"...It's very simple, My Lord – strength in numbers! After the Fallen Knight of Hrym approached us, we realized that we had a significant advantage!"
The mercenary captain named Metodey proclaims this to a familiar duo standing at the bridge leading towards the Red Canyon – the Fire-Frill Feather Figure, and the Balding Bandit King. The latter of those two individuals looks as if he's actually gained weight in the time since I've last seen him, in spite of Seteth's plan to starve him out, and F.F.F.F's acquiescence in the matter.
Admittedly though… I was also using a pair of field goggles to observe them last time, and long-focus optical lenses tend to compress certain facial features. The Morfians, who we import this technology from, happen to have that sort of aesthetic preference in a great deal of their paintings, so perhaps they're in no rush to innovate glass-cutting any further.
Ignatz, who wears thick glasses, also painted me with rounder cheekbones than I can ever recall having. In that painting of me in the maid dress, I think now that I rather looked like a woman.
Still – the double chin on Bandit King seems much more prominent. Claude commented on this as well – before I told him to shut the fuck up – lest we get discovered.
This time, Bandit King and F.F.F.F. brought friends as well.
There are no less than a hundred well-armed, heavily armored mercenaries in this valley, now encamped alongside the bandits.
Added to the Commandants of Cringe is another freak as well, who I will just refer to as "Edgy Female Ferdinand", possessing the ginger coiffure and all of the chipper mannerisms of my red lancer, just with a pair of large leather-bound breasts held together in a skin-tight bodysuit. Her skin that I can see also seems a bit bluish, but I'm willing to grant that as contrast in the moonlight.
Claude seems very interested in her ass, so I will interpret that as her having a rear suitable for butt-gaming. He later explains this as interest in some of the poison vials around a bandoleer at her waist – but I don't see why he can't be interested in both given their proximity. The woman's buttocks are so large and peach-shaped, that the back of the bandoleer is nearly obfuscated by it.
I find myself preferring Edelgard's, though – for purely aesthetic reasons – as Edgy Ferdinand's seems comically proportioned in relation to her thin, arched back. I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that in comparison to all women, every part of My Student is peerless in beauty. I wonder why that is…? My thoughts of her are interrupted by her enemy, Fire-Frill Feather Figure:
"I do not recall ordering you to attack the siege camp, Captain Metodey."
Captain Metodey feigns a bow, and then rises shortly thereafter.
"I do not recall you ordering me not to attack the siege camp, My Lord."
Fire-Frill Feather Figure lowers its silver axe towards Captain Metodey.
"The objective was to ambush and kill the heir to House Riegan. You have failed the ambush."
It is at that moment that I realize that this Fire-Frill Fellow and I may share the same long-term objective. Curious to hear more of their rationale, I am interrupted by our shared target:
"Damn, guess they're coming for me…!" His Deceitfulness whispers very loudly.
Shushing him, I wait to gather more data. Unfortunately, I cannot kill Claude now, because that would ruin my esteem in the eyes of Edelgard, who is expecting me to protect everyone on this mission, especially given the fact that she re-planned it from scratch. Have I mentioned the immense pride I take in that? But… if Claude is still bullying Edelgard after they graduate, I can find myself wanting to work with the Flaming… Flame Feather Figure… to kill Claude… eventually. Just not at this moment.
"...Well, it seems to me like you're getting awfully picky, don't you think? As long as the slaughter is a slaughter… who cares?!" Edgy Female Ferdinand chimes in.
As she does this, she gesticulates rather wildly, like she is eagerly awaiting the opportunity to slaughter. Will she gesticulate as she dies, I wonder? If she stays in this canyon, I'll have the opportunity to discover that.
F.F.F.F. seems rather bothered by her interjection, turning to her very mechanically, as if the robes it wears are hiding someone much smaller underneath.
"I do not recall asking for your presence here." Feather-Figure snaps, breathing frilly fire at Edgy Female Ferdinand.
E.F.F. finds this hilarious and laughs at F.F.F.F. for… fifteen or sixteen seconds, prompting a chuckle at Claude, who must find her rather charismatic. Or at least, charismatically proportioned.
"You don't get to have that choice, you're just a weapon! I'm Our Leader's liaison – consider me your consultant in killing…!" I have to admit that's a fine turn of phrase, though.
Putting an arm on Edgy Female Ferdinand's shoulder, Captain Metodey is the next to reply, and does so with a hint of sarcasm that is just able to echo of the canyon walls:
"Look, look – I get that you're angry, My Lord – I really do! But I'd remind you that all of those brats are on foot, and the Company of the Rose has the finest steeds from Ar–"
"...If you finish that location I shall be the one slaughtering you." F.F.F.F. demands.
"You know, My Lord – I did you a massive favor here. All you'd need to do is drag the Riegan kid in here and we'd finish the job with no one the wiser."
Claude is expecting me to look at him now, but I don't. My eyes are fixed on the valley, as I see several mercenaries opening a supply crate with a pair of keys on it. They then drag that crate over to their horses, meaning that we're dealing with professional cavaliers.
A huff exits Fire-Frill Feather Figure, bringing my attention back to it.
"Hmf. It would hardly be that easy with their Professor around. He's far more competent than the other one we chased off."
My assessment of the Fire-Frill Feather Figure was honestly very negative at first, but I am starting to feel an urge to protect it. I do genuinely hope it leaves the canyon before I have to murder everyone inside in a horrifically painful and dehumanizing manner. And they will have to leave soon… because an improvisation forming in my mind will render them unable to escape.
Either way, time is of the essence.
Especially because I get the impression that Metodey and Edgy Female Ferdinand want to attack us at dawn. Meanwhile, His Deceitfulness taps me on the shoulder.
"That's you, you know." Claude informs me, reminding me that I'm held in some esteem by F.F.F.F.
He is shushed again.
"...Wasn't he on your kill list before? Have him tag along – I'd love to see him suffer!" The mercenary-captain adds with a chortle.
I would be surprised to hear this if I thought there was any honor among mercenaries. I've killed enough mercenaries to know that this is not the case. Still, this Metodey character seems particularly desirous of a fight with me.
And perhaps I will oblige, but not in the way he wants.
Curiously, the Fire-Frill Feather Figure seems to be well-appraised of my talents.
"Absolutely not, and I have informed Our Leader of that. There is no need, as I believe that he could be a potential asset… at least until we make our final move."
Claude looks at me like I'm one of the bad guys.
Von Riegan is the villain of my life-story, so I am willing to grant that I could also be the antagonist of his. To this end, he asks me if:
"...You're one of the bad guys, Teach?"
So I shove his head into the dirt and leave it there for a time, because he is distracting. As I do, the Balding-Bandit King pipes up:
"That's not what I heard from your one-eyed assistant! He asked me to put an axe in that whelp personally... And you know what, I owe that merc as much for Remire, he cut up half my company…!"
The Fire-Frill Feather Figure tilts their sickle-head at this, as if they're dealing with a very incompetent subordinate. Bandit King, is of course – looking like a very incompetent subordinate, given how he is currently hosting a battalion's worth of troops in the type of location I could… do horrific things to… which is what I'm thinking about right now.
"He very nearly killed you once, as well… and you would invite the same fate yet again… how foolish." They instruct him.
"Yeah I would, because if that stupid cunt didn't unhorse me, I'd have all those brats' heads!" Bandit King replies all-too confidently.
If Edelgard hadn't been so hasty, this guy would've been in the ground for a month already.
"Hmf. Do not misunderstand your role in this. I am in charge of this operation, and I have the writ from Our Leader. You will not be killing him."
While I appreciate their consideration – and I'm willing to grant that one month ago I would've passed their very fine offer along to my father, but they must be absolutely mad to think that I'd ever abandon these kids here and now.
I'm going to end these guys in very terrible ways if they insist on staying in that caldera.
"...I don't recall getting that no-kill order either, you know…" Edgy Female Ferdinand is back at it again.
But thankfully, Fire-Frill Feather Figure is having none of it. And really, I don't know why I should be so content at F.F.F.F. standing up to people trying to trouble them, because they are evil and threatening the lives of my students. But they also remind me of Edelgard, whose smile I want to protect as long as I am able. Maybe because they are all underestimating F.F.F.F.
Is the Fire-Frill Feather Figure someone I actually want to protect…?
No. I need to focus on the women in front of me, as Sothis says. They're going to take the Black Eagles seriously once I get this little plan going. Both Claude and these guys.
"If that is the case, I order you to withdraw." F.F.F.F. orders E.F.F.
"If that's the case, I'm taking Metodey with me for some fun." E.F.F. replies.
Fire-Frill Feather Figure raps their axe on the ground in a very agitated and annoyed fashion, as if their plan is starting to come undone, and it honestly seems rather strange – at least where I'm crouching. Getting rid of two very disobedient subordinates in order to try to wipe out a force as small as ours seems like a net positive. Regardless, they continue:
"There is no time for fun… I command you to explain yourself…!"
It's at this moment I realize that this person cannot be like the person I want to protect, though. Edelgard always has time for me, and I will always endeavor to have time for her. In fact, F.F.F.F. seems rather Lysithean in her appraisal of time.
"If there's going to be no slaughter here, we'll go slaughtering in Remire."
An attack on Remire is certainly… a new wrinkle. And this sets my mind at work about some of the advice I gave Dimitri. I cannot hold this train of thought for long enough to string anything significant together, however – because F.F.F.F. is putting their foot down.
"...I cannot allow such a thing. If our presence is revealed to Lonato, he will withdraw. Regardless of his opinion of the Church, he considers himself a patriot of Faerghus." They command.
More political mumbo-jumbo, frankly.
"Uhhhh… you're not in charge of that operation, though – Solon is…! And Lonato's fine with it, they're even attacking the Crown Prince right now!"
Claude taps my shoulder again. I turn to him, and notice that his face is still covered in dirt.
"...Teach, we're bailing out Dimitri after this, right…? He's gonna need our help if he's fighting these psychos."
Offering a nod in return, a plan begins to take shape for the follow-up after this battle. While Garegg Mach is four days' march away – which means we'll be out of supply for a day at least… Remire is only two days' march away, meaning we could possibly assist Dimitri if he was put under siege by this Lonato fellow.
Pending, of course, that the entirety of the Blue Lions weren't going to be killed by then. That's also a possibility if F.F.F.F. happens to have a subordinate, or ally, or mentor... that actually listens to orders and is halfway competent at their job.
One of their incompetent subordinates, Metodey, is next to take up the tack:
"My Lord, I shall accompany my esteemed colleague here for some slaughter. I will leave the company to you." he says with another exaggerated bow.
"Do not deign to give me orders!" Shouts F.F.F.F., just as Metodey warps away in a cylinder of purple light.
"You're being a real nuisance about this… so I think I'm going to tattle!" ripostes Edgy Female Ferdinand.
"...He will be most unamused that you undermined my mission to bolster your own. Do not forget that I am the only means by which our dream comes to fruition."
I can appreciate F.F.F.F. taking the initiative back with that comment, but E.F.F. seems unwilling to let them get a comment in edgewise without some kind of bait. She's almost Claudian, rather than Ferdinandian.
"...Aren't you just a weapon…? Here's some advice – stick to killing – because your plan here sucked!" quoth the ginger not-so-gentlewoman before warping away herself in a cylinder of… purple light, too.
"You will command the mercenaries. Wait here for further orders."
"Hey, I better be getting paid extra for this…!"
The Bandit-King then stomps his feet repeatedly like a small child after being denied a treat. I've never denied a treat to Lysithea, so perhaps I would use her as a comparison if I had. That said, I suspect it would be highly unwise to, given the precedent I've set. So again, this comparison doesn't go as far as I thought even upon first making it. Moreover, I seriously doubt the bandit can do what Lysithea's about to do.
Or rather, what I'm planning to have her do.
For a time, I'm nostalgic about how easy it would have been to just chase him down and murder him at Remire, this bumbling bald bandit that tantrums before me… but if I did, I would've never started talking with Edelgard, and my life never would have been as wonderful as it is right now.
And so… to this man about to die… I salute you.
Claude waits until the Bandit retires to his tent to pip in with his next question. I was just planning on slinking back myself, so this serves as a minor frustration to me.
But I suppose I can just detail my stratagem to him here.
"What's the plan, Teach? It's looking like we're outnumbered ten to one." inquires the Buck.
"Better odds than last time." I reply, referring to our last spat of combat at Remire.
His Deceitfulness initially finds this amusing, but as his gaze returns to the large contingent of heavily armored mercenaries with war-horses, he seems to lose the cherry resolve he once had. And I realize that when I cut through whatever household troops he has some day – perhaps in Derdriu, perhaps a year or two away… he'll have the same look on his face, but maybe even more fearful… because I'll be the one who cuts through them, and he'll know what I'm capable of after tonight.
"Yeah, but they've got professional mercs in there… look at that armor." he says, quaking in his little platform boots.
"...Like an oven." I say with a raised eyebrow, boring my emotionless eyes into his.
"...What's that supposed to mean?" He asks with a very uncomfortable smirk.
Looking back at the tightly knit tents around a half-drained reservoir in the center of the canyon, I can sense everything coming together. Even more so when I see the Bandit King snuff his candle out from inside his tent. I'll be relighting that real soon.
"I have a strategy." I reply.
The Deer's House Leader looks at me very expectantly, as if I've somehow got an ace up my sleeve.
"...Oh yeah? Fill me in, Teach…!"
Putting up my index finger, I wait till Claude's darting eyes fix upon it, and then drag it towards the treeline just before the Canyon entrance.
"Get Lorenz, set up the ballista… there."
Those emerald eyes of his have suddenly gone quite wide.
"...You can't be serious." he tells me.
What was he expecting? That I'd somehow be able to rain down fire from the sky? Maybe I do have that power, Claude… and you just need to be patient.
"Wake your classmates up after that."
"...You aren't serious."
He says these things like I express emotions, which is more proof that people just project whatever they want onto my blank expression, for good or for ill.
"I'll handle the Eagles." comes my statement.
"There is no fucking way that you're actually being serious right now." is what I'm told in response.
Having had well enough of this idiot, I take my left hand and stretch out his left eyelids as far as they can stretch, prompting him to wheeze in pain.
"Look at my face."
I command this as I stare at him blankly, of course – because that's the only expression I'm able to make.
"OK OK –Teach… I'm just saying you better have a better plan than Sickle-Head did…!"
As Claude and I emerge from the scrub, I notice that Edelgard and Hubert are waiting at the campfire for us… wearing very agitated expressions, meaning Hubert has probably been filling her head with doubts about how excellent and valuable I think her plans are and maybe even about how highly I hold her in esteem personally.
"My Teacher… where have you been…?" I'm asked by My Student as soon as we get in earshot.
Claude is about to answer that question (she did not start that question off with Von Riegan, it should be noted) before I cut him off at the last moment.
"Taking a piss." I reply curtly.
This, of course, sets off Hubert's bullshit squint… much like everything else that comes out of my mouth – although I am lying here for a very particular reason… I want to take Edelgard and Hubert scouting next, and I don't want My Student to feel bad that Claude pushed and shoved his way to the front of the line.
"...Hubert and I noticed a foraging party heading into the canyon. I believe we should scout out the perimeter"
"Teach and–"
I place a hand up in front of Claude.
"Get Lorenz. Do what I asked."
He raises an eyebrow and shakes his head.
"Fine, fine..." he mumbles as he heads over to Lorenz's tent.
My student then closes the distance between us. I notice that she's sweating quite profusely, and that her otherwise well-maintained hair is a bit messy. Her lavender irises attack me in agitation but I can't really find myself intimidated by them anymore. I need to protect them, and have greater things to fear than inviting her frustration over this or that.
We're not in Garegg Mach anymore, and I'm going to have to demonstrate that, I suppose.
In about an hour, we're going to be in my natural habitat.
"Whatever did you mean by that…?" I'm asked, probably referring to my demonstrativeness with His Deceitfulness.
But I don't want to talk about that.
And I'm worried about her sweating so much… so I consider the best way to ask.
"I want the ballista set up." I reply distractedly.
This statement puts her mind at work for the moment.
"Oh, to guard the campsite from attack…?" she says, as if working through a strategy of her own.
Finally I decide to use my old reliable:
"...Edelgard, are you OK?"
And that slight softening takes over that I realize now is one of the most chest-achingly beautiful things I've ever seen in my life – and I've seen a great many many things and people.
"Y-yes My Teacher… but there is nothing to be concerned over…" she says, trailing off.
Pressing that expression for all its worth, I thrust forward with a follow up:
"You're sweating…?"
At which she jumps a bit, prompting Hubert to take a step forward and clear his throat – acting as our Dorothea for the night.
She turns to him and nods.
"I'm in perfect health. truly… might we commence our scouting mission now?"
Nodding, I walk back the way I came with my two students.
"...Might I suggest a plan, My Teacher?"
Edelgard inquires, after distractedly scribbling in my campaign log for some time now. The sight of this at such an intimate proximity makes me feel incredibly warm. Upon arriving at the edge of the canyon, the Adrestian's mind went to work immediately, with Hubert maintaining a watchful eye upon the two of us from the distance. Lying prone at the precupice, I watched her take in the available information in astonishing speed, and then begin drafting a plan after asking for a sheet of paper. I grabbed my logbook, folded it over, and simply watched her mind work.
Just like her work in the tent, I find it astonishing.
And as the maneuver lines on the paper begin to materialize, find myself extremely eager to hear her strategy, and possibly comingle it with my own.
"I'll always listen." I reply. And I will.
Taking some resolve in that, she hands me back the logbook and quill pen. I screw the cap back on the ink vial between the two of us.
"I know… and that is why I believe we must withdraw from the field." she says.
And it's a good plan, and one that I will discuss in detail at the lecture.
But it's not the best plan... which I will have to instruct her towards finding.
Noticing my lack of confirmation, she continues:
"...I also think we should have Claude and his House cover our retreat. The Eagles are cohesive enough to make the retreat back on our own. But I firmly believe the Deer will weigh us down."
Nodding, my finger draws her attention to a group of war-horses with reins tied around stakes.
"The enemy still has mounts." I inform her, hoping to lead her to the right answer.
My Student looks at me with those big lavender irises and bites her lip.
"That is… true…" she concedes.
And so I wait for her. But she seems intent on waiting for me as well. So, after a few minutes in silent contemplation, I offer:
"Can I make a suggestion?"
To which Edelgard nods.
"Of course… My ears are always yours…"
Looking back rather distractedly into that caldera, which reminds me of so many others that I've seen along the Throat, I find myself feeling a hint of nostalgia. But it's a strange nostalgia, as most of these sentiments came from after I realized that Edelgard had an interest in them, and that I could share these nuggets of knowledge with someone other than myself. One granule of wisdom in particular is at the forefront of my mind, and has been for the past week.
"There's a maxim that I learned in Almyra… from Holst..." I begin.
And Edelgard eyes me expectantly.
"...The best way to retreat is to attack." I reply.
Those eyes then morph into a squint and a frown... but I'm happy they do, because I know now that her mind is hard at work to make sense of my replies that always exist in the realm of vaguerie.
"...And however do you expect us to actually accomplish that, My Teacher?" she asks, quite rightly.
Before that question ends, however, I hold up my finger and drag it towards the tree-line at the entrance of Zanado. When those lavender irises fall upon Claude and Lorenz assembling the ballista, they no longer squint. In fact, along with her body which stiffens, they shoot wide open. The servant senses his master's surprise as well, and approaches us at a crouch.
"Professor... Is that what I suspect it is…?" comes the Hubertian query from Hubert.
Turning to him, I raise an eyebrow, which sends a shiver up his spine as well. Perhaps they both think I'm crazy now.
I hope Hubert does, at least.
"Can you wake the Eagles up, Hubert?" I ask him.
Surprisingly, he does not protest verbally, although the single yellow eye he presents does look rather lippy.
"...For what purpose, Professor?" he inquires.
If I could smirk, I'd smirk.
"...For their first lecture." I say.
Two surprised faces stare blankly at me for a time, but eventually comply. It was very Bylethan indeed.
