Chapter 11

"Matthew, wait a minute," Sully said. "Brain is an adult now and Katie is your ma's and my responsibility. I know you are angry with me, but you have to think about what is right for them and not what you think would keep them safe. I appreciate that you want to protect them and I know I have was wrong, but I have to work it out with each of you in your own time and part of that is you understandin' that Katie and Brian have to make there own choices about me whatever those maybe. As for your ma, what we decide about our future is something for us to discuss for now, all of us will be included in what we decide, but it is out decision and I would like the chance to visit with my family before each of you decide whether I am worthy enough to be a pa or a husband. You made your decision for now, Matthew, and I respect it and understand it, but let Brain and Katie make theirs and tell me their own choices themselves, even if I don't deserve the respect, they do."

"Fine, Sully," Matthew shouted, letting go of Brain's hand and gently setting Katie on the ground before turning and running into the barn and slamming the door behind him.

For a moment Brain and Katie stood frozen where their brother had left them, their eyes locked on the closed door that had shut their brother away from them only moments ago. Katie was the first one to come out of her trance and she went running toward her pa. A moment later Brian retreated quickly to the homestead porch where Colleen was still wrapped in Andrew's embrace, stood stock still, replaying Matthew's outburst in her mind.

Brian, for his part had retreated to the porch to try to quell his urge to throw himself into his father's arms and refuse to let go. He felt that such a gesture would be inappropriate for a man his age and yet he knew that if he stayed any closer to his father than the porch allowed, he wouldn't be able to control his instincts and need for parental reassurance. This thought humbled and embarrassed him, but he couldn't deny it, no matter how hard he wished it not to be so. He also felt that clinging to his father would be an insult to his mother who had suffered greatly because of his father's absence. He didn't want to make the decision to divorce his father any harder on his mother, if that is what she had decided to do. His need for Sully would only pressure his mother to stay in a marriage where she didn't feel loved and he loved his mother with his whole heart and couldn't place that burden upon her shoulders.

For her part, Katie had run to her father the minute she had stopped being scared of Matthew and his anger. "Papa, papa!" she shouted! "You home!" As she neared him, she realized her grammatical mistake and hoped that her mother hadn't caught it, but as she gazed over to see whether Michaela was going to reprimand her, she saw that her mother was staring at the sky and holding two babies in her lap, oblivious to Katie and her mistake. Still, the little girl felt guilty and as she tugged on her father's arm she whispered, "Sorry Papa, it's your home, I'll say it right, I'll be a good girl," she whispered.

Sully slid down from the wagon, careful not to disturb Michaela as he stepped away from it and took his little girl into his arms, holding her close and relishing the feel of her and the faint baby smell she still had. "I'm home Kates," he whispered back, stroking her hair.

"I knew Mama would bring you home. I hate her because she made you leave. I told her to bring you home, but she gone a long time." Katie said, not catching her speaking mistake this time because she was too caught up in finally being in her papa's arms. Sully could tell that although Katie professed to hate her mother, her lip had quivered when she had mentioned how long her mother had been gone and from that Sully knew that Katie's love for her mother had not diminished as much as his daughter claimed. Katie's small voice brought him out of his thought as she whispered against his chest, "You stay?" and after a pause, "You stay forever?"

Sully wanted to answer his daughter in the affirmative, but the fight he had had with Michaela earlier had shaken his confidence in the fact that he would get their marriage to work again. She was so angry. He didn't know how he would convince her that he really did love her and he knew that without love this marriage would never work because it had always been their love for one another that had gotten them through the tough times and had helped them raise the wonderful family they had. Because of his fears he didn't want to lie to Katie and promise her something he couldn't deliver and so he said, "I'll be around Kates, wherever I am. I'll be around and I will always be here for you. Later on we need to have a talk about you and your ma, but right now, would it be alright if I put you down so I can see your sister, brother and Andrew?"

Katie nodded and Sully slowly put her down before starting over to the porch to face his middle son, his oldest daughter, and her husband. He wasn't sure how they felt about him, but he guessed he was about to find out.

For her part Michaela had sat silently in the wagon with the babies who had needed to be comforted and nursed after Matthew's argument with Sully. No one even seemed to notice the babies or her for that matter, and so she had had to lay her son down on the bench beside her, unbutton her blouse, and nurse her daughter without any help. No one seemed to care about the fact that there were new babies in the family and though she found her children's reactions to their father reasonable and their decision to ignore the babies understandable, she now knew that in order to make sure that her children, both grown and young, adjusted well to the new babies and that the new babies grew up in a house of love, she would have to find some way to repair her relationship with Sully. She loved him; he was her soul mate and the father of all of her children, whether by blood for Katie and the twins or by heart to Matthew, Colleen and Brian. She wanted to not be afraid, her heart desired to give itself to him again, to learn to trust his love once more, she just didn't know how or even if she ever could. This thought paralyzed her with more sadness and fear than even that which gripped her when he was gone, now her fear might be the reason he wasn't there to stand by her.


Please review and let me know if the storyline and characters are behaving in interesting and yet valid ways consistant with the character and development of the story and show. You can review here or be orginal and comment on the "Stand By Me" thread of the fanfiction section of the Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman forum The link to the thread is: http/forum.drquinn.us/viewtopic.php?t3949&postdays0&postorderasc&start0

Thanks, Corinna