Disclaimers: See first chapter.
A/N: Buffy has a head injury, which is the reason for her unusual behaviour.
In Remembrance Of Who She Was
Chapter Five: Is This How I'm Meant To Die?
I had lost too much blood. I was dying. I could feel it. This time their was no 'my friends will come to save me', I was alone and I was dying quickly. It wouldn't be long now. This I could feel. I knew this, as I was so cold, this felt just like every time I had nearly died but I knew I was much further gone this time, and I wouldn't be coming back. I would die, but I was at peace. I thought I had been at peace being alive, yet...I felt relief at the thought of dying. Dying would end it.
No more pain or suffering. Just peace, and I wanted it. As desperate as I was to be with Dawn, I wanted peace and an end to my suffering more. And I felt guilty for being so selfish. But...the first Slayer said, "death is your gift". Could it be any clearer? I should just give up and die. That was my destiny. I should embrace it! ...And wanted to. It wouldn't be long now until the choice to give up would be taken from me.
I was startled as I realised that my chest and stomach had been stained the colour of rubies by the blood that steadily flowed from my mouth. I was so far gone I hadn't even noticed. The pain of my injuries seemed far away now, just like this reality, death wasn't so bad, it was freedom, a release from pain and hate...perfect bliss and I wanted back. I had never felt such peace as I had when I was dead. I should accept it, that I was going to die. I just felt cold now except for the area on my chest warmed by my blood, dripping over my lips like a potent lipstick and down my chest channelled between by breasts. Even the cold seemed far away, so distant... so sleepy, so tired. I'll just close my eyes and rest... maybe someone will...find...me... mmm, hope...not...
NO! I have to fight, I can't leave Dawn alone! I can't give in, I won't! That's just the concussion talking! I've been killed twice; I won't let this be how it ends for me. I slowly raised my head to look the lead demon in the eyes in defiance as it aimed the weapon at me and fired, blue light hitting me and coursing into my chest as the force of the blast fractured the mausoleum wall I was propped up against. My head lolled forwards and my eyes closed, as I passed out before the feeling of my now freshly cooked, crisped flesh could register as my last conscious thought.
