Kara learned the hard way that you don't steal the CAG's underwear while he's in the head and expect no retaliation.

oooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo

Kara learned the hard way that you don't steal the CAG's underwear while he's in the head and expect no retaliation.

Never in a million years did she think it would be this, though.

"I knew you were mysterious, Starbuck, but I never guessed you would withhold so much."

Kara felt her body naturally tense upon hearing Hot Dog's words. The little fraker was always being such a thorn in her side that the anger immediately flared up inside her. "What the frak are you talking about, Constanza?"

"I was playing an interesting game of triad with the CAG last night, and it was rather strange. I think Apollo was actually trying to lose."

Kara kept up the façade of not carrying by refusing to look Hot Dog in the eye. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, I was teasing Racetrack because we had just started playing and she was already down to a handful of cubit. I told her there were other things that she could offer me inside of money or smokes. Apollo perked up a bit, and I thought it was just him being a guy, you know. Then he suggested something he used to do in Academy when he ran out of money."

"Betting secrets," Kara hissed. She had a feeling she already knew the rest of this story.

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"You people keep forgetting that I went to Academy the same time that the CAG did."

"Right," Hot Dog said, nodding slowly. "Anyway, Lee suggested that Racetrack put up the promise of telling a secret that no one on the ship knows. She agreed, and the game went on. It took me a few rounds of betting to pick up on it, but I've seen the Captain play a lot of cards in our time on this ship. He was definitely trying to not win."

"And why would Lee do that?"

"I couldn't figure it out until I remembered that awesome prank you played on him. It made sense that it was your secret he chose to share when he lost."

"Gods damnit!" Kara growled. Her chair skidded against the metal grating as she pushed to her feet. "I told that stupid fraker that he was a dead man if he ever said anything."

Kat waited until the hatch slammed shut before giving Hot Dog a curious look. "What did you do to piss Starbuck off?"

"It's not what I did. It's what the CAG did." Hot Dog shook his head. "He told me that our lovely Lieutenant is married and has been for over a year now, and I don't think Starbuck's too happy about her secret being out."

oooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo

"Lee Adama! I am going to kill you!" Kara didn't slow down as she barged into the CAG's office. She practically vaulted over the desk and threw her hands around his neck. Lee had time to take one last choking breath before she tightened her hold and started slamming his head against the wall behind him.

It took a few seconds, considering she did take him by surprise, but Lee managed to pry her hands away from his throat. "What the frak is your problem, Kara?"

"My problem is you're a complete asshole," she panted, trying to regain her breath for a second attack. Lee's hands tightened around her wrists as if he knew. She was going to have bruises in the morning. "Why the frak did you tell Hot Dog about our marriage?"

"I didn't tell him about our marriage. I told him you were married."

"There's a difference?"

"A huge one," Lee hissed, flinging her wrists away. His hands came up to rub his neck. "Frak, Kara. That hurt."

"Sorry," she grumbled. "I was pissed off. Scratch that. Am pissed off."

"Hey, you're the one who started it," Lee pointed out.

Kara rolled her eyes. "I stole your fraking underwear, Lee. I didn't tell all your pilots that we were hitched."

"I didn't tell them that we were hitched, either. Why can't you get that?"

"It's only a matter of time before they find out. They're going to keep hounding me until I tell them who my husband is, and you know I have a short fuse."

"Then just explain it to them."

"Explain what? I'm married to the CAG because I got really shit-faced about a year ago and started hitting on some random guy in a bar who turned out not to take no for an answer so you told him we were getting married later that night and the guy turned out to be so nice that he offered to drive us to the priestess and because you and I are so stubborn we wouldn't back down and let this stranger catch us in a lie?" Kara finished her rant and realized Lee's eyes had gone wide. "What?"

"You were shit-faced and you remember all that?"

Kara's face went red. "I looked the guy up a few days later. I wanted to know the details."

"My mother was always right to tell us that we lived a little too freely after Zak died," Lee reminded her. "I mean, we got married, Kara."

Kara shut her eyes and groaned. "You need to never, ever say that phrase out loud, Adama. Never."

"You need to stop being so freaked out. No one's going to figure that it's me you're married to."

"Yes, they are," Kara growled. "Because you are a stupid fraker and told them that I am married. Not was. Am. That implies my husband is still alive. These people know me, Lee. They know who has been my friend for more than a year, and I'm telling you right now that the only candidates are you, Helo, and Boomer. Although I thought about it a few times, Boomer is out of the question considering she's a toaster." Kara tried not to laugh at the look on Lee's face. As much as she loved Lee, he was such a man. Mention the potential of two women being intimate and he checks his concentration and all coherent thought at the door. "And everyone saw my reaction when we thought Helo died in those initial attacks. I was upset but not like I would have been if my husband had died. They are going to figure it out, Lee. I trained them to be smart."

"Kara, I don't think you're focusing on the right thing here," Lee pointed out.

"And what would that be?"

"The fact that you and I are still married. Everyone's going to understand that we got drunk and ended up hitched. Crazier things have happened." Lee's face slid into a knowing smile, and Kara fought the urge to start choking him again. "What you need to start thinking about is how you're going to explain the fact that we're still married."

Kara's face went white. Lee was right. She was never going to get anyone to believe that she and Lee were just too lazy to get the marriage annulled the day they sobered up. "Frak me," she said. She pushed herself off Lee's lap and sat down on the desk. "What are we going to say?"

"Tell them that you're hopelessly in love with me and you've been denying me a divorce for well over a year now."

Kara rolled her eyes. "Yeah, they'll believe that."

Lee feigned hurt. "Are you saying that I'm not worth hanging on to?"

"You're worth hanging on to enough to have a chance to kick your ass," Kara growled.

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Frak off. I'm working on pure pissed-off-y-ness right now."

Lee shook his head. Kara's vocabulary was a wonder to him. Maybe that could be the reason why they… nope, it wouldn't work.

"Why did we stay married?"

Kara's words jolted him away from his thoughts, and he looked up to see she was staring at him expectantly. "Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"I think you and I were both lonely. You had lost Zak, and I had just fraked things up with Gianne. It was nice to know that someone out there still wanted me… you… us."

"Is that really it?"

"And there was that tax break."

Kara nodded. Yeah, that was nice. "I bought a really nice tank of a car with the money I saved the year before the attack. You would have loved it."

"I lost it all betting against the Bucs on that last playoff games. The mother frakers were the worst team in the league. Who thought they'd win?"

"Helo," Kara volunteered. "He's amazing at understanding the professional pyramid circuit. Lucky fraker won six thousand cubits betting on Caprica." She sighed and tucked her knees under her chin. "But back to the problem at hand. You're a fraking idiot."

"Yeah, I am," Lee agreed. "But think of it this way. If your pilots are trained as well as you think they are, then you and I have a good chance of securing some of the new quarters being built for enlisted spouses."

Kara was about to hit Lee again when his words sunk in. "You know that might not be such a bad thing. I'm a sucker for a little elbow room when I sleep."

"I know," Lee agreed. "I've been stuck in confined spaces with you too many times."

"Oh, Lee, you and I are going to make one hell of a bitter, married couple."

"You know it," Lee chuckled.

They sat in silence for a few moments until Lee started squirming in his chair. "Problem, Captain?"

"Yeah." Lee stopped squirming to glare at her. "And I think you know what that is."

"I want to hear you say it."

"Kara."

"Come on, Lee. Ask nicely."

Lee squinted his eyes at her and groaned when he realized she was serious. "Come on!"

"Ask."

"I hate you."

"But…"

"But I need you, too. In this one instance, I need you. So come the frak on, Kara!"

"I don't recall hearing please."

Lee groaned. "Fine. Can I please have my underwear back, Lieutenant Thrace?"

Kara's laughter carried through the corridor despite the closed hatch.