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Fade to Black

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"Inuyasha? Inuyasha I'm so…" Kagome sobbed as she clutched her to him, "I'm so glad th…oomph."

Kagome's eyes widened and her words were cut short when Inuyasha's hand shot up and covered her mouth.

"Just shut up," Inuyasha groaned as he snuggled into her and his other arm wrapped around her waist, "We can fight about this later Kagome."

Kagome's eyes bugged when he called her by her real name and she nearly died when she felt him sink into her. There was a moment when she seriously wondered if this was a dream when he hummed happily and nuzzled her. Did…did the jewel actually damage him? What the hell was this?!

"Inuyasha, are you…" Kagome began – her voice muffled by his hand which pressed harder against her mouth in response.

"What part of 'shut up' did you not understand?" he interrupted with an exasperated sigh, "Just give me a moment, alright?"

A moment to do what was the question. All he seemed to be doing was nuzzling her like a freaking cat and a strange vibration was coming out of him that she would've sworn was a purr of some kind. The jewel did something. Whatever it was could only be bad. Addled his mind. Turned him into a cat demon. The list of weird, possibly terrible consequences of what she'd done rocketed through her mind as he merely seemed content to hold her and be held.

"Kikyo's gunna be pissed," he chuckled softly as his lips twitched upwards and his hand slowly dropped from her mouth – taking its time leisurely sliding down her neck and down her chest. She wasn't sure if that comment was directed at her or himself.

"Why?" Kagome asked hoarsely as she sat stock still – afraid to move for fear of doing something to set his obviously crazed mind into panic mode.

"You came back," he pointed out as he buried his face and inhaled deeply, "And for the past couple years I've thought I was supposed to marry her."

He paused and chuckled as he stretched out his legs and adjusted himself into what he apparently thought was a more comfortable position. His face soft and content while the hand previously blocking her mouth began gently gliding up and down her thigh.

"You dumb bitch. Making me do shit."

Nodding slowly, Kagome didn't see how those two were connected in any way. Was both afraid and hurt by his admission. Yes she came back and she probably shouldn't have done that but his mouth and his actions once was sending mixed messages. He had always intended on being with Kikyo. Whether she came back or not was completely irrelevant. Plus, why the hell was he still talking so much?! Why couldn't he just yell at her and then sit in sullen silence like he had always done? This was so unlike him – this whole day had been so unlike him – that she was utterly convinced her wish had driven him mad.

"O-oh," Kagome laughed nervously and she felt him sigh heavily before he pulled himself up to face her. A small trickle of dried blood still on his forehead from where the jewel had been withdrawn. The look he was giving her was so foreign that her worry and anxiety only grew. It was strangely warm but still condescending. Like he thought she was a complete idiot but an adorable idiot. His lips were quirked up in a playful smirk and one eyebrow was raised as if to say 'seriously?' which in all honesty was probably what he was thinking.

"I'm fine Kagome. You don't gotta be so nervous," he laughed softly as he shook his head and the warmth in his gaze only increased as he tucked a loose hair behind her ear, "Shit woman. I mean, I know all that probably wasn't on purpose but why do ya always gotta be so dramatic? S'not that bad. We're together now. That's all that matters."

Kagome furrowed her brow and cocked her head to the side. What was that supposed to mean? All the things she thought she had known were being thrown out of the window one by one. Since when was he affectionate? Since when did he talk like being with Kikyo was a nightmare? Since when did he act like her being near him was a good thing? He normally acted like he hated her half the time or at least was annoyed by her. Sure, they were friends but...

"You didn't know," he breathed in mild horror before something clicked behind his amber eyes and they began to search her face, "Was it on purpose? Did you bring her back to be with me? Is that why I didn't remember you?"

The last part almost sounded like a squeak it was so high pitched and mortified. He looked utterly stricken like she'd just committed the ultimate betrayal which was just another thing giving her whiplash today.

"I just wanted..."

Nostrils flaring, fear and uncertainty bled into his eyes. Like this realization rocked the very foundation of who he was as a person. His adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed several times and his heart constricted painfully in his chest.

"How could you not know?" he asked hoarsely as his breath began leaving his lips in shuddering pants, "I need you beside me. Y-you...you know that. I...I told...what else could that mean?"

His mouth moved wordlessly for a moment after his last statement like he was struggling to explain more thoroughly but wasn't sure how. His hand moving to cup her chin to force her to look at him with that same look in his eyes that was present when she'd found him dying on the battlefield. Heartbroken but trying to convey silently what he wanted to say out loud.

"Kagome..." he whispered as he sighed and titled his head to the side, "All that time you really didn't know?"

His softly spoken question sounded so heartbroken that it was a wonder he wasn't crying. Every subsequent breath shaky like he was trying to stay calm and positive but was failing miserably.

Kagome whimpered as she tried to pull her face away but he held firm and a long shaky sigh escaped his lips. She was obviously going into shock. It made warped sense that she never realized what he meant and his heart broke at that epiphany. For the longest time, he assumed that the problem was that she was from a different time. That she was unsure whether she could stay with him. The, at times, overwhelming barrage of doubt that pervaded her scent painful but she'd always come back to him and he had refused to believed she'd be taken. Even now, she had come back and saved him. She found him. She would always find him and he would always find her. In this life and the next.

Or so he thought.

Turns out she really was stupid enough to think he didn't love her at all and was crazy about Kikyo. Which made no sense. None at all. Sure, okay, he had tried to protect her but that was just kinda his default mode. Protect all the things. Or all the people anyway. Not all the people but the people that mattered. And Kikyo mattered. He'd fucked up and damned her to that shit life by saying her name. Almost killed Kagome while he was at it.

In the beginning, he'd hoped the Kikyo he knew was still in there and that she might still love him but he wasn't an idiot. Kikyo hadn't been brought back. Not really. Slowly, painfully but surely, he'd given up on that dream but it was his fault Kikyo was like that. She deserved protection, at a minimum, and compassion. He understood all too well what it was like to belong nowhere and be alone in the world. He would never, never abandon someone who had no one else.

Besides, he might have some self-esteem issues but that didn't mean he was gunna harbor some undying love and damn himself to being treated like dirt all his life. He wanted more than that. And up until a few moments ago, spell excluded, he thought that the woman he did love loved him back. Had been living happily with a bright future ahead of him. Very much looking forward to the end of the quest when he could settle down with his intended and actually live like a normal person for once. Have a life that was stable, secure and full of love.

But apparently all of that had gone over Kagome's head. She really never understood what he meant. Didn't think things were the way he thought they were. Was just running around thinking he hated her or some shit. It was almost beyond belief but...but if he really tried, he could kinda see it? Maybe? Providing for her and protecting her just a way of life without significance. Something that had to be done in their day to day life during the quest. In her world, maybe it wasn't a big deal to be physically affectionate. Him cuddling her against his chest or carrying her or holding her hand just something people did in the future. Which was weird but most things in her era were weird so it wasn't that hard to imagine that might be true. Wrinkling his nose subconsciously, he had to bite back a growl at the thought that kissing someone was normal. And they had kissed. Besides, he always showed her preference and she always returned the favor. Why would he think he needed to do more than what he was already doing to bring his intentions home? Hell, what else was he supposed to think? She showered him with affection that was only used for spouses. Treated him like a husband way before he started treating her like a wife. In a strange way he had thought of them as basically married for the better half of the quest. They'd settle down and become official when it was over, obviously, but they were at a minimum engaged. That's why that Akitoki bastard and Koga bothered him so much. Who hits on a married woman except assholes?! And while Kagome defended wolf shit and that pathetic weakling he'd assumed it was because she knew he had nothing to worry about since she only had eyes for him. That there was no reason to fight because her devotion was absolute. Which still pissed him off because who the hell thinks that they can just...well, she was his and he was just defending his woman. That's all there was to it.

But then...he could also see how she just assumed he cared more for Kikyo. There had been so many moments. So many things she misunderstood.

How could he have been so blind? So stupid? He knew her scent so thoroughly it had become a part of him. So much so that the memory of it lodged itself in his mind and refused to be ignored. That scent of doubt that burned his nose hadn't been worry of the future. It had been heartbreak because she just straight up didn't know he loved her. She doubted because he'd never actually said those three little words.

Well that was an easy fix, right? Just say it and this whole little misunderstanding would be over. He sighed and offered her a loving smile.

"It means I love you Ka-go-me," he murmured affectionately as the purr began again and he gathered her trembling form against him, "I love you. Now and always."

Kagome let out a choked sob and buried her face. Rolling his eyes, Inuyasha cringed and set his jaw. Dammit. Why was she making this so difficult? Here was his dumb ass thinking they'd been a couple and in love and that she was perfect for him and him for her. Spent countless hours day dreaming about where their hut would be and what he could do to provide for her and...more vivid things that even made him blush on occasion. Yeah they fought but that's just what they did and to be honest, he loved it. What other person in the world would ever match his temper and not cower in fear? Who could stand up to him as an equal and not back down? God he loved that. He craved their fights like water. Especially when he was feeling insecure or afraid. It made him feel more secure that she was there. That she was willing to fight with him, for him and for them. For their future. She wasn't weak. Their fights always made him feel like it would all be okay because she was strong enough to survive and she would always be there to save him. Which was probably unhealthy but ultimately had been true.

She survived. He didn't. And her dumb ass did save him. She saved him like she always had done but...she had been fucking stupid when she went about it.

Typical.

"Is that why you wished for me to forget you?" he asked after a moment before freezing when her scent spoke for her, "I can't believe it. You honestly thought I didn't care."

"I didn't wish for you to forget me because I didn't think you cared! I knew you cared. That was part of the deal," Kagome clipped back defensively as a flicker of her usual self shone through, "That was what it wanted."

"And what if it wanted you to die, huh? Would that have been fine too?" Inuyasha huffed as he rolled his eyes before tensing and freezing in horror at what he was smelling before she even answered. His initial anger that she'd made the wish at all vaporizing instantly.

"I offered that so yeah it would've been fine," she replied flippantly as she folded her arms across her chest, "I made a deal and that's what the price was! I'd do it again too you...you...

"You did what now?" Inuyasha breathed as his heart skipped a beat and his brain momentarily flat lined. Swallowing thickly, Kagome couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye as she muttered, "I asked it to take me in exchange for you guys but it didn't want that."

Inuyasha's heart raced and his mind short circuited as paralyzing terror coursed through his veins. His chest rising and falling unsteadily in time with his increasingly shaky pants.

"W-why would you even offer that?" he finally managed to breathe and Kagome glanced at him before looked back at her hands. She didn't need to answer and they both knew it. Not only by her scent but because, to be honest, he would've offered the same deal for her. He couldn't blame her when he would've done the same. When he would've done anything if he'd lost her.

Doing the only thing he felt capable of doing in that moment, he yanked her into his embrace and held her to him for all she was worth. She could've been beyond his reach forever. Not just...not just in this life but the next and the next and...and in those final moments as he lay dying, he tried to convey his promise to find her again in her era. How much he loved her and how sorry he was to leave her behind. Silently, of course, which was a problem considering she believed, at that time, that they were friends at best and casual acquaintances at worst. He saw her as his wife for all intents and purposes and his silent declaration of love, which he'd assumed she knew about, went right over her stupid head. He really needed to work on his people skills.

"Why would it..." he paused and cleared his throat as he held her a little tighter, "Why would it want everyone to forget you? I don't understand."

"I literally don't care," she sighed in a tired tone - her brain fried beyond all reason, "I just want to go home. This was a mistake."

"Well I'm not letting you leave," he informed her in an irked tone, "What about I love you are you not getting? What about I need you did you not understand? They're going to have to pry you out of my cold..."

He tried to put the brakes on his little declaration before it was too late but...

Kagome let out a choked sob and buried her face in his robe while he smacked himself mentally. Oh right, he had indeed died. That had happened and there he went...

"Hey," he hummed affectionately as he kissed the top of her head, "Its okay. Its all going to be okay."

The miko, for her part, was utterly convinced he was either insane or she was having a fever dream. Her ability to cope with everything that had happened since that morning pretty much shot to hell. All she wanted was to find out if the jewel kept its end of the bargain and now she'd gone and exposed what it had done and she was so sure it was going to take all of it back and...and she had just ruined everything.

"You haven't ruined anything," he hummed as he closed his eyes and rested his cheek against her hair, "All that matters is that..."

Chewing his lip for a second, he swallowed and finished hesitantly, "Is that we love each other. We can figure the rest out later."

To be honest, from the moment he realized that she didn't believe he loved her, a seed of doubt had wormed its way into his own heart. For so long, he had been so sure she loved him. How could she not freaking know, right? How else did anyone explain what she'd done? She even said it on occasion! Now, though, his heart began sinking into his gut as he realized that maybe she did know he loved her but didn't feel the same. A fear that for years now he'd been mistaking 'I love you but as a friend' as 'I love you and want to be your wife.' His arms tightened around her as his heart began beating a little faster and fear griped his very soul. A part of him even wished he had just died so he wouldn't have had to find out the happiest times of his life were a complete lie. Well, not a lie. More like he'd been living in the world's cruelest joke and his feelings were the punchline.

"Why didn't you ever say so before?" she finally whispered and he had to stop himself from pleading with her to love him like an abandoned child in the street. Sure, she'd never actually said it but neither had he. All this time he'd been operating on the assumption that there was an understanding. And it wasn't like...it wasn't like that was necessarily something people said a lot. The only reason he even said it to Kikyo was that she kept saying it to him and he, wrongly, assumed that he was supposed to be with her. So he'd said it back and it felt gross. More than gross. With Kagome...

With Kagome, he'd never said 'I love you' per se but he admitted he needed her. Because he did. How could someone not need the center of their world?

"I thought you knew," he admitted - his voice sounded small and somewhat frightened as his arms tightened around her.

"But what about..."

"I fucking swear if you end that with Kikyo's name I will scream," Inuyasha cut her off harshly as his nerves got the better of him, "Cut the crap. Do you love me or not?"

"I thought you could read my scent," Kagome clipped back like a toddler and Inuyasha's right eye twitched.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no," Inuyasha scoffed, "For years..."

He anger at her childishness faltered as his insecurity surged. Should he even admit what he'd thought? To be honest, probably but he was still holding onto the hope that he was right all along. That he was the one misunderstanding right now.

"For years what?" Kagome huffed as she tried to pull away but he held her tighter and refused to let her go.

"I thought you were my wife," he finished lamely as one hand moved to keep her head against his shoulder so she couldn't escape, "I thought...ya know...that we were a couple. That any doubt you had was about the future. Not...not about me."

Kagome gasped softly as an indiscernible scent hit his nose. Guilt maybe? Guilt that she had not been clear and led him on? Or guilt that she hadn't believed him? There was that scent of love too mixed with heartbreak. The heartbreak he'd always assumed was about other things but now he knew...

"I told you...I said I needed you," he whispered as he buried his nose into her hair and breathed in deeply, "I...I j-just thought you knew what that meant."

What was he going to do if she left? He really couldn't marry Kikyo now especially now that he'd gotten a real taste of the hell that would've been in another place and time. He hoped...couldn't help the unwanted thought that had flashed through his mind at first about what his life would be now. Not exactly the same as it had been but so much more. And those thoughts had began to hurt at the realization that her affection had just been her normal. If hugging him and touching him and kissing him had been as a friend, he had had to stomp down the mild excitement as his mind conjured up images of what she would've done if he really was engaged to her all this time. Forbidden thoughts that even now had him biting back a moan.

"I..." Kagome began before Inuyasha whined. Pulling her face back roughly by the hair, he captured her lips and cupped her face in his hands. If she couldn't talk, she couldn't say she was leaving right? Despite himself, he moaned when she responded and wrapped her arms around his neck. As their mouths battled for dominance, his hands glided down her body before lifting her and dropping her down so she was straddling his hips - hips that began rocking against her in a slow rythmic motion. When she whimpered in pleasure, he couldn't help himself and both hands gripped her ass tightly to force her to grind against him. He moaned at the sensation.

"Inuyasha I..." she tried as she pulled back for air and he shook his head before one hand shot up behind her head to guide her lips back onto his own. He couldn't let her talk. He couldn't give her a single second to think about anything except staying right where she was. If he had to kiss her forever, he would. She had to stay with him. She just...she just had to. He'd almost lost her once and while he didn't remember her during that time, she haunted him. Now that he was himself again...if she left now...

It would destroy him.

"We can't..." Kagome whispered against his lips and he whined again before trying to recapture her mouth but this time she merely closed her mouth tightly. He tried again and she tried to pull back.

No. No, she couldn't go. She couldn't leave him like this. Another whine broke free as his heart broke. He'd change if she wanted him to into anything she wanted. She needed to give him a second chance to show her in a way she understood how much he loved her and maybe, just maybe, if he did she'd love him like he loved her. She'd see. She'd see he could be different.

"Don't leave me," he whimpered as he had to fight back the urge to cry. Men never cried unless someone died but if she left, a part of him would and so...so that would count right? He whimpered again as a tear broke free, "Please don't go home."

"Wait, what?" Kagome breathed as she blinked at him. The flush in her face slowly fading at she reached up to wipe away the tear, "Why are you crying? You never cry."

"You can't go back," he demanded hoarsely as he clutched her to him, "I'll do whatever you need me to do. Anything. Just name it."

Kagome blanched as he begged like a man condemned to death. What did the jewel do to him?

"I'll never fight with you again. I promise," he continued as another tear slipped down his cheek, "And...and I'll tell Kikyo she can go to hell or...or...if you want to...for me to turn human so we can live in your time, I'll figure out a way, alright? I'll...I can...you just can't go."

"Inuyasha I don't want that," she tried to comfort and if anything, he looked even more desperate and heartbroken.

"Just please," he begged shakily as he buried his face in her neck, "Please. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Oh my freaking god, what was this? It would be utterly horrifying if it wasn't so utterly sad. He never apologized. Never cried. Never begged.

"Inuyasha I do love you," Kagome tried to explain and she felt him tense like he expected her to strike him, "I just wanted to go home because I'm scared the jewel might try to hurt everyone else who had a shard, alright?"

When he merely shuddered and held her tighter, she sighed.

"You can read my scent, right?" she asked softly and he nodded. In that moment, she tried to focus on how much she loved him. Every indecent though she had ever had. Every moment when her heart swelled and those thoughts where she wanted nothing more than to be with him forever. Slowly, his sniffles lessened and the tension melted. She felt his lips slowly twitch upwards against her skin.

"You love me," he breathed as he drug her against him and he felt her nod as she stroked his hair, "You can't scare me like that woman. I'm not that strong."

Kagome let out a morbid chuckle as she realized she always thought he had been somewhat invincible. Able to brush off every bad thing that had ever happened to him. But she'd been wrong. She was the weak point in his life.

He chuckled hoarsely as he let out a relieved sigh.

"So all that time you thought I was your wife?" Kagome cooed and he nodded as he pressed his lips against her neck. One hand gently reached up to fondle his ear and he shuddered. Flinching, she tried to move those fingers away.

"You can touch them," he whispered as he rocked his hips against her, "But you can't blame me for how I react."

"So you like it after all, huh?" she teased as she fondled the neglected ear again and he moaned.

"Fuck yes," he breathed as his whole body twitched. A series of moans and soft whines followed as her other hand messaged the other sensitive appendages. Panting, whimpering, rocking against her as his hands flexed against her skin.

"I love you," he managed as he shuddered once more and pulled back. His mouth seeking hers as he guided her to the ground, "And I don't give a shit if anyone might be watching."