Chapter 36
Michaela extended her hand tentatively and Sully helped her down from the carriage. As her feet hit the ground though, her foot slipped under the carriage and she fell forward, letting out a cry as her knee twisted from the odd angle at which her leg was forced to bend. At the same moment, Sully reached out and caught her in his arms, accidentally holding her close as she cried out.
"Where's it hurt 'Chaela?" Sully asked worriedly, forgetting that she had asked him not to call her that.
"My leg…knee is twisted, oh Sully!" she cried as tears streaked down her cheeks.
"What can I do?" he asked carefully and subtlety lifting her off the ground so that her weight was no longer on her legs.
Michaela sighed as she realized that she no longer felt the pain in her knee as intensely when he held her off her feet, whether the lessening of pain was caused by her position or the man holding her, she didn't know. She did have to admit that though she was embarrassed, her heart cried out to be held by her husband.
"I can't walk", she whispered as she realized that as she tried to place the tip of her foot on the ground and winced severely enough for Sully to hold her higher and closer despite the fact that they were no longer married.
"I'll carry you", he said gently against her ear, wanting nothing but to relieve her pain, as he seemed to feel it searing his heart and leg as well. He was however prepared for her refuse him and had steeled his heart for the rejection and the subsequent awkwardness that would follow, but it never came. Instead she nodded her head and leaned embarrassedly against his shoulder. Sully knew he couldn't carry her the way he always had because the cradling position would be too much of a bend for her leg , so he decided to carry her against over his shoulder ."Up we go ", he said soothingly as he lifted her into position and began to carry her up the front stairs of the Beacon Hill manor.
Michaela winced slightly as the motions Sully need to perform to climb the stairs jarred her leg , but she was in must less pain then she would have been if she had walked on her own, and Sully's touch was so comforting and she had to admit, so loving, that her body could not help but relax despite her best efforts to remain alert and aloof. He had begun to win her heart again and that frightened her because she wasn't sure she could handle giving it to him again and having him run away with it…or from it, again.
Upon entering the house, Sully and Michaela were greeted by Rebecca and Katie whose smiling faces quickly turned worried as they saw Michaela lying almost still in Sully's arms
"Mama…Michaela!" they exclaimed in unison as they rushed toward the pair.
"She's ok, just twisted her leg an' knee gettin'' out of the carriage, ", he reassured them as he shifted Michaela gently so that she didn't slip from his arms and she cried out in pain. Hearing her mother's cry, Katie circled her father to look her mother in the eye.
Does it hurt bad…badly Mama?" Katie feared, her voice trembling
Michaela looked in her daughter's troubled eyes from her place slightly over Sully's shoulder and mustered a smile. "I'll be fine Sweetheart, I'll wrap my knee up nice and tightly and then I'll get into bed and tomorrow I'll be feeling much better and in a week I'll be good as new. " Seeing that they little girl was unconvinced, she softly added, "And if you like, after my knee is wrapped you can come cuddle with me…how that?"
Katie was ecstatic, she hadn't been invited to cuddle with her mother in so long that she couldn't rember when exactly and when she'd wanted to ask her mother if she could, Miss Louise had told her that children were not supposed to "cuddle' with their parents or anyone else and had acted as if Katie should have known such a thing without asking. Katie was her own girl, however, and instead of worrying about what the nanny had said, she merely asked in her sweet, innocent, yet, impish manner, "Can Papa cuddle too?"
Anticipating that Michaela would start into another one of her, "People who aren't in love …" lectures, Sully began to interject, "Uhh…Kates…" but was cut off by his former wife's voice.
" Katie, I need Papa or Aunt Rebecca's help taking care of my knee and if 'Papa would like to talk to us while you and I cuddle, that would be all right." Michaela wasn't really sure that that was all right with her, but the little girl seemed to so badly want time with both her parent's that she felt this was for the best. Suddenly she realized that Sully was still holding her and she blushed in embarrassment , prompting Katie to run to face her father shouting, " Mama has a fever Papa! She needs to be tucked in bed"
" Michaela? " Sully asked, concerned.
I'm fine Sully…just embarrassed, maybe going up to bed would be a good idea." Michaela replied, growing more uncomfortable by the minute.
Recognizing the reasons for her sister's discomfort, Rebecca interjected for the first time into what she saw as a very personal family conversation, "Yes Sully, do take dear Michaela upstairs to tend to her knee, I'll send Katie and the twins up in a little while, if that's all right with you, of course?"
Sully felt Michaela's body tense at the mention of the twins and her reaction made his heart sink, but to Rebecca and Katie, he said " That would be good, thank you" Then he crossed to the stairs and carefully began to ascend them.
When her parents had gone up the stairs, Katie turned to her aunt and asked with a very serious expression" Do people who are diforce…not in love anymore, carry each other up the stairs?
Sully watched as his wife and daughter slept, snuggled close together and more content than he'd seen either one of them in long time. How he wished that he could join them, both on the bed and in slumber, but for the time being he was content that Michaela had allowed him to be her with the, though he figured she was doing it more for Katie's benefit then her own. Still Sully saw it as a step in the right direction for all people and relationships concerned.
Sully heard one of the twins stir in their crib next to the bed. Rising, he walked quietly to where the two identical cribs were positioned and found that the fussy baby was Charlotte. Slowly he lifted her from the crib and curled her against his chest. As she grew comfortable, her fussing stopped, but the pucker of her lips told him that he would soon not be able to provide what his daughter needed unless hr went downstairs to get a bottle and he was hesitant to do such a thing. He'd seen Michaela's face when Rebecca had mentioned the bottle-feeding earlier. The look of fear, disappointment and pain in Michaela's eyes had actually hurt Sully physically and he wasn't going to cause her that embarrassment again. He merely held Charlotte close, stroking her fair hair and rosy cheeks until she started to squirm in the cradle of his arms.
Standing up with her, he made his way to the bed and sat on its edge careful to leave enough room, so that Michaela would not feel as though he were invading her private space or trying take advantage of the situation.
"Michaela", he whispered, trying to rouse her without startling her and causing her leg to spasm and attempting not to wake Katie as well.
"Hmm?" she said sleepily reaching out as if to find him lying beside her and nearly hitting Katie in the head. Securing Charlotte in one arm, he reached out to still her flailing arms. Feeling his hand on her arms and not around her, she became more alert and seeing him on her bed, she hiss as quietly as she could in her angry state, "Sully, what are you doing!"
Not reacting to her anger, he whispered soothingly ,"Charlotte's hungry and I thought you might want to feed her"
Michaela's anger dissipated and in its place embarrassment loomed as Michaela lowered her head and whispered contritely "I'm sorry, Sully."
Still holding Charlotte with one arm, he used the palm of his other hand to raise her chin, Hey…hey… that's alright" he said softly.
For the first time in a long time, Michaela thought she heard love in his voice directed at her in a non emergency situation and it made her heart leap, but she was almost too scared to admit it to herself and so she just smiled at Sully in thanks.
Sully thought he saw some love in the small smile, but he didn't want to chance anything b overstepping his bounds and kissing her on the forehead like ever fiber in his being desired to, so he simply smiled back and handed her their daughter.
Michaela's hands shook as she took the baby from her father. She held her stiffly as she brought the baby to her camisole covered chest.
Sully's smile turned to a worried crease of his brow as he observed his former wife with their baby. When Katie was young, Michaela had delighted in holding the infant and cuddling her close, often pressing Katie close to her heart so that the baby could hear the comforting sound and know that, as Michaela had said" She was loved with every beat of her mother's heart. " With Charlotte, however, Michaela looked as though she was holding an unwanted stranger and Sully's heart broke for them both.
Michaela caught Sully observing the way she held their little girl and his concerned and confused eyes caused her to burst into tears. Through her sobs, he thought he could discern her saying" I can't seen to bond with them Sully, I try, but I'm scared," I wanted you there so much when I was pregnant, to feel it moving with me,…I was too distracted to know I was carrying twins, to rub my back, to speak to it... them, to tell them you loved them, to tell me you loved me.. I guess I tried to shut out the painof the pregnancy and in the process I shut them out." She began to sob harder as she said " I don't think they know I love them Sully! I don't think any of our children, young or old know how much I love them anymore." " I'm a horrible mother!"
Katie stirred at the sound of her mother's sobs and after a hug and kis sfrom her papa, Sully told the wide eyed child to go downstairs and visit her aunt for awhile.
After, his daughter had gone, he turned to his former wife, set the baby beside her, and spoke soothingly as he pulled her into a hug that her weary soul didn't not resist, "Chaela , I'm sorry I wasn't there, you'll never know how much I regret leaving you and the kids and how much it breaks my heart that I wasn't there for all those moments and so many more when you were pregnant, but I want you to know that I love our babies, all six of them and that I love you so much for raising them to be the kind of people who love this world, it's people, and their family including their papa, even when he don't deserve it and wasn't there, and who love their ma with all their hearts , from the littlest Josef to the biggest Matthew.
In response, Michaela just hugged him tighter and for a while they just sat on the bed locked in a healing embrace, both shedding tears of renewal.
After awhile, Charlotte's insistent wails broke them apart and Sully drew back, reached down on the bed, scooped up their daughter and placed her in her mother's arms. Upon seeing that mother and daughter were both still too tense with each other to nurse, he softly suggested, "Try the heartbeat thing you used to do with Katie."
Michaela knew what he meant, but was hesitant, "Sully, she's hungry…"
"I know" her husband said calmly, "But, you told me once that a mother's milk can be affected by stress and not only are you stressed, but Charlotte is too."
"Sully…" Michaela started to protest again, but was cut off by her husband, who took the baby and laid her vertically against her mother's chest. Michaela, at first remained tense, but as she felt the baby relax against her and the fussing stop, she smiled at Sully.
Sully smiled back and getting up from the bed, he whispered, " Call me when Josef's hungry and I'll help ya with him." Once he was standing, Sully first kissed his daughter's forehead, then turned toward Michaela and bravely did the same to hers, before walking from the room.
Alone with her daughter against her, she said softly, " I do love you with every beat of my heart, you, your brothers and sisters…and your papa.
