With Honey and Venom
"What hast thou done to me,
Girl, with the dream in thine eyes?
Brightened the sun to me,
Lightened the skies;
Made there be one to me,
One only sun to me Not in the skies.
What hast thou done to me,
Girl, with the dream in thine eyes?
Darkened the sun to me,
Blackened the skies;
Made there be none to me,
Nor star nor sun to me,
Only black skies."
-"Et Melle Et Felle," Anonymous
What prompts people to fall in love? Is there truly such an emotion so vivid as to allow two different people to come together and care for one another so deeply as to be monogamous?
In my experience, there is no such thing; lust is the only factor in any relationship, and it depends solely on the strength of it to determine whether the two are monogamous or not. So far, there has never been a monogamous couple. The man will stray eventually, seeking out other bed-partners.
Love has never existed in any relationship.
X...A Brief Interlude
When I was really little, my parents had just moved to a new city. I didn't know anyone at school, and nobody seemed to like me, all because I was the new girl. In fact, the teachers didn't even seem to care. Loneliness was my only companion at that time, and I silently cried myself to sleep each night, ignoring the worried looks Mommy and Daddy gave me.
By the end of the first month of this new school and city, the cold shoulder-ing had stopped, only to be replaced by bullying. The other kids stole my lunch, claimed my art projects for themselves, and pushed me around on the playground. I dreaded going to school each day, but I dared not try to skip it; Mommy always picked me up after school each day, and dropped me off: she would know if I didn't go. Playing sick wouldn't help: I rarely, if ever, got sick.
There was no consolation for me; I felt that I would disappoint my parents if I didn't stick it out, so I never told them of the bullying, and the constant loneliness.
One day, though, the bullies in my class had cornered me during recess. Instead of their usual pushing, they took to tearing at my hair and clothes, the ones in the back making sure to throw rocks at me. It was so painful, much more so than the other times they'd tried to hurt me. It was so bad, in fact, that I started to cry. I asked them, "Why do you all hate me so much?"
Their reply was simple: "Because you're different."
I went home crying that day, hating the fact that the teachers had seen my ripped clothing, the bruises, the cuts, and hadn't done a single thing. My parents were so appalled, they threatened to sue the entire school, and the kids' parents, for what they'd done. However, I'd stopped them, saying that it would only make matters worse. I don't know if it would have, but I regret saving their asses.
But, from that day on, I compared myself to others, wondering: why I was different? I may have had dark golden hair, and bright blue eyes, but was that so rare? There were at least two other blue-eyed blondes at my school, so why was I singled out? To this day, I wonder why they disliked me so much.
Luckily, by the end of the month, my parents had decided I'd suffered enough; they applied for a transfer, and we all moved back to our old city. Things were a lot better there, even if I had to play alone a lot of the time. At least then I wasn't bullied, or hurt.
But, those days in that city, where everybody hated me for being 'different'...they still haunt me, even now, and are what my nightmares are made of.
A drum beats in the darkness...
The last time I saw my father was on my seventh birthday, two years after the traumatic days in that city. I know it might sound cheesy, or clichéd, but the day had been bright and sunny compared to the darkness that was to follow.
I woke up that morning excited, because not only was I turning seven, but my father was also going to take me to the community swimming pool! Well, it was to teach me how to swim, but I could barely contain my excitement as I slipped into my green swimsuit with a fish motif.
"Ready to go, pumpkin?" My father called through my door, peeking his head through the crack, grinning down at me from his imposing height. He was tall, at least from my height as a child. However, later on in life, my mother admitted that I grew to be much taller than my father.
"Kyaa, Daddy! Don't look on me while I'm getting dressed!" I'd pouted, whapping my hand at his face. "That's per...per...purvted!" I was little, but I knew a few complicated words...just not how to pronounce them correctly.
He chuckled, but retreated to a safe distance, closing the door after him.
Quickly, I finished getting ready, grabbing the backpack I'd gotten ready the night before. It contained my floaties, flippers, swim mask, and a towel to dry off with. After grabbing my backpack, I threw open my door, and trotted out into the hallway, heading for the kitchen.
"Must you take her to the pool, Katsumori?" Came the voice of my mother, whining as usual. "I know it's her birthday and all, but I haven't had any alone time with you since she was born."
"Diana," my father's voice admonished. "She's our child. These past few years, you're starting to act like she isn't. You are a mother, Diana; you can't ever stop being one, just as I cannot stop being her father."
"But...you've been acting like she's more important than me, lately!"
With a child's innocence, I blamed myself for my parents' argument, but I did not enter the kitchen, instead standing there stupidly, listening to the argument.
"Diana! Calm down! You're acting like a child!"
"How can I be calm when the man I love is more interested in our daughter than me?"
Even then, I knew my mother was a self-centered woman, but she really had loved my father desperately, probably to the point she would go to great lengths in order to keep him. But, at that moment, I hadn't wanted to make them fight anymore. So, I'd trotted into the kitchen, trying to look like a happy little kid.
"I'm ready to go to the pool, Daddy!"
My parents turned to look at me, both looking slightly guilty. They probably knew I'd been listening to them argue. However, they quickly masked their guilt, instead bending down and smiling at me. "Happy birthday, Winnie!" They chimed in unison, each kissing me on my cheeks. I giggled, glad that they had stopped fighting.
"Anyways, Diana, we'll be back in a few hours, hmm?" My father said, hoisting my then-tiny body into his arms. "Hold down the fort, okay?" He grinned at her, always the lady charmer.
"Of course, dear," my mother sighed dreamily; she'd always loved the way my father smiled.
We left the house quickly and quietly, jogging down the three blocks that led to the community swimming pool. When we arrived, there were already a bunch of other kids with their parents there. Most of the kids I didn't know; some went to my school, but no one knew me. So, it was kind of safe to mess up around these kids, or so I thought.
Within the first fifteen minutes of playing in the kiddy pool, a group of snotty girls had singled me out for teasing. They kept snapping the straps on my bathing suit, calling me ugly names, and remarking how I would never have lovely full breasts like they did. Compared to me now, their breasts were tiny, only A-cups. The girls were a few years older than me back then, and not that developed for their ages. Of course, I didn't know that, then.
But I didn't want to go whining to my father about the mean girls. We'd already had some bad episodes, from two years ago in that city, so I didn't want to unnecessarily make my father panic.
However, the girls made the dumbest mistake of their lives: they dragged me toward the deep end of the pool and pushed me in. Without my floaties, or any inner-tubing to keep me afloat.
Since I hadn't really learned how to swim without my floaties yet, I floundered in the water, desperately trying to stay afloat. Chlorinated water kept gurgling down my throat instead of air, and I was sinking rapidly. Tears of terror were washed away with the pool water, and I despaired of taking a breath of nothing but air ever again. Just as I despaired, though, warm arms encircled my waist, pulling me up through the layers of water and into the precious oxygen-filled air.
"What were you brats thinking?" I heard my father yell at the bratty girls. "You could have gotten my baby girl killed! You would've let her drown, and then what would have happened, huh? You would've been arrested for murder!"
Coughing out the water I'd managed to swallow, I looked at my father's back with teary eyes. Something seemed to glow on his naked back, a large strange design that look like a raised scar. It seemed to pulse with my father's fury, and I gingerly reached a small hand out to his back. "Are you okay, Daddy?" I'd managed to say through the coughing, worry for my own safety drowned in the worry of my father's well-being.
Pausing in his terrifying tirade against the snotty preteens, my father looked down at me with a questioning look in his eyes. Again, I tried to ask, "Are you okay, Daddy? You've got an owie on your back." I watched his sky blue eyes widen in realization. He slowly backed away from me, panic flooding his features. "Daddy?" I asked, fearing the worst.
"Ah...my little cherry blossom, will you wait for me by the candy counter?" He said, momentarily masking his panic with a warm smile. "Daddy's got to do something very important, so wait for me, okay? I promise I'll get you an ice cream cone if you're a good girl and wait for me."
Still coughing somewhat from almost drowning, I nodded at him, and trotted off, happily thinking of what kind of ice cream to ask for. But, as I waited hour upon hour for my father to return, my child mind realized that my father...wouldn't be coming back. Ever again.
The life guard on duty wound up calling my mother when the pool started to close. In a panic to discover the whereabouts of my missing father, my mother had shaken me violently, to the point that I probably had gotten whiplash. But my father was never found. It was as if he'd never existed. For all the world knew, Katsumori Ichigo had never existed.
A drum beats in the darkness...
To this day, I loathe recalling my childhood. Most of the time, I can understand why a lot of people accuse me of being childish: I'd never really had that much of a childhood. After my father left, I also don't really like celebrating my birthday, since it brings back all those bad memories.
Why'm I thinking about them now? When I'd left for Japan, my birthday had been several days away; I'd been planning to work too hard let the vicious memories overcome me. I think it's ingrained in my psyche to reflect on my rotten childhood on my birthday, even if I'm unconscious, though... Well, I guess it's a happy birthday to me...
End Chapter
Post Scriptum Author's Note: To my beloved reviewers! I have finally returned after a long time without updating! I'm sooo sorry! -cries- I had to clean my room. -sweatdrop- In any case, I'll probably be updating again soon after this chapter, since I have the next ten chapters planned out. -pathetic grin- Let's just say things are about to get interesting for Adele.
Anyways, I'm liking the way the story is playing out so far. -happy grin- I think you guys will love/hate the 20th chapter when it comes for that time. -sweatdrop- But, as always, I have the secret fear that Adele might turn into a Mary-Sue. -hates Mary-Sues with a vengeance- So, warn me if she starts getting too perfect, okies? Until next chapter then, ja ne!
