Disclaimer: Don't own FMA. Nor do I own "Name" by the Goo Goo Dolls.
Author's Note: I give you all free reign to shout and swear at me in your reviews, but keep it to a minimum please. These past few days have been really sucky, thus the length, or lack thereof, in this chapter.
Chapter 19: Name
The next few days went on much the same as the past two. Alphonse received his usual dose of Vicodin at regular intervals of the day; Edward worked intently on Winry's case file, putting puzzle pieces together; and Winry worked on writing her songs and putting tunes to them. At least, that was what went on at the surface. If one looked deeper at each individual's actions, however, they would see the underlying tension.
Al was stressed for various reasons of concern for his brother and Winry's relationship together and the fact that he was missing numerous classes at college. Edward was frustrated at the case file because it was a very difficult puzzle; things just weren't adding up. Winry was...well, she was worried. For the past four nights, not including their second night there, Edward had half-woken up from a nightmare, calling lightly for his mother. And who had been there to calm him down all five times? Winry. She hadn't had the will to bring it up to him over the past few days and it was now Thursday. Something about that day just rang for them to talk. About what, though?
It was a little after lunchtime that Winry finished cleaning up the kitchen. Yes, she was cleaning again. Well, the kitchen had needed it! Everyone had neglected to do dishes for a couple days, and it was getting rather nasty near the sink. So Winry, as the "woman of the house," had taken it upon herself to conquer the mess that was spawning bacteria. The last thing she needed was a sick Edward and Alphonse. Especially Edward. He'd been really pissy lately. Yes, it was possible to tell when he was pissy from just plain frustrated. There was a big difference. When he was frustrated, he would nitpick about the smallest things and be quick to yell. When he was pissy, he was even quicker to yell and he would get mad very easily. But, he was pushing depressed at the moment.
Over the past few days, his mood had been steadily darkening. It was only December fourth...there was still sixteen days until...well, Winry didn't know what, exactly, but she had a mind to figure it out.
He'd been waking up in the middle of the night still, and she'd had to calm him down. Those were the only times that she'd offer him comfort, because those were the only times that he would show weakness. Otherwise, she hadn't spoken to him that much during the days. Not that it bothered her, really. It just irked her a bit that she couldn't find the gut to even ask him about December twentieth. But she would now! No doubt about it, she told herself, he was going to talk or she'd die trying.
Winry dried her hands on a dish towel and put on her battle face. Okay, well, maybe not a battle face, but it was determined enough. Hopefully it'd get her to Edward's study without chickening out again. Yes, she had tried numerous times to talk to him. No, she'd never made it to the point of knocking on the more-often-than-not shut door. But today, she would triumph, whether Ed liked it or not.
She stood before the door nervously. A hundred conclusions for this action rushed around her head. Would he shout at her? There was no question on whether he'd swear. But whether it was at her or something else was what she wondered. She could take someone yelling and swearing at her; she'd yell and swear right back. She had quite the vocabulary of expletives, and there were days she actually was proud of it. Today might be one of them, she thought grimly as she rubbed her damp palms on her pants.
Hesitantly, she lifted her hand to knock on the door. The first three knocks were barely audible taps on the door. This is silly, she said to herself with a roll of her eyes. So she summoned up the rest of her courage and rapped on the door so loudly it scared her. She hadn't meant to knock that loud! Well, too late now.
"Yeah, what?" Edward called from within. There was impatient tone to his voice. That set Winry's blood to frustrated. She wouldn't take that from him.
So she opened up the door with a scowl on her face. "We're going to talk," she said firmly, daring him to argue. When she set her gaze on him, he was leaning back in his chair, looking very, very amused at her.
"Are we?" he questioned, twirling a pen. He wasn't just amused, he was taking pleasure in seeing her frustrated. The jerk.
She nodded and placed herself on his desk. "Yes, we are." Winry added a tone of authority to her voice. He might have been older, but it was only by a few months. And it was all in the maturity, really! If he wanted to act like a child, she'd act like an adult.
Ed seemed to understand her thoughts, because he immediately looked away and began to retreat back to his shell. "What about?" he asked in the tone she found was reserved for his depressed moments. It sort of took her by surprise that he could go from so amused and enjoying her annoyance to being wary of his own ground.
But Winry forced herself to remain adamant, though, refusing to give in to his sudden show of sullenness. So she took a breath, finding it hard to begin now. Why did he have to do that? Why did he have to know that becoming open to hurt like that would keep her from being able to hold onto her anger? She worked her mouth for a few minutes until finding something to say. "What's December twentieth?" she asked outright. She fought not to feel the sudden emotion of dread for the answer she would probably receive.
Edward froze when he heard her question. "None of your--"
"It is my business, Edward!" she suddenly shouted. Then she put herself back on the desk quietly, taking deep breaths. "We're involved, whether you like it or not, and it helps when I know what has gone on in your life. I know what comments I can or can't make about a subject. So please," she murmured, "please, tell me." Then she paused, as did he. Silence reigned for a few moments until Edward spoke.
"Why do you want to know?" he asked quietly, still not looking at her.
"You've been waking up in the middle of the night; I'm worried," she told him easily, though she was really debating on whether or not to retreat while she could.
Ed sighed loudly. Winry thought for all of thirty seconds he would tell her. Then he opened his mouth. "I don't want to talk about it," he told her, standing up. He grabbed a coffee mug and exited his study, leaving Winry on his desk, spluttering like a tea kettle. She swore, using the softest of her expletives.
"Edward Elric!" she shouted, running after him. She caught up with him as he was about to start a pot of coffee. He stopped moving whenever she stepped onto the tile floor. Winry was about to speak again, but when she looked at him and how he was holding himself, she stopped. His shoulders were slumped down and his head was bowed forward. If she looked hard enough, she thought she could see him shaking a little bit. "Edward," she said softly, coming up behind him. She lifted her hand to his shoulder.
He shirked away. "Winry, just..."
She scowled and turned him around. "Edward, will you just stop?" she asked, putting her hands on his shoulders. "Will you just stop and talk to me?" Winry looked at him sternly.
He returned her gaze with a little less force. Then he sighed. "My mom died that day," he murmured.
Winry softened her gaze immediately. She was debating on whether or not to just hug him then or to wait for him to take the first step. But she couldn't really see him falling into her arms pitifully, sobbing and begging for comfort. So, she hesitantly slid her arms around his shoulders and pulled him close. But then he did something that honestly and sincerely hurt Winry.
Edward pulled away with more or less a disgusted look on his face. "Don't feel sorry for me," he spat nastily. "You knew my mother died. What's the big deal about it now?" He turned away. Winry reached out again, trying to touch him. He shirked away. "Just go away."
"Edward..."
"Go away!" he shouted, turning to glare at her. "It doesn't matter! She's already dead! I couldn't save her; no one could have!" Ed laughed cryptically. "I tried, but it was just too much. It was my fault."
She sighed. "Edward, please...," she whispered. "Don't do this."
He ignored her. "And you were just dying to know, weren't you?" He threw his hands in the air, still laughing. There was just a little edge of insanity to his delivery.
But Winry had heard enough. She let her hand fly freely against his cheek, then threw herself against him. "Shut up," she whispered coarsely. "Just be quiet and let me hold onto you." She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and gave him no choice but to either stand there or hold onto her as well.
It seemed to be the latter as his arms went around her waist. Winry felt him begin to shake in her embrace. It had been too much for him, she thought, to talk about it so much and in that manner. It was the least she could do now to be there for him, since she had been the one to evoke the emotions that were showing. And it broke her heart to bear witness to such raw feeling, especially from Edward, as he began to cry quietly against her shoulder. She had never thought she'd see the day the man would finally cry and let go.
If he could have just done it sooner! Winry would have been there for him! Even if she couldn't have offered more comfort than that, she would have let him hide from the world for a while, just long enough to accept things, and do what he needed to. He needed to at least come to terms with the world that had forced him to grow up too fast. She didn't have the entire story, but she could tell that's what had happened. He and Al had been thrust into the cold world and been forced to grow up and deal with life as it came.
But Edward didn't have to do that now, not all the time. He could escape for a while and talk about it, couldn't he? And after it was all said and done, they wouldn't have to talk about it anymore. It'd all be okay. Right?
It was soon after, too soon, that Edward pulled away from Winry, looking very composed. But inwardly, she knew he was ready to burst, ready to scream. She sighed. Why did he have to do that? Why did he have to believe he had to do things on his own? Winry was a good listener.
"I need to talk to Al," he said softly and left the kitchen. Winry dared to follow him down the hall.
She waited until he was in Al's room with the door mostly shut before sneaking over. She had missed something, because the next thing she heard was Al shouting, "What!"
Edward shushed him. "Be quiet, will you? I don't need her to hear and try to stop me!" he hissed.
Winry imagined Al standing up in frustration. "She should try to stop you, Edward! You're her bodyguard, you can't just walk out right now!" he replied in a loud whisper.
He was leaving? Why? The jerk. How could he leave right now! He was supposed to be taking care of her! How could he do that when he was walking out on them! She would pick a bone with him, close to the anniversary of his mother's death or not. But then Ed spoke again.
"I can't do it, Al. I thought I could, but I just can't. I hadn't thought the case would take this long," Edward muttered. Winry heard the sound of bedsprings and figured he had sat down on Al's bed. "I just need to go for a couple days, that's all." That's all? Puh-lease. A couple days was a couple days too long for Winry's taste! Sure, she would go outside and think for a little while, until Edward cursed at her to get back inside, but that was because he was there and she could count on him doing that. But if he left, the feeling of safety she had would dissipate and she'd become a nervous reck - again! Just like she had been before he'd turned up! No, he couldn't leave!
But Winry heard Al sigh. "Fine. Go. Be quick," he submitted.
Thinking quickly, Winry pushed up from the floor and bounded down the hall, back into the living room, vaulted over the couch, and pretended she was doing a crossword puzzle by the time Edward stepped out of Al's room. It was very hard to appear like nothing was wrong when she felt like throttling her bodyguard, but she somehow managed it. Probably because he didn't immediately walk into the living room. Instead, he went back to his room, probably to pack his bags.
Contrary to her earlier thoughts, Winry spat. He could go if he wanted. The idiot. So he couldn't deal with a little pressure? Fine, who needed him anyway? She didn't, that was for sure. She didn't care if he left. For all Winry knew, he would cave under gunpoint and hand her over to the badguys to save his pansy--
"Asteroid," she suddenly heard Edward say over her shoulder.
Winry shrieked none too softly and put a hole in the newspaper. She took a breath to keep from using another expletive. "Edward!" she growled. "Go away. I'm mad at you."
She heard him make a noncommital noise at her. "I am going. Bye," he announced promptly before walking into the snowy outside. The door closed with a loud slam. Winry finally swore.
"Jerk," she muttered. Then she threw the newspaper down on the coffee table. "Alphonse!" Winry jumped back over the couch and burst into the young man's room. "Where is your brother going?" she demanded.
Al shrugged and avoided her gaze. "Out?"
"You're a sucky liar," she told him. "Where?"
"Out," Al insisted again. "What's for dinner?"
Winry frowned. He was changing the subject. Of course. She nodded. "I don't know yet," she replied softly, giving in - for the moment. That wasn't the last Ed had heard of her.
Three hours later, the phone rang and Al answered it before Winry could get to it. So she quietly picked up the handset to listen in. Of course, it was him. Who else? The phone hadn't rung but a few times in her almost week long stay in the Elric household.
"Is she around?" Edward asked anxiously.
Winry imagined Al shaking his head. "No, she yelled for a little while after you left, made dinner, and I haven't seen her since," he replied.
Probably because she'd locked herself in Ed's room with a few day's worth for junk food. She would wait it out. He'd come home. Eventually. "Well...did you tell her?" There was an especially nervous sound to Ed's voice. Dear God, was there something else to the equation or was he just nervous because he thought she was out for his head?
"No," Al said again, "I just said you went out."
"For three hours? Alphonse, I don't even spend three hours shopping for Christmas presents for people at work," Edward said.
Another image of Al came to mind, rolling his eyes at his brother. "Well, I didn't know what to say! She looked like she was going to tear my head off!" He sounded fearful for his life. Winry wanted to laugh.
"Whatever. Well, I'm at the hotel near the station. I have a week's reservation. Think you can handle her that long?" Ed sounded pitiful again. He deserved it.
"I'll try," Al promised. Winry rolled her eyes, and in the midst, her foot bumped the sidetable, almost upsetting the lap.
And for some reason, both men knew it wasn't on their sides of the phone. "I gotta go," Edward said. "Take care, Al."
"You too, Brother." Al hung up. Winry waited for the second click, but it didn't come. She swore under her breath for the fourth time that day.
"That wasn't a pretty word for a woman to say," Edward commented quietly.
"Leaving wasn't a nice thing for a man to do," she replied critically. "You're a jerk," she announced suddenly. "Why did you leave!"
There was silence in which Winry waited to hear a dial tone. But instead came Edward's voice. "I'm sorry. I'll be home in a couple days," he told her. Then came the click. It was so ominous, a shiver ran down Winry's spine.
She had a feeling something very, very bad was going to happen very, very soon.
omgz, Sooo sorry this was such a short chapter. But you guys have no frickin clue what's been going on lately. I honestly wrote this like, Saturday and Sunday, in between homework, dealing with my parents and sister, and whatever else came up. And it's about 10 on Sunday night as I write this, fresh out of ideas to use for this! I don't want to use what I had already, saving it for the next chapter, but I will try to get something out this week, but don't hold me to it! Give me suggestions, please! I'm running a little dry. This story might go on Christmas break at this point. Check the LJ for more details sometime...they'll be up. And sorry again. Love you all. Happy holidays.
