Chapter 10
Jim repeated himself. It was pathetic of him to still harbor hope. But after what they just shared how could he not hope? "Pam, please tell me what you just said." He was practically growling at her.
Pam was feeling pushed and pressured. She got a little snappish with him out of frustration mixed with humiliation. "I said...oh never mind. It doesn't matter." She turned her head away from him.
"Pam, I really need to know what you said." Jim hated that he sounded so desperate but this was his life she was talking about...this was everything. He couldn't have possibly heard what he thought he heard.
Pam looked away from his stare. He moved slightly and an aftershock of pleasure went through her. Jim was still inside her and they were still connected. Several breathes passed and the only sound was their hearts returning to normal.
"Pam." It came out like a plea for mercy. He needed to know what the hell she had said. Jim shifted his weight and watched her moan. A little smile of smug satisfaction crossed Jim's face. Finally, he felt as if he had a little power over her. He hadn't really softened at all and her little passionate mews only aroused and hardened his further. "I." Jim moved himself back, completely enjoying her whine of disappointment. "Need." He pushed back inside a place he wished never to leave. "You." Jim ground himself down on her while she groaned in want. "To." He pulled out only to shove himself back in. "Tell." Circling his hips, Pam's eyes rolled back in pleasure. Pulling back out, he froze and stared down at her. "Me." She was on the cusp of orgasm. Her eyes flew open as all the pleasurable friction had stopped. She moved her head back and forth when she found herself unable to move her hips at all.
"Jim." It was a demanding whine. It would have made Jim smile at how wanton Miss Beesley when it came to him but he ignored the ego boost.
Exasperation kicked in. "Pam! I need to know. Please." He refused to let her hide anymore. Jim took her face in his hands and held her so she was looking directly at him.
Pam was almost pouting but she said, "I love you. Okay?" Her body was moving anxiously trying to achieve some measure of friction but without his help would be unable to do so.
Jim's world shattered. She loves me! He was surprised not to hear angels sing. She loves me! He was staring at her blushing mad little face and smiled. "Yes! Yes, it's okay! It is better than okay! It is great!" Jim was just happy. It didn't matter that Pam didn't seemed to be happy about it. She loved him.
"Please Jim." She was breathless and needy.
He arched an eyebrow and innocently asked. "What?"
Pam's groan of torment was his undoing. Without further preamble, he gave her what she needed. She almost shouted with relief as she came on him. When her body stopped clenching him, he paused for a moment to take it in. She was in his bed, and she loved him. Life was too great for words sometimes. Pam looked up at him expectantly and smiled shyly. She blushed a bit with embarrassment though that didn't last long. Because Jim continued to love her some more until she cried out with him in complete satisfaction.
As he laid next to her cuddling her close and a fear gripped his heart. May be she said that just because of the distress, she was in. He needed to make sure it was real. "Pam, did you...you know mean what you said...before."
"What?" Pam was still a bit blissed out.
"When you said...you know...did you mean it?" Jim's insecurity bled through his words.
Pam smiled then frowned a bit. She nodded and quietly restated the oblivious. "I love you."
"Really! This is so great!" Jim was so unbelievably happy he was beside himself with joy.
"Oh yeah. It fabulous!" Pam was getting more annoyed with the situation and as she thought about it she didn't know how to turn it around. "I am engaged. You are leaving. It is freaking amazing!"
Jim could only smile at her. There was no way she was marrying Roy and there was no way they were going to be parted. So by his estimation it was 'freaking amazing'. "You love me." He kissed her mouth with a very happy kiss.
Pam started smiling back at him. Just like that Jim turned things around without doing anything other then kissing her. How did he do that? "Yes. We have established that fact." Her voice soften as she let the love she felt for him come through her voice as she stroked his cheek. "I love you. I love you more than anything in the entire world. You are my everything." She stopped and frowned a bit. "But that doesn't change the facts."
Jim stroked her face with his finger. "You can't marry Roy." He knew he had to say it. He always knew he was going to say it. He just didn't know he was going to say it after they had made love. "I am your best friend and I have should have said it long before this. Roy doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved." Jim knew he probably sounded like an idiot and he should have said it before. It probably would have saved them both a lot of pain.
Very softly Pam said, "I know." She entwined her fingers with Jim. "I have known for a long time I couldn't marry him but I didn't want to admit I had just wasted 10 years of my life."
Jim was trying not to be hurt and angry at what she was saying. "You didn't want to have wasted 10 years so you were going to toss away the rest of you life? You were going to toss away us?"
"You don't understand. There is a momentum that gets behind something you behind you want so much that it is very hard..." She stopped and just gave him a sad little smile. "I wasn't sure there was an us."
"What do you mean you weren't sure there was an us?" Jim found it amazing she could question their relationship.
"Let's see, you and I are best friends and we talked a lot at work. But that's what best friends do."
Jim injected. "Yeah but come on. All the looks we shared...all those moments. You had to know I loved you."
Pam protested. "You were dating quite a bit. There was always someone with you."
Jim grimaced. He had been dating various women but that was because he couldn't have her. "They meant nothing to me."
"Nice, Jim." Pam was a bit grossed out by that.
"No, Pam I mean I tried to make myself care about them but I couldn't." He pulled her close and gave her a hug. "I could never love them because they weren't you. I usually only started dating someone to numb the pain of never having you. You have ruined every relationship I have tried to have in the last 4 years." Jim didn't sound mad about it. He was just stating the facts.
Pam ran her fingers through his hair and without remorse said, "Good. I hated everyone of those girls." She blushed a bit. "I wanted what they had."
"Oh Pam they never had me. Ever." Jim wanted to make sure she understood.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Pam questioned him.
"Roy. You. I didn't want to be the guy to break up a relationship. I knew it wasn't right to have feelings for someone else's girl, but I couldn't help it. I thought if I gave you enough openings you would leave him on your own. But then you didn't. I thought that I really had misinterpreted our friendship." The familiar pain resurfaced as Jim spoke.
Pam rubbed her hands down his back. "I am sorry. I am sorry."
"Me too. We are just idiots." Jim shrugged.
"Hey, speak for yourself." Pam huffed at him. "So, now what are we going to do?"
Jim knew telling Roy and cancelling the wedding wouldn't be easy on her but after the last four years of hell it would seem like a picnic. He handed her his cell phone. "What ever we do, we do it together."
She took the phone and started dialing Roy's number. Pam paused and kissed Jim. "I love you!" With that one simple statement they both knew everything was finally going to be aright.
