Chapter 30
Two weeks later after her request of a divorce, Michaela stood packing her suitcases, the suitcases needed for her move to Boston. The papers had been signed and the children were ready for the journey; one look at Katie's solemn, tear-streaked face, however, that nothing about this would be easy for everything involved. Katie had been clinging to her father since her mother had announced their move the night she had returned home over supper. She tried to put it as amiably as she could, but all the children were shocked, and even the babies were agitated. Michaela could tell her three older children felt like she was abandoning them, and yet as she thought back to the night she'd made the announcement, she didn't know what else she could do to ease their pain or her own.
"Sully and I have gathered you all here tonight because we have something to tell you," Michaela said, her eyes serious and sorrow-filled.
Still steeped in his own anger, but worried for his mother and if truth be known, for his father as well, Matthew quipped, "What? You're already married, you just had some babies, are ya havin' more?"
Michaela and Sully remained silent and their demeanor subdued Matthew as well as the rest of the family.
Michaela spoke again, her words coming haltingly, "Sully…your father…Papa…and I are getting divorced. I'm sorry, I can't think of a better way to tell you. I…I…know you're all going to be hurt over this, but I really feel that it might be for the best and I don't want you to think that any of this has anything to do with how much we love all of you, because it doesn't. We will always be your mother and father, whether we're together or not." Michaela finished speaking, the last few words said in a rush, as though by saying them quickly, she could prevent them from being countered and from hurting her further. After a few moments of silence, she turned to Sully for confirmation and waited for him to speak.
Sully still refused to believe that this was truly what his wife wanted, but it seemed clear that for now, she was intent upon doing it, since she had so hastily made to gather the children for dinner that evening and was not announcing this to them in a manner Sully found to be uncomfortably blunt and insensitive, although he could not think of a better way. "That's right," he finally said, knowing that it would do no one any good to voice his protests.
While her older siblings stood in shocked silence and the babies slept, Katie timidly spoke, "Mama, Papa, what's a divorce?"
"Uhhh….uhhh…well…uhhh…you see…Sweet Girl…uhhh…it means that Mama and Papa aren't going to be married anymore and that Papa won't live with you. It means that though we still love you very, very, very, very much and always will, we don't love each other anymore." Sully's ears rang with the words he had meant only hours ago and now regretted completely.
Michaela's ears rung, too. Those words still caused immeasurable pain in her heart and she knew that she would never mean them, even if she had tried to hours ago, but she convinced herself that this was for the best, and so she spoke confidently to her daughter. "That's right, sweetheart, Papa and I want what's best for you, and your brothers and your sisters, and so we don't want to live in a house together if we can't get along."
"But you can get along, you love each other, you always said you did and always would, just like you love me, just say you're sorry, kiss and make up. You're always kissin'. Do it now. Kiss now, please?" There were tears in Katie's eyes and it broke both her parent's hearts.
As Michaela looked around she noticed there were also tears in the eyes of her older children and Andrew's, all of them seemed to be wishing the same thing Katie was and Michaela was tempted to throw her arms around her husband and do exactly what the children suggested. For she really wished this were a situation where he could hold her, love her, and make it better, but in truth, this was the one situation he couldn't fix because she was choosing to sever that bond, the bond that made holding her and loving her his duty and as he'd always said, his pleasure. Instead of kissing Sully, she instead said to her daughter quite plainly, "Divorced people don't kiss, Katie. You have to be in love to do that and divorce means falling out of love."
Michaela only remembered the rest of that night as a series of snippets, her telling the children and Sully that she was moving to Boston and taking Katie and the twins with her. Their tears, for even Sully had cried openly at her decision, and her own tears as they fell freely from her face when Matthew and Colleen gave her looks so cold. Her heart and tears seemed to freeze, the look on Katie's face when she realized that living meant that her father wouldn't be around but a few times a year, the look on Sully's face when he realized that he would see very little of his children's lives, and the sight of Sully holding Katie and the twins, each at separate points that night, rocking them to sleep and telling them how much he would always love them, no matter where he was.
Several times before he'd left for the lean-to, Sully'd tried to tell her how much he loved her and how wrong he thought this was. Michaela remembered one of these moments particularly well.
"'Chaela, please look at me," Sully said, touching her arm and slowly taking her hand.
"Don't call me that, it's not proper," Michaela had said softly and half-heartedly.
"I don't care about proper right now. I only care that you know that I said and did some awful things, but you'll always be my soul mate. I can't live without you.. Please, 'Chaela, think about what you're doin'. We're soul mates, two hawks soaring together. What will I do without my mate? I cannot soar alone."
"Sully, there will be others," she said gently, feeling love for him coarse through her body along with the fear that she was making a mistake.
"There were never any others before you. I loved Abigail, but she wasn't my soul mate. There can only be one. You will forever hold my heart," he said, trying to pull her close.
"Sully, don't," she whispered, pulling herself out of his arms. "We can't do that anymore." As she said this, her voice caught and he heard it. With his eyes he conveyed that thought she was making a mistake and they begged her to reconsider. Tears flowing freely now, she let him draw her back into a hold, both knowing that nothing had changed with regard to her plans, but that they both needed to hold each other one last time.
Michaela startled herself out of her musing when she realized that there was only a half-hour left until her train departed for Boston. Carefully closing the suitcase she had finished packing, she called for Katie and Brian, who was helping her to carry the twins to the station and strode to the door, holding her crying little girl by the hand. At the doorway she stopped once to gaze around the house as if memorizing it and committing every detail to her heart. Brian watched as his mother surveyed the house and quietly whispered, "You'll always have a home here, Ma."
This is my first fan fiction and I would appreciate any and all feedback, so please feel free to review the chapter and any subsequent chapters if you think they are of interest either here or be orginal and comment on the "Stand By Me" thread of the fanfiction section of the Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman forum The link to the thread is: http/forum.drquinn.us/viewtopic.php?t3949
Thanks, Corinna
