Harry Potter as written by Stephen Sondheim
by Technomad
A dark stage. Suddenly, a spotlight shines on the middle of the stage, and Draco Malfoy comes out.
Draco:
Attend to Harry Potter's tale
His deeds would make the Ripper pale
He had a feud with Voldemort
Whom you may have noticed is here no more
So sit back and let us regale
You with the tale
Of Harry Potter of Hogwarts!
Hermione Granger comes out, joining Draco.
Hermione:
Our Harry lived with Muggle kin
The way they treated him was a sin
They made him sleep beneath their stairs
His ragged clothes drew many folks' stares
Poor Harry lived like Oliver Twist
But he did not know to resist
Did Harry Potter of Hogwarts!
A Chorus of Hogwarts Students comes out, and the stage is suddenly brightly lit, showing that it is set up to represent an abstract version of Hogwarts.
Chorus:
Wave your wand on high, Harry!
Cast your magic spells!
Cast your curse and send Death Eaters
Straight to hell!
Draco and Hermione:
His wants were simple, his needs were few
His spells did just what they had to do
A wand, robes, food and a Nimbus broom
Upon which in the sky he'd zoom
When playing Quidditch, the Snitch he'd get
So place your bet
On Harry Potter of Hogwarts!
All:
Unassuming, our Harry was
He did not push himself because
He had a scar up on his head
Which meant that he might quite soon be dead
Into Gryffindor he did Sort
Which suited him fine at last report
Harry was brave, and strong and swift
Harry knew magic was a gift
Harry was brave, and strong and swift
Harry knew magic was a gift
Harry!
Harry!
HARRY!
Harry Potter comes to the center of the stage, his wand in his hand.
Harry:
Attend to Harry Potter's tale!
Shall good folk win, or bad prevail?
Draco:
What happens next, we shall not say
So sit back and simply watch the play
Of Potter,
Hermione:
Of Potter,
Harry:
Of Harry Potter of Hogwarts!
