Today is the final full marching day before arrival at the siege camp.
Edelgard has given up on the Srengian goose-step to plot with Hubert about something.
She then returned to my side very pensively, and began to pester me about scrapping her modified battleplan based on my own plan, and starting a new one from scratch. I'm starting to gather Hubert may have his own field intelligencers, which is fine. I have to trust him with that in order to gain his own, as he naturally fancies himself a better protector of Edelgard.
Maybe he will reassess that after what I get up to with the ballista – if my father's suspicions are true. These brigands will not threaten the safety of my Eagles.
I informed Edelgard that I've received no communication with the siege camp, which she found surprising, and immediately stole off to consult with Hubert again. When she returned, I mentioned to her that we had snuck a ballista inside the supply wagon in case anything went awry. This provoked another dash over to Hubert, who was looking at me with a raised eyebrow the whole time.
Later that evening, I consulted with Hubert and Edelgard in my tent – as the former's does truly smell quite terrible, and Petra retires early. My duo of plotters apparently possess intelligence that the siege camp has been compromised and suggested we send the Deer out to scout.
Naturally – I wonder where this intelligence comes from, but Hubert seems to be quite wealthy, and is certainly capable of bribing people, so he might have connections in nearby villages.
My reply to all this suggestion is non-committal: citing that no one in the Deer's class is really a capable scout – I suspect Leonie is, actually – but she does not take orders from me on account of what she believes to be her privileged relationship with my father.
Regardless, Edelgard agreed eagerly with me, noting our general superiority in all respects. Hubert shook his head bitterly which implies those other words were his coming through her lips in an attempt to manipulate me into listening to her (him).
I know when she's speaking Hubertian, Hubert.
I vastly prefer when she speaks Edelgardian.
Eventually, the native Edelgardian cements a plan based on a topographical map which has been tucked under my breastplate, and rapidly synthesizes the information regarding the ballista which I and the Deer have snuck along. I offer nothing to guide her along, curious to observe her methodology... and while she does this – I order Hubert to go put a hot water kettle on boil.
Hubert declines to follow that order, stating that his place is beside Lady Edelgard.
Lady Edelgard tells Hubert to fetch the hot water kettle, and he does.
And now I realize how to get Hubert to comply with my orders. I merely must have Edelgard Hubert him.
As expected, My Student is quick to identify the axis of any major confrontation, indicating the rolling ridge that the Arundel highway is cut into. I nod and wait for further suggestions. Eventually she identifies that the first point we'd be under threat is when the scrubby woodland before the canyon reaches the highway – and also happens to be where the checkpoint station has been established.
We agree to march in column until a half mile before that point, where we break into open order in case of ambush. It's a great plan, and one that I'd suggest myself. In effect, there's a great deal of understanding of initiative. You never want to deploy into formation too early or too late – the consequences for both are always punishing.
I suggest that we should work together on every plan moving forward.
It makes her day.
And mine. If I could smile, I'd have one to match hers, although less guilty-looking.
Why does she always look so guilty lately...?
It's almost as if she feels like she's playing out the last few hands of a card game, nearing an empty deck ... but the card game is her favorite, and her opponent is her favorite - but both will disappear when the game ends. And then she will as well, but...
It's a weak analogy. I'll run it by Linhardt for further refinement, I suppose.
Hubert then arrives and I prepare them some bergamot tea with cinnamon. Hubert despises the drink and comments about its lack of consistency. I got the impression that the blend makes Edelgard quite comfortable however, and I'll take victories where they come. I offer the two a fresh tin of biscuits, which Hubert also declines but his Lady accepts. Hubert naturally kept a vigil over me as I munched on a biscuit very slowly first before feeling comfortable enough to not think I'm feeding her poison.
The poison I'm feeding her is very different, Hubert, and it's hers anyway. I'm just returning the feelings she's responsible for.
While working through the tin of biscuits, Edelgard talks to me about a myriad of topics, such as "overcoming weaknesses", "reliable allies" and "the ideal professor...", the final of which prompts her the basically just describe the version of me that she gets whenever she asks me for trivia about foreign countries.
When I raise an eyebrow at this, she blushes... and Hubert grimaces. For the rest of the conversation, I just choose to just nod and supply-one-word-agreements with all of her observations about this mission thus far.
And not because I'm patronizing her, but because we're of like mind and I'm really quite exhausted.
It's very easy when she's like this – and I'm thinking this approximation of the Hresvelg Blend has something do with it.
I asked My Student if we could set up the Ballista to guard the campsite tomorrow, and she agreed wholeheartedly, knowing my wish to protect everyone, and even offering the manual labor of the Ratfucker as well. He exits the tent momentarily to relieve himself.
After he does, Edelgard mentions that she's expectantly waiting for an invitation to another teatime sans Hubert, back at the monastery, which I agree should happen soon.
As the night wears on, and Hubert's piss ends up taking the better part of an hour, I'm also then very directly reminded of when Edelgard's birthday is by the birthday-haver sans segue. She also reiterates what age she is turning several times, noting the various Imperial responsibilities and political blah-blah-blahs that she's very clearly interested in. And how they can only occupy all of her free time when she's eighteen.
So I nod and praise her, telling her that she'll do a brilliant job, which I'm sure she will, because she's Edelgard... even though I have no idea what any of that shit is or how she expects me to help her with it. Before I can resolutely re-promise to protect her and murder all of her enemies though, there's a great deal of thumping next door.
Our mission also now only has 349 bottles of liquor for my plan because Claude and Hilda decided to play a drinking game with one. Unfortunately, they pitched their tent between mine and the Princesses of Adrestia and Brigid this evening. Both of us listen rather intently, and I just stare blankly, not understand what's going on at all until the two start yelling "strip!" at each other during regular intervals.
Apparently, this game involves them stripping their clothes off, and then unsanctimonious-ly ended with the insertion of something large and warm into Hilda's butthole. She informs Edelgard and me of those circumstances as well...but I assume the information is intended for Claude.
That large and warm thing… is surprisingly not the bottle of alcohol, as I heard Hilda comment that the object of Claude's was "as big as the bottleneck" after "sucking it off" – a term which I'm gathering is not exclusive to medical treatments anymore. I am also unsure about the scale of the bottleneck she was referencing.
Edelgard turns her back to me, sitting seiza and starts blushing and sweating profusely. The shadows provide the image of a chair... with six legs?
There's also quite a bit of grunting and Hilda saying "ouch" a lot, with requisite sounds of spitting that cause my student to shudder with each hock.
Eventually the chair collapses on itself, and into a mound of limb-like protrusions after a very guttural grunt from the Heir to House Riegan. This whole affair lasts about ninety seconds.
Claude informs Hilda that her ass was great, which I suppose is true. Hilda is a shapely woman with fine curves, and the sister of my old comrade, who also commented kindly of the asses of random women when in bars.
This was wholesome, right?
Hilda seemed to not enjoy the experience as much as Claude's grunting seemed to indicate that he did, though. Apparently he also made a "mess of her anus", which is strange, but I guess there are things that could do that. I also learned that apparently (some?) women do not enjoy objects larger than a bottleneck being stuck up their anus, although I can't tell this to Edelgard as trivia, because she also witnessed and heard it right next to me over tea.
After listening to the cleanup proceedings – and an additional grunting component only lasting for about ten seconds – Edelgard barks commands incoherently at them, exiting the tent and chopping off their tentlines with her labrys. I followed her out to examine the damage and then... just returned to my own, listening to the initial arguments in safety after seeing Hubert emerge from the woods and working overtime to assess what had happened in the interim.
I'm sure he can explain all of that to Edelgard, because I can't.
Later, Petra invited herself into my tent, who is rooming with Edelgard on the opposite side of Claude's, and asked very innocently what kind of butt-gaming the people of Fodlan do. Noting my unawares I called over to Edelgard, who was first shocked that Petra was in my tent alone, and more shocked that the Deer's activity was apparently of a butt-gaming nature.
Petra was then politely asked by Edelgard to return to her tent with no more talk of that, at this moment.
Hilda then implied from her own tent that Edelgard's butt was too small and bony for that, and was jealous at this moment.
My student then shouted "...I will strike them down…!" and went to grab her axe again.
I poked my head out the door to see Claude making a run for it, but not before winking at me.
"Smell ya later, Teach...!" he says, as if I carry an odor right now that wouldn't be cinnamon and bergamot, which Edelgard and I both enjoy, and therefore must smell wonderful.
It is Hubert who smells.
It is also Hubert who uses a silence spell to prevent him from running away from my teatime partner wielding an axe, the future Emperor of Adrestia.
"...Teach, you need my eyes for the ballista, right? You're relying on me, I'm sure..." Von Riegan says with a genuinely apologetic look. I've never seen that before, not even when we were talking about ambition on the ramparts.
"...My Teacher, I am just endeavoring to instruct him about the consequences of interrupting our precious teatime." My student informs me. She receives a nod.
I look to Hubert who just shrugs.
"...Group work?" I ask.
And I finally get a smirk from him, against his better judgement, I'm sure.
So I went to bed after that, and I only heard the now Beta-Buck yell for a little while.
Falling asleep, I looked forward to the day I could strangle Claude von Riegan... and make him tell me what he did to Hilda this night, which apparently didn't carry some risk of making Hilda cry like last time... and dreaming how justly deserved it would be to dig my digits into his neck on the docks of Derdriu... maybe with Hilda watching, too.
