The chaos on Cloud Nine faded out as he fell to the floor, bleeding from his shoulder, and as his eyes met hers, the only thing Lee could hear was the sound of everything they were breaking in two.
The chaos on Cloud Nine faded out as he fell to the floor, bleeding from his shoulder, and as his eyes met hers, the only thing Lee could hear was the sound of everything they were breaking in two.
He knew that everything he had ever known about them was gone.
Kara, on the other hand…
…it took her a long while to come to terms that this was the moment where everything changed.
She had never had an easy life, but she had one that she was content in. She was flying. The Old Man didn't hate her for all the mistakes she made. She had a few good friends in Karl and Lee. She had the small glimmer of hope that maybe someday if she was really lucky, she could go back to Caprica to rescue Anders. She was good at what she did and even managed to ignore how empty her life felt most mornings.
Then she got stupid. She had to play the hero and show Lee one more time that she could fix a problem when he could not.
The look of disappointment on his face haunted her every time she closed her eyes.
Kara wasn't sure how it happened at first. She was too busy hiding from her mistake to realize that she was losing one of the few men who actually understood her. One second Lee was there and then he was gone.
Months later, she finally got the courage to ask Adama what made Lee leave his whole life behind. She spent so long avoiding visiting him in sickbay and telling people she didn't want to talk about it that she missed knowing how it happened. Either that or she didn't want to admit he was actually gone.
Adama explained to her in his gently rough voice that the damage done to Lee's shoulder was too extensive for the medics to fix it. Lee was never going to fly again. Adama offered his son a job in the CIC, one that would keep him working with the pilots, but Lee made it clear that was not an option for him. The only thing keeping him in the military was the flying, and now that he lost that, there was no way he could stay.
Kara cut Adama off at that point. She thought she could handle knowing why Lee had left her, but it turned out she wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to face up to what she did, and she wasn't ready to say goodbye to the guilt. It was too familiar.
She chose instead to focus on the hopes she had for another man. A mission was approved by the President for her to return to Caprica, and there she found Anders, still alive and still very much infatuated with her. They returned back to the Fleet, and for a time, Kara forget. She forgot the pain. She forgot the guilt. She forgot Lee.
She thought about him briefly when the Fleet stumbled upon New Caprica, wondering if he was one of the ones that wanted to lay down their burdens. Then, they were on the move again. Laura Roslin won reelection and she was not going to stop until they found earth.
Her marriage with Anders faded out a few months back much to the surprise of everyone around them. They thought they were in love, but it turned out they weren't. Kara wasn't ashamed. A lot of the marriages in the Fleet were dissolving as the fear of the life they were living was finally accepted. People were scared, and they turned to others. It was only natural that when the fear went away so would the need to have another person depend on you. The last she had heard Sam was working on one of the Fleet's freighters. He was dating Barolay, and he seemed happy.
Kara felt a lot of things for Sam these days: glad, grateful, content. It was only at the most quiet moments when the loneliness crept in that she felt envious.
She missed Lee.
The Old Man seemed to understand without her having to say a word. She knew that he was still waiting for her to ask where Lee had gone when he left Galactica, but she held strong to her convictions. It was better off if she didn't know.
He had called her into his office a few days earlier to mention that her flying had been a little off lately. She blamed it on the stress of having to be both the flight instructor and CAG. She had given him all the predictable excuses that went along with it.
However, William Adama suspected there was more to it than that, and when he asked her what she needed to ease the burden, he got his answer. For just a brief moment, her eyes filled with the pain she usually kept tucked away. They both knew what she needed. She had excused herself from his presence almost immediately, explaining that she had to get her flight schedules and pilot evaluations done before she flew CAP. Really, she just didn't want the Old Man to see her cry.
Kara knew William Adama was not the type of man who would sit back and watch her make herself miserable. That was why when a second summons to his office came a few minutes earlier, it didn't take her by surprise. Knocking softly on the hatch, she waited for an answer and then stepped into the room. "You wanted to see me, sir?"
Adama looked up from his papers and gestured for her to take a seat. He finished with the report he was reading over before looking up at her. "I think you're pushing yourself too hard, Kara."
"I think I'm doing just fine," she insisted.
"You need a break. Your marriage bans were just officially dissolved yesterday. You need to take a moment to get used to that."
Kara shook her head and stood up. "No thank you, sir. Now I need to finish planning for my class tomorrow, so if you'll excuse me."
"Sit down, Major."
Kara's eyes went wide as she sunk back into the chair. The Old Man never used her rank.
"You are going to take the pass I'm offering you, and you are going to go down to Cloud Nine. I want you to straighten out your head and don't come back until you do."
"But-"
"No buts," Adama cut her off. "You're going to collapse from all the pressure you keep putting on yourself, and I can't have that happen. You need to take pause and digest what's happened in the past year." Adama searched his desk for a pen and quickly scribbled something down onto an old flight report. "Helo told me that this bar offers free drinks to any of the enlisted pilots who make their way to Cloud Nine. Get it out of your system, Kara."
Kara bit her lip as she took the paper out of Adama's hands. "I'll do my best, sir," she whispered, standing up. When she got to the hatch, she paused and turned back to look at him. "Thank you."
Adama gave her a small nod and went back to his paperwork. He hoped to the gods she didn't hate him for what he had just done.
Kara checked the address that the Old Man wrote down for her, and confirming she was at the right place, pushed the door open. The noisy chaos hit her immediately, and Kara smiled. This felt familiar. A fleeting memory of her Academy days came to mind, but she quickly pushed it away. She was a different person back then, and she wasn't going to pretend she could ever be that woman again. Life was too hard.
She tried to keep a low profile as she pushed her way to the bar. If this was the place that handed out free drinks to pilots, there were probably a few faces here that she would recognize. Kara didn't feel like talking to anyone right now. She was tired of keeping up the façade of strength.
Kara smoothed down her t-shirt and jeans before sliding onto a barstool. Being in civilian clothes felt odd to her. It had been a long time. If it were up to her, she would never step out of her double tanks and cargos. The uniform gave her a kind of solace. They were something she could understand.
Kara sighed and ran her hand along the dark wood of the bar. The Old Man sent her here to expel her demons. She wasn't going to let him down.
While she waited patiently for a bartender to come over, her eyes started scanning the room. There was a group of friends laughing and joking around the dart board on the far wall. They looked too young to be in here. Then again it was the end of the world. Why not give a group of kids a little fun? A triad game was going on at the table by the door. Kara could hear the joking and ribbing from across the bar. She could remember when the games on Galactica had been like that. That was before all those things happened to make her life complicated. A young couple was quietly arguing with another in one of the bar's secluded corners. Kara could see the tension in the woman's shoulders. She was trying to hold back from punching the man she was with.
It all made Kara smile. The whole bar was overflowing with life in its purest sense. She had forgotten that things could be this simple.
"So what can I get you?"
Kara turned to smile at the bartender. Her eyes immediately fell to the obvious tattoo on the blond woman's arm. "You were a fan of the Panthers?"
"Best damn team on the Twelve Colonies. You?"
"Panthers," Kara confirmed.
"Too bad we can't get action like that anymore. When I heard that some pilot on Galactica rescued half of the Caprican Buccaneers, I had to keep myself from hunting her down and pounding the shit out of her for bringing home such a crappy team. Why couldn't she go to Picon or Aerelon and bring us back some champs?"
Kara felt the small moment of relief fade away as her real life came crashing back to the forefront. "Yeah, things probably would have been a lot easier if it hadn't been Caprica."
The bartender picked up on the shift and went back to professional mode. "What's your poison?"
"Got any Caprican ale?"
"It's our specialty," the woman insisted. She pushed open the cooler behind her and swore under her breath almost immediately. There was a few loud bangs and then the woman swiveled around to the open door behind her. "Hey, boss! We need more of the ale!" Standing up, she shrugged an apology to Kara. "It will only be a few minutes."
Kara nodded. She could wait.
Her attention turned back to the arguing couple in the corner. They had stopped screaming at one another. Kara watched the man brushed his hand against the woman's cheek before leaning to kiss the tip of her nose. It was just a small gesture of comfort, but it made her heart hurt. For some reason, her thoughts turned to Lee.
She wished she knew where he was.
Kara didn't realize she was no longer alone until she heard the soft thump of a bottle being set down on the bar. "Sorry about the wait. I had to bring it up from the cellar."
Kara turned to tell him it was no big deal when she recognized the voice. Looking up from the bottle on the bar, she realized she recognized the face, too.
"Hi, Kara," Lee said, smiling. He leaned on the bar waiting for her to say something, but she just sat there, staring at him with wide eyes and a open mouth. Her eyes roamed his face and then dropped down his body, leaving Lee feeling rather self-conscious. If he had known Kara was going to chose today of all days to visit, he would have worn something than an old white oxford shirt and his favorite pair of jeans. Forcing himself to get over it, he watched Kara's eyes lock with his. She looked sick. "Kara? Are you okay?"
Kara forced herself to bob her head up and down a few times. She continued to stare at Lee. He was here, in front of her eyes, the man she had been thinking about for so long.
It took the bartender's voice to finally snap her out of it. "Is everything okay, Lee?"
"Everything's fine, Lynn. This is my…" Lee's voice trailed off as he tried to think of what was the right thing to say. A smile played on the corner of his lips. "…Kara."
"This is your Kara?" Lynn said, her eyes going wide. She turned to look at the still shell-shocked Viper pilot. "I'm sorry. If I had know you were Kara, I would have cut that stupid Panthers talk and gotten you Lee right away."
Kara's eyes moved back to Lee. He was still smiling at her. She wasn't ready for this. "I… I have to go."
She pushed off the bar and began frantically shoving her way through the crowded bar. She wanted to get out of here. If she was out, then she would be safe. She could hate herself later.
"Kara!"
If Kara had turned at the sound of her name, she would have seen Lee jump over the bar and start running after her. She could have prepared for when his hand wrapped around her arm and pulled her to a stop. She would have been set to scream out all the reasons why he needed to let her walk out of this bar and his life.
And if she had been ready, she probably wouldn't have punched him.
The whole bar turned their way to see what happened as they heard the impact of flesh against flesh. Kara couldn't help but notice the look of concern on several women's faces. She wondered if any of them were Lee's girlfriend. Shaking her head, she decided it was none of her business.
Lee rubbed his jaw for a moment and regarded the rather broken looking woman in front of him. This wasn't the Kara he expected to walk into his bar one day. She was supposed to stride in here unapologetically and ask him where the frak he's been. She wasn't supposed to look so scared.
Lee was still staring at Kara when he realized the whole bar was watching him. "Don't worry, everyone. She's been doing that for years."
Kara's eyes widened and before she knew it, she was laughing. Lee was right. She had been hitting him like that since the day they met. It was part of what had always made them them. "I'm sorry," she apologized, taking a step forward to run her hand across his cheek. There was going to be a nasty bruise. "I just… I wasn't expecting to see you."
"Kara, you showed up in my bar."
"I didn't know it was yours. The Old Man…" Kara's voice faded off as she put two and two together. Adama had sent her here on purpose. Lee watched her face shift from vulnerable to infuriated within a half of a second.
"You don't have to stay," he said carefully after waiting a moment.
"No," Kara blurted out. A blush came to her face when she realized how eager that sounded. "I mean, I'm here. I should see how you've been living the past year."
"I've been doing pretty good," Lee admitted. "I built a relationship with the man who owned this place when I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do after the accident."
"Accident? Is that what they're calling it these days?"
Lee let that comment go. He had a feeling pressing the issue would only make Kara want to run again. "O'Neill got tired of running the bar about a month after I first moved over here. He offered it to me, and the rest is history. This place has been really great for me the past year." His eyes drifted around the bar he loved, and he realized a lot of people were still watching him and Kara. "Why don't we go back to the bar? You can finish that bottle of ale I got you."
Kara nodded, and feeling Lee's hand on the small of her back, let him lead her through the crowd. Her eyes drifted around the actual bar this time rather than focusing on the patrons. It really was a nice bar. Where most of the things on Cloud Nine were hard metal and sickening gray paint, this place was made of real wood, the same rich color as the bar. It gave off the impression of being an oasis in the middle of the desert.
Lee pulled out a bar stool for her and patted it lightly before walking around the bar. He inched her ale toward her and smiled. "It's good to see you even if you didn't mean to be here."
Kara felt her face flush. That wasn't what she meant. "I do want to be here, Lee. It's just…"
"You weren't expecting to see me," Lee finished. He held her gaze for a moment before someone called out his name. "I'll be right back."
He was a few feet down the bar when he heard her call out his name amidst the chaos of the bar. When he turned back, she was smiling. It was the smile he always remembered.
"It's good to see you, too, Lee."
Lee winked at her and made his way down to see what the waitress wanted.
Kara couldn't believe the ease at which she settled with the idea of seeing Lee again. For the rest of the night, she found herself shifting back to a place she had thought she would never be. She was happy.
Kara was surprised at how fascinating it was just to watch Lee as he worked. He kept trying to have a real conversation with her the whole night, but he was always called away. Kara would be disappointed if he didn't keep pausing in the middle of the conversation to check to see if she was still there. He would give her that smile she had always loved. She had dubbed it the Lady Killer during one particular moment of wit. The second he resolved whatever problem was happening, he was back at Kara's side. He begged her for updates on every single pilot he had once led while he fed her more ale.
It took Kara a few hours to figure out why he was so desperate to talk with her. He thought she was going to be heading back to Galactica at the end of the night. He didn't know his father had told her to stay as long as she wanted. She was going to set him straight, but a tiny voice in the back of her head said that might make him stop paying attention to her. He kept leaning across the bar to lightly brush the hair from her eyes, and Kara was tipsy enough to admit she didn't want that to end. Sometimes he would come over and not say a word. He would just smile at her. And their hands kept touching as they both bent in closer to hear one another. That would stop if she told him she wanted to stay.
"Last call," Lynn yelled, pulling Kara away from her thoughts.
Kara's eyes went wide. She didn't realize it was that late. People started filtering out the door, and she suddenly felt very out of place. "I… I should probably go," Kara said to Lynn.
Lynn looked at the door to the backroom. Lee had left a few minutes earlier to start restocking the bar for the next night. He would definitely be pissed off if he came back to see Kara was gone. Lynn wasn't stupid. She knew her boss was totally and completely infatuated with this woman. For the months she had been working with Lee, she hadn't seen him look twice at any of the attractive women who threw themselves at him every hour on the hour. She was starting to believe the rumor that Lee wasn't into women.
Then she saw the way he was tonight and realized everyone had it completely wrong. Lee wasn't gay. He was in love.
Lynn grabbed her purse from underneath the bar. "Would you do me a favor, Kara?" Kara gave her a small nod. "Lock the door behind me. Lee's a little scared that this place is going to be robbed now that it's doing so well." Lynn had to laugh when she saw the confused look on her face. "Lee always said you were sharp, but frak, he must have been exaggerating. He would fire me if I let you sneak out without saying goodbye, so do me a favor and keep me employed. It was nice to meet you, Kara. Hopefully I'll see you again sometime."
Kara shrugged. She really wasn't sure she could promise that they would see each other again. She walked Lynn to the door and snapped the lock shut behind her. For the first time, it finally dawned on her where she was and what she was doing. This was a lot easier than she thought. She had pictured screaming and fighting when she and Lee finally ran into each other again. This return to friendship was a pleasant surprise.
She was just sitting back onto the barstool when she heard Lee swear and watched him come tearing into the bar. His eyes went straight to the door, and he started swearing again.
"Something wrong?" she asked.
Lee twisted to look at her, and if she didn't know better, she would say there was relief in his eyes. "Nope. I just lost track of time."
Kara nodded. "Lynn finished up for you, I guess. She's a nice girl, Lee. I approve."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Lee asked as he took a seat on the stool next to her.
"Well, I assumed…" Kara's voice trailed off as she realized she may have been completely off.
"You assumed?"
"She seems really fond of you."
"She should be. She was practically homeless when I met her." Lee watched Kara fidget for a moment before laughing and punching her arm lightly. "That and I introduced her to the guy I was sharing an apartment with. They're getting married at the equinox."
Kara flinched as she realized how wrong she was and how Lee completely knew it.
"So what now?" Lee said after a moment.
Kara's eyes scanned the bar. This was Lee's home. This was the place he loved. She knew next to nothing about it. "Show me around?"
Lee grinned and grabbed her hand. He started with the back room and the cellar where he kept the overstock. Kara asked questions in all the right places as he told her the bare bones of how he ran a bar. She wanted to laugh at how excited he got when he was talking. It reminded her of the way she felt when she was flying.
Next, he pulled her back to the bar. "I've seen this already," Kara teased him.
"You haven't seen what I'm about to show you." Lee grabbed her hand and yanked her behind the bar.
"It looks like the back of a bar. I hate to break it to you, Lee, but I've seen the back of a bar before."
Lee rolled his eyes. Kara had always been too damn literal. "Just hold on a second."
Kara watched as Lee pulled a chilled glass from the cooler in front of him and then filled it with one of the beers on tap. He held the glass out to her. "Try it."
Kara lifted the glass to her lips and swallowed. "Frak me, Lee. What is that stuff?"
"Good?"
"Better than a lot of the stuff I used to drink on Caprica." Kara looked at the glass. "Where'd you get it?"
"I made it. It took me months to figure out the recipe, but now that it has your approval, I think I'm ready to start selling it." Lee grabbed another glass and poured himself his own drink. He took a large gulp and smiled. "That's about right. It took me forever to get the right blend."
"It tastes familiar," Kara said, taking another sip.
"It should. There's a little bit of Picon whiskey in it. I wasn't sure if it was going to mix well with the hops, but it seems to have taken." Lee shook his head. "But that was nothing compared to how hard it was to get the oak and vanilla flavors into it. Oak chips are not easy to find these days. I had to commission one of the food freighters to create a few fast-growing trees. They're planted out back now."
"Why oak and vanilla?"
Lee's smile widened. "That's simple. I was trying to capture the essence of my inspiration for the beer. It haunted me every single time I closed my eyes until I figured out what that was."
"Someone inspired you to create a beer? What kind of person would do that?" Lee waited patiently for Kara to put two and two together, and he watched her eyes go wide when it finally happened. "Picon whiskey was my drink of choice back in Academy."
Lee nodded. "And you always liked climbing those oak trees in the commons after a hard day of teaching. It was the outdoorsy side of you."
"What about the vanilla?"
"Your skin smells like vanilla," Lee said, shrugging his shoulders. "It would be stupid to ignore that."
Kara felt herself blushing and wondered what it said about her that she felt touched to have a beer created in her vision. Lee's hand came out to take the glass away from her. "Do you want to see my favorite part of this place?"
Kara nodded and followed him slowly to a booth in the back corner. For a second, she wasn't sure what she was looking at, and then she saw it. Something pulled at her heart as she realized one of the walls was covered with dog tags. "You kept them all."
"I couldn't bear to flush them out the airlock," Lee explained. "I knew if I did, then they would be forgotten. I couldn't let that happen."
Kara's hand reached out to touch a couple. The names were familiar.
"I keep this booth open for the pilots when they get leave. Most of my staff knows to just start serving drinks if someone takes a seat."
"So the Old Man wasn't lying when he said this was a bar that served free booze to pilots."
"It's the least I can do for them. All I ask if that they bring something to add to the wall. That's what the rest of this is." Lee pointed to a section of the wall, and Kara took a closer look. The names of all the Fleet's current Viper pilots were listed along with their kill totals. "Gaeta sends me the tallys, and I let him bring his dates in here to drink and eat for free."
Kara smiled. That sounded like Gaeta. Shaking her head, her eyes scanned over the rest of the booth, and she realized there were quite a few things she recognized besides her own kill count.
There was a helmet sitting in the middle of the table. It had a sloppy number 1000 painted on with red touch-up. Kara smiled to herself. She could remember the day she and Lee painted that for Flattop.
There was a few triad cards pinned up to the wall. They looked like they were about to fall apart, and Kara suddenly remember Racetrack asking if she could take the old cards that had gotten too dog eared.
Her eyes narrowed as she recognized a certain sports bra taped to the wall. She had thought she lost that a few months back. Lee followed her line of sight and laughed. "That was Helo's contribution last time he came down. He said as long as you never visited here, he was safe."
"Get my bra off the fraking wall, Adama," Kara said, turning to glare at him.
"It will be down by the morning." The sound of the phone behind the bar ringing broke into the little bubble they had created, and Lee sighed. "I'll just grab that real quick. Don't go anywhere."
Kara nodded. After a few minutes, when it was clear that Lee wasn't going to be real quick, she started wandering the bar again. It really was magnificent. Her eyes fell on a door at the end of the bar, and she realized Lee hadn't told her what was behind it. Reaching out, she turned the door knob. It was locked.
"Sorry that took so long," Lee apologized as he jogged over to her side.
"Not a problem," Kara said, still staring at the door. "What's in there?"
Lee gave her a smile and reached into his pocket. Pulling out a key, he tossed it to her. "That's my home. Go ahead."
"You live above the bar?"
"It makes things easier."
Kara slid the key into the lock, and it made a satisfying click. A small hint of fear hit the pit of her stomach, but she pushed it away. She had nothing to be worried about. Lee was just being polite. That's why he didn't offer to show her his home until she asked. She hope to the gods she wasn't intruding.
Lee's home was not how she had imagined it. She had always figured he'd be the type of guy who maintained a sleek, smooth bachelor's pad complete with black satin sheets and smooth metal furniture. The small loft apartment was not what she expected. The simplicity of it reminded her of her old place in Delphi.
"Wow," Kara said, smiling at Lee over her shoulder. "I can see why you live over the bar. This place is perfect."
"It's perfect for what my life is at the moment," Lee corrected.
"And what is your life at the moment?"
"Centered around work. I haven't really had time for anything else. I guess I do now that the bar's starting to make a profit, but I can't think of one thing to do."
"You'll come up with something," Kara assured him. "How's everything else going for you?"
Lee shrugged. "There's really not much else."
"Nothing?" Kara said, her face lighting up in confusion. She had really expected him to start talking about his relationship with Dee. The last time she had checked, Dee was spending as much time as possible off ship. Kara had always figured she was seeing Lee wherever he was.
"Not much time for a personal life when you're trying to come up with a reason to wake up each morning."
Kara moved over to the window by the bed and waited a moment before softly asking, "And did you find it?"
"In a way." Lee let out a sigh. "It was hard at first. I had to let go of the hope that I could get my old life back. That's what made me leave Galactica. I couldn't stay in that place. Everything I was was defined by my flying or my relationship with my father. I had to figure out a way to define myself, and that meant cutting ties. Some hurt more than others."
The word fell from Kara's mouth before she could stop it. "You mean Dee?"
Lee shook his head. "It was actually easy to say goodbye to Dee. Our relationship was only starting, and even then it wasn't very healthy. I see her from time to time now, and she seems happy. She's dating one of the engineers working on the space park. They stay on Cloud Nine a lot."
Kara turned to look at Lee and smiled, even though she knew it was kind of mean to get pleasure in the downfall of Lee's relationship. "Then who did it hurt to say goodbye, too? I know for a fact that you still talk to the Old Man."
Lee's smile faded. His face shifted into the serious look Kara had thought she would never see again. "If you have to ask me that question, then you really haven't been paying attention the last few years."
Kara felt her face redden. Why was she always shoving her foot in her mouth when it came to talking to Lee? She looked like a complete fool. Biting her lip, she twisted to look out the window again. She heard Lee walk into the living area and start rattling things around, and a small sense of relief washed over her. It was always easier to think when there was some distance between them.
"How have things been for you, Kara?" he asked from across the room. "How's Sam doing?"
Her eyes fell down to her ring finger almost by habit. It was still odd to see the small silver band that was missing. "Sam's doing fine," she said. "I think he's about to get engaged to be married."
Lee's rattling stopped cold. "What did you just say?"
Kara kept her eyes glued to the window. She had been dreading this moment. She always had such a hard time explaining her decisions to Lee. "Our marriage didn't work out. It wasn't anything I planned, but you know how I am. I do things impulsively. I forget to think about how things are going to be down the line, and then when it gets to be down the line, I have to deal with the fallout. Sam and I realized the comfort we were offering each other had nothing to do with love. Granted, I loved him. I still do in a way. But it wasn't fair to either one of us. Sam was miserable, being stuck on a battlestar. I was on CAP or doing schedules and other CAG things most of the time. When I did see him, we usually fought. I couldn't let him be miserable just because he felt some sort of obligation. So, I set him free."
"What do you mean set him free?"
Kara stiffened. She hadn't heard Lee moving until his voice was right in her ear. She gripped the window sill a little harder. "I mean, we had our marriage bans dissolved. It was official as of yesterday."
She hadn't known what his reaction would be. A part of her hoped he would be happy. A part of her knew he probably wouldn't care. Still, when his hands gripped her arms to turn her body, she didn't expect what she got.
Lee pushed her back against the wall and leaned in to brush his lips roughly against hers. There was a moment of hesitation and then a groan escaped as his tongue teased her bottom lip until she opened herself to him. She barely had time to react.
His kiss was a weird mixture of tenderness and aggression. One second she felt like her knees were going to give out and the next she felt like her heart was breaking. It settled into a small tingle in her stomach, mixing in with all the desire, as his hands came around her back. She could feel the heat radiating onto her skin from the gentle pressure of his fingertips and wondered why she wasn't pushing him away. She knew how this dance went. She was supposed to be fighting this.
Eventually, Lee had to pull back if only to breathe. His hands stayed locked around her body, keeping her pinned to the wall, as he leaned the side of his head against hers. "Why the frak didn't you tell me that right away?"
"What?" Kara said, still trying to push through the haze of having just been kissed by the man she cared for the most.
"I wouldn't have kept my distance if I knew I had a chance."
Kara fought to keep herself in control. There was no way that meant what she thought it did. This was Lee. He had happily lived his life for twelve months without her. He didn't stay away just because she was with Sam. He stayed away because she had almost killed him.
Lee leaned in to kiss her again, and he was suddenly glad there was no excuse she could throw at him to stop this. There were no regulations or ranks keeping them apart now that he quit the military, and if she wanted him to check his feelings at the door, he would do it. He made the mistake of wanting more than she was willing to give once. He was not going to do it again. Right now, he was willing to take her any way he could get her.
His hands reached down to play with the hem of her t-shirt and the soft skin that was hidden underneath. He could feel her trembling against him and wondered why she was still fighting this. Hadn't he made it clear that he had been waiting a long time to get this opportunity?
"Lee, please." Kara hated how vulnerable her voice sounded.
"Please what?" Lee's hands grasped her t-shirt and slowly pulled it up over her head. He had wanted to do that for years. He threw it to the side and gave her a teasing smile. "Please stop or please keep convincing me?"
Kara shut her eyes for a moment to try and get her focus back. She tried to remember the reason why she wanted him to stop, but nothing was coming. Lee leaned in to nibble on her earlobe, and she felt her whole body quiver. This had to stop now before it got out of control. Lee had a good life, one he had worked hard to establish. She wasn't going to frak that up for him again. "Please let me go," she whispered, even though it broke her heart.
Lee could hear the panic in her voice, and it scared him. His hands dropped away from her hips, forcing Kara to grab the wall to keep from falling down. Her knees had given out a long time ago.
She forced her eyes to open. Lee had taken a few steps back from where she stood. The expression on his face made tears come to her eyes. She hadn't meant to hurt him. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I just… I need to clear my head, and I can't do it when you're touching me like that." She waited until she felt the strength come back to her legs. The weight of Lee's eyes pressed down on her body, and it was all too much. "I… I shouldn't have come here," she blurted out, pushing past him. She was almost at the door when she heard him call out her name.
He was standing in the middle of the floor, staring at her with that familiar look of pain on his face. The last time she had seen it was right after she slapped him for pointing out the truth. She hated that she could still do this to him.
"I really did miss you," Lee whispered, giving her a small shrug of the shoulders. He wished he could explain to her just how much, but there weren't words big enough to describe it.
Kara felt her heart rip completely out of her chest as Lee sank down onto the bed. She always managed to hurt this unbelievably perfect man without even trying. She hated how she had sworn she was going to let him go, and yet at the first chance she was scrambling to take another piece of his soul. The tears were stinging her eyes as she tried to think of what she could say to make him hurt a little less. That's all she really wanted to do. Lee deserved the chance to hurt less.
"I want to stay," she said quietly, knowing this wasn't going to fix anything but it was the only thing she had to offer him right now. She wondered if she would hate herself in the morning for not being strong enough.
Lee closed the distance between them before she could think to take it back. "Then stay, Kara."
"This can't-"
Lee's finger came up to press her lips shut. "I want you to stay."
Their eyes stayed locked for what felt like an eternity before Kara's gaze softened. She had made her decision. Let the gods damn her. She didn't care. She was going to have the memory of this moment for the rest of her life. When it was over, she would do whatever Lee wanted. If he wanted her out of his life, she would go. If he wanted her to st-
Kara stopped herself before she could finish that thought. Lee wasn't going to want her to stay, not after she destroyed his life. Sure, he might miss her now, but after a few hours, they'd be back to their old fighting ways and he'd want her gone.
Still, that gave her a few hours, and right now she would take anything she could get.
"I'll stay," she said, the corners of her mouth turning up in a smile.
"Good," Lee whispered.
Kara's fingers reached out to begin unbuttoning his shirt. She slid her hands up along the muscles of his chest before pushing the shirt to the ground. Lee didn't take his eyes off of her. She smiled at him and cupped his cheek before drawing him into a slow, sensual kiss.
Without a word, Lee picked her up off the ground and carried her to the bed. Their lips never broke contact. Setting her down gently, he stood back and watched as Kara slid the jeans off her body. There were no words between them. There didn't have to be.
It took all of his concentration to keep himself in check. It had been twelve months since he was this close to Kara's body, and he had forgotten the things it could do to him. The sudden urge to take her hard and fast ate him up inside, but he knew that would be a mistake. Hard and fast was not how he was going to prove she should stay here with him.
Kara propped herself up on her elbows when she caught Lee staring at her and beckoned him closer with a finger. He didn't hesitate. Kara was giving him an opening, and odds are this was the only chance he was going to get. He had to prove to himself that he wasn't crazy to think there was something between them. If that was the only thing he was left with when this was over, that would be enough.
Kara tried to stop her shaking fingers as she reached down to unbutton his fly. She hated that she knew this was wrong and yet she couldn't stop it if she tried. This collision was inevitable. She should have realized that from the start.
As his mouth came down to nibble on the curve of her neck, she fought the urge to let the tears start falling again. For the first time, she was determined not to delude herself. She had hurt Lee too many times for this to amount to more than a good lay. He had missed her, and he just wanted to show her how much in the only way he thought she would understand. It was nothing more than that.
Once upon a time, that had been exactly what she wanted. The lack of emotion appealed to her, especially when it came to the only man who could destroy here with one small look. It was easier not to feel when it came to Lee. If she didn't feel, then she didn't risk losing control.
Now she didn't know what she wanted. So much had changed in the past twelve months, and yet one thing stayed the same. This feeling she had for Lee refused to go away. She couldn't let it go.
"You're thinking too much," Lee leaned in to whisper in her ear. "I'm going to have to do something about that."
Kara bit her lip as his hands started traveling down her body, and she decided he was right. It was time to stop thinking. Her fingers gripped his jeans, and she yanked them down off his hips, making sure to take his boxers with them. He moved away only long enough to finish the job, and then he was pulling her body up to meet his. His hands slid away her back to unhook the clasp of her bra as his hips unconsciously bucked against hers. She could feel his erection pressing into her and wondered if she would make it much farther. She had been worked up to the point of breaking from practically the first minute she saw him earlier that night.
Lee's gaze dropped to her breasts, and Kara fought the urge to cover herself. She hated how he always made her feel self-conscious. No one ever did that except for Lee. Pushing her own self-doubt away, she tilted Lee's chin up and laid a soft kiss on his lips. She could feel him smiling against her. His hands came up to cup her breasts, and she bit back a moan. He broke away from her kiss to lay a trail down her body until his lips met his fingers. It surprised her when she felt his teeth cut into her flesh. He was marking her. His tongue darted out to sooth the pain immediately.
"Lee." His name came out more like a plea than a warning.
Lee looked up and gave her one of his devilish smiles. He skimmed his hands across her stomach and hooked both sides of her panties with his fingers. "You know, I'm a huge fan of civilian underwear, but I kind of miss the military issue briefs."
Kara felt herself blush. She had experienced first hand that particular fascination. She could still feel where his hand had grazed her backside as he teased her skivvies down a few precious inches at a time.
Lee took Kara's momentary distraction to slid his hand inside the satin cloth still covering her. She was already wet for him. It was the confirmation he needed to know he was not alone in this. She wanted it, too. Winking, he moved his hand away to slid the panties down her legs at a snail's pace. He had waited too long for this not to make sure they both enjoyed every second of it.
Flinging the little scrap of material away, he pushed her flat against the mattress. Kara spread her legs for him in invitation, but Lee shook his head. "I want to look at you first."
Kara's stomach jumped as Lee scooted away from her. She could feel his eyes burning every inch of her skin as he looked his fill. When his tongue darted out to moisten his lips, she felt a familiar voice in the back of her head, one that had been silent for over a year now. The urge to tease Lee was something she had missed.
She didn't get the opportunity, though. Lee was already in motion, pushing his body down on top of her. His knee pushed her legs apart a few more inches and then he was sliding into her. He wished he could give her more attention before seeking out his own pleasure, but he was already too on edge. He wouldn't last long.
Kara tightened herself around him and started moving her hips in time to his motions. "Oh gods, Lee," she hissed as he somehow managed to go a little deeper. This was not how she imagined this. She expected this to be hot and hard, a way to finally get the release they had been denying themselves. It was supposed to numb her to the pain of knowing she was going to have to leave Lee as soon as he finished. She wasn't supposed to feel so much.
Lee smiled and leaned down to kiss her lightly as her hands came up to grip his backside. She softly urged him to go faster, and he couldn't help but comply. Kara's mouth slid open in a silent moan as he lifted one of her knees to change the angle. It only took a few more strokes for her to break.
Lee bit down hard on the inside of his mouth as he concentrated on keeping control. He was enjoying seeing the effect he had on her. He didn't want this to end yet. Ending meant she was going to run away from him. She always did.
Kara could still feel Lee plunging himself inside of her as she came down from her orgasm and decided that couldn't be fair. "My turn," she whispered and twisted their bodies so that she was on top. She leaned her body down just enough so that the tips of her breast brushed against his chest and then she sunk herself down on his cock. Her lips made a soft trail across his chest as she set the slow pace of breaking contact completely only to drive herself down on him again. Kara let her kisses linger on the small puckered scar from where he had been shot. It was still trying to heal. Pushing the guilt to the side, she tightened her muscles around him until she finally felt him lose that last bit of control. She was so focused on the man below her that when her own orgasm slammed into her, she was taken by surprise. It was all too much for her, and she could feel herself finally crack.
As he came down from the high she had just driven him to, Lee felt a small wetness on his chest and opened his eyes to see that Kara was crying. Her motions had stopped completely. "What's wrong?"
"I'm so sorry, Lee," Kara whispered. Her lips moved to kiss the small scar again, almost as if she could heal it with her touch alone. "I didn't mean to frak everything up for you."
Lee felt his heart constrict as it suddenly dawned on him that she was still kissing his scar. "You don't honestly blame yourself for that, do you?"
"I shot you, Lee. It was my fault."
"What happened that day was an accident. More than that, it could have happened to any one of us. Frak, I could have easily been the one that shot you."
Kara shook her head and slid her body off of Lee's. He was wrong. She had almost killed him, and she needed to remember that.
She was no good for him.
Kara was moving to leave the bed and get dressed when she felt Lee's hand grab her wrist. He yanked her back to his side and used his weight to hold her there. He leaned in to kiss her gently before pulling back to whisper, "If you want to blame yourself, fine, go ahead and blame yourself., but I'm not going to do it. You did nothing wrong, Kara." Since that was the last word Lee wanted to hear about this particular topic, he went back to kissing Kara to within an inch of her life and he only stopped when he was deep inside her and she was calling out his name. He was willing to do this all night if it made her let go of that stupid guilt.
It only took him lavishing one full hour of attention on making her come over and over again to finally exhaust her. When she slipped off to sleep, he tucked her into his side and drew the covers around their bodies. This felt right.
His last thought before falling asleep was he hoped to the gods she was there in the morning. There was a lot he still had to say to her.
Sleep still tickled at the edge of Kara's mind when she finally woke up the following morning. It took her a moment to get her bearings, and when she did, her hand reached out to the other side of the bed to hit dead air. She couldn't hide the disappointment of realizing she was correct.
Lee had a business to run. His life didn't include making sure she was all right anymore. He had other worries.
The morning sunlight reflected in through the windows to warm the floor, and when Kara's feet touched the hardwood, she couldn't help but smile. This actually felt real to her. This whole place, Lee's whole life, felt real. She was glad he could finally find that.
The first thing Kara did was look around to find her clothes on the floor. She came across Lee's white oxford but nothing of hers. Sighing, she figured she'd just have to wear the shirt until Lee told her what she could wear. She was pretty sure he wouldn't mind.
Kara took one last look around the apartment before she pulled open the door to the downstairs. Her bare feet made no sound on the wood floors of the bar, and Kara fought the urge to imagine what it would be like to do this every morning.
There was a loud bang from the back room, and Kara froze. Someone was here. She heard a loud swear and relaxed as she recognized the voice of the man she had just spent the night with. Of course it was only Lee. This was his bar, and it was only seven o'clock, way too early to actually be open for business.
Lee looked up as the door pushed open and his heart froze. Kara was standing in front of him looking like most sinful thing he had ever seen. She had his shirt on but had only bothered to do up a few of the buttons. Ivory skin was peeking out at him from every direction. Taking a deep breath, Lee tried to calm himself. Attacking her wasn't going to help him right now.
"I'm making breakfast," he said after a moment. "I thought you might be hungry."
Kara's hand came up to her stomach. "I am."
"Good. Go sit down and relax. It'll be done in a few minutes."
Kara gave a small nod and tiptoed out of the room as quickly as she came. Once the door had slammed shut behind her, she closed her eyes and tried to calm her nerves. She had every right to be scared about what was going to happen now that she had given in to her desire, but Lee could have at least had some tact. He should have known better than to try to cook her breakfast wearing only a pair of sweats. She had been in that kitchen for maybe thirty seconds, and she had already come up with half of a dozen creative uses for that pancake batter, none of which were appropriate.
Pushing down her anxiety, Kara walked over to the pilots' booth. She hadn't taken that close of a look the night before. She was too focused on Lee. Now would probably be a good time to see if anyone else had donated her undergarments to the cause.
"Speaking of," Kara mumbled. Her eyes went to the spot where her sports bra had been hanging the night before, and she grinned when she saw the space was now vacant. Lee had promised her, hadn't he?
Satisfied, Kara inched forward to take a closer look at the pilots' tallies. She smiled to see Lee had taken the time to grow a sense of humor over the past year. There was a small Raider next to her name, but it wasn't crossed out like all the others. Instead, Lee had drawn a little dog leash on it and written the word goat across its wing. Kara had totally forgotten he knew that story.
There were a lot of other interesting details in addition to her Raider which she hadn't noticed the day before.
Next to Kat's name was half of a Raider with the label Scar. It took Kara a few seconds to find the other half of the ship under her own name. It seemed Lee was one of the few people who understood how the killing of Scar had actually played out.
There were a few kills next to Sharon's name and then a quick scribble of the image of a toaster.
Kara ran her hand over Lee's tally. She could just imagine how hard it had been to decide if he should put his own kills up on the wall. He wasn't a part of that life anymore. She traced the picture of the tylium refinery before moving on to the Blackbird. She could remember that day like it was yesterday. It was the day her heart broke without her even knowing.
Kara's focus drifted away from the kill tallies to the pieces of memorabilia tacked to the wall. There was a photo of a few of the pilots dancing on Colonial Day and one of them working on the Blackbird. Next to those were three uniform patches for Atlantia, Galactica, and Pegasus.
Her eyes caught on a videotape above the patches. It was labeled never to be played again. She didn't have to think twice to know that was a copy of D'anna Biers' expose on Galactica. Lee hated what that documentary had done to his image. Girls now openly swooned for him.
The last thing Kara had to look at was also the most understated. In the middle of all the funny memories and private memorials was a small framed picture, the only one to be given this special treatment. In it she and Lee were arguing over something underneath a Viper. Only their feet and hands were visible, but she knew it was them. Kara couldn't remember what day it was taken or why she had been arguing with Lee. All she knew was it made her smile.
She heard the sound of the kitchen door open and turned to see Lee coming towards her with two plates in hand. She waited until he set the food down before asking, "Who donated that one?"
Lee smiled when he saw the photo she was pointing at. "That was my contribution. The pilots thought that I should start it off and they told me to do something that involved what I liked most about being stranded on the Bucket."
"And you chose fixing a Viper?"
Lee shook his head. Kara was so delightfully clueless sometimes. "I chose spending time with you."
Kara tried to fight down the smile that was threatening to erupt and managed to turn it into a rather odd looking scowl. She picked up a fork off the table and started digging into her breakfast before Lee could ask he what that was all about.
They ate in comfortable silence, and Kara found herself relaxing for the first time in months. The Old Man had been right about everything. Not only did she need a break, she needed to see Lee. Hearing that he held no grudge against her had already begun the healing process. She was starting to think giving up her guilt was a possibility.
"And the sex wasn't that bad either," Kara mumbled to herself with a smile.
"What'd you say?" Lee asked, looking up from his food.
"Good pancakes," she lied.
"They're a crowd favorite here. I usually open the bar for breakfast one day a week."
"Well, you should do it more often. You'd make a lot of money off this stuff."
"Money doesn't matter," Lee assured her. "Not with the way things are right now."
A question immediately popped into Kara's mind, but she forced herself to eat a few more bites before blurting it out. "What does matter right now?"
"Having someone you love."
Kara nodded. She could relate to that. Hell, the evidence that Lee's theory was correct was right in front of their eyes. She loved Lee to death and was finally not afraid to admit that to herself. Where before she was definitely pissed off and sulking, now she was sure she was positively glowing. He had always had the ability to change her for the better without even trying.
They returned to eating in comfortable silence.
There was a loud knock on the door just as Kara was finishing up her second helping. She looked over her shoulder at the clock. It was only eight. "Who's that?"
"Lynn likes to get here early on the nights after I close up. She seems to think I can't do it on my own." Kara laughed and pointed to the beer bottles and glasses that were still strewn about the room.
"There were special circumstances last night," Lee insisted. "I was busy entertaining you."
Kara felt herself blush even though she knew he wasn't talking about the sex. She couldn't figure out how she could feel embarrassed and yet not find what happened weird in any way. Shaking his head, Lee stood up to unlock the door for Lynn.
"What the frak, Adama! You are not still in your sweats. It's almost lunchtime."
"I've had more important things to do than get dressed," Lee explained, locking the door behind her.
"You have that freshly fraked look about you so I don't even want to know the trouble you got up to by yourself last night." Lynn shook her head at him and made it halfway across the room before noticing Kara.
Kara gave her a small wave. "Morning."
Lynn froze in horror and looked back at Lee.
"I told you I had better things to do than get dressed."
"Oh gods," Lynn hissed, hiding her head in her hands. "I am so fraking stupid."
"No, you're not," Kara insisted. "You're just set in your routine."
Lynn sent her an appreciative smile. "Well, I'm just going to go do the dishes that I know you never got to last night and hopefully you'll ignore the fact that I'm here."
Kara waited until Lynn was out of sight before standing up. "Lynn's right. It's going to be time to open the bar soon. I better get dressed and get out of here. Besides, the Old Man's probably wondering where I am."
"I think he knows," Lee reminded her as he slid into the booth to finish his breakfast.
"Still, he needs me back on Galactica."
Lee gave her a small nod. He knew how much his father depended on Kara now that he was no longer a part of the military. He hated that she had been forced to take up the slack his absence left behind.
Kara slid out of the booth and was halfway up the stairs when something made her pause. She turned to see Lee standing in the doorway. Her heart froze at the serious look on his face, and she knew what was about to come. This was it, the moment where everything changed again.
"Will you come back?" he asked after a moment.
Kara forced herself to nod. Words weren't an option right now. She couldn't find her voice. For the first time in her life, she was thanking the gods for changing everything.
She was going up the last step when she heard Lee call out to her again. "One more thing."
"Yes?"
"I love you, Kara."
Kara stood poised on that top step for a few minutes as she tried to digest what had just happened. In the end, she couldn't help but smile. She owed the Old Man something big for this vacation. She figured a matching set of grandchildren might cover it.
