Lee had a nasty habit of coming back from the dead and scaring the shit out of her.

oooooooOOOOOOOooooooo

William Adama wished he could keep his son's final decision as Commander of the Pegasus hidden from the pilots, but he knew he had no right. The two remaining base stars were engaged in a desperate struggle with the Pegasus as it moved to shield Galactica and the civilian Fleet from the brunt of the attack so the pilots would be in the air when the explosion occurred. There had already been too many unexpected losses. He owed his men the chance to understand the sacrifice that was about to be made.

"Patch me into all active fighters," he called out. He watched Gaeta pause a few seconds before nodding. It was good to have the Lieutenant back on board. He needed someone who wouldn't question his motives especially at a moment like this.

"Channel's open, sir."

Adama braced his hands on the command center and tried to come up with the right words to say in a situation like this. How do you tell your men that you want them to stand down as your son sacrifices himself for their safety? When Adama realized he would never find the words, he sighed and, temporarily pushing the pain and grief away, picked up the handset.

"This is Galactica Actual. There has been a change to the mission plan. All fighters are to return to Galactica as soon as the last two basestars are taken out."

He got a response from the Pegasus CAG immediately. "Galactica, Showboat. Did you say all fighters? Even the ones from Pegasus?"

"Affirmative. Every ship is to report to Galactica."

The comm lines filled with protests that Adama could only assume were from the more senior pilots, the ones who understood what it meant to have all the ships returning to one battlestar. The younger fighters stayed silent.

Adama shut his mind to the chaos of too many pilots with too many personal connections. No one wanted to be talked out of making this decision to stand down more than he did, but it just wasn't possible.

A scream filled the CIC and made Adama's body stiffen. "Clean out the comm line! We are still fraking fighting here, people!"

His heart dropped out at the sound of Kara's voice. He hadn't expected a reaction from her, but it still hurt to hear that damn brave façade over the comm line. She was probably one of the few people who truly understood what was about to happen. She was the only one who had a real right to protest, and yet she was the one with her head still in the game. It saddened Adama to understand that this was probably just another loss she would have to pull herself through. There had been so many already.

Adama tried to push the concern and stinging grief to the side and listen as his CIC reported Pegasus's continued movement towards the basestar. There was no way out of this.

"Admiral, there's a request for a private line for you from one of the pilots."

"Who is it?"

"Starbuck, sir."

Adama picked up the handset immediately. Of course she would want to do this in private. Kara was nothing but smart when it came to tactical questioning of his authority. "Galactica Actual on the line." He could hear her breathing on the other end, but she didn't talk at first. He figured she was waiting for him to explain. He wasn't sure how to begin so he just said what he thought was most important for her to know. "Pegasus isn't going to make it. It was Lee's choice to do this."

"Is he… can he find a way off the ship before…"

"No, Kara."

The silence hung between them until Adama heard the line cut off. He slammed the handset down and turned to the comm officer. "Why did I just lose her?"

"You didn't, sir," the officer explained. "She cut off the call."

Before Adama could figure out why she would do that, Gaeta stood up. "Sir, the Pegasus has just rammed itself into the larger basestar. It appears like both ships are in flames."

"And the smaller basestar?"

Gaeta turned back to his DRADIS screen. "It was taken out by the blast most likely. We'll have confirmation in a few seconds."

Adama waited until he got the affirmative nod from his tactical officer. "Is the air clear, Lieutenant?"

"Except for a few leftover Raiders."

Adama grabbed the handset for the main comm line. "Gold squadron, clean up the skies. Everyone else, combat landings now." That would put all of Pegasus's Vipers and Raptors out of the action and most of Galactica, too. More importantly, it would get Starbuck out of the air. He knew that her denial of what happened would only last for a few minutes. He hoped that was long enough for her to make a safe landing.

"I'll take the boards." Adama turned to see Colonel Tigh standing beside him. The XO shook his head and leaned in close. "I can handle the clean-up, Bill. You shouldn't be here for that." Tigh paused before adding, "And you should be there for the Captain when she lands."

Adama nodded. Everyone had doubted his choice of XO since the first moment he made it, but they didn't know Saul Tigh. He might drink to excess and carry grudges, but he was damn perceptive and could handle the command when he was needed. "The Colonel has the board," Adama called out, looking around at his men before stepping away from his post.

It was only when he hit the corridor that reality slammed into him.

The Cylons had just taken his son.

oooooooOOOOOOOooooooo

Kara didn't realize she had been sitting in the observation deck for over two hours. Time had lost its hold on her. It all blurred together.

William Adama had been waiting for her when she exited her Viper. There was such a pure expression of grief and pain on his face that Kara knew she would never forget it. A part of her wanted to ask him why even though there was no way he could explain it all to her. A part of her knew that he was desperate to fill her in. A part of her wanted to help shoulder the decision and accept the grief.

She knew she wasn't ready for any of that.

She wanted to be strong when she finally heard the whole story as to why the Fleet was suddenly down to one battlestar, and right now that wasn't possible. Right now strength and duty were the last things on her mind. She pushed off the Admiral's concerns and promised to come see him in the morning. They could talk then.

Adama knew better, but still he let her go.

The corridors blended into the haze that was enveloping her mind. There was a faint buzz in her ears while condolences and questions were fired her way, but she couldn't focus enough to respond. She knew that everyone expected a reaction from her, but she just didn't have the strength to give it to them.

She wasn't sure how or why she ended up locking herself into the observation deck, but it was the only thing she could think of to do. She needed the quiet.

The quiet had been going on for two hours now and yet it didn't silence the pain. Kara brushed the back of her hand across her face, pushing the tears away. They wouldn't stop falling.

She had been staring at the combat wreckage from the moment she sat down in the front row of chairs. It wasn't changing. No matter how hard she willed it to, there were two lifeless hunks of metal floating before her eyes. One was the enemy. The other was the home of one of the most important men in her life, a man she loved without thought or reason most days.

Every few seconds there was a flash of light as a Raptor flew past, scouring the space for any signs of survivors. She only jumped the first few times it slipped past the large glass window. Now it was just a mandatory routine. It had to be done.

Kara kept reminding herself of that little detail. It had to be done. She forced herself not to buy into some ridiculous hope that there was a reason they were searching. There was little chance that anyone made it off Pegasus, and those that did were the ones that intended to.

As much as he confused the hell out of her most days, she knew the kind of man Lee was. He would have refused to abandon his ship and his men. He never shrugged away from responsibility even if it meant risking his life. He just wanted to keep others safe.

Gods, for once she wished he had been selfish. She didn't want him to be gone.

Their relationship had never been easy. If it had been, they wouldn't be them. The conflict was what made them strong. She had lived one full year on Caprica without that daily source of conflict, and she had almost lost it completely. She needed someone to point out when or who she was fraking up and why she should not be doing what she's doing.

That year without Lee had hurt more than she would ever admit. Coming home to him had hurt even more. The conflict slammed into her like a brick wall, but this time she welcomed the pain. They were working through it like always, and Kara figured in time they would find the solution. There was a confidence in that decision that she had never felt. The Cylons tried to pull them apart, but they weren't budging anymore.

Kara shook her head. It turned out she was wrong. The Cylons pulled them apart in the only way they could. They took him away from her completely.

Kara didn't know who was going to keep her in check anymore.

A voice came over the ship comm system to announce the changing of shifts, and Kara snapped back to reality. She had reports to write. She had to close the personnel files of the pilots who had been lost in the battle and needed to assess where they should put replacements. The Chief would be sending up the numbers on how many functional ships had made it through the battle. Not to mention the fact that two battlestars worth of fighters needed to be merged into one. She was going to have to start working up a new flight schedule and a way to keep things fair between everyone involved.

This time, eyes were averted when she walked through the corridors. They must have noticed the tear stains on her cheeks.

Her office was dark when she finally reached it. Someone obviously shut off the lights, figuring tonight would be the last night the CAG would feel the need to do paperwork. Responsibilities didn't disappear with the pain, though, so she was here.

Her hand moved out to flip the light switch. The intrusive, bright light caused her bloodshot eyes to slam shut. She stumbled a few steps into the office before she realized she wasn't alone.

He was sitting in the chair behind her desk, his skin matted with dirt and grime from the battle, his dress blues ripped and tattered. His eyes were closed and yet he looked for all the world like he belonged exactly where he was and nowhere else.

She wondered for a moment if she was hallucinating, but then his eyes slid open and he smiled. It felt familiar. Lee had a nasty habit of coming back from the dead and scaring the shit out of her.

It took Kara a moment to remember she had to breathe, but when she did, everything came slamming back down on her. She practically vaulted across the desk and into his arms. His laughter mixed in with her tears as she clung to him. "I thought you were dead," she whispered, still clutching on to him.

"I thought I was dead, too."

Kara pulled back to examine him, and her fingers brushed against the cut on his forehead. "What happened?"

"I'm not really sure. It all went so fast. One second I was talking with my father, telling him that the only way we could survive was to sacrifice Pegasus. And then my XO was volunteering to lead the ship in its final attack. I wasn't going to leave, but Taylor reminded me that I had family here on Galactica who needed me. The thought of you and Dad mourning my death was enough to distract me so that the Marines could haul me down to the evacuation pods. I don't really remember much after that until a Raptor picked us up. I think I might have punched a few of my crew in my efforts to not abandon ship." Lee smirked. "I guess I should have spent less time being mad at you when we sparred and more time actually figuring out how you managed to throw such an effective right hook."

Kara reached out to touch his left cheek and smiled. She was going to bruise that spot for years to come.

"I'm glad the Fleet didn't jump away after the Pegasus went down."

"You can thank Tigh for that. He had the boards and insisted that we pick up any survivors. I think he was remembering the hundreds of people we were forced to leave behind on New Caprica. He didn't want to do that again." Kara leaned in to hug Lee again before pulling back. "Gods. I can just imagine the Old Man's face when he found out you were alive." She smiled as the image of how happy and grateful William Adama must have looked popped into her head. The amusement drained away as she saw Lee's face go white. "Lee? Is something wrong? Do you want me to get Cottle?"

He shook his head, but the look of worry didn't leave him. "I came straight here as soon as the Raptor landed. Gods, I didn't even think to send word to my father that I was on board."

Kara ignored the twinge of delight at being the first person Lee thought to track down and reached across the desk to grab the phone. She couldn't let Lee do this to his father again. "I need you to page the Commander to the CAG's office as soon as possible. If he calls the CIC to find out why, tell him that I want to talk about why I was so upset. That'll get him down here."

She set the phone down after hearing the comms officer agree to place the page. Still unsure if this was actually happening or not, she let herself relax back into Lee's arms. If this wasn't real, she didn't care.

After enjoying the feel of Kara's weight for a few moments, Lee asked, "So you were upset about something?"

"You were dead," Kara whispered. "That kind of thing can throw a girl for a loop."

"Not the irrational, ass-kicking, name-taking, foulmouthed Starbuck?"

Kara smiled and shook her head. "No, she was just fine with you being dead. It was Kara that was kind of upset."

"Well, I would imagine she would be." Kara felt Lee's arms tighten around her, and she let her head rest against his shoulder as the quiet of her office enveloped them.

That was the way William Adama found his two children when he finally made his way down to the CAG's office.