Here's Chapter 7! Things should start to pick up from here…
Disclaimer: If you want to see it a 7th time, go back to Chapter 1.
Chapter 7 "Dreams of the Fallen and Misbeguided"
Later that night at the Pataki residence, Helga was once again tossing and turning in her sleep. Obviously she was dreaming.
-Helga's Dream- (A/N: Remember, she's still 9 in her dreams!)
"Aww…why do I always end up here? Why can't I go anyplace else?" Helga complained
"Oh, hey Helga." Said the same figure from all her previous dreams
"Why are you always here? Can't you see?"
"See what?"
"I hate you!!" Helga shouted. The figure looked hurt.
"Wha…wha…why?"
"Oh don't start with me! You know full well why!"
"Helga, I know apologizing isn't gonna help. But," The figure sighs, "I'm sorry."
"Tsk, yeah right." Helga spat back.
"I am, whether you believe me or not. I miss the good ol times back home,"
"Oh sure. You miss all your friends, you miss 'Lila', you miss everyone but me!"
"Helga, the world doesn't revolve around you, you know."
Helga now looked hurt. She knew the world didn't revolve around her, but that's not what was bothering her.
"For once, I just wish something did" she said sadly to the ground. The truth hurts, and she knew it well. Here in her dreams was no exception either.
"Huh?" The figure said not quite fully understanding.
Helga looked up to the sky, tears welled up in her eyes, but not falling, creating a shimmering effect.
"My whole life, all I ever wanted was to be loved. To be noticed for my good qualities. To be held tightly, knowing that I'm safe and secure. And loved. …but I never received any of that." She looked at the figure,
"I never got any of that! All I got was pain, humiliation, and was cast down out of society as an outcast!" She shuttered by the emotions running throughout her body, then resumed with an angered look.
"I am hated by everyone…I am feared by everyone. This is who I am. All because no one gave me a Chance! No one offered a helping hand! No One Ever Loved Me!! What do I have to live for? Nothing!! My whole life was nothing but pure Hell! So much so that the devil himself found a home in my heart. My now Blackened Heart is cursed to suffer, day in and day out by the ravenous pigs of society." She started to calm in a way, as depression set in, again the truth hurting so badly,
"You never felt the feeling of being alone! You have no idea what it's like to be truly hated, and alone. So tell me. Why am I still suffering? Why am I tormented day in and day out? Why couldn't anyone see me for who I really am and accept that?"
By now Helga collapsed to her knees and cried in her hands. The figure stared at her completely astounded (shocked). Never before has Helga been this open, even in her dreams. There was a sense of anger, but no. She was hurting. She was being destroyed on the inside. Everything was being destroyed about her. Everything. A void so large, that nothing seemed like it would close it. Helga muttered a few things that the figure heard, but faintly.
"But why does it all matter? I haven't got a heart. What good am I? I'll never be loved, and I'll never show love in return. I'm a cold, cruel monster, wanting nothing more than to watch other people suffer. Heh, I guess that does describe me pretty well don't you think?" She said seemingly mad. Mad as in crazy.
Helga started to seem a bit off now. She started talking in a low passive voice. Then it turned more into a psychotic one. She seemed to of started losing it. She was going crazy. All this pain, humiliation, suffering, and everything else were overpowering her actions. Now, she's uncontrollable (in the dream anyway) and will do anything and she won't care about the end result. She doesn't care about a thing. Then she started to laugh as the figure watched her, feeling both scared and with a look of horror. That is when Helga woke up in the biggest panic she's ever been in, in recent weeks, as her dream self laughed madly…
-End of Helga's Dream-
Helga woke up screaming. Luckily it wasn't loud enough to wake anyone. Then after a moment she moans by both a headache and how late/early it was. Helga then pulled her legs up towards her chest and started to think. Also, she felt lucky Bob didn't come barging in, yelling and screaming to keep quiet.
'What's going on with me? Why did I just lose it?' She sighed and continued to think, 'Why does it matter? I am useless, hated, and forgotten. So who cares? No one. No one! All I want and ever wanted is to be loved. Is that so much to ask for? I don't know the feeling of love anymore, and I never will. I'll just die, alone and broken. Heh, Dead and Broken. What a way to live a life never being loved. Maybe, I was just never meant to be in love or be loved. Oh well, life goes on, just wish mine would.'
Helga sat there in silence. She was very tired and wanted to go back to sleep. But sleep was something that was hard to come by lately. These mysterious dreams were constantly popping in her mind. Why? She didn't know, and wished it stopped. It's as if she had no control over the things in the dream, only herself and what she says and does. Nonetheless, Helga laid back down and attempted to sleep. About 15 minutes later, she fell asleep, but the weird dreams invaded her mind once again.
-Helga's Dream- (A/N: Yep still 9 in the dream)
"Grr, now where am I?" Helga said to herself
"Someplace peaceful."
"You again?"
"Helga, please, I'm only trying to help." Commented the figure
"Pah. You're just a figment of my imagination."
"How so?"
"Well for one we're out in a field of flowers!" Helga stated truthfully
"So?"
"Not only that, but you're here,"
"And?" The figure didn't seem convinced
"Nothing! Just leave me alone for once!"
"Why?"
"Didn't you hear me last time in the Jungle? I Hate You!!"
The figure picks a flower from the ground, a rose, and held it up. "You know Helga, every rose has its thorns. If you were to put this in terms of your life, then well, your rose, your life, has many thorns. Someone can help you prune these thorns, or at least most of them. If not, try."
"What do you know!? You're just some dumb…" The figure cut in
"No Helga. You're missing the point."
"Then what's the point!?" She said getting irritated
"It's not my place to tell you. You have to find that out yourself." The figure said placing the rose in Helga's hair, just behind her ear, thorns long gone.
"Oh yeah? Well I say you take your stupid advice and shove it!" She said not caring about the rose in her hair.
The figure didn't seem amused, then boldly takes her hand,
"Helga, you're sinking deeper and deeper into depression and denial. I'm very worried about you. So much so that I'm afraid you'd do something incredibly stupid. Please…I'm only trying to help you."
"Who says I need help from a figment of my imagination?" Helga said still aggravated
The figure shook its head in hopelessness of the conversation. "Fine. Don't believe me."
Dark storm clouds were now gathering around them as they stood in a field of flowers and trees. The bright, sunny day turned dark and ugly. Helga noticed this and shuttered, feeling that something wasn't right. Thunder roared and lightning crashed, still neither person moved.
"Why should I believe you anyway? Huh? Why do you care? Sure you cared about everyone before, you helped everyone! But me? Peh…" Helga said
"Helga, wake up! I've helped you more than any one person! With maybe the exception of Gerald."
"No you didn't! You," she turned away, "…never helped me."
"Helga. Why can't you believe me? Why can't your trust me? Why are you being so stubborn?"
"Because I care about no one! I don't trust anyone! Oh why does it matter anyway? Nothing ever does. What do I have to lose? Nothing. Who cares if I'm gone? No one. Why should I bother going on with my life? I've already told you, what's the point of living if you have nothing to live for?"
"Helga! Listen to yourself! You're talking crazy!"
"Maybe I am, but you never knew how it felt to be me! You have no idea what kind of Hell my life has been! I still don't even know why I'm even alive today!"
Now, it started to rain on them, as lightning flashed and thunder clashed all around them. Several of the flowers appeared to of been dying and the sky only got grayer and more unpleasant.
"This is too much for me. I've suffered too much." She said trying not to cry again
A bolt of lightning hits a nearby tree causing it to catch fire. They both look at it with much on their minds. The tree, burning brightly before them, only helped shed new light on the conversation.
"The Fire…it still burns inside you. Only it's weak." The figure said to her
"What do you mean it's weak? I'm stronger than everyone around!"
"That's not what I meant. Your innermost part of you is weak; from all the years of your suffering. Helga, I understand your life hasn't been great, or even good. I know it's been bad. But please, hang on. Things just might get better."
"No they won't! Thing's will never get better! Never, you hear!?"
"If that is what you believe then so be it. I'm not here to change you completely. I'm only here to protect you."
"Protect me!? Ha! What kind of stupid joke is that? Protected by a figment of my imagination…get real."
"I'm sorry Helga. Your heart and soul is lost and misbeguided. I was hoping I could help you find it, or at least get it back on track to be happy once again. But obviously my help isn't needed. This world you see before you is what you're like on the inside. Where everything is in chaos, dead, dark, broken, and forgotten. Don't you want things the way they were before? Bright, colorful, peaceful, and even memberable?"
"No! Cause I'll never get that! I'll never be worthy enough to have something like that! That's for people like you! And for little slutty people like Lila!" Helga shouted
"You are too worthy, it's just you're not letting yourself believe that it's possible. You're lost. And need to be found."
"As far as I'm concerned I know exactly where I am. I don't need you to tell me how to live my life!"
The fire from the tree quickly spread down the tree, through the grass and formed a ring around Helga. She stared at the figure, before it disappeared and everything went black. It was then she woke by an annoying scarping sound on her window.
-End of Dream-
Helga woke up suddenly, well, thanks to a tree just outside her window. The dream seemed a bit confusing and vague to her. The argument seemed surreal. Still, Helga wondered why she was dreaming what she was. What did this person mean by their words? Still, being as stubborn as she was, Helga wasn't about to let a dream lead her life. She was going to live her life the way she wanted! Unfortunately, it hasn't gotten any better her way. She was still alone, depressed, and dangerous. It could be too late to save her…from herself.
(Chapter 8 "Party Problems" is up next! Till then! Please review…)
-King RTS-I'm the King of My World!
