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Fade to Black

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Inuyasha took his sweet time making sure every single piece of lumber he cut down was identical in every single way. From their length and width to the manner in which they were treated and smoothed. By the time he was finished the moon was high in the sky and literally everyone was asleep. Except two aside from himself.

'Of course she'd stay up,' Inuyasha cursed silently as he trudged across the village, 'Probably wants to try to convince me to turn human. Again. Cold, ungrateful bitch.'

Sniffing once, he rolled his eyes. He needed to not think that way. No matter what he'd made a promise and even though he regretted it now, what had been done was done. He had made a commitment. He didn't have the luxury of being able to think that way. Sighing, he set his jaw and pushed back the mat. Setting his jaw, he didn't need to go much further to smell the god awful food that she overspiced. Because no matter how many times he told her he didn't like too many spices she didn't listen or just straight up didn't care. Whatever she did it was clear she wanted to mold him into what she thought he should be. Swallowing thickly, he had to chide himself.

'Don't lash out. Don't lash out. You made a commitment. Don't lash out.'

"Sorry I'm late," he mumbled as he moved to sit down near the fire and Kikyo shrugged with a soft smile.

"I...I made you a separate serving," she informed him a sickly sweet tone, "It's plain."

He blinked a few times in surprise as she uncovered the smaller bowl she had kept warm by the fire. Well, that was new. Since when did she actually listened to the words coming out of his mouth?

"And I wanted to apologize," she continued somewhat nervously and he frowned, "About my request."

Slowly taking a bite, he waited for her to continue. What was this now?

"It was wrong of me to ask such a thing," she continued hesitantly and he knew exactly which request she was referring to without her adding, "I love you regardless of which form you may take."

"Then why'd you ask?" he countered in a monotone voice as he took another bite of the half-decent gruel. Kikyo sighed.

"My concern was primarily regarding children," she admitted, "Whether I would be able to carry a child with youkai blood given my spiritual powers."

Yeah, so she'd be the last person he'd ever want to have kids with literally ever and had always planned on not having brats in the first place which she knew but whatever.

"I told you I didn't want kids," he reminded her curtly and she wilted slightly.

"I know. I had hoped your concerns were that a child would be...would be like you," she spoke softly as she wrung her hands, "But I should have realized..."

Inuyasha exhaled slowly as he set down his bowl.

"You want children," he stated more than asked and she nodded meekly.

"Our lives would never be without danger," he pointed out, "You've created some powerful enemies and so have I. It would never be safe for them. Our enemies would use the children. Attack them. Kill them."

"I know," she replied softer still, "I know that. But knowing has not quelled that desire."

Well now didn't he feel like a right bastard. All this time he assumed it was because she hated his demonic blood but he should have known there was a more complicated reason. She wasn't a simple woman. Things had never been black and white for her but rather varying shades of grey.

"I'll think about it," he lied smoothly even though he knew this was an issue he would never change his mind about. Not only because he honestly believed he'd be a terrible father - hell look how he treated the kit who he loved like a son and yet antagonized mercilessly - but because he knew he would live in a state of constant fear. Something could happen to him and then they'd be alone as he had been all his life. Something could happen to them and he'd never be able to forgive himself. And he didn't want his children growing up knowing their father did not love their mother. It was a recipe for disaster. Despite the time they spent together, he still didn't trust her. He honestly couldn't remember why or how they'd fallen in love in the first place. They were so radically different it made no sense whatsoever. What he wouldn't give to go back and kick that younger version of himself's ass before he got them in this mess.

"I love you as a half-demon," she murmured affectionately as she gave him a hopeful smile, "I don't want to change you."

The smile he gave her in return was forced.

"Love you too," he mumbled awkwardly and the words tasted bitter on his tongue. So much for caring about honor and honesty.

"Will you...would you be willing to stay the night?" Kikyo asked tentatively with a crimson blush and Inuyasha read between the lines with mild horror.

"It...it wouldn't be decent," he coughed lightly as he stood to leave, "Its late enough as it is."

"No one would have to know," she argued and Inuyasha honestly felt a little sick. This felt like a trap. After all that discussion about children, he had a feeling that she was asking right now for a purpose and that purpose was to force him to father a child. His chest felt tight as he shook his head. This was wrong. This was so wrong.

"Not tonight," he insisted as he took an involuntary step back, "I've got a long journey ahead of me tomorrow."

"All the more reason," she pouted, "The journey is long and perilous."

"Not really," he argued as he scratched the back of his neck. It was becoming a struggle not to succumb to his instincts and skitter away like a frightened animal.

"Please," she begged softly and he shook his head.

"I'm not doing that," he stated firmly with no real bite, "Not until we're married and that's final."

Kikyo nodded, her blush growing exponentially as she played with her hands.

"I'm sorry I tried to change who you are," she whispered forlornly as she glanced up at him before staring back down at her hands, "That was unforgivable."

"S'not that," Inuyasha coughed lightly, "Just think its not the time."

Kikyo nodded and chewed on her lip.

"So...I'll be going then," he muttered awkwardly as he turned to leave, "I'll come say bye before we head out, alright?"

He didn't see it but he heard Kikyo sniffle and could smell her tears.

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Kagome yawned as she walked at a steady pace across the heartbreakingly familiar landscape. Inuyasha, strangely, had immediately begun interrogating her once they were out of earshot of the village and had now taken to asking a little more personal questions. So far everything she'd said was true if phrased correctly. There was indeed a village in the South where a girl named Shiori lived. In the past, she had helped that village before. It was certainly true that treated injuries before. Her help had been requested there not too long ago. Help that had been for a different time, place and cause but that was beside the point. There was a skepticism though with each new response. A calculating look he would give her as he narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Thank god he couldn't read minds.

"True or false," Inuyasha asked as he stretched and locked his hands behind his head, "Your name is Higurashi."

Kagome sighed heavily before mumbling, "True."

"Partially true," he hummed knowingly as he gave her a perplexed once over and smirked, "True or false. We've met before."

Kagome paused mid-step as something dawned on her. Scent. He might not be able to read her mind but he could read her scent. Much, much better than he'd ever let on before. Which why was he being so open about that ability to basically a stranger? Since when was he talkative and playful and...it almost felt like he was flirting with her. Which made no sense. Nothing was making any sense. Just damn it all. Taking a shaky breath, Kagome murmured, "Pass."

"So we have met before," Inuyasha chuckled as he chewed the inside of his cheek, "True or false. You've ki..."

His bravado faltered as he cleared his throat and amended, "You, uh, were attacked by me. In the past."

Inhaling sharply, Kagome cringed and knew her answer would be misinterpreted, "True."

"So I've hurt you," Inuyasha asked in a heartbroken tone that was so unlike him that had he not been the only person around she would've sworn it was someone else. Kagome swallowed thickly, "Not on purpose."

Inuyasha blinked in surprise as some of the tension seeped out of him and curiousity took its place.

"What do you mean?" he asked softly as his hands dropped and folded in front of his chest, "Whatever it was..."

"Inuyasha, can we not talk about this?" Kagome pleaded as she quickened her pace. Without warning, Inuyasha narrowed his eyes and scowled.

"True or false," he asked as he stopped dead, "Did you come to the village to find me?"

Kagome froze and every muscle in her body tensed.

"To hurt me?" he followed up in a strained tone and Kagome closed her eyes in pain. Inuyasha's heart began beating out of his chest. She knew him. Missed him. If his nose was correct, maybe even loved him. And yet he couldn't remember her for the life of him. How could someone love someone they never met in person unless...

"True or false," he continued barely above a whisper, "Have you...have you dreamed of me?"

Kagome sagged and opened her mouth then shut it several times. Knowing he could smell the answer she kept quiet. For real, she did not expect her secret to be exposed so quickly. What happened to the guy who just walked in silence? Where was he when she needed him? She heard Inuyasha let out a slow exhale before he moved to look at her. His amber eyes trying to read her expression.

"I don't know your face," he admitted softly before adding with a long sigh, "But I know your scent. Why?"

Kagome sagged even more as she shook her head and tried to walk around him. To be honest, she didn't even know why she was leading him on a journey to nowhere. Shiori's village undoubtedly was not in need of a healer and even if by some miracle they were, she knew they'd say they hadn't asked for one. Inuyasha wasn't supposed to remember her. The jewel had said...

"You know why," he accused as he grabbed her arm tightly and yanked her back, "So answer the damn question. Why do I know your scent?"

"I don't know," she huffed as she tried to break free but he only tightened his grip, "Let go. You're hurting me."

"You want me to know you but you don't know why I do," he concluded and Kagome's eyes widened in horror. Holy shit. Had he always been able to read her so well? It was like he could see into her mind and pluck out thoughts just by reading the notes that she was giving off. If that was true then how did he not know she loved him all that time? Was he playing stupid on purpose? What else had he known? And why did he never say anything?!

His nostrils flared and his hand shook slightly. It was becoming increasingly difficult to read her scent. She had dreamed of him but it was more than that. It was so much more than that.

"Are they dreams or memories?" he asked hoarsely as his grip tightened so much it hurt.

"You're hurting me. Let go," Kagome hissed as she tried to break free.

"Dreams or memories?" he repeatedly a little more firmly as he tilted his face so his hair blocked her view.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kagome clipped and he let out a shuddering sigh. That was partially true which made sense. How could she know what he dreamed? They were memories. Had to be. Buried so deep in his subconscious that dreams were the only way they could surface. The world suddenly made sense again. They were memories so why...

"Was I hurt?" he asked and Kagome gasped softly before he he hummed and released her. Her arm throbbing slightly as blood rushed through it. The rush of blood made her scent so much clearer. The scent of grief and pain. Whatever injury he'd had must have been severe. Might've almost killed him.

"You look like her," he sighed shakily, "You look so much like her. That...that explains it then. Why I..."

He trailed off before clearing his throat. Memories or not, the thought brought him back to reality. He was pledged to another. Those memories didn't...couldn't matter. Not until...

He swallowed repeatedly until he felt like he could speak again.

"Come on," he demanded softly, "We need to keep going. The village is waiting for you."

Kagome merely stood in place and waited. If he managed to discern all of that by scent alone then...

"Why are you lying?" he chuckled darkly as he kept his back to her, "What did I do to you that you're so afraid?"

"You didn't do anything," Kagome whispered as a tear broke free. Inuyasha furrowed his brow. That was true and yet false all at the same time. She wasn't afraid of him but for him. But he had done something and yet that part was still a lie. None of this made any sense and his head was beginning to hurt. The grief that spiked in her scent confusing him to no end until his eyes widened and his breath left him in a whoosh.

"You did something," he breathed as realization set in and began sniffing madly, "Did you hurt me? No. No it wasn't that. What did you do?"

"I can't say," she choked back a sob, "I need to go back. This was a mistake. I want you to let me go back."

He chuckled darkly at how familiar that seemed. Like this was something they had done often. But there was a spike there. His nostrils flared as he tried to verify the subtle notes underlying her admission. She believed that she couldn't say. And then there were these undertones. He knew exactly what that scent meant but he needed to be sure.

"Did you love me?" he asked as he turned to face her with mournful amber eyes and she didn't bother denying it. This was a mistake. She never should have come back.

"You loved someone else," she admitted and his eyes widened slightly. She obviously believed that part was true and it was also true that he had hurt her. His face softened as it all began to click.

"You wanted to see me because you love me," he breathed as his heart felt like it was melting. Like this was something he had dreamed of knowing all his life. And it was true. He swallowed thickly as he tried to stomp down the strange feeling.

"But you don't think I loved you," he pressed and his face fell while his heart that seconds ago felt so full now felt absolutely shattered. True. That part was true. So why didn't it feel true? And how could he not remember a woman who loved him? Or anything about her?

"You died," she admitted tearfully as she buried her face in her hands, "You died and I did what I had to do to bring you back. You don't remember because that was the price of..."

"And who the hell were you to make the decision? Using black magic or whatever the hell you did! Magic always comes with a price you stupid bitch! You don't know what that could've done! You don't know what that did do to me! " Inuyasha asked angrily as he pointed in the direction from which they came, "Is that my home? Did you drop me with strangers? Is anything in my life real?!"

Rage and fear suddenly rushing through his veins. What had she done? Was there something wrong with him now? Something dark hiding and waiting to surface? Was everything a lie?

"What the hell did you do? Answer me bitch! You can't just do that shit. If I was dead, then you should've let me stay..."

"Don't you dare," Kagome countered coldly as tears continued streaming down her face, "All that matters to me is that you're alive. That's it. End of story. Bring me back. I'm going home. This was a mistake. I should never have..."

"No," Inuyasha huffed as his face contorted in rage, "I dream of you and that damn scent of yours every fucking night. For years now and I never knew why. Now I'm supposed to marry some girl who I absolutely loathe because I got all confused by whatever the hell you did so I don't give a shit what you want. My life is a living hell and I want to know why dammit!"

Breathing heavily, Kagome sent him a hate filled glare.

"You loved her! Not me! You haven't confused anything!" she screamed, "Now let me go back or so help me I will find some stupid beads and sit..."

Kagome's eyes widened in shock that was reflected back in Inuyasha's eyes before he slammed against the ground. It was all Kagome could do not to scream in frustration and shock. The jewel apparently could do many things but removing the beads and the spell upon them was not one of them. On the receiving end, the full reality of the situation hit Inuyasha like a ton of bricks and his mind began to go into panic mode.

She really had made a deal. She had used some type of dark magic to bring him back which what that meant for him he wasn't sure. Something that gave her power over him. To control him. Was she a dark miko?

His chest began began heaving from his place in the dirt and it was becoming hard to breathe. It took actual effort to calm himself down enough to keep his composure which for someone like him was saying something.

"Or...or that," Kagome chuckled awkwardly as she sniffled and wiped away the tears on her cheeks, "I'm sorry this life isn't a happy one but know what? You have a pulse. That's literally..."

"What the hell was that?! And...and why sit?! I'm not a dog!" he cut her off angrily as he pried himself off the ground and Kagome let out a manic sounding laugh.

"Well you tried to kill me so someone slapped some beads around your stupid neck and I said the first thing that popped into my head," Kagome retorted with a crazed laugh. Inuyasha's anger and fear seemed to fade as he paled. This information seeming to put a break on whatever was going through his mind.

"I..."

"Tried to kill me, yeah," she laughed as more tears fell, "You always made it perfectly clear I didn't mean anything to you except being a stupid shard collector so..."

"Wait, shard collector?" he asked suddenly as confusion became written all over his face, "Shards of..."

Without warning, a searing pain suddenly pierced his head and it was all he could do not to scream.

"Inuyasha?" Kagome breathed as she rushed to his side, "Inuyasha?!"

The pain increased ten fold and he curled into a fetal position against his will.

"No, no, no, no, no," Kagome sobbed, "I...I..."

Glancing over his body, her mind raced to find a culprit before cold dread washed over her. The jewel. That's...that's how they were brought back. Like Kohaku had been. Which meant...

A soft muffled cry of pain escaped his lips as he twitched and writhed. Oh god, how she wished she'd never come back. This wasn't right. The jewel hadn't granted her true wish. It never granted her wish at all. It was a trick. This was false. His life...

She never should have tried to play god.

"Hold still," she ordered hoarsely and she watched him lock up even as his body trembled and his chest heaved. Kikyo's words rang in her mind. Above the eye. An incision. Something else had realized there were jewel shards in everyone brought back. Her heart felt like it had been ripped out of her chest. After everything, it was ironic she had to be the one...

It wasn't fair that it had to be her. It wasn't fair but this...

A muffled scream escaped him as his whole body shook. The jewel exacting it's revenge for someone having discovered the dirty truth. Running her fingers across his forehead, she tried to sense a shard and with a grief filled sob she found it. How she hadn't sensed it before...

"I love you, okay? Do...do you trust me?" she managed to ask as tears steamed down her face and he managed to nod. It was true even though he didn't knew why. He trusted her from that very first moment. Sniffling she pressed a kiss atop his head before pulling an arrow off the satchel on her back, "H-hold still okay?"

He managed to nod again as he tensed even more in anticipation of more pain. A soft whine lodging deep in his throat as a tear broke free and one trembling hand clutched her kimono like it was his last lifeline. Kagome took several heart wrenching breaths before she pressed the arrowhead into his skin. A single incision. It was shocking how easily the jewel popped out. How easy it was to kill him...

For one agonizing heartbeat, Kagome waited anxiously for some sign that her worst fear wasn't true before choking back a scream when Inuyasha's whole body went limp as a long relieved sigh escaped his lips. His chest unmoving as his face went slack. A strangled sob escaped her lips as she gathered him against her and began rocking.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered as tears streamed down her face "I'm so..."

As she continued to mumble apologies completely lost in her own grief, she missed the way the hand still clutching her kimono slowly moved from the cloth onto her knee and flexed. His eyes dancing behind closed flesh as a small smile played on his lips and his legs slowly unfurled.

"Fucking hell woman," Inuyasha's voice chuckled hoarsely as he sagged more fully against her and buried his face into her chest - inhaling deeply like he had never breathed air before, "It's just a stupid cut. I'm not weak like you dumb humans."