CPOV
"Don't worry, sweetums."
"Where are you going?"
"Don't run away."
Then, a roaring laugh.
I was running as fast as humanly possible, my pulse crashing through my ears, as I whipped my head left and right, searching for an escape. I knew what this was. I knew how this would end. It was Liam.
He was coming for me.
The alleyway before me kept shrinking further and further away, my escape out of reach. My hair whipped all across my face, and I lost my footing in my pursuit, crashing to the hard, cold ground. Though I didn't feel it, I knew what happened next. My eyes shot to the fresh torrent of blood dripping down my leg.
Red. Sticky. Warm. Gross. Danger.
My hand blindly clamped down on it as I looked before me. The red eyes that continued to haunt me were close, too close, the dark shadows of his two minions following right behind him. I scrambled back, but was never fast enough.
Always too slow.
I opened my mouth to scream, only to be cut off by his cold, steel grip around my neck.
This was where the end came. This is where I died.
I kicked, writhed, thrashed my body around, trying to break free. His glinting eyes loomed closer and closer, but his mouth was just as close.
"Too bad..." he said, a sickening chuckle following right after. "You're mine first."
"A...l..e-e...c," I spat out, my voice coming in unfortunate cracks. No. No. I didn't want to be his. I felt my breath leaving me, and the hauntingly screeching laughs of his friends.
"Cheyenne," a soft voice called, piercing the horror that surrounded me. I knew that voice, but I'd never heard it until now.
"Cheyenne," it echoed again, louder this time, more urgent. Liam's eyes, evil, crimson, and hungry, began to change along with his face. Features blended together, and I began to recognize this face.
The most beautiful angel I ever encountered, speaking my name once again, staring back at me. I knew these eyes.
"Cheyenne!" the angel cried.
And his name halted in my throat.
I shot up in the darkness, my chest heaving, my eyes seeing nothing but black. I felt coolness all around me, and my hands desperately sought out my surroundings. I felt the familiar sheen of sweat on my skin, and heard the familiar cries coming out of my throat. My hands didn't stop until they found it; the solid, icy form I'd grown accustomed to being there every time this happened.
My bedside lamp illuminated the room softly with a click. As soon as I saw him, launched myself at him without thinking. His scent, the cool, fresh, tart and sweet berries filled my nose. I hid my face in the crook between his shoulder and neck as I sobbed.
These nightmares kept occurring to me for the last two nights, since the night of the attack itself. No matter how much I tried, or how much I slept, Liam's eyes and his hands remained seared into my brain.
I knew that he was gone; Alec assured me of that, and I believed him. But, it didn't stop the dreams from feeling so real.
I didn't realize I was chanting Alec's name in a desperate plea until he spoke.
"Cara," he said in my ear, his voice immediately chasing the fear away. I felt a blanket of calm enter my body when his left hand cautiously smoothed my hair. "How long is this going to go on?"
I screwed my eyes shut, trying to focus on just his touch and his smell. I breathed it in, letting it assault all of my senses.
Cold. Sweet. Alec.
"I know," I stuttered out, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. "I just...can't stop...he was there...and-"
"Shh," he hushed me, separating our bodies. I was placed away from him, but not far. My knee touched his as I now sat very closely in front of him. He took my chin in his hand, our eyes locking.
"No more speaking of it," he told me. "I told you that you are safe with me. That is all you need to worry about. Nothing else. I am not letting you out of my sight. How much more convincing is needed to show you?"
I shook my head, clamping my hand on the wrist that secured my chin. He thought I doubted him?
"It's not that," I hiccuped, noticing the frustration in his eyes had returned. The same from that night. I continued, speaking with conviction. "I know I'm safe with you. I'm not afraid of the...other vampire. I believe you when you tell me I'm safe with you, and that nothing can hurt me. And...I know that...he is gone. I believe you about that. I know what you can do, because I saw it. But the fact that it happened, Alec...still scares me. Okay? I can't just turn my dreams off."
I couldn't stop now; I was rambling, the guilt causing bouts of word vomit.
"It's all my fault, okay? I know that," my voice raised, new sobs threatening to erupt. "You hate me for messing it all up, and I don't blame you. I shouldn't have opened my dumb mouth that day, okay? I'm sorry. I know I've ruined everything for you by even being here, and existing, but that part wasn't my-"
My speech was cut off by his thumb pressing onto my lips, his eyes burning, and his face hard. If I didn't know any better, he would have passed for a real statue. My chest heaved as fresh tears spilled down my cheeks.
"You are still the most frustrating human I have ever met," he said so lowly, I almost missed it. He looked like he was contemplating something, a struggle becoming more evident by the moment. It felt like hours passed before he continued. I was too wracked with my own emotions to try to say anything.
"I hated you, yes. I despised you, human. You were the very bane of my existence for making me want to kill you. I still want to kill you, even now as I speak. You were once only food to me, a means to an end, and I saw nothing beyond your precious, sweet, blood that sings to me. You haven't even an ounce of an idea what I am going through right now, being this close to you."
Despite his words, I was steeled with certainty that he still wouldn't hurt me, or kill me. I tried to open my mouth to apologize for that, but he suddenly leaned in close, his breath fanning across my lips.
"I'm not finished," he asserted in a whisper, making my face flush. I was gone. My thoughts were gone. It felt so silent, that the only noise seemed to be my wet, thumping heart. I saw him swallow, and realized just how difficult it had been for him to clean my leg that night. I waited with bated breath for him to continue, in awe at the things he was revealing to me.
"As I told you once before, you are smarter than what I gave you credit for. Humans are so mundane and unaware, that it is easy for me to undermine them. It is difficult for me to grasp how insightful and detail-oriented you are, how different you are from them. You display so much emotion and vulnerability, that it has..." He swallowed once again, moving his thumb across my lips. His voice sounded so strained, I began to wonder if that was normal for a vampire.
"It has made it entirely impossible for me to stay away from you any longer," he finished, staring at my lips now.
My breath hitched.
Also, I think my heart stopped. Did it stop? Is the blood still rushing through my veins? Is this really happening? Why is every part of my body tingling? Does Ray have anymore Snickers bars in the kitchen? I ate that entire pan of lasagna...
Focus!
My hand moved to touch my throat, where although the bruises mysteriously disappeared, along with the cut on my leg and the ache in my hand, the memory still remained. Every time I woke up, I could still feel the ghost of Liam's icy touch gripping me, squeezing me.
"Don't," Alec snapped, pinning my hand to my thigh just as quick as I reached for it. "Although your idea proved to be a folly, I should have stayed close to you that night. I should not have left you alone. That proves to be the most dangerous thing I can do at this point."
I knew long ago that I couldn't deny what this was between us, this feeling. As strange as it was, me having a crush on a creature that I only thought existed in angst-filled teen romance novels, I wouldn't want things to be any other way right now. Suddenly, my little escape plan for the ball struck fear in me. If I escaped, I'd be leaving him behind.
But that's what you wanted, wasn't it?
I shoved the thought away; I couldn't think about that now. I still had yet to find out what it was that made Alec hate humans so much.
Wait...
"So, you...don't hate me now?" I asked hesitantly, for fear that my revelation might be wrong. A smoldering smirk appeared on his lips then, leaving me even more breathless. How could the simple lifting of someone's mouth muscles stir up such a delicious, burning feeling inside the pit of my stomach?
"Like I said before, I do not think you need to ask me that, cara."
"What does that mean?" I pressed. "What made you hate humans so much?"
I asked the wrong question. His smirk disappeared, and he was suddenly standing a few feet away from me. My body hated the lack of contact, instantly aching to feel his closeness again. I became stiff, watching him closely, afraid he would leave.
"That is a story for another time," he said dejectedly. Any traces of soft Alec were gone now, like this moment never happened. "Let's not be too hasty with the details just yet."
I felt slightly rejected, but I understood. Discussing his past was a huge thing, and it was clear that Alec wanted to take things slow. I hadn't told him my story, either; not that he asked, anyway.
"I'm sorry," I offered, a knee-jerk reaction of mine. I suddenly panicked. "Are you leaving?"
"Stay here," he ordered, and was gone before I could blink. Panic continued to wash over me. I didn't want to be alone, not after my plaguing nightmare and our newfound connection. I shoved the comforter off of me, the warmth making its way back to me way too fast. Alec's temperature was something I craved, and something I was getting used to; apparently, so much so, that I couldn't handle room temperature without it. The sweat on my skin still slightly lingered, and I vowed to keep myself busy for a moment to calm down.
I used the bathroom, and checked my reflection. No bruises. It still remained a mystery as to how it all happened. I went to bed the night before last, woke up, and they were gone. I figured things out pretty quick, but this one had me scratching my head. There couldn't be anything I ate or drank that could have-
"I brought you some tea," Alec's voice broke me out of my thoughts, and my attention was immediately captured. I flicked the bathroom light off, and got a wave of deja vu upon seeing the hot, steaming mug of what I knew was chamomile tea. Relief flooded through me at his return. I wanted more of his company, wanted to know about him. It suddenly seemed silly of me to worry that he would leave.
I returned to my spot in the bed, accepting the mug from him. My chest grew warm at his gesture; though Alec hadn't been human for years, it impressed me how he knew what I needed as one.
"You should not have nightmares anymore tonight," he told me, his voice empty. "It seemed to work well for you previously."
"It did," I agreed with a nod, taking my first tentative sip. I felt the warmth spread through me as it traveled down my throat and into my stomach. I knew it would work its magic fast.
The air was filled with an awkwardness, but the pulsing, electric current between us counteracted that. I didn't know whether to keep quiet or not, but the feeling itself was screaming in the atmosphere between us.
Apparently, my brain just wanted to keep betraying me tonight, and offer excessive word vomit.
"Do you feel that?" I blurted after my second sip. My thumb anxiously tapped against the rim of the mug.
Welp. No going back now, I guess.
"What?"
"I know you know what I'm talking about," I answered, shoving the mug to my lips. My pulse was strumming erratically. "You...you couldn't even stand to be near me a week ago, and now..."
He was silent, painfully so. I was quickly realizing that I couldn't even stand it when he didn't talk. I needed to hear him talk, to have that constant reminder that he was actually real, and...returning my feelings?
"I suppose it would be useless of me to deny it, given that I just admitted my reluctance to leave you alone," he finally answered, coming closer to me; my body reacted accordingly. "But, just to confirm..."
I was suddenly swept up onto my feet, the mug no longer in my hands, as Alec anchored me against his body. My nerves loved every bit of it, humming like live wires, my stomach twisting in the best possible way. The strong, electric current sparked and flowed between us, almost as if we were one. I stared at him, and he stared back, his right arm anchored around my waist, while his left hand took my right.
I'd held hands with him twice now; the day of the fight, and two nights ago at the club. Even then, the feeling hadn't been near as strong as it was now. I felt an overwhelming desire to get closer, to have him hold me, to jump forward and lock my lips with his; for this could not be described, or expressed with mere words.
My heart beat impossibly faster and slower at the same time, being this close to him also calming me. I felt utterly and completely safe, invincible, really, knowing fully well that he could and would protect me. He held my trust, and I only hoped that I held his as well.
His face leaned close to mine just like before, eliciting an involuntary shudder from me, and not because of his temperature.
"Is this what you are talking about?" he whispered, his tone telling me he knew all too well what I meant. "This unfathomable, omnipotent, overwhelming desire to be as close to you as physically possible?"
Our eyes searched one another, and I only nodded once, feeling completely relieved that he felt it, too. His eyes, ever swimming with thirst, looked into mine so deeply, that I could actually see it, what he had been saying was true.
He had been right; I didn't need to ask him if he hated me, because I had the answer right before me. It had just been a matter of time before he showed it to me.
"And this..." he went on, his icy cold fingers sliding across my palm, sending the most delicious, electrifying tingle across my skin. I automatically closed my hand, our fingers intertwining together. His hand seemed to fit perfectly in mine, his long fingers splaying over the back of my hand in a comfortable fit. His right hand expertly, gingerly slipped the fabric of my huge T-shirt up on my back, his fingertips seeking contact with my overheated skin. I suppressed the groan that fought to make its way out of my throat. "This incomprehensible, stimulating, magnetic pull I have towards you? This tingle of electricity that ignites my very being when I touch you?"
I just about passed out; I'd never felt anything this intense, even during a monthly hormonal spike. I wanted to protect him, just as he wanted to protect me. I would sacrifice myself for him, if it meant he got to live. I would even walk through fire for this boy, even if it meant my own death. He'd put it in the exact words that I was thinking, if not better.
I nodded again, pretty sure that I was hyperventilating by now. I had no idea how to tell; the only thing I could hear was his deep, musical, sultry, attractive voice.
"Yes," I finally managed to whisper, my voice thick with emotion. He edged closer, tightening his grip on my waist. His fingertips continued to caress the skin of my lower back, and I swore that I could feel the tenderness behind it; the carefulness, considering his strength.
He wouldn't hurt me. He never would. Not on purpose.
"Yes. I feel it," he confirmed huskily.
"In all of my existence, I never once entertained the thought of a human eliciting such behavior from me," he continued, his voice dropping an octave. If my lady parts weren't quivering before, they sure were now. My simple, human body couldn't seem to handle this, the intensity of what I was feeling.
He dipped his head down to my neck, inhaling deeply, his nose skimming across my skin. I couldn't hold it in anymore; the locked-in whimper escaped my throat as another shiver rippled through my body.
"It is impossible for me to believe that I am at the mercy of a human," he shook his head, sighing into my neck. His scent hit my nose, and my eyes fluttered closed; yet, the shock of his words hit me. At my mercy? Did I secretly hold this much power over him? I couldn't believe that; he absolutely had me fooled this entire time if that was the truth.
"You don't have to be," I mumbled, realizing just how shallow my breathing had become. I allowed myself to take big breaths of air. I was never going to make Alec feel like he was at my mercy, because what? Because he felt the same way I did?
Maybe now I won't feel so on the edge of passing out from this man's touch, and his voice, I thought to myself as I kept breathing.
Alec pulled back from my neck, and in a way, I was grateful; the distance allowed me to catch my breath faster.
His eyes were taunting, heavy with thirst, lust, and...care?
"I seem to have no choice," he said, smiling ruefully, but still just as handsome. "Leaving you has dire consequences, and not just physical ones."
"Do you...like being around me, then?" I questioned, my voice squeaking. It seemed like an obvious question, but I still needed to know. "You were always annoyed, mad, and when I cut my leg, or my sing-"
He flashed me a dazzling smile, his white teeth glistening in the warm light. Then, the most beautiful, heart-breakingly wonderful, deep laugh followed, stealing my breath once again. I longed to hear that sound as much as his voice, now.
"Do I like being around you?" He repeated my question, shaking his head before dipping his head into my neck again. He inhaled slowly, deeply again like before, his very own shudder ripping through his body. I'd never seen a vampire shudder before; it almost made him look human. He skimmed his nose up my neck, stopping at my ear. His voice was low.
"I will admit that tending to your fresh wound was...the most excruciating experience with you thus far. You have no idea how close I came to just drinking from you in that moment. Your blood..." Suddenly, his lips ran across the pulse point on my neck, indicating what he meant. I remembered how he was trying to distract himself from it by asking me questions that made no sense.
"That's why you were asking me all of those questions..."
He nodded.
"A distraction. And, it worked very well. I was amazed that you caught onto it so quickly."
"Why didn't you kill me...that night? The first time..." I asked, remembering the very first time I spoke to him, being positioned nearly just like we were now. He stopped his escapade, pulling back to face me. His lips left a warm tingle in their wake, feeling every bit as good as his touch alone. His eyes were somber, hard, as he clenched his jaw. He seemed to pause, contemplating something.
"That is a question for another time," he said quietly. "May I remind you again not to get too hasty?"
"What can you tell me?" I asked, almost desperately. "Can't I ask something that you'll answer?"
"Within reason," he conceded, a teasing smile gracing his lips. "I do not believe you are ready to hear everything just yet."
I decided to copy the little game I created from that night. I thought of an easy question, one that he wouldn't be so iffy to answer.
Oh!
"Why did you pretend to be my boyfriend when we went to town that day?" I asked, my face flushing red as soon as I thought of it. "You hated me back then."
His mouth pressed into a grim line, then, as his eyes narrowed. A growl rumbled in his chest, and, being pressed against him, I could feel it.
I know it's probably wrong of me to feel turned on by this, but I am, I thought to myself as I fought back a laugh. I had a feeling that I knew why he did it.
"If you want the simple answer, I suppose you could say I was jealous," he growled. My brows shot up in surprise.
Alec? Jealous? Of another boy hitting on me? Me?
"Don't. Ever. Touch. What's. Mine."
It echoed in my head, and the question caught in my throat.
"You...of him? Me? You were jealous of him flirting with me?"
"Is it that difficult for you to believe?" he asked, perching his brow. "Have you already forgotten about the feelings I have professed to you?"
I shook my head vehemently, watching as his eyes looked at me with amusement.
"No, it's just that...I mean, look at you," I blurted, my brain clearly a fan of word vomit tonight. "And, me, I'm...just..."
Not near as beautiful as Camilla, and probably never will be.
Although I had yet to see her, it didn't take much to know that she would be inhumanely beautiful.
"Do you question your own level of physical beauty?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "Because, I can assure you, you are nothing short of desirable."
I swallowed, furrowing my brows, incapable of deciphering what he just said.
"You...actually think I'm..." I cringed, saying the word like it was a disease. "Pretty?"
"No," he said, his voice icy and sharp. I faltered, beginning to step away from him, but he pulled me right back.
"You are far beyond being merely pretty," he finished, his voice turning into silk. "Why do you think so low of yourself?"
I opened and closed my mouth, contemplating telling him. I mean, it only seemed fair; he confessed his innermost thoughts to me. I'd never gotten a chance to tell him anything about myself, besides little things two nights ago.
"Bullying will do that to you," I said evenly, waiting for his reaction.
He stood motionless, frozen in place, a hard expression carved on his face.
I had the notion that he was mad at the kids who made me feel the way I did.
Until he closed his eyes, his jaw clenched as he brought my wrist to his nose, inhaling once again.
"I...admit that I should not have said those things to you," he said, his voice clipped. My eyes widened, said hand moving on its own accord to cup his cheek.
"No!" I exclaimed, relieved when his gorgeous, ruby eyes opened and met mine again. "No, that's not what I meant! Well..." I backpedaled, remembering the things he did say to me.
"I mean, yes, you...did hurt my feelings when you said those things, but...I didn't mean you. There were kids at my school who did it to me. Girls made fun of me, and...well, boys never liked me, so..." I shrugged. "I just kind of put two and two together."
"You allowed the insignificant opinions of your peers to define you?" he asked in a hard voice.
"When you're a person like me, it sticks with you," I said insecurely. "I'm probably the most sensitive person you will ever meet. And that was really hard for me to admit just now."
I was actually afraid that Alec would say something mean in this moment. Old habits die hard.
He closed his eyes once again, his brows knitting together. He appeared to be calming himself, turning his nose into my wrist once more.
"I ought to find them, and..." Another inhale. The shake of his head. "I, myself, am also to blame. I should not have said those things to you, and I deeply, sincerely apologize. I was in a state of denial at the time, and it was unforgivable. So, to your answer your question, yes; I very much like being around you. Do you know how long I have been wanting to do this?"
He held up my wrist, inhaling again to make his point. Why Alec would want to be smelling me while my blood sang to him, I had no idea.
I leaned my forehead against his, closing my own eyes. We were extremely close now, just a breath away.
"Good to know that you think so," I teased, rolling my eyes. "But I forgive you. And...I'm glad that you think I'm 'more than pretty'."
"Oh, if I had it my way, I would show you just how desirable you are, cara," he purred. While his words sang to my lady bits below, my own insecurity came back to shadow it. He got terribly angry for bringing her up last time, but I couldn't help the game of comparison. She had actually engaged with him like that, and I had not. She had her hands and lips all over him, once upon a time, and the image twisted painfully in my gut.
I pulled back, hesitantly stepping away, my insecurity wrapping around me like a cold vice. He noticed my movements, and followed me so. His hands anchored down on both of my hips, holding me in place. I was at arm's length from him now, but he didn't pull me any closer. He sensed my hesitancy, searching my face.
"Have I revealed too much?" he asked in a detached voice. I shook my head, and took a deep breath, averting his eyes.
"I...just..." I felt my face heat up, willing to take the blow of his anger once again.
"Tell me, cara," he urged. He nudged me closer to his body, but I planted my feet in place. He growled.
"I'm just not Camilla, okay?" I blurted harshly, shutting my eyes tightly, as if that would hide me from my own insecurities. I yanked myself away from him, turning my body away. I allowed the word vomit this time, since he was playing nice. "I know you hated me for bringing her up, and I'm sorry, but I can't help it. Felix and Demetri told me all about her, and your history with her, and...I'm not the kind of person she is; all confident and beautiful and sure of herself and all those other things. I'm too innocent for you, and I can't give you what she has-"
It was humiliating, the way tears stung my eyes and escaped down my cheeks. Alec turned me back to him, his icy, strong hands cradling my face. No matter how hard I tried to wrench my head and push his arms away, it was no use.
"Look at me, Cheyenne," Alec's voice rang with so much authority, that my eyes obeyed.
If he didn't look angry enough before, he looked absolutely livid now. Yet, his thumbs swept so gently across my cheeks, wiping the tears away.
"Now listen," he commanded, his voice lowering two octaves, and I did. I looked shamefully into his eyes, ready to reap the consequences of bringing up something so taboo.
"I am not angry with you for bringing her up. I am angry that you would dare compare yourself to her. Camilla," he spoke her name like a curse word. "is forever a part of my past, and that is a past I no longer wish to associate with. I never once held an ounce of interest for her, and I never will. For once, I am ashamed of my past, and of every relation I have had before you. Camilla is not, and never was, important to me. She was a mistake. She is hopelessly infatuated with me, yes, but I have not seen or even touched her in nearly a century, and I do not plan on crossing paths with her ever again. She does not possess even the slightest bit of what you have inside of her, and she will never be able to compare to you. She has never been kind, caring, loyal, genuine, open, selfless, or sensitive, and perhaps that is why I chose to once be in relations with her. She was just as selfish and vain as I, and it seemed like an easy arrangement at the time. But, I do not want Camilla, nor did I ever want her. She was simply a means to an end, a means of entertainment for me. I was careless with my choices, tesoro, but I no longer want to make those choices. She has done nothing but aggravate me over the years, and render me more bitter. I know what I want; I know who I want, and it is not her. It will never be her. You are the most important thing to me now, ever. You are the one that I want. Do you understand?"
I felt his words pierce through my cage of insecurity, breaking its chains and setting me free. The more he spoke, the more assured I grew. Tingling, reassuring warmth flooded my body, covering every nerve and cell. The confirmation of his words and the conviction they held had me wondering why I worried so much about Camilla. Felix, Heidi, and Demetri were right; Alec really didn't like her. All of my fears seemed silly now, as I held his gaze. He meant it, every word. The crimson of his eyes flamed with anger, despair, determination, and most of all, want. Want for me.
I nodded fully, wanting so badly to crash my lips into to his to show him how silly I felt, and how much I believed him. I felt warmth spread through my chest as he emphasized that he only wanted me.
"Good," he whispered, removing his hands from my face. Before my body could protest for long, his hands moved in lightning speed, grabbing my hips and pulling me toward him again. The familiar sizzle began, my shape molding to his, fitting perfectly together. My hands gripped onto his biceps as he leaned down, pressing his cheek against mine.
"One more thing," he said into my ear.
"Hm?" I responded, my lack of sleep beginning to catch up with me. Or, maybe it was all the crying I'd done.
"I am not the slightest bit interested in blondes," he enunciated slowly, and I was suddenly awake again. Oh.
Two could play at that game. I learned that Alec was an extremely flirtatious person, which wasn't something I was used to. But now, as I knew exactly what I was going to say, I knew he'd rubbed off on me just a little bit.
"Neither am I."
He snorted, beginning his descent down my neck once again with his nose. I secretly loved it, and it was easy to see that this would be a regular habit of his.
"I figured," he muttered. "That imbecile in the mall never stood a chance."
I hummed, enjoying what he was doing way too much. My heart galloped comfortably, and then...
"Camilla's coming to the ball," I voiced out loud. He stopped, sighing, before pulling back.
"And I will take care of her," he said with finality, his face empty and serious. "As I see it, she will be paying a deadly price if she attempts to cause any trouble with you. She would not dare cross me."
"Don't. Ever. Touch. What's. Mine."
It echoed again, the question bubbling its way up my throat. While protective Alec made my heart skip a beat, there was still one question left unanswered from that night. Alec raised his brow at me, prompting me to ask. My face was always too open.
"Why did you say that to...him, that night?" I croaked, refusing to say his name. "I heard you, when you saved me...You said-"
His expression melted, a soft smile spreading across his face. He lifted his hand, his thumb caressing my cheek. The gesture was so simple, yet so intimate, I wondered how we both went without this for so long.
"I know what I said," he replied softly. "Isn't it obvious? Because you are mine. I have held a protective instinct for you from the moment you set foot inside this castle. I rejected it for the longest time, and then..."
His face hardened, his eyes clouding over with the memory.
"When I heard you scream for me...and I saw you..." he shook his head, closing his eyes as if it overwhelmed him. A twisted, feral growl escaped from this throat. "Something unleashed inside of me. At that point, I apprehended that I could no longer deny what I was feeling. I acknowledged that I would not be able to go back to who I was, and what I was doing. As much as I wished for you scent to stop taunting me from the very beginning, it was then I understood that the possibility of your death was more important to me. I would not have been able to live with myself if..."
He paused, shaking his head at the unfathomable thought. It was hard to believe the change in him, that he didn't want me dead now, seeing as he was threatening to kill me just last week. I covered his hand with my own, pressing my cheek into his palm; letting him know I was here, alive. He continued like that for a few more moments, before opening his eyes again, meeting mine.
"It was quite a feat for me to attempt to ignore it for all of this time, especially leaving you alone with Felix or Demetri; I know now that this was something instilled in me from the very beginning of this life; it was inevitable, sealed into my fate. It is an overwhelming, eternal, powerful, and purely instinctual desire to protect you from anything and everything. I will absolutely kill anybody if it meant keeping you safe from harm; no matter what."
Would he kill Aro? Caius? Marcus? Chelsea? His own sister?
"Jane?" I whispered, my voice disappearing. His expression was torn, his eyes hard, unblinking. Silence followed for what felt like an hour, before he spoke in a hollow, empty voice.
"Even Jane. Not even my sister is allowed to harm you."
"But..." I protested, astonished. He placed his index finger over my lips, silencing me, his expression unchanging.
"No buts. I know what I am up against now. It is not for you to worry about. Do you understand?"
I gave a small nod, having lost this one. How could he be able to end his own sister for me? I didn't think I ever could kill my own brother or David if something happened to Alec. I just couldn't.
But how would you feel if they did do something to Alec?
No, I protested, hating that thought. I would be every shade of angry, that was for sure. But, Alec, killing his own sister for me? Killing his own flesh and blood, the one person he's known for his entire existence?
I felt sick. I didn't know what I was going to do when David found out about Alec and me.
"Cara," he crooned to me. It brought me straight out of my reverie, feeling his thumb run across my cheek once again. I looked up at him, blinking a few times.
"Is there anything else you would like to ask?" he asked coolly, dipping his head back down to his previous spot in the crook of my neck. He began at my shoulder, moving his way up slowly.
"Are you going to be doing that a lot?"
"I can stop if you like," he replied casually, his nose right underneath my ear. Goosebumps spread all over my skin, successfully earning Alec a shudder from me. I felt him smile against my neck, and cursed myself.
"N-no, it's fine," I stuttered, pinching my eyes shut in humiliation. "But...isn't it hard for you? To be around me like this?"
"Yes," he answered roughly. "You have no idea."
"Then why don't you stop?" I asked tentatively, my voice small. He moved across my throat, over to the other side of my neck.
"Maybe I enjoy torturing myself," he said, amused, after inhaling deeply. "I have been quite the monster. Am I making you uncomfortable?"
"No," I said a little too quickly, my voice squeaking.
God, no. Are you kidding? I'm enjoying this way too much, and I think I might have ruined this pair of underwear.
"Does my presence appeal to you, human?" he asked smugly, all too proud of himself for what he was doing; and he knew what he was doing. I smiled in spite of myself, remembering that was the very first thing he had ever asked me. But, of course, things were different now, and I no longer had to hide it.
"It always did. I was just never going to admit it at first, because I was mad," I answered clearly, deciding to take a jab myself. "I don't even think I have to ask you about me."
Given that your nose is currently buried in my neck, I thought.
"No need to ask," he hummed, tucking my hair behind my ear so he could dig his nose right underneath it. "I have made myself perfectly clear."
Any clearer, and I think I'll end up naked, I thought again. Dang it, what was wrong with me? I never had such inappropriate thoughts like this before. This was all new territory that I was exploring; it was both frightening and exciting.
And Alec's close proximity was making me lose my focus on reality.
"What do I...smell like?" I asked uneasily, wondering what it was that made me smell so good. To me, I didn't smell like anything, unless I was freshly showered. I had no access to any type of body spray, so I relied on the perfume of body wash, deodorant and shampoo alone. I was pretty sure my mouth needed some mouthwash at the moment, and I hadn't showered since this morning. But apparently, that wasn't how vampire senses worked.
A strangled noise came from his throat, something close to my previous whimper.
"Intoxicating," he breathed. "A strange, heavenly mix of..." Inhale. "Rose, mint..."
He leaned back, bringing my wrist up to inhale there, as well.
"Jasmine...sandalwood," he finished, his eyes closed serenely. "So potent, so earthy...yet, slightly sweet and cooling."
To me, that didn't sound like something appetizing to eat; it sounded exactly like scents that you'd find in Febreze wall plug-ins, Glade candles, or even essential oils.
Vampires had a strange palette.
I just nodded, knowing soon enough I'd be experiencing the same thing he was.
"So...why do you enjoy this if it causes you so much pain, again?" I repeated, watching him lose himself in my scent. He paused, then, his eyes settling on me. He lowered my arm.
"After witnessing you being nearly mauled, I realized that I would never experience such a scent as this again if he had been successful. And..." he paused, swallowing, his eyes roaming over my face. "I did not want to be without you. I guess, perhaps, you could say that it made me appreciate your scent, and your existence. When I caught him with you, the possibility dawned on me, and now, I cannot fathom how I even wished for you to be dead in the first place. It is unimaginable to me."
"Is that part of why you've been staring at me like I'm going to disappear lately?" I asked, wondering if he'd answer me that. He smirked, moving his hand toward my face. His fingers ghosted across my jaw, eliciting the magnetic pull.
"Always so observant," he mumbled softly, his brows pulling together. "That is part of it. After your incident in town, I was rather impressed with your combative skills. It intrigued me, and piqued my curiosity about you."
"Is that why you didn't even bother to jump in and help me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, though I was just kidding. He frowned, his fingers pausing in their place.
"You were in the sunlight, cara," he informed me. "But, I would not have had to do much to help you." He smirked to indicate his point, making my heart skip a few beats. I hadn't even noticed that the sun was shining in our arena of choice that day. My joke turned on me.
"So, you've been staring at me like that because you're curious about me?" I asked, squinting. "Why didn't you just ask?"
"That is not the only reason. It is a combination of multiple factors. You intrigued me while angering me simultaneously, and worried me half to death with your dangerous encounter that night. And, given the way you detested me and my behavior, I assumed you would not have been willing to answer me," he said, giving his attention back to my wrist now. He buried his nose back into the inside of my arm, inhaling. "Like I said before, I was in quite a bit of a denial. I was determined to figure you out on my own without your help."
"You can ask now," I suggested quietly, watching him. He looked so open and vulnerable this way. It was hard to grasp, seeing this huge change in him, and hearing him speak about me this way. It was difficult to believe that he actually thought and felt this way. He looked impossibly perfect with his eyes closed, the long, dark lashes brushing against the hollows of his eyes, and his expression so peaceful. He opened them, giving me my arm back, his face serious, but curious.
"Are you afraid of me?" he inquired, tilting his head innocently. I immediately shook my head, holding his gaze.
"Why?" he continued, and I shrugged.
"I don't know," I admitted. "The things you did were scary, but I was never afraid of you. Yelling in general scares me, but I never took any of your threats seriously. To be honest, you were all bark and no bite. You said you were going to hurt David, and you never did. You told me, more than once, that you were going to kill me, and you didn't. You were always so callous, but then you would never back it up. And...the more time you spent with me, the safer I felt. You reassured me more than once that I'm safe with you, even though you hated me. I knew that, even though you did want to kill me, you wouldn't, because of Aro. You said it was your job to protect me, and I knew that meant you weren't allowed to harm me. I used logic, but knowing you wouldn't hurt me became more of a gut feeling over time."
He righted his head, slightly narrowing his eyes as I spoke. He studied my face with an entertained look, his face frozen like a statue. He stayed that way for so long, I feared that he had actually become stuck that way. I was just about to wave my hand in his face, when he mumbled.
"So smart. I am beginning to think you are much too intelligent for me to fool. You continue to leave me in awe of you, human."
I frowned, then, sighing.
"Are you ever going to stop calling me that? I do have a name, you know," I reminded him. "You don't see me calling you vampire."
His lips twitched into a smile as he leaned forward to brush his lips against my forehead.
"And so demanding," he teased, but then turned serious. "I am sorry. There are many things I have done that are unforgivable to you. Becoming angry with you for bringing up my past with Camilla is on the top of that list. I should not have shouted at you for that. It was unexpected of you to be so daring, and throw my past right into my face."
He sighed against my forehead, the chill and electricity from his lips sending a shiver over my body. I wanted to stay just like this, where time didn't seem to exist with him, and bask myself in his closeness, and this feeling. My body sang for more, the warm, buzzing energy surging through it. I shook my head against his lips.
"It's not unforgivable," I said. "I've forgiven you for those things already. I probably shouldn't have said it, anyway. Felix and Demetri put all of these ideas in my head about her. And when Felix told me how you met in the first place, I just felt kind of..."
"Jealous?" Alec finished, smirking against my skin. I stayed silent, not wanting to admit that, but yes.
"There is nothing to be jealous of, cara," he added firmly. "She could never hold a candle to you. If it is any consolation to you, I regret her entirely. I will never desire another the way I desire you. It is irrevocably impossible for me."
"I know," I whispered, remembering his rant from earlier, which led me to another question. "She doesn't have a gift, does she? That could hurt me?"
He dragged his lips down my temple, all the way to my cheek, before shaking his head and pressing them lightly against my skin. My eyes fluttered closed, the sensation of it turning my body into a live wire. A shiver crawled down my body, screaming for his own to become one with mine. I wanted him to keep going, to venture lower, to...
"Nothing to worry about," he assured me, interrupting my thoughts; probably for the best. "She would have nothing to offer, even if she did. She holds no redeeming qualities. And, I would suspect that no gift would affect you, seeing as none of ours did."
He had a point; could I really be immune to every vampire's gift? And if I was, why was I?
"Why am I your singer in the first place?" I asked, our position reminding me of that. "I thought you hated it."
He stroked my cheek with his thumb, pulling his lips away to look down at me. His arm tightened around my waist, his face now blank, but his interested eyes never changed. I could focus a little more now.
"No one knows the reason as to why one's blood sings to us," he explained softly. "It is just a happenstance. It holds no meaning, but every immortal's senses receive scents differently. For example, you will not smell near as enticing to Felix, Demetri, or even Aro as you do to me, and vice versa with me to their appointed singers. As for if I hate it..." He paused, trailing his finger down my jaw, my throat, across my collarbone, before laying his palm flat against my chest, where my heartbeat hammered away underneath my shirt.
"I did hate it," he finished solemnly. "And, I still do."
I froze, contemplating moving away. Although he just claimed to now appreciate my scent, he didn't exactly say that he loved it. Just because I smelled good, didn't mean this could have been enjoyable for him. I stepped back, one foot, then the other, until I was a few feet away. I clasped my hands behind my back, hiding my arms so he wouldn't be tempted by the pulse underneath. My body didn't like that, of course, crying out for me to go back to Alec, to return where I belonged.
Let's face it, nothing will really help. You have a pulse everywhere, I thought to myself.
He furrowed his brows, scanning me with his eyes. His face turned blank once again as he frowned at me.
"But, I did not say that I hated your scent," he added evenly. "I may be driven entirely mad by it and its potency, and my instinct to kill you, but I would never allow myself to be consumed by it. And, I do not hate you, if that is what you are thinking. I hate that I have this desire to kill you, simply because of your scent. I hate that I cannot be with you the way I desire, without needing to be conscious of my own strength every moment. I hate that there is a possibility of me killing you every single second I am near you. But, most of all, I hate it when I am not close to you. Now, will you please come back here?" He continued evenly, but pouted at the end. It was the single most adorable thing I had ever seen on the face of a deadly vampire, and I couldn't deny him.
I laughed for once, but stepped toward him tentatively. He grew impatient and growled, reaching out lightning fast to capture me once again. His arms caged protectively around my waist, anchoring me to him, prompting my body to thrum and tingle in delight.
"Much better," he approved. "Do you trust me?"
I nodded, not missing a beat.
"Then there is no need to worry," he said, bringing his heavenly, full lips to my forehead again. I was beginning to have a vice of my own; trying not to lock our mouths together. "See? I am fully behaving myself."
I snorted, his teasing bringing a bubble of giggles to my lips. I heard him hum in response, before gazing down to catch the smile on my face.
"That makes twice now," he commented, more so to himself. I gazed back, confused.
"Twice?" I inquired. What was he talking about?
"I have been able to make you laugh, twice. Before, I only sought to make you cry, and experience deep pain. But, now that I have seen you shed tears on my behalf..." He traced his thumb across my lips. "It has tortured me, and I never want to see or hear you weep because of me, ever again."
"So, you did hear me..." I trailed off, once again remembering the day he yelled at me for bringing up Camilla, and how I sobbed right outside the door, and Felix found me right after. His face turned to stone, becoming empty, giving me my answer. I shut my eyes briefly before opening them again. He swept his thumb over my cheek, and I could see the torture he spoke of in his eyes, as if it haunted him to experience such a thing.
"That was when I realized I should not have done that," he spoke bitterly, with a bitter smile to match. "I made a fool out of myself, something I never do, along with offering apologies. Yet, here I am, imploring for your forgiveness."
He touched his forehead to mine, the rueful smile growing.
"What have you done to me, human?" he asked himself, though he didn't sound upset. I couldn't even bring myself to comment that he called me "human" again. I simply locked my arms around his neck, and hugged him tightly. I felt him hesitate slightly, before crushing my body against his. His head dropped down to the crook between my neck and shoulder, as he inhaled deeply. The connection of our bodies together satisfied my screaming nerves, and they relished in the sensation that it gave. I could feel the shape of my own body mold against his, fitting securely together without any spaces. I felt warmth and electricity crackle from my head to my toes, the feeling of safety and pleasure simultaneously rushing through my veins. I felt his grip on my waist tighten, bunching the cotton of my T-shirt in his hands.
"Do you know how much more tempting you are in just a T-shirt and nothing else?" he growled, and I suddenly remembered my attire. I had completely forgotten that I slept in an oversized T-shirt, and didn't bother to put on any shorts underneath. I was becoming extremely averted to anything remotely tight fitting lately, as Heidi normally stocked my closet with such things. Maybe it was the tighter clothing that was causing the ache in my abdomen lately. It had grown more apparent as days passed, and I couldn't handle Heidi's choices anymore. Speaking of my pain, moodiness, and clothing, I suddenly felt sleep coming back to me.
"Sorry," I rushed out, dropping my arms and backing away, my eyes wide. I blinked a few times to stay awake, but Alec noticed.
I had no idea what time it was, I was definitely feeling the crash of the Alec-high. While his touch shot excitement through my veins, I felt the fatigue even more now. He glanced behind me, and shut his eyes.
All of my other questions would have to wait another day.
"I have kept you awake for much too long," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I did not realize how late the hour was."
"It's not your fault," I yawned, rubbing my eye. I forced my way back to bed, telling myself that I couldn't wrap myself around Alec like I wanted. Settling underneath the warm, inviting cocoon of the covers, my head hit the pillow, ready to sink into a blissful sleep.
Until that fearful thought made itself known, and I shot my eyes back open, catching Alec with his hand on the lamp switch.
"I am not leaving you," he promised, sensing my fear. "I will be here when you wake up. Go to sleep, cara."
"You promise?" I asked, needing his word, my eyes already closing once again. I heard the lamp click off, and felt Alec's cool hand brush my hair back from my forehead. He pressed his lips to my forehead firmly, and I felt his answer.
"I promise you," he said solemnly, his silk voice close to my ear. I felt his fingers brush my cheek, before I succumbed to a slumber free of nightmares.
