Chapter 3
Pam had almost spent 72 hours in bed. She had changed into a t-shirt and sweats when she got home dropping her dress to the floor where it stayed all weekend. She was chilled to the bone and kept Jim's sweater wrapped around her the entire time. Roy had come in 2 hours after she arrived home. He had lied to her when he told her he was tired because he been at the bar. He smelled of cheap beer and smoke. He stumbled into bed and reached for her. Did he really expect her to have sex with him? She couldn't imagine ever touching him again. The thought of him inside of her never set her heart racing but now it was a complete turn off. She pushed Roy away and luckily he fell asleep soon after. Her world was crashing down on her. She didn't know what to do. Pam tried to think of what to do but was at a loss.
Her first night wide awake was spent in trying to think of what to say to Jim. He was her best friend. He loved her. He kissed her. She was engaged. That is as far as she could get. She looked at the clock and woke Roy up for work. She knew she should get herself together but she just couldn't do it. How could she? Her world had collapsed and she didn't know where to go or who to be. After Roy's shower, he came back into the bedroom. "Why aren't you dressed?"
She didn't want to talk but had to say something. "I don't feel well." Her voice was strained and dry so she sounded sick.
Roy looked concerned and felt her forehead. "Well, you don't have a fever." He stated the oblivious.
Pam shrugged as if to say what do you want from me? She settled for just repeating herself. "I don't feel well."
He nodded. "I will tell Michael."
She half smiled at him. "Thanks" With those nine words all of her energy was gone and she slumped back into bed. As she heard the door lock behind Roy, she hugged Jim's sweater around herself. She felt a bit guilty for being such a chicken but she couldn't face Jim.
She could hardly believe herself how she acted with him. She was an engaged woman but all she wanted last night was to be with another man. She wanted to be with Jim. She knew she shouldn't but she loved him with her whole heart. What the hell was wrong with her? She was engaged to Roy and the date was set. She couldn't deny she wanted to make love to Jim. She had never felt so wanton before in her life. Last night, she really thought she would die if Jim didn't take her right there on his desk. But it was more than lust which is why it broke her heart into a million pieces. She wanted him to push her back onto the desk, pull up her dress and thrust into her. Oh yes she wanted Jim beyond all reason. She wanted Jim to have her as his own if only for that one time. She really should think of something else. Having been pressed up against him, she could envision his size and it made her blush. She wanted all of him up inside of her as he kissed her breasts. Her body instantly prepared itself for such a pleasurable intrusion. God, she should be ashamed. She was laying here in Roy's bed fantasizing about her best friend.
As shameful as it was this isn't the first time she has had unclean thoughts about Jim. If the truth be told and it probably shouldn't a number of times, too many to count Jim has played starring roles in her head. She has spent quality alone time pondering the possibilities of Jim with very satisfactory results. She would imagine how he kissed. How he might taste. How he hands would feel on her body. She knew without a doubt he would be a loving and considerate lover. Pam hated every one of his girlfriends because even though there weren't many of them she knew they were getting what she could never have. She hated when he was dating someone and he came in from his weekend happy. She knew when he had sex because even though he was happy there was a bit of guilt in his eyes and he couldn't look her in the eyes for a while. In reality, there was no reason he should feel guilty but she couldn't help if that gave her a bit of pleasure. It needled her to think he could be with someone other than her. Although she knew that was crazy since she had Roy. She made sure on those days to kiss Roy in front of Jim. It was wrong to try to punish a guy for just trying to find some happiness, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. She was awful!
But now she had experienced some of her fantasy in real life. How could she face him? How could she look at him and not need more? It was wrong terribly wrong so until she could get a grip on herself she needed a place to hide. So here in her bed, in Jim's sweater was the safest place to be. She put her face down into the sweater and breathed in his scent. Her insides went liquid. Oh. Dear. Pam loved his smell. She felt herself tighten. She could easily imagine Jim inside her. Oh, why was that? She should put an ending to this but she couldn't stop thinking about the truck not honking its damned horn. She couldn't help it if her fingers slid into her sweats. Pam knew she could never have him in reality so why not fantasy? Yes, why not? She deserved it. This was always how the justification started. It always continued with the fact that Roy was not exactly the greatest in bed. Occasionally she would get lucky and her timing would be right for her to enjoy sex but for the most part it was over before she was even on simmer. Roy would be asleep in seconds. She was in the habit of needing to have her fingers do the walking on most occasions. For quite a while now, she would mentally invite Jim into her bed and he would finish her with his lovely long fingers. Jim was always there for her, filling her with happiness and love. So what if in her fantasy, he was filling her literally.
She had been so close to boiling over last night that it took her almost no time to bring herself to the edge of sanity. Feeling Jim's weight on her as he entered her made her blind with pleasure. The thought of Jim thrusting inside her, sliding in and out of her was too much for her to handle... One, Two, Three, put her right over the top. Jim! Oh Jim! Yes! Oh! She groaned out into the empty room as waves of pleasure shook her body. She put her face into the sweater and inhaled him. Before she even righted her sweats, she was crying so hard she felt she would never stop.
How could she be such a bad person? She was engaged. She loved Jim. No, I love Roy. I should love Roy. I just got off on thinking about my best friend. What kind of sick person does that? Why don't I love Roy? Tears were streaming down her face. She couldn't love Roy because he isn't Jim. Why isn't Roy more like Jim? Because no one is like Jim. Jim is...Jim. It was early afternoon when she woke up. She must have cried herself to sleep. She wanted to talk to Jim. She needed to see him but what could she say?
The clock slowly ticked by every minute of every hour until it was late Sunday night. Roy stayed away from her because she said she was sick. He jokily approached her for some loving a couple of times and she refused him because she didn't want to make him sick. The truth was she couldn't imagine allowing Roy to touch her since Jim had kissed her. That was a real problem. She was most relieved when he went to the bar so she could be alone with her thoughts. Pam was glad when Roy took to his old habit of sleeping on their couch. She didn't want to sleep next to him. Pam just wanted to lay wrapped in Jim's sweater and try to clear her head. Good Lord, what a mess!
She got to work at a quarter to nine on Monday. She had no idea what she would say to Jim today but she needed to be here. She was nervous, so she picked up the littered candy wrappers left by who ever were on the phones replacing her on Friday. She recognized the candy wraps. It must have been Ryan. Straightening up took all of three minutes. FreeCell always helped to calm her down when life was crazy so she tried to play a game of that. Although try as she might she couldn't concentrate. It was 8:55. Everyone else seemed to be filing in making inane comments about their weekends but no Jim. Argghhh! How could he do this to her? By 9:16 she knew what he must have experienced on Friday. She should have come in on Friday. His day must have been horrible. By 9:24 she was wondering if he were coming in at all. It would serve her right for hiding. At 9:26 Michael was yammering and she was sure it was to Jim. Yup. They walked off the elevator and right past her. Jim blinked as he saw her. God, she looked so beautiful. He mouthed "Hey" then quickly turned back to response to what Michael was asking.
Funny, the one day Michael decides it is time to work is the worse day ever. Pam notices Jim doesn't look that good. He looks exhausted and upset but he is struggling to appear normal. He seems almost openly frustrated with Michael who is holding him captive in his office. Jim sits so he can see Pam out of the corner of his eye as Michael blathers on and on. Pam catches Jim looking at her. She blushes and quickly looks away.
Jim can't believe Michael can't shut the hell up. Apparently, the sales he landed on Friday, impressed the hell out of corporate. He knowingly landed some very big accounts the DM couldn't attract prior to Jim's calls. Now his reward was being talked to by Michael on strategies for the future until he felt his brain was going to bleed out his ears. No good deed goes unpunished! Michael seemed to tail him everywhere. He couldn't get a moment alone with Pam to save his life and right now it was the only thing that might. Pam looked beautiful as always but she had dark circles under her eyes. She might not have had the best weekend in history either.
He wanted to talk to her but just as he made it to her jellybean jar; Michael appeared to drag him into his office yet again. With a roll of his eyes, Jim followed Michael back into his personal hell.
So went the day. They were able to exchange looks but not actually words beyond "Hey" and "Bye". It was so frustrating! Pam wanted to pull her hair out. There was nothing to be done as Roy picked her up at 5:00 sharp.
