto to refuse a favor to an injured patient—an injured patient who is almost well enough to leave and who keeps getting on the staff's nerves a little more each passing day.
Following his teacher's instructions and making sure that no one saw him—which was pretty easy considering no one else except a few workers even step foot in here—he managed to buy the bar for his teacher, hiding it in his pocket. He also bought a juice box for himself—peach flavored because he likes peaches, they're sweet and his second favorite fruit. What can he say, quests for the unknown are supposedly the reason for a parched throat.
And, weirdly, he is also locked in a conversation with Sasuke, where Sasuke is actually doing most of the conversing and Naruto is doing most of the listening. Again, passive acceptance of the events and all.
"Listen, all I'm saying is grapes are great. They are. But grape juice? Yeah, that sucks. And that's the real deal."
Naruto watches him from the corner of his eye as he's finishing his drink. "...I didn't even know you drank anything with sugar in it."
"Sugar is sugar." Sasuke says, like that somehow explains everything good in the world. "Literally everyone likes it. And if they say they don't then you know that's one big, thin, sugar-coated lie."
Naruto presses his lips together, tilting his head a bit to the side to hide the hint of a smile. He is honestly...not used to this. He doesn't think he will ever get used to it either, because Sasuke even sounds a little too normal—which is crazy—if weirdly passionate about sugar?
And the boy catches his eye, raising one eyebrow in question. "What?"
Naruto, having finished his juice box, lifts his arm up to throw out the plastic little thing in the first bin he finds along the long hallway—aaand it's a successful dunk. "You are...talking." He says slowly, well aware of how that sounds so he elaborates a little further. "I mean, more than you usually do. A lot more than usual." Not that he wasn't aware of this...bizarre fact already, but today it's somehow even more noticeable.
Sasuke sports a bit of his playful grin. "You don't do much talking these days so I just thought I should be the one to play the role, you know, switch things up for a change and all that."
Naruto has nothing to put over his mouth this time as it, sort of, almost, quirks up at the sides. "I'm starting to think you're on a sugar rush."
"And you're on a sugar low." Sasuke points right back.
Naruto almost gives back another eyeroll. "Besides–" He continues. "–it's not like I can do much talking when you're...like this." He gestures with a vague wave of his hand, thinking about Shikamaru's slightly weirded out face just a little while ago. "People would think I'm crazy." And maybe that wouldn't even be too far off the mark.
Sasuke stops and stares at him, genuinely surprised. "And since when do you care what people think?"
"I don't care." He states without hesitation, firmly believing in the words. Then his resolve sours a bit. "...But I'd rather avoid a gossip mill." It's at the bottom of the list of what he needs now, really.
"'Gossip mill', huh. Sounds like high school on a larger scale, yeesh."
And Naruto has to fight off another almost-smile at Sasuke's blatant distaste, like he's fed up with the concept of people making assumptions without knowing the whole context of the story.
...But then again, isn't Naruto doing just that? Making assumptions about Sasuke because he doesn't know even half of this story, of this level of mystery that keeps surrounding him, that only keeps complicating matters even more. And still...here they are now, walking by his side like he would with any other friend.
Lifting his head again and snapping out of his thoughts, he notices his eyes on him. "What?" He's the one to ask this time.
"Nothing." Sasuke shrugs, grin softening at the edges. "You just don't look as tense as before."
His expression and tone of voice remind him a bit of yesterday morning. Naruto's next words are as wary as they are curious. "Do I have a reason to be?"
"No." Sasuke is quick to rush out, and while there is still that teasing hint in his voice, there is something else beneath, too. That much quieter he adds, "...I don't like when you are."
Naruto blinks in surprise, opens his mouth...but there is nothing he can actually think to say to that.
A few steps of silence draw out in between them as they keep walking in the blankness of this place, Naruto's head is full but sort of emptied out too, and the uneasiness is, bit by bit, step by step, being replaced by something else.
They are just walking past one of the numerous doors to the side, when he stops right in his tracks. He feels it, the chakra manifests itself like a warm, soothing aura, he can almost touch it. And Naruto dithers for a moment, recognizing it. This is her chakra.
There is an abrupt stillness on the other end before a soft voice, one he knows all too well, carries in.
"…Naruto-kun, is that you?"
His breath leaves in a rush and without thinking he is taking a step towards the door.
"...Hinata." And he is so, so glad to hear her, hear her voice for the first time since...the attack. He places his palm over the cold wood, as if he could reach over this way. Specks of the battle flash before his eyes and freeze the blood from within his veins, his stomach plummets with the sick feeling taking over him. "Hinata." He repeats, as if wanting to make sure she really is here, with him. His throat is too dry, but still he keeps pushing the words out. "Are you...are you okay?"
"I'm okay." Hinata's voice is faint and feeble from the other side, but it's also the most confident she has ever sounded to his ears, reassuring.
And, somehow, he knows on the other side Hinata is in a milder version of his same state, she has her hand splayed just like this, and if there was nothing separating them they would be touching now, they would be looking in each other's eyes, this strong surge of protectiveness he has over her would make him wrap his arms around her and make sure she is real...but Naruto is too big of a coward to face her now, he can admit this much at least.
"Naruto-kun...are you okay?"
He swallows down a soundless gasp and almost draws away. He wasn't expecting her to ask back...this question seems so vital at the moment.
"I..."
He can feel himself crumbling a little at her earnest tone, at the gentleness that seeps in, that always seems to be a constant with her, and that maybe he now needs more than anything else. His forehead meets the coolness of the solid wood with a low thump and he feels immobilized in place, unable to take a step in or a step out of this. He doesn't want to lie to her, he doesn't. But he doesn't want to worry her either, Hinata doesn't deserve to waste her good heart and energies on him, not after the hell she went through because of him.
"...I'm okay." He repeats her same words but with a different inflection, completely changing their meaning, without meaning to, and still trying to hold to the meaning of these words, to even a shred of truth he can find on the inside.
(But that's the problem.)
"Wouldn't it be better if you talked to her face to face?" Sasuke steps into their lull in conversation, if it could even be considered as such, with irrefutable kindness to his tone and a transparent level of understanding in his eyes, as if he doesn't want this to weigh on him any more than it already does. "Or is it still too hard for you?"
Naruto slowly lifts his gaze, head tilting to the side, and for once is unable to stop the utter despair from showing in his face. His hand unconsciously tightens in place, nails catching on the fragile wood and sinking in, and the sympathy he is shown back makes it worse.
A voice in the distance calling to her, her unwillingness to break off this breakable connection held between them, his reluctance to let her go without a word, then finally comes the slide of her hand against the door, he himself taking a step back, this weight pulling down on him, on both of them...the wistful resonance of her footsteps as she leaves.
No. Naruto is too much of a coward to face her now.
A sudden burst of light, blinding, has him shut his eyes, only to open again to the smoky silhouette of his shadow extending across the floor.
How did he get here? Staring straight through vacancy without even seeing it, through a gap, more than one. Gaps that surely need filling. But days are stretching and thinning, somewhere along the line morphing from midday to midnight, these days are so endless and so frighteningly temporary.
He lifts his head again and fragments of silver enter his vision, an image in front of him, the ill-defined screening of a person. A mirror, he is standing in front of the mirror now.
Red rimmed bloodshot eyes stare right back at him. He is gripping the sink so hard his nails are leaving indentations of half moons, ruining the immaculate porcelain.
How did he even get here? It's already dark out, feels like a whole other world out of the window. He remembers the hospital at last, maybe he fell asleep after. It's foggy in his mind, the closer he looks, the harder it becomes to find an answer.
When he looks up again Sasuke's figure stands behind him and he stares at his reflection now. His shirt is sticking uncomfortably to his skin, beads of cold, cold sweat have gathered by his temples, at his nape, down his spine.
He can barely breathe.
Where is he? How did he end up here? What is going on around him, and inside of him?
His thoughts race, vanishing like air, all meshing, and breaking apart like shattered glass, cutting him, leaving open wounds behind.
He can't feel his limbs, but his hands are aching, like somebody is holding him down, crushing him—and a sliver of red hot anger makes it past the barricade, but then it's numbness again and the world is floating away, so far away from his fingertips. It hurts, but not in the way it's supposed to, not in an exact measure, this is a phantom pain, something is missing from him.
The line between fantasy and reality is getting blurry again.
"Some things you just...can't speak about."
It takes him too long to realize the voice doesn't belong to him, and he tries to focus so hard on who it might be. Before his focus falls on Sasuke.
This muffled stillness has him by the neck, has his glass pieces concealed, but an edge keeps slicing through the haze.
"The truth hurts."
Are those his words? Do they belong to him? Did he say them out loud? They keep ringing inside his eardrums without pause, unrelenting, over and over, because the truth is like blood underneath your fingernails.
"But secrets kill."
Sasuke's voice cuts through his thoughts in a bloodied line.
His presence is almost suffocating despite him being on the other end of the room, and his irises are piercing, and inscrutable.
He slowly tilts his head to the side, the reflection of his eyes searching Naruto's. "Did I get that right?"
The devil's right there in the details. And you don't want to hurt yourself by looking too closely.
A nerve-wracking calm starts settling over his glass, cracked world, and it is the unnerving calm before the storm, one that would generally precede one disaster of a trainwreck waiting to happen. A storm that's only days in the making.
. . .
a/n: - 'Looking too closely' by Fink: the truth is like blood underneath your fingernails/ the devil's right there in the details/ and you don't want to hurt yourself by looking too closely.
