Kara was left leaning against the counter in the head with bruised lips and a shivering body, wondering when her stupidity had gotten in the way of keeping Lee at arm's length.
Everyone thought that things were going to "get back to normal" now that they had lost the Pegasus. That was why when things went haywire, they were all taken by surprise.
There were too many cooks in the kitchen so to speak.
There were two Chiefs on the flight deck, which wouldn't have been a problem if only the pilots didn't answer to just one of them and that was the one that wasn't officially in power. For the first time, there weren't enough birds for pilots. The rest of the Fleet was trying their best to produce new ships, but it was going to take time to figure out how that could be done. There were people that had to relearn their jobs and people who had to learn to give up responsibilities.
The biggest mistake was in figuring out how to incorporate a Commander back into a battlestar that wasn't his. Lee had been probably the best CAG in most of the pilots' lives, but he wasn't the same Lee when he came back to them. Commanding Pegasus had changed the way he led. Lee had a hard time giving up the freedom to make decisions without having his authority checked by the two men above him on the power totem pole. It was hard to fall back into roles long outgrown.
Kara was the one to figure out the solution, but she hesitated to act on it. Things were tentative between her and pretty much everyone on Galactica. There was a lot of resentment still festering about because of her choice to give up the military and settle down on New Caprica. No one would ever admit to it, but she could feel it. She had been their CAG and then she deserted them. It was enough to make her resent herself.
The day she saw Lee struggling to stay awake over his deskload of work in a job they both knew he was struggling to remember how to do was the straw that finally pushed her to talk with the Old Man.
"Captain Thrace."
The words were calm and cool, and Kara knew without a doubt that she was in trouble. She rolled out from underneath the Viper and gave Lee what she hoped was a questioning look. "Is there something I can do for you, Commander?"
"I want a few minutes alone with you."
Kara tried to ignore the longing that hit the pit of her stomach. She hated that after everything they had been through, Lee could still make her feel like this.
As soon as he saw her give a quick nod, his hand was gripping her arm and he was dragging her down familiar corridors. They passed multiple equipment lockers and a few conference rooms that Kara was fairly positive were empty. She bit her tongue, though, knowing better than to question Lee's choices. He had a specific destination in mind.
"Clear out," Lee growled the second they were in the head.
Most pilots started moving immediately. The few that lingered started moving after Kara gave them a slight nod. They were survivors of the resistance. Old habits died hard.
"The room's clear," Kara said, leaning back against the counter the second she heard the hatch bang shut. She suddenly understood why they were here. The head had room to move, room to fight if necessary. It looks like some things were getting back to normal. "What did you need to say to me?"
"My father called me into his office. Tigh's stepping down and he wants me to take on the XO position. You're set up to fill the opening for CAG." Lee watched her face for a moment, gauging her for a reaction, and wasn't surprised to see the same steel look in her eyes. "But of course you knew that." He paused to take a deep breath. "My only question is was this because you wanted the job or you thought I couldn't do it?"
"Lee," Kara warned, her jaw tightening. Did he actually think she was doing this out of spite or jealous? Had things really changed that much?
"Or is it just that you think I can't fly anymore? Because I can. I worked fraking hard with both Cottle and my father to prove that the injury to my shoulder didn't leave any permanent damage. I would have been right back in that cockpit after the incident on Cloud Nine if the Pegasus hadn't needed me to command."
"I never said you couldn't," Kara whispered, her eyes drifting to the floor. She could not believe that after all these months she and Lee still couldn't talk about what she did that day without the old feelings of guilt slamming back into her. She had shot him. It was an accident. A mistake that anyone else could have made. It shouldn't still hurt this much.
"Then why Kara? Why the frak did you have to take this away from me, too?"
Her eyes darted up as she heard the unspoken part of that question. "What else have I taken away from you?"
"A lot." Lee said. His face was a stone wall, and Kara knew that was all she was getting from him on that subject.
"I actually thought you'd be behind this one. Foolish of me, right?" She didn't give Lee a chance to agree. "I've seen the way you've been struggling, Lee. I don't think anyone has ever had to go from running a ship to only running a hundred pilots. Frankly, I don't think anyone should have to."
"I could have handled it."
"I'm sure you could, Lee, but we don't have time to wait it out. We need to keep as focused as we can if we're ever going to find the thirteenth colony, and we need our best people in the correct positions."
"And that would be you as CAG?"
"No. That would be you as XO. I'm just CAG because the only other option is Kat and I would rather die before I let her be my boss." Kara let out a sigh and pushed off the counter. "Saul hasn't been the same since Ellen was killed down on the planet. He's not back on the drink or anything that bad, but he's tired, Lee. He only came back because the Old Man needed him."
Lee shook his head. "I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that you two are such good friends."
"Some mornings I can't believe it myself," Kara admitted. The voice in the back of her head, the same one that had defined her for so many years and had slowly faded away since her return to Galactica, was screaming that this was her out. She could steer the conversation away from what she had done. Kara sighed. She had worked really hard not to be that person anymore. "Seriously, though, it seemed like the best solution. As XO, you'll have more influence on the decisions being made. You'll be able to protect your people just like you had gotten used to on Pegasus except without all the bullshit of paperwork and stupid pilots fighting over idiotic things such as who gets to have the first drink off of Tyrol's new batch."
"I can see your point, but I find it hard to believe that you did this only for Tigh."
"I keep telling you that I did this for you, but you won't seem to listen," Kara pointed out. She could feel her frustration staring to bottle up and took a deep breath. "I talked with the Old Man, Lee. He's agreed to instate you as the XO, but you're still going to be allowed your turn at CAP. On most missions, if you're not required in the CIC, he wants you in the air."
Lee's eyebrow raised in question. "He wants me in the air?"
Kara tried to fight back the voice that was screaming at her to stop being stupid, end this conversation and get the frak out of this empty head. She had said enough to convince him. She should just get out. Yet when she stepped forward a few feet to close the distance between herself and Lee, she wasn't surprised. "I've learned a lot since the Cylons' first attack. What I said to you that day in the pilots' break room still holds up, Lee." She saw his eyes flash cold with the memory of where that day had taken them and forged on. "We're not destined for bright, shiny futures, so we have to focus on the here and now. And right now, what I want is to have you as my wingman again. I want to feel safe again."
Something flashed across Lee's face for a brief second before he tucked it away. Kara watched him inch forward and felt herself shift back to compensate. Before she knew it, the counter poked into her back and Lee still didn't stop moving. She could feel his breath on the side of her neck and wondered what the frak he thought he was doing. His voice was a husky whisper, contrary to the icy tone he had used with her ever since the Pegasus was destroyed. "Does this mean I can finally take what I want?"
Kara didn't have time to ask him if he was talking about what she thought he was talking about. His lips latched on to the pulse point in her neck, and she felt her knees give out almost immediately. Her hands gripped the counter, and that still wouldn't have been enough to hold her up if his hands didn't take her momentary lapse of coherent thought as an opportunity to make themselves at home on her waist. She felt Lee grind his hips into hers. The gasp that fell from her mouth at the feel of him hard against her was choked back by his lips.
His tongue demanded entrance right away, and her body wasn't about to say no. She felt him push their kiss past the point of breaking and dug her nails into the counter. The back of her head slammed into the mirror with the force of their embrace. The pain faded quickly as Lee's hands slid up from her waist to cup her breasts through the thin material of her tanks. She felt his finger lightly brush her nipple and groaned against his mouth. His tongue darted out to muffle her moans. Kara could feel herself being pulled apart from a million directions.
Lee ran his fingers up underneath her shirt, and Kara gasped at the feel of the callused skin of his hand against her already sensitive breasts. His lips pulled away, and it took her a moment to realize he was whispering something in her ear.
"I'm tired of this dance, Kara." She twisted her head and saw the cold look in his eyes. It spoke volumes to what he meant. He was tired of having her let him in only to push him away a few seconds later. She had done it over and over again.
This time, he was the one doing the leaving.
Kara was still trying to figure out what was the right thing to say when Lee leaned in for another kiss. This time, he was gentler, less insistent and more tentative. His hands ran their way up and down her arms, warming her skin slowly as he moved his lips down her cheek to her neck. Kara found herself cradling Lee's head as he nibbled on her skin.
And then he was gone. Just as quickly as this whole thing started, it was over.
Kara was left leaning against the counter in the head with bruised lips and a shivering body, wondering when her stupidity had gotten in the way of keeping Lee at arm's length.
It took a handful of her nuggets wandering in through the open hatch to snap her out of her haze.
Not knowing what else to do, Kara went about with her day. She was the CAG now which meant settling in to a desk in the planning room and making sure the pilot schedule was updated in the briefing room. She knew Lee. He was going to give her this job by pushing her off a cliff and right into the thick of things. As much as he denied it, he was going to thrive in the XO position.
Kara stumbled through meeting after meeting to assert her new authority with the pilots and the crew. As much resentment as they showed towards her, the transition was easy. They disliked her as a person, but as a CAG and a leader, they would follow her.
When she made it back to the bunkroom, it was hours later and she was pretty sure she would okay with letting Kat have this stupid job. She had forgot how hard it was to be CAG when she was down on New Caprica leading a resistance movement. Things were easier when it was just black and white, kill or be killed.
Kara slid the zip on her sweatshirt down and took a look at herself in the locker mirror. Her hair was slicked back with sweat and what looked like a healthy amount of engine grease. Groaning, she grabbed a towel from the shelf in her locker. All she wanted to do was sleep, but she would get none of that with her bunkmates complaining about the smell radiating from her bunk.
The head was filled with the chaos that often followed a shift change, but for once, Kara didn't mind the company. It seemed like every time she shut her eyes that day, her mind drifted back to the way Lee had had her hands digging into that counter to try to stay in control as he finally took what she wanted. For all purposes, it appeared like he had meant the thing he wanted to be her, but she wasn't ready to let herself be that foolish.
A full head meant there were plenty of distractions to keep her thoughts on the task at hand. Hot Dog was bitching about a particularly bad landing his new wingman had had, and Kara found that the perfect remedy to forgetting how it felt to have Lee's hands on her body. Then Showboat started talking about her latest conquest in an obvious attempt to make Hot Dog uncomfortable, and Kara listened closely as she finished rinsing the shampoo from her hair. Just when Showboat was getting to the crescendo of her story, for those few, brief seconds, Kara let herself forget the look of pain that had been in Lee's eyes and the way he kissed her like it was the last time.
Kara waved off all the comments thrown her way as she exited the stalls and made her way back to the bunkroom. She wasn't in the mood to chat.
She was rifling through her locker for a pair of clean sweats when her eyes caught site of her neck in the mirror. Kara's eyes went wide as she leaned in to inspect the small purpling of skin. She could see small red lines jutting their way across the bruise and realized they were the marks Lee's teeth had left behind.
He had marked her.
His words played through her head. He said he was tired of this dance. Kara ran her fingers along the mark on her neck and sighed. She could still remember the way his touch had chased away reality. She had forgotten how much life sucked for a few moments. No one had ever managed to get her to do that before.
"You look exhausted."
Kara's eyes drifted away from the bruises in the mirror to look at the bunkroom behind her. "Have you seen Lee?" The words slipped from her mouth before she could even realize she was saying them. They seemed to take Helo by just as much surprise.
"I think he's off-ship right now. Why?"
"I need to talk to him." The second the words were out, Kara understood that this was what she was going to do all along. She hadn't been showering because the people in the bunkroom would complain. She didn't want to feel like a Viper engine when she had her next conversation with Lee. She hadn't been busy all day because she was suddenly CAG. She had been avoiding Lee so that he could settle down before she went to him.
"He's been promoted to XO, but I assume you know that already since you always know what's happening in the life of any man with the last name Adama." Helo shook his head with a sigh as he leaned against the bunk next to her. "The Old Man ordered him to help President Roslin now that she's been reinstated. She needs to settle back into Colonial One, and he figured it would help to have a familiar face considering most of her old staff died down on New Caprica. I think he's supposed to be back tomorrow, but… some… thing… tells me you're not going to wait that long."
Kara had started moving the second Helo said Lee was on Colonial One, and by the time he was done explaining, she was fully dressed in sweats. "Thanks, Karl," she whispered, leaning in to kiss his check before scooping up her boots. "I owe you one."
"You owe me twenty!" Helo yelled as the hatch slammed.
Kara barely registered his last comment. She was too focused on doing what she wanted for the first time in years. She wasn't sure what she had to say to Lee right now. All she knew was she had to say it. It couldn't wait.
"Chief, I need a Raptor," Kara yelled as she entered the hangar bay.
Most of the crew turned to watch her. It wasn't out of the ordinary for Starbuck to come onto the deck screaming, but she usually stuck with protocol. Right now, protocol would dictate her hunting down Hensley, the makeshift deck chief Lee had been using on Pegasus, and not shoving her way to stand in front of Galen Tyrol.
"Kara, I don't think I'm the one you need to be telling that," Tyrol whispered. He kept his eyes locked on the clipboard in his hands and hoped people would turn their attention away.
"Galen, I wouldn't ask you if I didn't need this. I have to get over to Colonial One tonight, and I would really appreciate it if I didn't have to jump through twenty million hoops to do it."
"I would love to help, but I'm not in a position. The Old Man and I have talked about this. Until Cally's settled in and until I can get a feel for this ship again, Hensley is in charge of the deck. Right now I'm just a crewman."
"Just a crewman who is currently running the graveyard shift. Come on, Galen. I wouldn't ask for this if I didn't need it."
Tyrol scanned the hangar bay before turning his head to look at Kara. "I can get you a Raptor for a few hours, but do not let me get caught doing this. Contrary to how I act, I would really like to get my Chief job back."
Kara fought back the urge to hug Tyrol but did manage to give his cheek a quick peck. "Which one?"
Tyrol pointed to the Raptor closest to the launch tube. "It's been down for repairs the past couple shifts, and I just finished with it an hour ago."
By the time the two ex-resistance leaders made their way over to the empty Raptor, Tyrol had flagged over a deckhand. "Bartlett, call the CIC and let the comms officer and the LSO know I'm launching a Raptor to see if the repairs are complete on it. The pilot's going to take it for a lengthy spin around the stars to be sure."
The young deckhand gave a quick nod and scurried off. Kara shook her head. "He must be new considering he didn't ask what the name of the pilot was or inquired why you weren't giving a definitive return time."
Tyrol nodded in agreement. "That's why I called Bartlett over specifically. The kid won't get reprimanded for the mistake, and no one should even notice. I'm signing off on it, and as we both know, my name still means something on this ship."
"And in the Fleet," Kara added absentmindedly. Galen Tyrol had risked a lot on New Caprica to get them free from the Cylons. That was something most people weren't about to forget.
A short time later, Kara was doing her best to sweet talk the crew on Colonial One to let her dock her Raptor. "I know that, according to Galactica's logs, I'm supposed to be testing the repairs on this ship, but I really need to speak to one of the men on board your ship right now."
"I'm sorry. I can't grant you access to the ship unless you have approval of both the Admiral and the President."
Kara bit her tongue to keep from losing her temper completely. "Listen. I don't have time to be fraking around her. I'm getting on that ship whether you approve me or not. It's just a matter of whether you want a big hole in your docking hatch or not."
"Wait a second. Is that you, Captain Thrace?"
"Yes, it's me," Kara replied slowly.
"It's Stiles, sir."
Kara racked her memory until the image of a young blond boy popped into her head. He was barely eighteen when he came to her and asked to help the resistance. She had given him the job of securing ammunitions for her soldiers. It was a safe job and kept him from doing something stupid like getting killed. "Working on Colonial One now, kid?"
"Yeah. The President's trying to restaff her ship, and she has a soft spot for any resistance vets. Gods, sir, if you had just told me it was you, I could have cleared you for docking right away."
"Is that so?"
"The President has you on a list of people that she would accept onto her ship without prior notification. You know, the usual suspects. The Colonel, the Admiral, the Commander, Chief Tyrol, Cally, all those people."
Kara nodded. It was smart of the President to make her people aware of what she liked to call the Inner Circle. They tended to do what they wanted in order to get the job done so unannounced visits were highly likely. "So I can dock, Stiles?"
"Sure. I can go wake the President up if you want."
"No," Kara cried. "I'm not coming on board to see the President. Do not wake her up."
"Then who do you want me to get?"
"No one. I know the ship. I can find what I need without your help."
"Are you sure?"
Kara rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm sure. I'm docking now, Stiles." She clicked off the comm channel and sighed. As annoying as Stiles could be sometimes, having him on the other end of that line made things a lot easier.
She stepped off the Raptor the second the ramp lowered onto Colonial One. Her eyes scanned the small hangar bay. There was barely anyone around. "Fraking graveyard shift, got to love it," Kara muttered.
Kara nodded to every person she passed and hoped to the gods that no one thought twice about seeing a pilot from Galactica wandering the corridors of Colonial One in sweats. She kept her pace slow and calm and yet she managed to reach her destination in record time. The esteemed guest chambers of the President were designed to be hard to fine, but she had found them. This was where Lee would be. Even if Roslin wasn't so fond of him, she would stick him here just to make the gesture for the Admiral. They needed to repair what Gaius Baltar had broken.
Kara knew she should be wondering if she was doing the right thing. She should be scared to knock on that door, not knowing what she wanted to say to Lee, not knowing why she was even here in the first place. She should be running over every reason why this was a crazy mistake.
She was none of those things.
Which was why her hand was steady when she knocked softly on the hatch. She heard a small crash followed by a few muffled swears and then the hatch was sliding open. Lee's eyes went wide when he realized it was not one of the President's staff. Kara used the opportunity to run her eyes over his body. He was dressed in only sweatpants, and he looked half-asleep and relaxed.
"Kara?" His face was wrinkled in confusion. "Wha-"
Her hands came up to rest on his chest as she took a step forward into his quarters. The words fell off her lips, and she knew that this was what she always intended to do when she decided to come over here in the middle of the night. "I'm tired, too."
Understanding flashed across Lee's face, and Kara took the opportunity to push the hatch shut with her feet. It beeped slightly as it automatically locked. "Got to love being the guest of honor," Kara whispered as she backed Lee across the room. The back of his knees connected with the bed, and Kara used the momentum to push them both down on the bed.
"What are you doing?" Lee asked.
Kara smiled as he so obviously fought to wake himself up the rest of the way. She had forgotten how fraking cute Lee could be when he was confused. "I'm tired of this dance, too, Lee. So let's stop it. Right now, you and me."
"Kara, we can't just jump into this without-"
She laid her fingers on his lips to quiet him. "We can and we are. We'll deal with the hard stuff later, Lee. I told you that right now all I want is to feel safe again. Being with you makes me feel safe." She waited a moment before sitting up. Her body shifted to straddle his waist as her hands lifted her sweatshirt over her head. It fell to the floor with a soft thump.
Knowing she was putting her heart out there for him to crush, she leaned her body down and kissed him. It was gentle, made to mirror the kiss he had left her with, the one that had thrown her off a lot more than the first kiss, the one that knocked her flat with desire.
Lee's response was tentative, almost as if he was afraid that she would pull away if he moved at all. Kara's mind went back to their earlier conversation. He was still afraid that she was going to run from him. "I came to you," she whispered, pulling herself a few inches from his touch. "I came here to Colonial One, Lee. I knew what I was doing. I'm… I'm not going to run. You have to believe me."
Their eyes stayed locked in a silent battle, a conversation where words were not needed, and Kara didn't even realize she won until she felt Lee's hands on the waistband of her sweats. They didn't break their gaze as he slowly worked the old cotton material off her hips.
Kara felt Lee's arm come across her waist once the sweats were thrown to the ground, and he smoothly twisted their bodies until she laid underneath him. His eyes never left hers which was why when he smiled, she felt her heart soar.
Lee leaned in to brush a kiss across her temple. "I want to make you feel safe."
"You do," she whispered, letting her hands run up the smooth muscle of his back. She turned her head to look at him, and the smile on his face lit up her eyes. They had a lot to work through, but she suddenly realized in the scope of what they had been through it was going to be a breeze. She really was tired of pretending like there were more pressing matters to attend to.
Nothing was more important than this.
Lee's hands were gentle as he slowly removed the last few bits of clothing on her body, and Kara had to fight the urge to keep the massive smile off her face. She really did feel safe when she was with him. No matter where they were, for years, Lee had been her home. She helped him rid himself of the sweatpants on his own body, and then they were lying skin to skin.
Their arms came around each other as their mouths dipped in to taste again. Kara sighed against his lips. This felt natural and comfortable and all those good things she had long lost hope she would have. Lee's hand came up to cup her breast, and a moan tumbled from her mouth as he rolled her nipple between his fingers. Her body started sliding up and down against his, an unconscious push for him to keep going. Lee licked his lips and bent his head down to taste her. This time, her moan was loud and came from somewhere deep inside her. Her hands cradled his head as he continued his slow exploration of her chest, switching smoothly from one breast to the other.
She was so wrapped up in the way he was playing her body like a finely tuned instrument that she didn't have time to prepare for his next move. Her breath caught in her throat as he slowly pushed himself deep inside her. Her brain was screaming for her to breathe, but her heart was louder, telling her to hold on tight and never let go of this man. His name fell like a whisper off her lips, and then he was moving inside her. "Oh gods."
Lee wrapped his arms around Kara and let her use her weight to push him down on the bed. She grabbed his shoulders tightly and pulled his chest up to meet hers, their bodies still joined. The small friction of the movement gave her the urge to lose all control, but she bit down hard on her lip and concentrated. Lee's hand roamed her back as she tightened her thighs and slowly began to work her hips up. She waited until he had almost completely slipped from her body before reversing her movement back down.
"You are killing me, Kara," Lee whispered in her ear.
She shushed him with a small nibble to his earlobe and kept up the slow plunging motions of hips to hips. She knew a thing or two about loving someone so much that it killed you, but she had made him promise they would do the hard stuff later.
Lee's motions which had started so smooth and confident soon became less composed. The movements were erratic as Kara felt his hands clamp down hard on her hips. She let him take over, moving her body against him. The little surrender of power was nothing in the large picture of life, but Kara knew that it meant a lot between the two of them. They both spent so long struggling to control feelings and actions and words.
His eyes came up to meet hers in a silent question… how am I making you feel… and she felt herself smile. "Protected. I feel protected," she panted as his motions quickened. "Oh gods, Lee." She felt herself teetering on the edge, and when his hands came down to touch where they were joined, she lost it completely. Her fingers dug into his back, and it was only a few seconds before she felt him coming against her.
Their bodies lost the built up tension immediately, and Kara felt Lee's hand guide her down onto the bed next to him. She waited until her breath returned before twisting to face him. "That is a dance I wouldn't mind keeping up," Kara whispered, laying her head next to his on the pillow.
"Agreed," Lee said with a laugh. He moved his arms around her body and pulled her the last couple inches until they were skin to skin once more.
The room filled with silence, and Kara could feel him drifting off to sleep. "Lee?"
"Hmp?"
"The hard stuff? It's not really going to be that hard, is it?"
Lee's eyes slid open, and she watched him watch her through the thin veil of sleepiness on his face. "The hardest part was you coming to me," he whispered. His hands tightened around her, and Kara smiled. She had been completely wrong to think it would be too hard to feel so much for this man and to let him love her in return.
It was so easy that it hurt.
