a/n: haha, yeah, watch me trying my hardest to cram in one last 'light' (and I'm really pushing it with this one since it's gonna be the last for a long while now) moment between Naruto and Sasuke before it all blows up in smoke and flames… this is also the last chapter 'summary' I can have fun with, so bear with me (I love these little summaries way too much I'm so sorry)
also, I sorta changed up their interactions and rewrote this chapter a bunch of times 'cause of reasons and I kinda had Sasuke commenting on the change of pace? just a casual break of the fourth wall, no big deal lol
…you guys, is it maybe a smidge obvious that Kiba is one of my favorites to write? cause I feel like I'm not being subtle at all about it
. . .
all that you rely on, and all that you can fake, will leave you in the morning...but find you in the day
Summary of the chapter:
"Is that what you tell all the girls?"
"Only the cute ones."
Naruto snorts.
. . .
warning: this chapter deals with symptoms of PTSD
(it's mild but it's there so I felt the need to give a real warning about it)
Naruto is almost bored out of his mind. He is leaning on the—yet to be finished—outer wall surrounding the Red House, with his arms crossed behind his back and leaning most of his weight against them, dully watching handfuls of people as they file in and out of the building when they block his field of vision by walking nearby.
Slightly exasperated, he wonders how long it takes for Sakura to march up to the office, agree to the mission, and get out. The good news is Kiba is going to stick with them for this mission since Sai has been appointed elsewhere.
That doesn't stop him from sighing again, loudly. And a little petulantly. What, he has and deserves the right to complain about long waits.
"Waiting all by yourself?"
The casual question comes floating over through the silent and enclosed disarray his mind is.
Naruto tears his gaze off the lacy and white edged clouds rolling in the river blue sky, only to settle it over on Sasuke, who is standing just a few feet away. He doesn't move from where he is, not even a flinch of surprise, but tilts his head to the side as he looks at him. "Who knows, maybe I was waiting for you."
"Missed me?" Sasuke goads with a small and mirthful smirk.
Naruto feels laughter bubble up in him, he shakes his head. "Sure."
Sasuke clicks his tongue. "Say what you want, but I know deep down you like being haunted by me."
Naruto raises a brow at the ridiculousness of that sentence, and at the assertion behind it. "Ah-uh, and how d'you figure that? Did you ask me if I even wanted to be 'haunted' in the first place?"
"I'm not sure that's how it works." Sasuke answers with a short laugh. "If it's any consolation though, you're the only one I want to haunt."
A smile twitches up, Naruto does his best to push it down and lifts his chin in feigned insolence. "Is that what you tell all the girls?"
A cocky grin makes its way onto Sasuke's face and his voice drops to almost a whisper. "Only the cute ones."
Naruto snorts. 'There's that word again', the thought flits through his slightly dizzy mind, but he is unable to place an exact memory to it, and unable to hide his amusement as well. "Gross."
With an answering snicker, Sasuke walks the distance between them. Stopping about a foot short, without giving him time to react at all, he casually places both of his hands on either side of his head, effectively trapping him in place. Naruto has to lift his head the slightest bit to look up at him.
"So. Feel up to giving it a try?"
That...doesn't sound very promising. Or reassuring. "Try what exactly?" Naruto asks, just a smidge preoccupied.
"Touching me." Sasuke says, point-blank. Then pauses. "Wait, no–that came out wrong. I swear I wasn't going for anything inappropriate this time, I actually mean it."
Naruto blinks too. Then the words sink in. He starts back a little, flattening himself against the wall. "No thanks." He blurts out super quick. And almost winces at the sheer level of agitation coming through, but the creepy creepy creepy thought of just reaching out and having his hand pass through thin air where solid skin should be...yikes. This is going to be one great, ginormous, capital NO from him.
"Oh, c'mon." Sasuke persists, as if thumbing through the pages of his thoughts. "You're not even a little curious?"
Naruto shakes his head coolly and nonchalantly, not quickly and all freaked out. Nope. Not even a little bit. "Uh, no. Can't say that I am. Really can't say that I am."
"But I am! Can't you just let my curiosity fuel us both into taking this step forward?" Sasuke almost whines.
Sasuke, acting like a little brat. Naruto pulls another almost-smile through the hazy daze at that, but for the moment he busies himself with craning his neck and pretending to be engrossed in something very conveniently happening right behind Sasuke's back. "Woah, would you look at that. Is that a fight just breaking out? Better go and check it right now."
"Ah–uh." And of course Sasuke doesn't make any move whatsoever to get out of the position he locked them in.
...dammit. His persuasive skills are a bit rusty, he really ought to work a little more on them.
"Wait. Don't tell me..." Sasuke is suddenly breaking out in a shit-eating grin, drawing just a bit closer. "...you're scared of me now?"
Something snaps inside him at that and he zeroes in on Sasuke right away, meeting his eyes head on, defiant.
"Like I could ever be scared of you." Naruto whispers on the gust of a breath, a hint challenging.
Sasuke seems taken aback for the first few seconds—which makes Naruto feel more than just a little bit smug of himself, catching Sasuke off guard is a feat in and of itself—then he's pushing away and giving him back his much needed space with one of the most pleased smirks Naruto has ever seen plastered across his face, as if his words were just what he'd been hoping to hear. "I've said it, I'll say it again. You got moxy, kid."
Naruto deadpans, again. "Don't call me 'kid', we're only a few months apart." Then decides to add something he never would have thought to say to him of all people, just to spite him a little. "...Dude."
Unsurprisingly, it doesn't work, Sasuke's smirk only widens instead. "See what I mean? Moxy."
Naruto exhales loudly, trying to seem annoyed. He isn't very successful. Oh well, at least he's keeping at bay the huge smile that for some unknown reason wants to break out and split his face wide open. He's choosing to blame this on the hot weather.
"I've already seen how you're...untouchable. I don't need to also...I don't need further proof." But his curiosity doesn't go dwindling—it's only increasing—about anything surrounding Sasuke, about everything that he is...and isn't?
"I am?" Sasuke utters with a bit of a flabbergasted echo behind it, eyes studying, nitpicking his reaction. "Seems to me like you're the untouchable one between us."
Naruto's half-lidded eyes spring wide open. Then he's shutting them on the exhale of a suppressed groan, letting his head thump back against the wall. "Don't tell me you're gonna hit me with the philosophical shit now, because my incoming headache and I would really appreciate it if you didn't."
Sasuke huffs a quiet sort of laugh, coming to stand right beside him against the wall. "Nah, just making small talk." Then he catches his eye with a cheeky smile. "The 'holier than thou' posturing can wait until next week."
And Naruto finds himself smiling back at him in full kind, just as cheeky and playful.
Naruto feels a little bit like himself right now.
And it has Sasuke stopping short. "I..." And doing a double-take. "...was not expecting that?" He all but whips his head away, staring at the ground as he rakes a hand through his hair, whispers to himself in bewilderment. "Wait, wait, wait, wait. I thought we were going with the slowest–of–slows, with the burning–smoldering–whatever tropes out there? Why does it suddenly feel skyrocket fast? What the hell..." He gives a minute shake of the head, bemused. "...I guess following the script is something we've never been good at, huh."
"Uh...Sasuke?" Naruto starts cautious, more than just a tad confused. "You're being weird." He states. Then rethinks his statement. "...Well, weirder than usual."
Sasuke remains sort of lost in his own world for a few seconds more, then he breathes in deep, as if trying to make sense of something inside his own head. Backhandedly, he dismisses. "Yeah, it's just a character trait that's gonna stick with me throughout this whole show, that's for sure."
Alright, Naruto has to admit, sometimes it used to feel like he and Sasuke were from another dimension altogether with their—at times—worldviews so different they felt poles apart. But this is reaching a whole new level for him too, his weird behavior, if 'weird' means somewhat the complete opposite of the Sasuke he knew back in his academy/training days, what with the way he's been acting so—
And amidst the strange fog his mind is locked in, something clicks.
Sasuke is trying.
Naruto is not, but Sasuke is trying.
He had been trying when he said he wasn't going away. He had been trying when he kept following everywhere after him, even when it was clear it became hard for Naruto to be in certain places. He had been trying when daintily bringing up the issue of eating, and even finding a way to almost trick him into it. He had been trying when he crouched down in front of him, ripped in half a title that haunts him, listened to his stuttered rage, and managed to lull it through understanding words. And one way or another has been trying to coax a smile out of him more times than he can count now.
Naruto searches for his eyes as the unexpected feel of gossamer–thin guilt clings to his skin.
"Hey. I..." He falters. "I wanted to..." Unsure of what to say in such an unbelievably absurd situation. What to say to someone who he thought was once the closest friend he had. To someone who, as he ended up finding out years later, is not anymore.
And even so, even now, the sole word that comes to mind without pulling any of its punches is...
"...thanks."
It's quiet, and small, and lacking, and on the cutting edge of wrong, but out of everything this is the more certain he has been in days, and it feels important. Important enough to say out loud.
And if Sasuke had looked surprised before, he seems downright shocked now.
He suddenly exhales out a chuckle, low and a little scratchy in the back of his throat, and rubs the side of his neck with a heavy hand, in a way Naruto knows—this piece of memory clicks into place now—in a way he knew him to do when Sasuke felt particularly flustered, or found himself on the receiving end of a compliment he didn't know how to contest.
The familiarity of such a gesture brings an undiluted wave of nostalgia that washes warm over Naruto without warning.
"Aren't you just full of surprises? The moment I think I have you figured out..." Sasuke breathes out, the tinge of laughter reverberating throughout his voice. "Damn, Uzumaki. Warn a guy before you decide to offer a gratuitous heart attack next time, will you."
And despite the unfamiliarity of his behavior, of this set of circumstances, Naruto still feels like smiling. "Why does you having a heart feel like the biggest revelation in all of this?"
And, alright, it is a bit asshol-ish of him to say, but it's without any malice this time around.
"Cheeky." Sasuke accuses in jest as he looks over, and his voice is dropping, softer. "I like your cheeky side, you know."
Naruto smiles, a little bit brighter, shakes his head. "Whatever you say."
They are fixed in this...strangely friendly, strangely tender patch right now. It's somewhat of a gamble, like it will hurt as soon as they both dig in and press down on it, but neither of them is bent on trying.
And that's when Shikamaru corners him. Well, 'corner' wouldn't be the exact term here, but with the way Naruto finds himself nearly out of options it seems the more accurate.
"...Naruto." Shikamaru stops as soon as he notices him, clearly coming right out of the Hokage's office, a folder in his hand and his expression pinched in his daily state of bothered. Maybe even more than usually so. "What are you doing here?"
"Waiting for Sakura-chan." Naruto answers absent-mindedly. He's about to make idle conversation, but his friend seems more insistent on wanting to begin one of his own.
Shikamaru starts with a sigh, raising one hand to his temple, thumb rubbing below his brow as if in attempt to steer a looming headache away. "Look, I know this is a stressful moment for you. And it's bound to happen, common things like being unable to focus or even talking to yourself–"
Naruto cuts in with a huff. "I don't talk to myself."
"Guess that's what it looks like from an outsider's perspective." Sasuke mutters, somehow sounding a little less high-spirited than before. "You know what, the whole 'make the best of it with what you've got' is starting to sound really tempting right now. I bet I could freak some people out real bad like that."
Not wanting to, while also absolutely itching to witness first-hand just how crazed people's reactions could be at that, Naruto feels a bit torn at having to be the voice of reason. "Don't you dare." He mutters back...although only half-serious, and is met with a feeble smirk but no resistance.
"See, you're doing it again." Shikamaru points out, steering his attention away.
"No, I–" Naruto halts. He has sort of come to terms with the factuality that being able to...see Sasuke is something he doesn't want to have to explain—again, not like he even could. And, as of late, doesn't even want to have to share with anyone else. He glances to the side with an annoyed exhale. "...nevermind."
On his end, Sasuke is quiet. An ireful kind, almost. As if on his behalf, as if at the effort it took to manage to put Naruto in such a good headspace after tremendous days, only to have someone else sour it up.
And souring it goes.
"Why are you even waiting out here instead of going in like everyone else does?" Shikamaru asks next, the question cutting his tone a little too bluntly.
From his peripheral, Sasuke tenses. Something cold and harrowing flits across his countenance. Or maybe that's solely in Naruto's imagination; because it's how he feels at the moment.
Naruto's breath leaves his lungs in a winded exhale. Stepping out of his eased position against the wall, he steps forward. And feels the blood pumping aggressively inside his ears, inside his temples, drowning out the rest. "And what's that to you?" His voice has gone colder.
"What's that to 'me'?" Shikamaru repeats with a scorning lilt. "What's gotten into you?"
For some reason Sasuke sees this as his cue to step in. "Listen, I'd normally be up for any good ol' tug of war, but word of possibly-ill advice? This is a crossfire you might not want to get yourself caught up in."
But Naruto is over that point by now.
Shikamaru doesn't back down, eyes narrowing in the beginnings of a glare, and when he breaks the stare-off it's only for a moment to scoff under his breath. "I thought you were past this already."
Air fizzes out, his vision flashes for a split second. Anger, but it's not dry—this anger is thick with blood, clotting over itself.
"Naruto–" Sasuke's voice suddenly sounds loud behind him, much more urgent now. "Don't–"
His hands curl into fists, nails bite into his skin. Shikamaru is still talking, but Naruto can barely, barely make out what is being said when all he hears is the blood rushing in his ears.
"–think that justifies not wearing your hitai-ate since–"
His arm shakes, his shoulder draws back. Naruto is about to raise his fist. Naruto is about to—
"Yo!"
Kiba, bless him and his timely ability to barge right in at the wrong moments, comes jogging up to them that instant. He throws a heavy arm around Naruto's shoulders, the weight of it grounds him in place.
With a punched out breath, as madly as it came, the rage dissolves. His shoulders sag with it, his lungs empty from it, and Naruto is staring down at his feet as his hand falls spread open and limp by his side.
Kiba staves him away, away from Shikamaru, away from the frightening ice simmering in his lungs, and Naruto lets him, Naruto lets himself get pulled back and takes a shallow breath in.
"I've got to borrow this knucklehead stat. We've got a tricky one ahead, so 'scuze us."
The additional voice of his best friend breaks through the maze he lost himself in, fully snapping him out of his mind.
Unquestionably reading the action for what it is, Shikamaru responds with an impassive shake of the head, one lingering stare and then he is walking away with a worn sigh and no words in return.
"C'mon, let's go." Kiba says slowly, cautiously dragging him to walk away and walk off the remnants of his still settling nerves.
Kiba keeps an arm around his shoulders, plainly reading the tension mapping out across his face, if not feeling it along the tense line of his shoulders.
"Was he giving you a hard time with one of his 'lectures?'" He jokes with a bit of a smile, but his tone is heedful.
Naruto raises his shoulders in dismissal as best as he can with the strong bicep confining his movements. "...not really." Predicting what his next question will be, he is quick to add. "M'fine."
Kiba looks at him fixedly for a few seconds longer, and finally relents with a sigh. "...If you say so."
Naruto lets go of the breath he hadn't known to be holding in until that moment, and his eyes stray away, searching for Sasuke. But he's gone. The notion drives something akin to disappointment in his gut, but it runs deeper than that.
Sakura reaches them in that exact moment, holding a few papers in one hand while she adjusts something inside the medical pouch strapped to her waist with the other. "Alright, okay, we've got everything we need. Sorry for taking so long, we're ready to go now–" Of course she notices something amiss right away—Naruto hasn't had time smooth out his frown and wipe the weariness off of his expression yet. "What's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing much, we were just having a little chat with Shikamaru." Kiba answers with a tense smile.
Sakura reads the words and expressions for what they are and slowly lets out a heavy breath, as if she knew something of the like would happen. Gently, she squeezes his arm in that affectionate, motherly way Naruto knows only her to do. "He doesn't mean it, don't take it personally. You know Shikamaru can sometimes be a bit...zealous when it comes to matters of duty."
"Try workaholic shmorkaholic." Kiba mumbles, annoyed. "He complains about deadlines being too tight all the time and then gets on everyone else's ass about theirs."
Sakura looks like she wants to roll her eyes, but doesn't contest his words that much. "He doesn't do it all the time." She steals a glance at Naruto, choosing her next words more carefully. "But the workload is stressing him out more than usual."
"Yeah, it's stressing everyone! But I don't remember any of us trying to pick fights about it." Kiba ends up grumbling towards the end, which makes Naruto give in to a faint smile.
"I know. It's fine, really." He finally mumbles in answer, gently elbowing Sakura before starting to walk. "So, we're going or what? This mission isn't gonna check itself out of our to-do list."
"You got that right." Kiba says a little more enthusiastically and follows suit, Sakura falls into step too.
And for once he looks forward to it, no matter how much of a waste of time it ends up being, having Sakura and Kiba there is more than enough to put him in higher spirits.
"Hold up, the dream team is back in action and coming through!" Kiba announces out loud, even if literally no one is standing in their way, as he walks in between him and Sakura and throws his arms around the both of them.
"I'd rather have Akamaru in this 'dream team'." Sakura huffs teasingly.
Kiba shakes his head. "Ooh, those are fighting words you'll live to regret once you're missing my captivating presence in the next mission, princess."
She pats his shoulder in faux amiability. "Save the names for your future sweetheart, noodle arms."
Kiba gapes at her. Outraged. Then turns to gape at Naruto. Still outraged. And Naruto pairs an unimpeachable smile with an innocent shrug.
"Oh, you say that now. But you'll be sorry once I find my beautiful future wife and you both won't get invites to the wedding of the century, fireworks and all."
Sakura nods with a gracious smile. "Oh, definitely, I'll be...sorry for her, that is."
Naruto tries and fails to contain a snort. "...Burn." He whispers under his breath.
Kiba shakes his head from side to side, takes his arms off and shakes his hands, offended. "Woah, I guess this team really winded up being just a dream, huh."
Sakura smothers down the chuckle his comment startles out of her while Naruto throws an arm around his shoulders too, over Sakura's own, and pulls him closer with a huge grin across his face as he teases. "Awh, don't be like that, man. You know your noodly little arms are the only arms for me."
"Awwh, you're such a mushy little shit." Kiba pretends to blink tears away as he also pats him on his shoulder once, hard. "It's okay, man. I love you too, man."
Naruto holds back a wince and pats back just as hard, mindful of Sakura. "Thanks, man. Glad we got this sorted out, man." He continues just as teasingly before his innocuous smile turns a little puckish. "So this means you'll let me keep Akamaru every other day now?"
Kiba deadpans. "Don't push it now, my love isn't that magnanimous."
Naruto clicks his tongue and slips out of the hold. "I take back what I just said. We're through. I'm finding a new pair of noodle arms stat."
"Sabotage!" Kiba gasps out, loud and dramatic and with an absurd accent to match, making a few heads spin in their direction at the unfolding antics. "You'll never find anyone else with arms like mine you jackass!"
"Yeah, that was the plan, dickhead!" Naruto yells from a few feet away as he sets off in a sprint, Kiba hot on his tail.
They run ahead like little kids, chasing one another as they simultaneously try to tackle and escape each other's clutches mid guffaws.
Sakura smiles at them from a little ways behind, shaking her head with an infinite amount of fondness. "Boys."
They set up camp early once more. The occasional crackle of the fire lights in its flickering hue the arrival of the evening shadows whilst Sakura is scouring the perimeter and Kiba has been fighting sleep since noon, amid jabs and teasing remarks the three of them are far from being bored.
Naruto is currently lying on his back, arms cushioning the back of his head, and listening to the living nature surrounding him from all sides and angles, breathing in the smell of burning wood and the dampness in the air; it soothes him. Thoughts swirl inside his head as a swirl of smoke dissipates into the slowly darkening treetops, into the blanket of starless sky above.
He could spend weeks just like this, more than that even. This breather from the wonted, mundane day-to-day leaves him with a semblance of contentment.
Konoha has become...stifling.
The attention people regard him with is stifling. Everything in and out of its context is so exhaustively stifling.
He didn't want to—still doesn't want to admit it to himself. That the place he grew up in, the place that holds (held) his home, in his mind has long since turned into weaponry (munition to a destructive force as life force fights out of him).
"...Naruto?" The sleepy slur of his name comes from a few feet above him. "You good, man?"
Naruto flinches slightly. He almost always forgets, Kiba can be so surprisingly perceptive at the worst of times.
"...Yeah." He lets out in a breath, already knowing he won't be believed. He shifts a little, trying to glimpse him through the fluttering flames. "I thought you were sleeping."
"Nuh-uh. Who's sleepin'. Am totally awake." Kiba mumbles through a yawn, clearly still grappling with the vestiges of slumber. "What's up?" Comes the foreseeable question soon after. But the intention behind it is nothing but unobtrusive sincerity, putting physical distance in a forward line that won't get crossed—he won't push this if Naruto is not ready to out with it.
Because Kiba has always been like this, unlike Sakura, who needs to get to the root of the issue and exterminate it, who needs to be able to hold on to priceless control at all times, who is willing to bare the full weight of it herself and get hurt in the process if it means it will stop harming her loved ones. Kiba is willing to grant time to time and space to space instead, he never pries further than he should, never risks it until it finally comes to the 'bend or break' kind of deal, even if it means being left in waiting without an answer in sight. And truth be told, while Naruto admires both, this quality of Kiba is in the end what he is a bit more envious of. And it's what gets him to talk, even if only a little.
"I..." The sky ahead changes, unrelenting, its darkness reflecting in his eyes. A frown slowly twists his features. "...had a nightmare."
Which is not the uncondensed truth, but there is not a singular line of lies tied in there.
The pathetic rings vociferously in his head the way it did in the dark glimpse of that dawn. And for a single moment his face burns with the shameful, shrewd cognition of how much this truth cuts.
Kiba, who wouldn't be able to hide his caring side if it could save his own life, is instantly more alert, holding himself up on his elbows and blinking the tired daze out of his eyes. "A nightmare?"
"Not today." He clarifies. "It was..." When was it? A day ago? Two days ago? Three? Five? Maybe more than that, but he doesn't remember now. "...a few days ago."
A pause, the careful consideration of what to say next. Lately his friends seem to do this often around him.
"Are you okay?"
"I..." He falters, at a loss. Then, as if with a mind of its own, the memory is shoved out of him. "...It was about the hospital." His teeth clench behind his dry lips, pressed in a narrow line of spiteful, coated anger. "When Kakashi-sensei...when he had been..."
He didn't notice he sat up in the middle of his recounting, Kiba has also pulled himself to hunch over, scooting closer. But Naruto isn't looking his way, his eyes have fallen down to his open hands in his lap, almost level with the ground. He stares at the lines creasing his palms as if they could hold all the answers he so desperately needs.
"Hey, now." Kiba tries, voice growing soft with considerate understanding. "He's fine, you saw him at the dinner. I'd even say he's feeling better than ever." He squeezes his shoulder in an offering of comfort. "It's all over. We're fine now."
'I know.' Naruto wants to say back to such a gospel truth. 'I know that we're okay now and that it's supposed to get better from here on out and that I should just be fine with that.' He wants to say it. He wants to. But he can't.
The words jangle in his head, to the point where he can't let much of anything else out but the hitch of his breath. "...it's...it's just that..."
It takes a second too long to realize that Kiba is pulling him in next, holding him tight as his chin comes to rest upon his shoulder.
Tears well in his eyes. And for a stifling moment Naruto feels more exhausted, hopeless and alone than he has felt in...a long while now.
"I know." Kiba whispers, one hand just below his neck, the other one spread across his back. Hurt laces his voice. "I know."
(But he doesn't. Not really. He is trying so hard to get it. But he doesn't...no one does. No one else ever could except for...
...well, it doesn't matter anymore.)
It happens when they are trekking back to Konoha. They are just so close to being back at the village, and uninvited guests grab that chance and intrude in their peaceful corner.
The strangers don't seem interested in having a talk, what they are interested in is their belongings, and so they say. But it's three against two, their opponents don't seem overly skilled, it should be child's play.
Kiba cracks his knuckles. "Yeah, I needed a workout today."
One of them sneers in mocking. "Think a brat like you can take us on?"
Sakura seems more nettled than anything, her fine eyebrows pinch together in impatience. "Let's make this quick, I've got a shift tonight and I don't want to miss it."
Kiba sports a bit of a fierce grin as he takes the first step forward. "And you've got two new patients coming right up, doc." And throws himself right at them.
Among the collision, and the unabated assail from both Kiba and Sakura, a few stolen goods end up slipping out of the thieves' clutches. Naruto is unmoving still, but his eyes gingerly follow the tumble of a fragile bottle as it instantly shatters upon contact with the hard, unforgiving ground and expensive liquor trickles out of its refined and broken confines. Time slows down as the dark stain of alcohol seeps into the unmarred patch of grass and earth below and—
—there was so much blood that day.
And suddenly the scene before his eyes is muting.
Hinata rests on the cold, unforgiving ground as scarlet trickles from her hands, down her slim fingers, between the folds of her knuckles. Dappled in the thick viscosity, the unmarred inches of her skin look ivory and snow white, a horrific contrast to the deep crimson, so vivid it seems charcoal. Iron and earth clog his nostrils as he fights to heave a breath, his throat raw from the screams.
Forever burnt in his mind she lies, motionless; ethereal. Her delicate lips parted a hair's breadth away, but no air could reach past anymore.
He thought...he had thought that...that she too had—
—so much blood—
Naruto jerks away with a suffocated gasp, as if scorched by the physicality of the memory drawn in front of his eyes.
He realizes he has fallen to the ground, trying to put distance from the crimson stain as it grows, as it taints.
But being so caught up, even when the memory fades he fails to catch movement right in front of him, at the feet of the enemy. And then he is catching the brunt of the blow.
The force behind the kick sends him lurching back without resistance, leaving the side of his face smarting in rippling pain as a strangled cry tears out of him from the confines of his throat.
"Naruto!"
Sakura's worried shout goes unheard as his hand draws unconsciously quick up to his left cheek, over his closed eyelid, putting pressure where it hurts the most. Iron is all he can taste, in all its revolting tanginess, dribbling out of the corner of his mouth.
He doesn't fight back.
He could wipe away the traces of blood. Spit it out, get to his feet and meet the blows head on, just like he did that night, at first, when facing a gang on his own.
But this is the complete opposite of it. He wasn't on the lookout for any diversion to escape his mind—he had not been looking for anything this time. Subsequently, he doesn't find a single shred of power inside that wills him to fight back.
All he has is the suppressed sample of fear as it climbs back up his throat. All he has is the frozen painting of Hinata lying bloodied and still that his mind pictures like a ragged corpse...and everything...that happened prior...to that—
And then Naruto realizes he isn't breathing anymore.
The sickening stab of dread has him holding onto air; his lungs burn. Everything does.
His head jolts in frantic but subdued motions, he is looking from one side to the other, eyes wide and unseeing, the panic rising and rising—he wants to push through it, to scream for it to stop, but it's not— it's not. His fingers dig into the earth, the blades of grass scratch at his pulse points and up the gauzy skin of his wrists, the totality of his muscles are quivering in faded remembrance.
An airless bleat makes it past his bloody lips in a desperate, punched out exhale.
"Hey."
And then Sasuke is taking up his field of vision.
His voice is lenient and steady, his eyes are undimmed in the dying light of the afternoon—it's the only amount of information his battered mind is capable of taking in.
"Breathe with me here, okay?" Sasuke is asking next, with that same intonation.
Naruto fails to grasp the simple meaning of his words at first. His teeth are clenched. His fingers dig deeper down the ground, his nails catch the rough dryness of it.
"Naruto, breathe with me."
He says it so simply, as if it's something Naruto can even think about doing right now when everything is just so...
But Sasuke keeps his composure even now, even if Naruto is losing his at full tilt. He keeps on keeping on. He keeps breathing deeply, in and out, showing him in a way that almost looks easy, almost looks doable, in and out. In and out.
"It's okay, just breathe through it."
And then his lungs are bursting with it, his lips are opening in a suffocated gasp. He breathes.
Naruto breathes with him, mirrors the steadfast rise and fall of his chest, mouth falling open and close to let out the precious air he is taking in.
He doesn't register much after that. It gets quiet, real quiet abruptly, almost making it feel like someone is holding their hands over his ears, not letting anything else trickle in, or out.
Sakura and Kiba are kneeling by his side next. He registers his careful hand on his back as it steadies him. He registers the warm glow of her emerald chakra as it washes over his skin. But he barely registers what he is being told, barely registers the hushed syllables he murmurs back.
His mind is too frazzled after, too disconnected.
Kiba stares at the apartment complex across from him, at the door Naruto just disappeared inside. Words reel in his head and a memory surfaces back.
.
.
.
He takes a seat next to Ino, glass half full in his hand. The chatter had dwindled just a bit as a few people were digging into the delicious dishes in front of them, a few others hanging back and mingling. He stares at Naruto who is sitting across from him and laughing about something with Sakura and Kakashi.
"You know," He begins without much of a preamble. "I thought he wouldn't be up for a celebration after..." Kiba lets the sentence hang in the air, not feeling up to fully breach such a sore topic. He nods towards Naruto. "But he's doing better."
Ino's face creases with worry lines as she tenses beside him, carefully placing down her half emptied glass. Her tone is interlaced with apprehensive concern when she speaks. "No. He is not." The whisper seems to raise louder, imprinting itself into the very air with the weight it carries. "He isn't doing better."
Kiba frowns at the abrupt shifting in her expression, at her unerring words. "What do you mean?"
Ino doesn't answer at first. She takes to casting a lonely glance at Naruto. "...Kiba, listen." Then she turns to gaze at him with a sorrow so deeply rooted it could be nothing if not familiar to her, as if she is experiencing the depths of it all over again. "...about Naruto...he...he actually..."
With the next words she whispers, his eyes gradually grow wider and his mouth falls open. The glass in his hold makes a dull sound as it slips out of his slackened grip, and next to her half empty glass it goes, emptying too.
.
.
.
Kiba turns to look at Sakura who is standing right beside him, her eyes fixed in his same direction. He wonders if he should let her know too...but decides against it in the end. Something this...upsetting is bound to come up eventually, and it will, sooner rather than later.
He hangs his head in exhaustion, and can almost see Naruto in front of him, just like hours ago, shaking like a leaf, stricken with terror, staring down at his hands as if can see nothing but the blood covering them. And he latches on to what he has seen, what he has known for a while now and calls out to her, and even if Sakura doesn't shift a muscle he knows she is listening.
"It's like he doesn't even know how to fight anymore." He mutters lowly, upset, fists clenched so tightly by his sides it's astonishing he isn't drawing any blood from his skin.
"No." Sakura denies gently in a saddened murmur, gaze softening as it lands on his resigned form. Her eyes are gloom with dull hopelessness, reflecting his own.
Then she quietly corrects him.
"...It's like he has lost all the fight he had left in him."
Naruto doesn't even know how he managed to mumble his way out of Sakura's hyper-concerned care and Kiba's worried silence, but it's nothing short of a miracle he has been left on his own.
It's a whirlwind around him as he enters his apartment. As he locks himself inside the bathroom and staggers inside his bathtub, stiff fingers clumsily pressing along the wall. The water rains on him in a waterfall of ice, soaking his clothes as they quickly plaster against his skin. He is rasping out breath after breath.
He is a cluster of flashes and echoes as they coil at the base of his stomach, imbuing his head.
Naruto turns, his shoulders catch the firmness of the wall. Then he is sliding against it.
An unexpected sob is choking out of him. He quickly covers his mouth with the back of his forearm, trying to will it away as the relentless pounding of the water doesn't let up.
The thoughts stretch hollow, their edges blur together.
It kept building and building. The visit to Kakashi, the encounter with Ino, the talk with Iruka, the dinner with Sakura, the conversation with Shikamaru; all the moments spread in between. And it's still building. It's a reverse avalanche that will end up ploughing right into him.
Naruto sits curled up, with his back pressed against the inner, upward curve of the bathtub and the wall. His scalp burns, but his fingers keep pulling at the wet strands of his hair and he has trouble breathing. The water is freezing, to the point where it starts burning the exposed inches of his skin, and as the shaking grows, so does the despair, coursing through his body like a livewire.
And then he notices he isn't alone.
Sasuke sits down by the floor, back pressed against the bathtub, one elbow resting over his raised knees.
"...W–What–" He can barely speak through the alarm stammering his speech, can barely think through it. "...what are you d–doing?"
"Keeping you company." Sasuke replies in a calm hush, turning to look at him with a nod of kindness and a hint of regret. "I just don't think you should be alone right now."
He turns back again, fixing his lidded stare up to the ceiling, almost blankly so.
"I–I..." But Naruto has nothing to offer to that.
"Take your time." Sasuke lets out in a low exhale. "It's okay."
Naruto stares at him, stares at the back of his head, at the line of his neck, at the slump of his shoulders. As if Sasuke is something anchored, a safe port he can fix himself on while the rest falls. He chokes out a breath, not even sure if he's crying or if it's only the frigid flood trailing down his cheeks and meeting below his chin, dripping cold and disappearing down the drain.
In the bleak emptiness of the four walls, his shallow breathing and the unremitting flow of water are the only things that make sound.
True to word, Sasuke stays throughout it all, until the worst of the fright begins ebbing away.
"I know you're trying to protect yourself." When Sasuke speaks again, it's in a breath. But his voice seems to resonate in the chaotic stillness enveloping them. "But you're just hurting yourself worse in the process."
The talks they have had throughout the days have stuck with him at times, almost incessantly so. But this one in particular sticks in a way that almost sets him off again.
"When it hits..." Sasuke continues in a whisper, jaw a sharp and tense line, back facing him, not meeting his eyes. "...it's going to hurt."
Naruto can't even begin to hope understanding what that might mean.
But all the same, the meaning of it is slowly embedding into the overloaded blankness of his mind, sinking in a web of widening fissures, cracks that sear emptiness into him without enough layers of skin to stall the burn.
And still, the worst is yet to come.
A storm that has been brewing on the horizon is ticking its days away before it hits, it's a spiral, a time bomb. Either waiting to be defused...or explode all around him.
. . .
a/n:
I think it's interesting in a sad and horrible kind of way how people who care about and look out for us, and at times even complete strangers, try to warn us about what they have gone through in their own lives so we don't have as much of a hard time as they did when it hits us, just because they want to spare us of some of the pain they felt or are still feeling on their own skin, without getting anything in return for it but simple words of gratitude, and sometimes even those lack. My memory isn't all that great, but I will never forget this moment in high school when at the top of a flight of stairs everyone else was just going about their business, my teacher took me aside and told me something along the lines of what Sasuke said to Naruto at the end of this chapter. Back then I did not have the slightest clue what she might have been talking about, only later her every word turned out to be true. I just wanted to find a way to include this in my story.
