By: Prodigus Feldspar

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach…Or pocky… If I did own either of them I would be a millionaire and wouldn't be wasting my time entertaining all y'all with these stupid stories.

Warning: This IS a crack fic! Beware!

Let the madness commence…

000

First victim: Renji Abarai

000

Renji sighed exhaustedly and leaned his back against the giant oak tree he was sitting under.

"Stupid Kisuke," He muttered. Hat and clogs had been ordering him to run errands all day, so he got half the day off.

The red haired man blinked at the summer sun.

He looked around.

Maybe this is a good place for a nap…He thought and lay down, closing his eyes.

Unaware of the raven haired girl hiding behind a tree a few feet away.

000

Rukia stared at Renji's sleeping body, a maniacal glint in her eyes.

My first victim. She thought, a smirk spreading across her lips.

She kneeled down beside him and pulled something out of one of her pockets…A STICK! (Don't ask how it fit in her pocket.)

She sidled closed to Renji.

Poke. She poked him with the stick.

Poke.

Renji grunted in his sleep

Poke, Poke!

Renji's eyes shot open as Rukia began poking him in the face with the stick.

He stared at the girl who was totally absorbed in her poking.

"What the hell?" He said, slightly freaked out.

Poke, poke.

"Rukia?"

Poke, poke, poke.

Renji grabbed the stick and snapped it in half, throwing the two pieces of defeated stick away from Rukia.

He closed his eyes again.

Rukia glared at Renji and pulled out of her pocket…A backup stick!

Poke…poke.

"Rukia…" Renji growled, eyes still shut.

Poke poke?

Renji grabbed the backup stick, snapped it in half and threw it.

He closed is eyes, again.

Rukia pulled out her backup stick's backup stick and began poking Renji's eyebrows with it.

"Funky eyebrows," she muttered.

"Damn it, Rukia!" Renji yelled, standing up.

Rukia began attempting to poke him again.

"What is wrong with you!" He said to the former soul reaper.

Rukia stared at him, her dark purple eyes sparkling.

Renji was really getting freaked out now.

He began backing away.

"GLOMP!" Rukia cried merrily and tackled a very confused Renji.

He stared at the girl on top of him and blushed.

"G-Get off o-of m-me." He stuttered, trying to push the girl off of him.

Rukia paused for a moment and pulled a small box out of one of her pockets. It was red, and had the word "Pocky" written on it.

"Only if you eat this!" she said, half hoping he wouldn't, so she could stay on top of him.

Renji blushed harder, tempted to say "no." But, people were beginning to stare and he didn't want to attract and hollows so he just grabbed the box from her.

Rukia stood up.

So did Renji.

Renji reached in to the box and pulled out a salt-less pretzel-stick dipped in chocolate.

"So I just eat this?"

Rukia nodded her head vigorously.

A vague thought crossed Renji's mind that it could be poison, but why would Rukia poison him anyway?

He swallowed one whole.

It tasted good…Really good. He wanted more.

Renji threw the entire box in his mouth and ate it.

Rukia looked at him expectantly.

"What?" Renji said.

Rukia blinked and randomly yelled, "BOHAHAHAHA!"

All of a sudden Renji felt like he was going to explode, his entire body was shaking with excitement.

At that same moment, Renji realized something…He…Wanted to poke things.

"R-Rukia…What's wrong with me?" Renji asked, afraid he was dying.

Rukia smiled, "You...ARE HYPER!"

"But why do I want to poke things?" Renji asked. (Insert perverted thoughts on the meaning of the word "poke" here. Bwa fa fa!)

Rukia shrugged, "The mystical power of the pocky, I guess…and the bohahahaha thing kinda helps to."

"Well," They both said in unison, "LET'S GO POKE THINGS!"

And the two maniacs set off to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting townspeople

To be continued…

So far, Orihime and Uryu are scheduled for death-I-I-mean poking…yes…poking…

I you would like someone to be poked please comment with their name and I will do my best.