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A special thanks to Shawne...thank you for reminding me that the sun is still shining even when I'm in a valley so deep I can't see it.
Sometimes
By LovinFace
Sometimes when he closes his eyes, he can still feel the weight of his father's head in his lap and smell the distinctive metallic odor of the blood on his hands. He can hear his mother screaming and watches as she falls to her knees beside her husband, taking his lifeless hand in her own. He sees his father's face become lax with death, and he cries. Sometimes.
Sometimes when he closes his eyes, he hears gunfire and screaming intermixed with sounds and smells of the jungle. He feels the rifle butt pressed against the side of his sweaty face, and he's tracking the Vietnamese soldier in front of him. The soldier turns and he realizes it is only a boy, no more than 16 years old. He hesitates, his finger on the trigger. The soldier sees the hesitation and fires, shooting his buddy standing not two feet away from him. He hears his friend's last rasps of breath and aims at the solider again. He fires and watches as the boy falls dead to the ground, and he cries. Sometimes.
Sometimes when he closes his eyes, he can still hear her laughter and smell her perfume. He feels her fingers caressing his hair, making "curl swirls" she called them…letting ringlets wrap around her fingers. He remembers her kiss and the way she would tilt her head when she looked up at him. He remembers the feel of her body pressed against his, her heart beating with his, and the smell of strawberry-scented shampoo in her hair. He wonders what their life would have been, should have been. His heart aches for her and he cries. Sometimes.
Sometimes when the world is sleeping, the memories invade his mind all at once and he is consumed by sadness. It becomes too much, and he calls the one person who can tell him everything will be okay, and eventually make him believe it. Twenty minutes later there's a knock at the door and when he opens it, he falls into his partner's arms. And his partner catches him and holds him, offering comfort and understanding. Always.
