Lee always admired her raw talent for flying, but on the day she confessed to him that she was afraid of the dark, he finally understood the strength it took her to follow her destiny.
Lee always admired her raw talent for flying, but on the day she confessed to him that she was afraid of the dark, he finally understood the strength it took her to follow her destiny.
Like every other time Kara Thrace opened herself up to him, it happened by accident. She had had a bad landing that day, and it took the crew a few minutes to pry her cockpit hatch open. Plenty of pilots had been through this kind of thing before. There was this released trigger in the Mark IIs that was notorious for jamming if the Viper was even an inch off when landing. The other day, Hot Dog had had such a bad landing that Lee had to start dreaming up ways to feed him until the deck crew cut him loose.
It was mandatory for the CAG to check in on any pilot who's experienced trauma. At least that was what Lee kept telling himself now that he cancelled the rest of his meetings for the afternoon.
He asked around the ship to figure out where Starbuck was, but no one seemed to know. She wasn't in on the latest triad game or yelling at the Chief because her Viper was messed up. She wasn't pounding the shit out of a punching bag in the gym or quietly watching the stars on the observation deck. Lee was about to give up the search when Racetrack casually mentioned having seen Kara in the bunkroom an hour or so ago.
When he entered, the first thing he noticed was her curtain. It was pulled shut. She hadn't done that for weeks. The bunkroom got too hot at night, and Kara never minded having other people's eyes on her.
"Kara?" Lee said, hesitantly. His eyes scanned the bunkroom. They were alone.
The reply was brisk. "Go away." Her voice was coarse to his ears.
Lee set his stack of folders onto the table in the middle of the bunkroom and crouched down in front of her closed curtain. "I need to talk to you, Lieutenant."
"I'm sleeping."
Lee pulled back the curtain. Her back was facing him. Her flight suit was pulled down off her shoulders and tied around the waist. "You haven't changed?"
"Too tired."
Lee reached out to rest a hand on her arm. When she didn't say anything, he tightened his grip and turned her body to face him. Her cheeks were stained with tears. From the looks of it, she wasn't done crying either. "Gods, Kara."
"I'll be fine," she insisted, running the back of her hand across her face. "Just go away."
Lee didn't know what to do. In all the years he had known Kara, he had never once seen her cry. Crying and Starbuck just did not mix. Pushing his uneasiness to the side and focusing on the concern, he moved to sit on the edge of her bunk. "Don't shut me out here."
Kara's eyes narrowed into a glare. "You've done your CAG-ly duty, Lee. You checked on me. I'm going to be fine. You don't have to coax a heart to heart out of me."
"I'm not here as the CAG," Lee admitted, "and I'm not leaving until you start talking." He reached out to rest his hand on her shoulder. "So tell me what has you so upset."
"I don't like the dark."
Lee's brow furrowed in confusion. He wasn't sure if that was supposed to make sense to him.
"No one probably mentioned it to you. It was such a minor detail. My Viper slid a bit when it landed so I was lodged against the wall of the launch tube. There wasn't too much damage, so don't you start worrying about the Chief coming to skin you alive."
"Kara, I don't care about the Chief."
For a brief second, he saw the beginning of a smile on her lips, but it faded fast. "The wall blocked out the light in the tunnel so it was completely dark in the cockpit."
"And you don't like the dark," Lee added.
"Exactly. It felt like forever before they got my hatch unjammed, and I guess it kind of spooked me." Kara sighed. "So there you go, Lee. There's your big explanation. Take it and run."
Lee considered it for a moment before deciding he wasn't moving one muscle. He reached out to brush a tear off her cheek. The simple gesture seemed to make her even more upset, and she bit her lip to keep from outright sobbing. Lee could feel his heart breaking and shifted to lay in the bunk next to her. He kept himself from touching her as best he could. He didn't want to box her in. It only took her a few seconds before she closed the distance and rested her head on his chest.
"What aren't you telling me?" he whispered after a moment.
"I… I spent a lot of time in the closet when I was little. My mother called it my timeouts."
Lee stiffened at the mention of her mother. Kara didn't talk about that part of her life very often, but he had filled in a lot of the missing pieces over the years. He knew that it added up to what was probably the worst childhood a person could have. "How long?"
"An hour if I was lucky," Kara whispered. "A day if I wasn't."
"Gods, Kara."
She sniffled a little before insisting, "I'm okay."
"I know," Lee sighed. "It's just hard to wrap my head around sometimes."
"That was one of the reasons I focused on pyramid during Academy. There's no dark on a pyramid pitch." Kara moved to wipe her face on Lee's tanks, and she could feel the small rumble of his chest as he chuckled. "I like my new human handkerchief," she joked.
"That's what I'm here for."
The silence between them grew until Kara felt the urge to keep explaining. She had no clue why there were these moments of such ease and familiarity between her and Lee, but she was grateful. It let her voice all the things she usually kept locked inside. "I hurt my knee, and I had to change my plans real fast. Someone suggested flying, and a friend of mine snuck me into a simulator. I burned out in under ten seconds like most first timers, but something struck a chord. I liked flying."
"Even though it involves shutting yourself into a tiny space."
"It didn't matter. It just felt right, you know?"
"I know," Lee affirmed. It had been the same for him. Flying a Viper was expected for the son of William Adama which was what got him a simulator audition in the first place. The second his imaginary Viper hit the imaginary air, it was over. He was in love.
"You won't tell anyone, will you?"
He looked down to see her staring up at him, eyes wide and face a lot more innocent than he had ever seen before. Smiling, he shook his head. There was no way he could do that to her.
"I didn't think you would," she affirmed.
Lee was just debating whether he should leave her alone now when he felt her arms tighten around his waist. "Will you stay with me a bit?"
"No problem. I don't have anywhere to be until the next shift change."
Kara pulled back to grab the curtain and slid it shut.
"I thought you didn't like dark, confined spaces."
"They're okay when you're with someone you trust."
Lee felt a huge smile come to his face and was suddenly extremely glad for the dark.
