Helo was the one who pried the bottle of ambrosia from her hand and tucked the covers securely around her body the night after Kat took out Scar.
Helo was the one who pried the bottle of ambrosia from her hand and tucked the covers securely around her body the night after Kat took out Scar. Lee only knew this because he saw it with his own eyes.
They had all had a rough time with this Scar business while the ore was being mined. Lee should know. He was the CAG which made it his job to hold the briefing announcing the loss, to delegate the job of cleaning out the locker, to sign the incident report from the other pilots, to place the metal wings on the memorial wall the pilots had created a few months back when it became obvious that most of them weren't going to leave behind bodies for a proper funeral.
Kara had it the worst, though. Lee figured he might be one of the few people who realized that. Ever since she came back from Caprica, there had been something not quite right about her. This thing with Scar seemed to aggravate that. This one little Raider got under her skin, and Lee knew from experience when one problem got under her skin, the rest of them seemed to tumble out, too.
He didn't know why, but this time her problems seemed to include him.
At least he thought they did. He could never be sure.
He figured something had happened in that pilot's break room. He knew for certain that something had happened in their shared bunkroom. What that was he figured he'd never know.
He could still taste her on his lips. Not the frenzied kisses that got them to that point in the first place, but that singular kiss of sadness when she left him so dazed, his heart on his figurative sleeve.
Then there was that little speech she gave to the pilots when they were celebrating Kat's victory, the one that brought this all back to reality. She had faltered at the end, and Lee had followed his instincts and kept her from having to admit this was affecting her. That underneath all the booze and bravado, she was hurting.
When the toast was over, Lee had to fight the urge to march over to Kat and rip that damn top gun mug right out of her hands because that kind of honor belonged to a person who could fight like hell but still understand the injustice of it all.
Lee had shared many looks with others that night while they were all celebrating the victory which told him that stupid mug didn't mean a thing. Every single one of the veterans understood what Starbuck had done for Kat. She practically shoved the kill down her throat.
He stayed only as long as he had to and wasn't surprised when most of the older pilots followed him. It was written on their faces. Anyone who had been around for long enough knew that though victory was sweet, it always seemed to slip through their fingers. By the morning, they would be fighting for their lives again.
So here he was, lying in his bunk, wishing he could shut his mind off for just a few seconds so he could get some sleep. That was how he found himself watching Helo tuck his lead pilot into her bunk like she was a lost, little child. A part of him knew that was exactly what she was, but that was the part he couldn't listen to. Not right now. Maybe not ever.
Lee watched Helo walk out of the bunkroom. The transfer hadn't come through to get Agathon switched to the senior officers' quarters so he had been bunking with the newest class of nuggets. He said he didn't mind, that the naked optimism was refreshing.
Not really knowing the why, Lee slid out of his bunk and quietly slipped into the corridor. "Helo, wait up."
Helo didn't jump at the sound of someone's voice calling out to him. He just paused and then slowly turned to face Lee. If Lee didn't know better, he'd think Helo was expecting to be flagged down.
When Lee was actually standing face to face with the Raptor ECO, he found himself at a loss for words.
"Is there something you needed, sir?" Helo asked, his voice patient as always.
"Yeah, I wanted to thank you."
Helo just stood his ground and waited for Lee to continue.
"For taking care of Kara tonight. She's… um… well she… I appreciate it." Lee felt himself shrinking back a step as Helo continued to stare at him. He suddenly understood that the reasons why he had been avoiding this man had nothing to do with the fact that he was in love with a toaster. Helo had a way of looking at you that made you feel like every single secret you had was staring you in the eye.
"Permission to speak freely, sir?"
"Frak, Helo. I'm standing in the middle of the corridor in just my sweats after watching you tuck my very fraked-up lead pilot into bed like a little child. I don't think we need formalities."
"Understood." Helo stared at him a moment before narrowing his eyes. "I was just wondering, if you appreciate what I did for Starbuck a few minutes ago, if you understand so well that she needs someone to look after her right now, why aren't you doing it?"
Lee felt his normal defensive answer come to the tip of his tongue, but for some reason, this time, it stayed there. "It's complicated."
"I'm an expert in complicated, Apollo, in case you haven't noticed."
"I don't know where to begin."
"Fine. What does Kara mean to you? I mean, I've been here for a few months now, and I can't seem to get a handle on you two. One minute, Kara's singing your praises over a game of a triad and the next she's beating the crap out of me in the gym because you said something to hurt her. I can't put those two facets together."
"That's exactly what she is to me," Lee replied.
"I need more than that, Apollo."
He almost told Helo to call him Lee but caught himself when he realized that he would probably have to start calling Helo Karl. Even thinking about doing that felt like he was encroaching on Kara's territory.
A small draft filled the corridor, and Lee suddenly remembered that he had been two steps away from getting in his usual five hours. "Can we take this out of the corridor?"
Helo nodded and gestured to the storage locker across the hall. Once they were both inside, he went back to staring expectantly at his superior officer.
"Kara Thrace is like a cubit. Two sides that are so drastically different but together they make something worthwhile. In short, that's what she is to me. She's a constant mess of fire and ice that keeps shifting back and forth until you're not sure which one you're looking at. If she's angry, she will rip into you like no other, but then two seconds later she's begging you to forgive her. She's this crazy ball of vulnerability and strength. She's Kara, and she's Starbuck."
Lee paused for a second, but when Helo didn't say a word, he felt the words start tumbling out again. "She's absolutely, positively, one hundred percent out of her mind." Lee smirked when he saw Helo nodding in agreement. "It's kind of nice, though."
"Yeah, it is."
"Kara is about as unpredictable as you can get. That's what saves her ass most of the time, but it's also what gets her into trouble in the first place. I hate that if you point it out to her, she's liable to deck you, but if you don't tell her, then she's liable to punch you in the gut. I don't know. This all made sense when it was just in my head."
Helo shrugged his shoulders, and Lee wasn't sure if that meant he thought it made sense or he was confused as hell. Lee knew he could have taken it as a shrug of dismissal, a reprieve from this ridiculous bearing of his soul. He should just turn around and walk out of her before he said something that he couldn't talk his way out of later. "Talking about this is so damn frustrating. She's so damn frustrating."
"If she frustrates you, then why do you care so much?"
Lee rubbed his face with a sigh and felt the weight of the words about to come from his mouth. They were already pressing down on him.
"You don't know, do you?"
Lee let out a laugh. It sounded hollow. "I wish that I didn't know."
Helo seemed to sense what was to come and chose to remain silent.
"Even at her worst, it really isn't that bad. Because she's real, you know?" Lee nodded to himself. This part sounded right. "She's… I don't know. I guess she's everything that I've been missing and nothing that I thought I deserved."
Lee could feel Helo's eyes on him and knew that in some capacity he was being judged for what he had just said. After a few minutes, Helo gave a small nod. "You're welcome."
Lee's brow furrowed in confusion. "Excuse me?"
"You thanked me for taking care of Starbuck."
Lee licked his lips and nodded. He did thank Helo before.
"You're welcome," Helo said one last time. He gave Lee a sharp nod and then pushed past him out into the corridor.
Lee was left standing alone in the equipment locker, wondering how he was ever going to get to sleep after what had just happened.
