Dean and Sam are gone a full 24 hours before she lets herself cry. She goes into the bathroom, turns on the shower to block out the noise, sits on the cold tile floor and sobs until there's nothing left in her.

She'd always feared that this would happen. That one day someone would come and tell her that he hadn't made it….that after all this time his luck had run out and the evil had caught up with him.

She can still remember the first time she met him. Her husband had been gone a year and there was a demon attacking children in the area and several hunters came through and were unsuccessful at killing it. Then one night he came in and as cliché as it was the world seemed to stop as he walked up to the bar and asked, "Ellen?" without ever sitting down. He was gone as soon as he had his information. It had been a year before she saw him again. Then six months after that. Over the years she learned things about him, a few from him, mostly from other people.

His wife had been killed by a demon. He'd dedicated his life to finding it and killing it.

He had two sons, Dean and Sam. Dean was like his right hand, the rock, Sam was always arguing, mostly, she had also thought from hearing John talk about his youngest son, because he was just like his father.

She had no idea when she'd fallen in love with John Winchester. It had just happened and though she told herself not to she dreamed of a day when they might have a chance. If he got the demon, if he avenged his wife, maybe he wouldn't be so broken anymore. Maybe he could love her.

When she heard from a hunter passing through that he was closing in on the demon and that he had a way to kill it her heart had soared with possibility, with hope.

But there was no hope now.

She feared there never would be again.