Chapter 5
It
was still raining. When he finally got to his car, he was soaked. He
didn't care. May be he would get sick and die. Sounded like a better
option then what he needed to do. His hair kept dripping on his
cheeks. His face was wet he couldn't tell if it was from the rain or
the quiet tears he shed once again for Pam. He figured it didn't
matter. He sat in his car and rested his head on the steering wheel.
He felt the overwhelming loss of something he never really had. How
many times can your heart break? Isn't there a fucking limit? Jim
needed to take the transfer. He knew that now. There was no other
choice. She gave him no other choice. He wouldn't be able to survive
watching her marry someone else. He couldn't stand the pity he saw in
his co-workers faces.
He pulled himself together and called Jan. She was happy that he had finally made it official. She told him, he would be a great asset to her team and may be counterbalance Michael who was just an ass. Jim would start right after his vacation at Stamford. There was no way he was going back in there. He called Michael on his cell phone and told him he needed to use one of his many personal days to prepare for the transfer.
Jim made it home and to the safety of his sofa. He didn't move. He was in shock. Mark found him sitting there a few hours later. Mark got him a beer and eyed him carefully. Jim wasn't talking. He did accept the beer and take a swig from the bottle but without looking at Mark. Mark ordered some pizza. Jim didn't eat but he did take another beer. Mark cancelled his date and hung out with a very quiet Jim. A Jim who usually never has more than 2 beers was on his 6th. When he was going for his 7th, Jim swayed a little bit. Mark knew it was time to talk.
Mark simply asked, "So, what's new?"
Jim started laughing. "Nothing man. Nothing at all is freaking new. It is all the same. All of it! None of it matters. You know?" He wasn't really slurring his words but he was uninhibited with them.
Mark pushed a bit. "So what happen?"
Jim swung his head around to answer. "Just what I expected would happen." Shaking his head, "Go ahead tell me you told me so."
Mark was a bit offended at the accusation but chalked it up to Jim's current state. "You know I would never do that to you. What happen?"
Jim drank and talked. He told the whole sordid little story, sparing Mark none of the gory details. Mark listened and nodded and made no judgments. When Jim was done he said "I guess I got to get a new roommate, huh? But that doesn't let you off the hook for our monthly poker game."
Jim nodded. He spilled his guts and was raw with the pain. He lost her. You never had her. It was done. He was here a few more weeks and then a new beginning.
Meanwhile, Pam sat behind her desk. Her heart was crying but she pretended to be fine. She was almost able to convince her co-workers she was not slowly dying inside. She didn't have the luxury of good friends nearby. Later she would call her mom when Roy went to the bar. She would pour some of her guts out but not all of them. After all, she was marrying Roy and telling his soon-to-be mother-in-law that you loved your ex-best friend really didn't work well. Her mother wasn't born yesterday and knew her daughter was leaving good chucks of reality and emotion out of the conversation. She mostly listened and tried to comfort her. Her mom couldn't do much else. Pam was hurt, angry and feeling humiliated. She was glad she talked to her mom but she really needed her best friend. Pam could never have that again. Upon hanging up from her mom, Pam slipped into Jim's sweater, inhaled deeply and cried herself to sleep.
