Chapter 15
Sully stopped at the doorway to the bedroom, motioning to Katie that he would go in first to see if Michaela was sleeping before they both went into the room and woke Michaela up suddenly and made her more uncomfortable than she already was physically and psychologically. When Sully entered the room, Michaela was sleeping and he thought for a moment about how best to wake her. Gently, he placed the twins in the crib they were sharing for the moment and made his was to his wife's side. He was shaking with apprehension at what she would say upon finding him in the bedroom in the middle of the night after she had told him that it would be best if they'd stayed in separate places, but he didn't know how else to alert her to the babies' needs. The twins were both starting to cry and Sully knew it wouldn't be long before their cries woke her and the rest of Colorado Springs.
He was so caught up in indecision that he didn't notice Katie disobeying his suggestion to her about remaining outside the bedroom. Before he knew it, Katie had slowly approached her mother's bed and climbed in beside Michaela snuggling gently, but fervently, against her mother and sobbing silently as reality hit her and she realized that she hadn't snuggled with her mama in a very long time. The combination of Katie's cries and those of the twins woke Michaela and for a moment she was disoriented as she squinted her eyes at the bright light from one of the lamps that was still lit when she had fallen asleep.
"Sully", she squeaked out painfully, aware that it was far past the time that he'd said that he would leave the homestead, but ever so grateful that he was still there. She was tempted to reach out and beg him for another embrace before letting him go to the lean-to, as she knew that he really would sometime that night, when she felt a small being pressed up against her side, leaning its head gently against her chest, a chest which was sore and tender from the renewed act nursing. She almost shrugged the object off but then realized with a gasp as she looked down at it, that the trembling form was Katie and that the little girls eyes were looking up at her with the same pain and love in them that Michaela's had shown Katie for the last five months.
"Mama," Kaite sobbed, holding tighter to her mother than the little girl ever had before, even as an infant.
"Shhh. It's alright, Sweetheart. Mama's here. Mama's here.", Michaela cooed, trying to put her arms as tightly around her baby girl as she could without choking her.
"I'm sorry that I said I hated you, Mama. I don't. I never did. I love you. Please don't go away. Please don't send Papa away."
For a moment Michaela looked across the room and locked eyes with Sully, whose eyes were focused on the sight of his wife and daughter reuniting once again, but Michaela quickly averted her eyes and looked down at her daughter as she answered.
"I love you too, Katie, so very much. And I'm not leaving. Neither is Papa. We'll always be here for you, no matter where we live or how things work out. We both love you with all our hearts. We'll always stand by you and make sure that you're safe and happy and nothing you could ever say to me or your father will ever change that," Michaela whispered, holding her daughter even more tightly and kissing the top of her head.
"Does the same go for you and Papa? Are you always gonna stand by each other and love each other no matter where you are?"
Neither parent answered. Each knew that Katie had raised a burning question and each knew the answer in their heart. What they didn't know was whether the other felt the same and they didn't want to say anything to their precious little girl if the answers they gave didn't match.
Realizing that she would get no answer to her question, but too tired to protest, Katie simply curled tighter against her mother, mumbled an "I love you" to both parents and as they did the same to her, she fell into a light sleep.
Seeing her daughter curled up asleep against her, Michaela seized the moment and the love in her heart and glanced at Sully with a thankful smile for his help in bringing their little girl back to her. Sully saw the smile and returned it, but decided that he had better head to the lean-to if he was going to start off on the right foot with Michaela. As he turned to walk out of the room, he said, "The babies are hungry and Katie had a nightmare. I tried my best to help them, but I think they need you now."
As he turned to go, Michaela realized that he was indeed leaving the house and her entire soul screamed out for her to stop him, but when she finally did call him and he turned around, all that she could manage was a pain-filled, "Good night." With that, she watched him walk out the door and heard him quietly creeping down the stairs. A moment later, she heard the front door softly open and close. She realized with a sigh that now, he was indeed gone and that she had never ever wanted him to go. Now she had lied to him just as he had said that he did her and she realized with a lump in her throat that lying to him now felt better than telling him the truth, another signal that their connection was now as empty as she now felt.
Perhaps she was no more loveable then a lying whore as Mr. Gregory had suggested. His comment had come at the perfect time to strip Michaela of the last ounce of confidence. Even Sully thought she would give her body without discretion and he clearly thought she wasn't worthy of his love. Yes, perhaps Mr. Gregory and Sully both saw her true worth and Sully had merely used her and then grown tired of the game. She had never intended to be too forward with him, but Sully had assured her he like her enthusiasm, maybe he had been lying then and had gone away because he didn't know what else to do to show her he had grown bored. Perhaps Mr. Gregory had merely voiced what Sully was too much of a gentleman to say. She was a weak, emotional woman who when she wasn't the infallible Dr. Mike, was hysterical and forward.
No, she didn't want to believe it, Sully didn't think that! Yet as they had most nights since he'd said them, Mr. Gregory's words made her sob quietly and pushed her further toward the edge of where her mind could cling to any hope of sanity.
his is my first fan fiction and I would appreciate any and all feedback, so please feel free to review the chapter and any subsequent chapters if you think they are of interest either here or be orginal and comment on the "Stand By Me" thread of the fanfiction section of the Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman forum The link to the thread is: http/forum.drquinn.us/viewtopic.php?t3949
Thanks, Corinna
