Chapter 12
Sully approached his son, daughter and son-in-law slowly. He knew that whatever he said to them had to be truthful in order to have any hope of resonating with the children. but as he closed the space between himself and the children, Colleen said sharply, "I better go see if ma needs help with the babies, nobodies even bother to noticed them yet" without a word she slid past Sully quickly and made her way down the porch stairs and over to where her mother still sitting in the wagon with the twins. Though the babies were wrap and warmed Colleen could see that her mother was shivering and she silently became even more angry with Sully, for not tending to her mothers needs so soon after she had delivered his children. Slowly and carefully Colleen took the stock of her mother noting that the older woman had dark circles on her eyes and tear tracks down her cheeks. Colleen also thought her ma looked too thin to be a woman who had just given birth to twins and she realized that not all of her weight lost in the last 24 hours was due to the birth alone. The process of losing the baby weight had been accelerated by Micheala's stress level and pain. Colleen knew she had to act quickly of she wanted to keep her mother healthy enough to be able to nurse her brothers and sisters.
"Sully take Ma and the babies inside and bring them straight up to the bedroom. Ma's going to get sick if she stays out her much longer and if she does, she won't be able to nurse the twins. For once Pa,think of Ma will you, and not the mistakes you've made those can be dealt with later, right now, my most important concern is my mother and my siblings", she shouted trying hard to keep an even tone but failing as worry and anger coursed through her veins.
At Colleen's words, Sully hurried off the porch and around to his wife's side, beating himself up for not thinking that Michaela needed to go up to bed and rest as soon as they got home. Though she was holding the twins with all of might, Sully could see her strength was failing. One by one he lifted the twins out his wife's arms and into the waiting arms of his daughter and son-in-law. Andrew had come down from the porch after Colleen had called to Sully and as Sully lifted Michaela into his arms and carried her into the house Colleen and Andrew were already racing up the steps and into the homestead, trying to warm their new siblings and knowing that they would have to examine them and Michaela once all had been safely transported to the bedroom.
Michaela had protested very little when Sully had lifted her into his strong embrace and began carrying her into the homestead. Her plasted reaction stemmed from the fact that her body ached from cold, labor and emotional pain and she knew after mentally accesing her condition in the wagon that she wouldn't be able to walk if she had insisted upon it. All she wished now was that her separation from Sully had been a dream and that she close her eyes and escape the pain of everything of her lost love, her loniness of being called a whore, of feeling worthless and unlovable for reason only Sully seemed to know and had created within her. Her body naturally struggled against him aeven as her thoughts tried to fight there longing for his love she knew she was cracking under the strain and if someone looked closely enough they would be able to see the crack in her mind beginning to appear no longer hidden by her strong will ability to pretend. She thought for a fleeting moment that her feeling of bordering, the line between insanity was an effect of lack of sleep and she tried to brush it off as such but as she finally succumbed to sleep, the minute Sully placed her in their bed she knew that no matter how hard she tried eventually maybe not that day or even for months ahead but soon she would crack just like the mirror in their bedroom and that much like with the mirror only Sully could mend such a crevice with his presence.
Sully stroked his wife's hair as she slept. He would sure had she been awake she would have shoved off his advances with a hatred he could only imagine in the worst of his nightmares, but he felt compelled to do it as though some force was biding him to stay by her side and keep watch over her making sure that no harm came to her much as he done after she had returned home after being abducted by dog-soliders. He felt her need for him even if she wouldn't stay it. As he continued to comfort her, he noticed that she was crying heavily in her sleep, he never seen a person do such a thing before and the oddity and sheer vulnerability of it broke his heart. Even at rest, she was miserable because of him.
Unbeknownst to Sully, Michaela was not asleep. She was awake and silently sobbing at the reality that much as she knew her husband didn't love her, she needed his touch and as long as she could pretend she didn't know that he was with her, he would stay and she could pretend all the rest of her pain had been that dream she had so longed for as he carried her from the wagon and up to bed. At that moment, both Sully and Michaela were clinging to the belief that, for as long as was asleep in her husband's mind, it was ok for them to pretend that he was still her hero and she was still his heartsong.
This is my first fan fiction and I would appreciate any and all feedback, so please feel free to review the chapter and any subsequent chapters if you think they are of interest either here or be orginal and comment on the "Stand By Me" thread of the fanfiction section of the Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman forum The link to the thread is: http/forum.drquinn.us/viewtopic.php?t3949
