Harry Potter as done by EC Comics
by Technomad
Panel 1: Splash panel. Professor McGonagall, looking much less attractive than usual, is sitting behind a desk with a sinister smile on her face.
McGonagall: Hi, students of the stupefying! It's me, the Old Witch, about to teach you another loathesome lesson! This one's about overreaching…about a wizard who could have had everything, but ended up with nothing! We call this one… "The Riddle of Life!"
Panel 2: Young Tom Riddle, arriving at Hogwarts.
McGonagall (voiceover): One day a special student arrived at a special school…a school for wizards and witches!
Riddle: At last! Hogwarts! I'll learn everything they can teach me, and be the most powerful wizard in the world! BWAHAHAHAHA!
Panel 3: Tom Riddle, several years older and perfectly recognizable. He's standing in front of the other students, looking smug, as a teacher smiles at him. Most of the other students are clearly afraid of him and hate him, but only behind his back.
McGonagall (voiceover): We didn't realize just how special this student was, at first…
Teacher: Ten points to Slytherin, Mr. Riddle. You really know your magic!
Riddle (thinking): And when I control everything, old fool, you'll be the first to go!
Panel 4: Riddle, alone in his room, thinking.
McGonagall (voiceover): If we had only known it, our star pupil was thinking some very naughty thoughts!
Riddle (thinking): But what use is power, if I must die one day? Immortality…that's what I need!
Panel 5: Riddle in the library, looking through a scary-looking arcane tome. Others of the same sort are on the table.
Riddle (thinking): The secret must be here…somewhere! And I shall find it!
Panel 6: Tom Riddle, telling the basilisk to go back where it came from while grinning nastily at Moaning Myrtle's corpse on the floor of the girls' loo.
McGonagall (voiceover): He began summoning monsters, only stopping when a student was killed!
Riddle: That's for you, Myrtle! Make me look bad, will you?
Panel 7: Tom Riddle, facing a younger Dumbledore. Dumbledore is stroking his red beard and looking at Riddle, who looks completely angelic.
McGonagall (voiceover): Of all his teachers, only the Transfiguration professor was not convinced that Tommy was the good boy he pretended to be in public.
Dumbledore: I can't prove anything, Mr. Riddle, but I've got my eye on you!
Riddle (thinking): Suspect all you want, you old fool! You'll never prove anything, and the Headmaster worships the water he thinks I walk on!
Panel 8: Riddle is leaving Hogwarts. As he turns to wave goodbye to the castle, he sneers nastily.
McGonagall (voiceover): At last, the day came when he left.
Riddle (thinking): And now, my quest for immortality and world domination can begin!
Panel 9 (splash): Tom Riddle, still recognizable but visibly beginning his change to "Lord Voldemort," addressing his followers.
McGonagall (voiceover): He gathered a coterie of fools to help him in his quest.
Riddle: Swear allegiance to me, and you, too, shall be immortal! Would I lie?
Panel 10: Hepzibah Smith, clutching her throat and turning purple. Behind her, Riddle is scooping up a golden cup into a bag.
McGonagall (voiceover): He began collecting artifacts of power, not caring who rightfully owned them.
Smith: G-a-a-k! Tommy! Help me!
Riddle (thinking): Sorry, Madame Smith, but you've lived too long! This cup shall make a splendid repository for part of my soul!
Panel 11: Riddle has finally become Lord Voldemort. He's standing in front of his mirror, admiring himself.
McGonagall (voiceover): He became something inhuman with all of his experiments.
Riddle: And now I shall live forever! BWAHAHAHAHA!
Panel 12: Voldemort is talking to a clearly-recognizable Severus Snape.
Voldemort: You say that this potion will ensure that I live forever?
Snape: Of course it will, My Lord.
Voldemort (thinking): I can read his mind! He's telling the truth!
Panel 13: Voldemort is drinking the potion. Behind him, Snape is smiling gleefully and rubbing his hands together.
McGonagall (voiceover): But what our friend didn't know was that one of his followers wasn't happy with him, and was a master potions brewer!
Snape (thinking): That's it, you stupid, overconfident fool! Drink it all down!
Panel 14: Voldemort is lying on the floor, with Snape standing over him.
Voldemort (thinking): I can't move! I can't use my magic! Snape…help me!
Snape: Oh, dear! Perhaps I should have told you about the side effect of paralysis! An ordinary potion would wear off, but not this one! It goes on…forever! Welcome to immortality!
Panel 15: Snape is lifting Voldemort into a coffin.
Snape: You're no better than a corpse, now…but you're still alive! If I had blasted you out of your boots, your Horcruxes would have kept you alive till you found another body!
Voldemort (thinking): No! No! Don't do this to me!
Panel 16: Snape is nailing down the coffin lid.
Snape: You're no different from a corpse, now. And what do we do with corpses…hmmm?
Voldemort (thinking): This can't be happening! I am Lord Voldemort! I am invincible!
Panel 17: Snape is standing beside a just-filled grave, with a marker on it saying "Thomas Marvolo Riddle, 1927-1981." He is addressing a group of wizards in Death Eaters' robes, holding up a sheet of paper.
Snape: Our master has passed on. In his will, he left control of the Death Eaters to me!
Snape (thinking): Quick-Quotes Quills are a wonderful invention, and they can perfectly reproduce anybody's handwriting!
Death Eaters: All hail Lord Snape!
Voldemort (thinking, from the grave): You fools! Dig me out of here! I'm still alive!
Panel 18: McGonagall, at her desk, smiling evilly.
McGonagall: And that's our tainted teaching for the day, boils and ghouls! Tom Riddle wanted immortality and resorted to immorality to get it…but found out that trusting the wrong person can be a grave mistake! See you tomb-morrow…heh, heh, heh!
(Author's note: If Bill Gaines' spirit gets to see this, I rather imagine that he'll climb out of his grave and come after me, and I shall suffer a gruesome, but ironically appropriate death, with tons of bad puns.)
