Chapter 33
As the train chugged toward Boston, Sully leaned back in his seat and thought about how he was going to approach his wife when he saw her. He didn't know what to say, he'd tried everything before she left with the kids, and nothing had worked. He shivered with the knowledge that he may be making this trip in vain. He thought back to the night before she left and the desperate attempt he'd made to take her out to dinner and to discuss the possibility of their children remaining with him while she went away for a while to sort out her own thoughts. He tried to make it clear to her that he didn't want to lose his children, and yet she wouldn't hear of him taking them, even for a small amount of time.
"Michaela, I was wonderin' if we could have dinner tonight?" Sully asked, tugging at the tie and suit that made him feel as though he were choking. Michaela had always loved when he dressed up. She had often said that she had fallen for him that night when he'd come to her birthday party in a suit, looking decidedly uncomfortable for more than one reason. She had always said suits made him look handsome and suited his figure well. He momentarily smiled as he stood on the porch thinking that she couldn't possibly refuse him if he truly was repentant enough to dress himself up in his suit that choked the very life out of him, just for her. A moment after he knocked on the door, his wife appeared looking decidedly stern and solemn even after she took in his attire.
"Sully," she said coldly, "May I help you? Are you here to see the children? I just put the youngest ones to bed, but Brian is still awake if you wish to speak with him. Colleen is resting in her room and both she and Andrew asked not to be disturbed, otherwise I would invite you to see them too. And Matthew, well, he decided to stay at his homestead for the night to make sure his livestock were still doing well after the frost.
"Michaela, I'll be happy to see the kids, but I really came to see if you would join me for a late night supper. I'm sure Brian wouldn't mind watching the young ones if we asked him real nice. I figure we could talk about this goin' to Boston thing a little more."
"I don't feel like going to dinner with you, Sully. I thought I made that perfectly clear, but if you want to talk about the move to Boston, we can do it in the barn where we won't disturb the children."
Sully looked utterly heartbroken, but followed his wife as she strode briskly ahead of him to the small structure. Once they reached the barn he held the door open for her and she walked inside with a small thank you. After she had entered and situated herself on the nearest bale of hay. Sully too walked into the barn, letting the door shut behind him. Michaela motioned politely to the bale across from where she was sitting, but Sully chose to remain standing, hoping that this position would lead to a feeling of inner strength he could not make himself possess by any other means at that moment.
"Michaela," he began, "I don't want ya takin' the kids to Boston. They're my kids too, mine by blood and by life, if you're thinkin' about takin' Brian along and I ain't lettin' 'em go. You know what bein' a father means to me. I didn't grow up with one, Michaela, and I can't imagine letting my kids suffer the same fate. The twins won't even remember me if you take them away now."
"Sully, you cannot take care of three small children on your own. The twins still need to be nursed and I am moving to Boston. How would it work for me to leave Katie here? I'm her mother!"
"I'm her father! Neither one is more important than the other, Michaela, and you know it just as well as I do. Who was the one that taught Brian about the birds and the bees? Certainly not you, with your medical textbooks and your Latin, terms he couldn't even begin to understand. Made him have nightmares! Ya call that good parentin'?"
"Well, you didn't do so well yourself with Matthew, Sully. In fact, you didn't tell him anything. You just asked him if he knew it all and when he did, you told me you were relieved. That's certainly not father of the year material!" she said, fear brimming within her at the thought that he would actually take their children from her.
"Why don't we just ship 'em off to an orphanage, cuz it seems like neither one of us is fit to parent 'em? At lease then they'd be in Colorado."
"And what's wrong with Boston, Sully? They'll have the best of everything."
"Yeah, best of the nanny that you can ship 'em off to!"
"How dare you!" she said as she started to cry. "You know I would never farm out the responsibilities of raising my children to others. You know I want to be a better mother than my mother ever was."
"Well how dare you try to take my children away from me!" he said, though he tone was soft and almost apologetic.
"Sully," she said quietly, "I have to go and work some things out for myself and I believe the best place for Katie and the twins to be is with me. I know you love them and they love you too and you can come see them whenever you want. I'm not going to keep you from them."
"But Michaela, Boston is keeping them from me. I don't have the money to go visit them and don't you be offerin' me charity. I'll probably only be able to make it there twice a year. I'll just be a stranger who brings them gifts and who they call Papa, but they won't know the meaning of the word, not even Katie after a while. Please, isn't there another place you can go? Denver? Manitou?"
"I need to go home, Sully. I need to find my heart there."
"You once told me this was your home. Did you mean it?"
"I did then. I don't know where home is anymore, Sully."
"When I went to get ya in Boston years ago, I told Matthew that home was where the heart is. Where is your heart, Michaela?" After a deafening silence, he said, " I'll tell you where it is, Michaela, it's with me! I love you!" Sully then reached across and grabbed her hand gently, but firmly from her lap. She tried to pull away, but he held fast. "Why now, why do you want this divorce, huh? You hadn't mentioned it for near a month, what changed? Tell me and I'll make it right!", he begged. " Please don't take everything I love from me again. The older kids hate me for this and Katie, Josef and Charlotte won't know how to love me… and you…" he said as she backed away, her hand still enveloped in his. "You are the only woman, the only person I have ever truly loved with my whole heart,.", Sully was sobbing now, Michaela had never seen him like this" Please, please, honey, don't go!", he pleaded, tears streaming down his face, choking on his own sobs and using a term of endearment that he had used only one before when she'd hit her head on a rock while they were on a survey together and he'd had to rouse her and then keep her awake all night. He had feared losing her then and knew he was going to now.
With tears in her eyes, Michaela said nothing. She slowly turned and walked out of the barn. Sully started to pursue her, but she held up her hand and ran faster away from him.
Suddenly Sully realized the train was stopping and that he'd been daydreaming on and off for nearly a week. He hadn't realized just how far he'd come since Cloud Dancing had come to him from Montana the week before and told him that the spirits had advised him to beg Sully to go to Boston as he'd done once before to retrieve his heartsong. Quickly Sully banished the memory from his mind, knowing that if he allowed himself to remember the visit between him and his brother, he would never concentrate on getting to Michaela and he knew he had to. He could feel that something was wrong. There would be time to explain everything once he had convinced Michaela of his love once and for all.
As the train slowed to a stop, he quietly gathered up his pack and bedroll and exited the train onto the busy streets of Boston. For the last week he'd been wearing his good traveling suit, a present Michaela had given him last Christmas right before they went to Colleen's graduation from Harvard. Quickly he hailed a carriage, a task which was much easier to do than it had been on his previous mission to Boston years ago given his far more well-to-do appearance this time around.
He gave the driver directions to Beacon Hill and asked if he knew a woman by the name of Rebecca Quinn. The man replied that he did not know that particular name, but was familiar with the late Elizabeth Quinn and knew that her oldest daughter lived in a house not far from where the old Quinn main house had been. He also happened to mention that the couple who had bought the Quinn place were quite disrespectful and were not worthy of a house that belonged to a woman as respectable as the late mistress had been. Sully felt a lump in his throat as he realized again just how much he could've used Elizabeth's guidance at the moment. To the driver he only said, "Yes sir, Rebecca is the oldest daughter. Could you take me to her place of residence, or as near as possible to it? I'd be much obliged for your service."
Thirty minutes later, he found himself standing on the front porch of Rebecca's manor house, having paid the carriage driver and bid him farewell. Upon knocking on the large brass knocker, he was greeted quickly by the estate butler, who, when Sully introduced himself, promptly ushered him into the house and shut the door.
"You would be madam Michaela's husband, would you not?"
"Yes sir, I would. Is she or madam Quinn available?" Sully asked, keeping one eye on the butler while cautiously searching for his children with the other.
"No, they both took the children out for an afternoon stroll. They were going to take the babies and pick up Miss Katherine from the academy, then head over to the confectionary for some ice cream. They should be back soon, as they left an hour ago. You may have a seat if you like."
"Thank you," Sully said quietly, carefully sinking down into the chair the butler led him to. 'Katie in an academy?' he thought to himself after the butler had gone. His little headstrong Katie, the one who loved nature and exploring things in a Boston academy? He couldn't fathom it, and yet he supposed it was to be expected. After all, they were in Boston and being in Boston always changed his wife in ways he could never quite understand. He missed his children terribly, all six of them, especially those who were in Boston and though he had come to take Michaela home, he had also come to attempt to bring his children some comfort and reassurance, and in the end, attempt to, along with their mother, bring them home to the rest of their family and to him. If only he could be sure his presence here would work…
At that moment, he heard a carriage pull up outside, then the click of women's heels, and the soft soles of children's shoes as well as the wheels of the baby pram gliding across the pavement. Then a call for Johnson, who Sully assumed was the butler, the one who greeted him at the door when he'd come in. Before Johnson could get to the door though, Sully rushed to it and opened it, walking out onto the porch, and then down onto the sidewalk before reaching out his hand to take the baby pram from his wife's hands and lift it up the stairs. His wife, Rebecca, and Katie remained motionless and speechless for a moment before Michaela spoke, having regained enough of her composure.
"Sully, how nice to see you here."
This is my first fan fiction and I would appreciate any and all feedback, so please feel free to review the chapter and any subsequent chapters if you think they are of interest either here or be orginal and comment on the "Stand By Me" thread of the fanfiction section of the Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman forum The link to the thread is: http/forum.drquinn.us/viewtopic.php?t3949
Thanks, Corinna
