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Fade to Black

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'Stupid rain,' Inuyasha thought lazily as his mind struggled to make sense of what was happening. Half trapped between dreams and reality, he shifted and groaned as rain mercilessly pounded at the rooftop and a crack of thunder shook the walls. At least he was inside instead of in his usual tree which was lucky. It seemed like every single time he stayed in the home the villagers had gifted him Kikyo found some excuse to grace him with her presence. It was easier just to avoid shelter entirely to be honest. Living in trees had been his norm almost all of his life so why should…

His breath stuck in his throat as he felt something warm and soft shift under his cheek. Felt a soft hand gently stroking one ear. Heard a poorly muffled yawn and then lips pressing gently against his forehead. That scent like a warm blanket wrapping around his very soul.

He smiled.

"Kagome," Inuyasha murmured happily as his nose buried itself in her neck, "You're still here."

"I'm…" she yawned heavily, "I'm here."

"How long was I out?" he asked then as he lifted his head to look outside – the darkness the storm was causing made it impossible to tell if it was morning or afternoon.

"Almost…almost dusk," she replied in a half-awake voice, "Might've lied to you. Kept dozing…dozing off."

"I slept all day?" Inuyasha asked as he fluidly sat up and glanced at the door, "You're joking, right? Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You hadn't…hadn't slept in four days. Thought you needed sleep," she murmured as she stiffly adjusted herself on the futon and rolled onto her side, "My turn."

Inuyasha laughed softly as he watched Kagome curl up into a ball and try to wiggle into a more comfortable position. It was endlessly comforting that her return hadn't been a dream despite the lingering ache in his heart. Letting out a shuddering breath, he crawled over and moved to loosely spoon her. This was allowed, right? After all, she'd just held him for almost an entire day so why couldn't he return the favor?

When she hummed and adjusted herself to fit more perfectly against his body, Inuyasha couldn't quash the happy hum that escaped him as he used one hand to move her hair so it didn't smother him. Taking the time to gently trail his fingertips down her arm before draping it lightly across her waist while his other arm wormed beneath her head.

"This is nice," Kagome hummed tiredly as she leaned into him and he let out a contended sigh.

"Sorry I didn't do this back then. Seems like…like a missed opportunity," he yawned as he suddenly felt rather tired himself. Something about her warmth permeating his body made his muscles relax and his mind slow.

"Would've been distracting," she murmured and he hummed in agreement. How could it be that he was still tired? It felt like he hadn't really slept in years and his body was trying to make up for lost time.

"Worth it though," he replied softly before he drifted off.

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Morning came all too soon and it had taken actual effort for Inuyasha to release the woman in his arms. Stupid insecurity was still protesting any amount of distance and it was a struggle not to touch her constantly. Wanting reassurance even now that this was not a dream and that, while she wasn't his wife, Kagome did indeed love him.

"Shiori's village should be up ahead," he informed the miko currently perched atop his back where she belonged, "We'll be there before noon."

"Guess this might be a test. On my theory I mean," Kagome replied loudly as she tried to remember how to balance like shed used to. Maybe she was stronger then because her arms were protesting loudly from clinging onto his shirt.

"You mean if its jewel shards or Naraku?" he asked as he picked up speed and he felt Kagome nod. A part of him wanted to stop. He could smell her pain and her exasperation. After two years of a most sedentary lifestyle it would make sense that she didn't have the strength to hold on for long periods of time. Decision made, he slowed down to a complete stop and knelt down so she could get off.

"We can walk the rest of the way if you want," Inuyasha offered as he took one of her hands and began massaging it between his own, "I know you're hurting."

"Ah. Scent powers strike again," Kagome laughed softly as she let herself enjoy the mini-massage. Inuyasha laughed and nodded.

"Yes, the almighty scent powers," he teased as he gave her an affectionate smile, "I don't imagine you're up for that much walking either though. I could carry you a different way if you want."

"If I'm staying I need to get used to it," Kagome sighed and Inuyasha gave her a patient look before glancing down at her feet.

"Those shoes are going to give you blisters and you know it," he laughed softly as he raised a brow in silent challenge, "I'll end up carrying you anyway."

"Well I don't know where…"

"Sango's village has a shoemaker. We can stop by there after we're done with Shiori," Inuyasha interrupted softly, "Not everything you wishes for turned out badly you know. I know…I know I made it seem like that but for Sango especially, your wish was a blessing. Miroku too. You know his father is alive. Lives with Mushin."

Kagome blinked at him a few times before letting out a shaky sigh.

"Really?" she asked and he gave her a sad smile as he nodded.

"Removing the jewel shard didn't kill me so I don't imagine it would kill them either," he continued as he dropped the hand he was working on and picked up the other. Rubbing her sore flesh between his hands, he added, "Might want to knock them out first. Hurt like a bitch and I don't think everyone will take knowing they died well. Death sucked."

"Do you remember anything about the afterlife?" Kagome asked quietly and Inuyasha sighed.

"You mean during the maybe fifteen minutes I was dead?" he chuckled darkly before furrowing his brow and rubbing her hands with a little more vigor, "Not particularly."

The friction was beginning to hurt but he seemed rather distracted so Kagome didn't say anything. His nose would pick up her discomfort eventually.

"More of a feeling," he mumbled as his eyes seemed to glaze over, "I wanted something but didn't know what. Was looking for it. Cold. Sad maybe."

Shaking his head to remove the thought from his mind, he released her hand and gave her an apologetic grimace.

"Sorry," he laughed hoarsely as he cringed at her pink irritated skin, "Didn't mean to hurt you."

"No, no its fine. I was just curious. How many times do you get to ask someone that question?" she teased lightly and Inuyasha rolled his eyes.

"I'm just going to carry you," he sighed as he tried to get onto a happier topic, "You can practice walking some other time."

"Okay," Kagome acquiesced as she tried to plaster a smile on her face. Given what he'd just told her, she didn't regret her wish in the slightest. Death sounded awful and terrifying. To be perpetually lost and forever searching. It sounded like hell and it didn't sit right with her that he might have been sent to a bad place when he was a good man. Sure he'd made mistakes but that wasn't an excuse to…

"Everyone dies Kagome," he suddenly murmured as he gave her a sad little smile, "It might just have been that way for me. I'm sure when you die one day it won't be that way."

What he hadn't told her is that he had a good idea now what he had been looking for and why he couldn't find it. Kagome was still in the living world and he wanted her to be with him. To be there and tell him it was alright. Or maybe he was waiting for her. Anyway, aside from the fact that his afterlife had not been the best, in a way, his death was comforting. The fact that he went anywhere at all meant he did, in fact, have a soul despite hundreds of people who told him otherwise. Whether he'd done enough bad things to banish that soul to an endless void or not was immaterial. He had a soul. Small comfort though that may be.

What he didn't know was that Kagome was not afraid of her death but rather the implications of his. If that was going to be his future, maybe she should try to make his life as happy as humanly possible to try and make up for the hardship ahead. Instead of, you know, basically making him miserable like she had been doing these past few days.

"Its not that," Kagome replied affectionately as she reached up and cupped his cheek, "I just…what you told me made me sad. I don't like the thought of you being somewhere like that."

Inuyasha leaned into her touch and hummed in understanding.

"Well I'm not there anymore," he murmured before placing a soft kiss on her palm, "We need to get going if we want to get to Shiori's village."

"Thought we could get there by noon," she teased and he chuckled softly before scooping her up bridal style.

"Well that was before I realized you were hurting," he countered playfully, "Need to go slower so your weak little body can catch up."

"Fair."

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There were defining moments in everyone's life. Little things here and there. The first time you shoot an arrow and hit your target. When you slay your first demon while your mother cheers you on. Watching your mother and father die from illness and realizing that your ten year old self was now responsible for a newborn. Watching the sister you raised shoot her first arrow. Accidentally maiming said sister. Helping a burned man in a cave. Thinking you found love only to be tricked like a child and wind up dying after you seal your loved one to a tree. Getting brought back to life. Twice.

Realizing there was something in your forehead plucking it out and realizing everything happening around you was a lie. Deciding to make the best of it because you had a second chance. Finding out that even though the man you love believes he's made a commitment, even though he doesn't remember your reincarnation, he was still in love with a woman he had forgotten existed. Knowing he was disgusted by you even when you were flesh and blood. Handling that situation poorly instead of giving him a reason to stay.

Then one day the girl he loves drops back into your life and you have to pretend you don't know how this will go. Because sometimes its not about you. Kaede was a child again and needed her sister. A sister who might not have gotten a second chance at love but was given a second chance at being there for the sister she left behind. Inuyasha could leave for all it mattered so long as he didn't drag Kaede with him. Which why would he but irrational fears were still fears. Besides, maybe nothing would come of Kagome's return.

It didn't really matter. To be honest, this second chance had made it clear that whatever relationship she thought she had with Inuyasha at one point had been as fragile as porcelain. It wasn't love. Now or then. And she knew that. She wasn't a stupid woman. But even since she could remember, she had a feeling Kagome would one day return. Inuyasha needed to be here, in the village, when that happened.

Or at least that's what she told herself. No matter what came between them, no matter how confused or broken she became, Kikyo still loved Inuyasha. And maybe, just maybe, she had tried to push him away because whatever was happening was a lie. It wasn't real and she didn't want…

All this time, she had hoped to snap him out of whatever spell everyone was under. Brought attention to the strange things he said that he had to know weren't normal. Revisited turning him human – which she had no real intention of doing – because maybe that tidbit would jog his memory. It wasn't until after Kagome returned and Inuyasha still didn't remember anything that Kikyo realized the spell might be permanent. Or that something else was going on. Either way she had to keep up appearances. Had to stay consistent. If Inuyasha did remember, Kikyo didn't want some mention of her name to ruin his new relationship as it had in the past. Especially now that he was truly and fully over her.

And yet Kagome had seemed so nervous. She had taken two years to return.

And that was before the fact that someone might be seeking jewel shards was mentioned without actually saying someone might be seeking jewel shards. After all, despite her best efforts, for the life of her Kikyo couldn't sense the jewel shards in others even though logic dictated there must be one lodged within. It would be too much of a risk to use anyone as a test subject. After all, every single person they'd encountered – aside from herself – who had a shard removed died. Maybe the fact she already died twice made her different. Maybe it was different for everyone.

Sighing heavily, Kikyo continued repairing one of her kimono by the light of the fire pondering what she would do once the truth was revealed. Would Kaede turn on her? Inuyasha certainly would. As far as she could tell, he hated her now and that was before he remembered all the other nonsense she had pulled in her former life. But Inuyasha could hate her. Honestly, at this point, it was the possibility that Kaede might…

"Sister? Are you still awake?" Kaede mumbled tiredly from her futon – one hand rubbing her eye.

"Just repairing my kimono Kaede. I didn't mean to wake you."