Chapter 37
"Humph", Michaela grunted as she attempted to position herself on the bed. She had been lying in practically the same position for five straight days, and though her knee was healing nicely, her other muscles were beginning to protest the monotony and she could swear that her brain was starting to shut down from the lack of stimulation. Finally succeeding in her effort to sit up slightly higher than she had been, she let out a long exasperated sigh.
Katie, who had been doing her homework at the desk in her mother's room, could hold her tongue no longer. She had watched her mother go through the same motions for days now and each time Katie had offered to get her father to help, but the offer was always refused. Sometimes, her mama would tell her that her papa was too busy or at others she would just say, " I don't think Papa wants to help, Katie and I'm all right on my own, go back to your schoolwork."
When her mother said these things, Katie had known that she was lying and she also knew that lying was not a good thing for anyone to do, let alone a mama, but she had let it go, partly because she hadn't want to make her mother angry, and partly because her mama and papa were so nervous when they were together now that she was scared to make them spend time with one another, Today though, her mother seemed to be in slight pain and even more bored than before, and thus, even at six years of age, Katherine Elizabeth Sully knew that she had to be direct even if it earned her a look or punishment from her mother.
"Mama. I'm gonna…going to get Papa to help you sit up. '
Michaela quickly looked up from the medical textbook that she was now forcing herself to read for the second time. She had told Katie numerous times that she didn't want Sully's help and for a moment she had been incensed that the girl would go against her wishes, but, Michaela had promised herself long ago that she would never yell at her children and so, she stared Katie straight in the eye, knowing that this was usually enough of a reprimand for the sweet, eager to please little girl.
Seeing her mother's look, Katie was tempted to back down, but she knew that her mother had been happier than she had been in a long time the day that her papa had helped her mama wrap her leg and that her had stayed that day to talk to her mother and help with the twins. Her mama had smiled all that night. In fact, Mama was happy every time Papa came up to check on her, something he was doing at least once or twice a day. Katie also knew she needed to get her papa to help in order to have a happy mama again,so the little girl put her hands on her hips in a fashion Michaela found oddly familiar and stated" I see your look Mama and I'm sorry, but you still need Papa."
The little girl's serious expression and confident air caused Michaela to relax a bit and she laughed, " All right, you may get your father Katie, but next time, can you not look so much like your mother when you're mad?"
Katie smiled and quickly rushed from the room, eager to return with her father.
Once she'd reached the bottom step of the staircase, She called to her father who was sitting pensively near the fire place trying to gauge how likely it would be that Michaela would have dinner with him at "their" restaurant the following week and consequently, did not hear his daughter's call until she had run over to stand next to him and placed her small hand on his left shoulder in an attempt to garner his attention.
"Kates?" he started, turning towards his daughter.
Papa, it's Mama…" the little girl hesitated, not sure how to convince her father that it was important or even necessary that he help her mother. When her parents had said that they loved each other, Katie had had no doubt that her papa would have gone rushing up the stairs to help her mama, but now that they said they didn't love each other, Katie didn't know what he would do. she still believed that they loved each other for the most part, but at that moment, she was afraid that she might have been wrong. However, her father's reaction told her that she knew her parents better than they sometimes knew themselves.
Sully's eyes went wide with momentary fear, but he struggled to stay calm in front of Katie, "What's wrong with Mama, Sweet Girl?"
"Nothing,", Katie laughed, not sure why her father looked so panicked, "She just needs help sitting up in the bed. "
"0h ", Sully exhaled the breath, that he hadn't realized he was holding and looked his daughter sternly in the eye, "Katie, don't scare your pa like that." When Katie had hesitated, Sully had feared that his dream regarding Cloud Dancing, Snowbird and Michaela was coming true, though he knew thinking Michaela was going to die here in the house was pretty irrational. Still he couldn't deny the way his heart had pounded for that split second of uncertainty, he loved that woman with all of his heart and he knew that he needed to show her that even more directly than he'd been doing up until that moment. He would ask her out for dinner, but first, he would help her get more comfortable while her knee healed. He had a plan.
"Papa?" Katie called from the position that she had taken at the bottom of stairs, "Are you coming?"
"Yeah, Sweet Girl, I'm comin", Sully said as he reached her side and lifted her above his head as he had done when she was a baby"
"Poppy!" she squealed, using the nickname for him that, now that she was older, she only occasionally.
" I love you, Katherine Elizabeth Sully", he said bringing her down against his chest.
"I love you with all my heart, Poppy", Katie rejoined sincerely.
For a moment, the two of them merely stood there, Katie's head resting against her father's shoulder and Sully realizing as he held her just how right he had been months ago when he'd seen in Katie the best possible combination of he and Michaela.
"Poppy, I have a question…" Katie said softly
"What's that?" he questioned tenderly
"Do you love Mama?" Katie questioned nervously, the little girl wanted to know if she had been right, but was afraid to truly know the answer to her question.
" I do Kates' he said, looking her in the eye.
Her lower lip curled under as she tremblingly spoke the question most on her mind since that past summer, " Then why did you say that you didn't and leave?"
Sully contemplated what to tell his daughter, he wanted to tell her the truth, but he wasn't quite sure if his reasons for leaving made sense anymore, especially after Michaela had sworn that she didn't write that she didn't love him, That issue still confused and pained him, but his daughter deserved an answer. Holding her tighter, he bent to sit on the step in front of him. "I reckon Katie that I got hurt and when people get hurt, it can be real easy to run away.'
"You ran away from Mama?" Katie asked with a confused and somewhat hurt look on her face.
"I guess I did." Sully said quietly
"You ran away from Matthew, Colleen Brian and me too, Poppy," she shuttered "And you didn't even know Mama was having a baby, she got really big, her back hurt her and she cried for you a lot…we all did… even Matthew"
Sully was shocked and his heart felt as though it had been crushed, but he fought valiantly to stave off tears as he sought to comfort his daughter. " Kates…. Sweet Girl… I'm so sorry." When the little girl refused to look him in the eye and instead keep her head on his shoulder, he put his fingers gently under her chin and turned her face to his, " I know you don't believe me, but I never meant to hurt you or your brothers and sisters…. And your ma, well, I never meant hurt her either, there's no place I would wanna have been than with your ma and our family when she was having Charlotte and Josef, to tell ya the truth… there's no place I would rather be ever. I promise you, Katie I'll never do leave like that again. My heart just got confused.
"How do you know you won't go away if it gets confused again Papa?", she asked feeling too uneasy to call him Poppy now.
"Because I realized that when my heart's confused, I just need to talk to your ma or look at you kids and it'll be alright again.", he said sincerely.
"Is your heart confused now Papa?", Katie asked gently, wrapping her arms tighter around his neck.
Sully debated for a moment the consequences of being honest with his daughter before answering, " Just a little Kates."
'Katie", Michaela called from upstairs worriedly.
Upon hearing her mother's voice, Katie looked her father in the eye and with her mother's crooked smile, said, "Well if your heart's still confused, Papa, talk to Mama.
" Yeah, let's go see your ma", Sully agreed as he headed up the stairs with his daughter still in his arms.
Sully set Katie down in the doorway to her mother's room and watched as the little girl walked to the bed and crawled up carefully beside her mother, aware the her mother's knee was still a little painful. His daughter then wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and smiled broadly, "I brought Papa to help you sit up, Mama."
"Yes, I see that and thank you both, she commended, looking between Katie and Sully and smiling uneasily. "But what may I ask kept you downstairs so long?"
That's my fault Michaela…I…." Sully started.
Katie interjected, "I was talking to Papa… he needs your help Mama."
"Well, that's fair. If you asked him to help me, then I can certainly help him.", Michaela acquiesced, smiling uncomfortably once again at her husband, "What can I help you with Sully?"
Sully opened his mouth to speak, but was unable to say a word before his daughter informed her mother, " His heart's confused"
"Thank you Katie, but I asked your father. "Michaela said rather sternly, embarrassed at the turn the conversation had taken. "Now Sully, what can I help you with?"
"Nothing, I just came to help you sit up." Sully stated.
At this, Katie grew desperate and shouted, "That's not true Papa! You said that you're heart was confused and that's why you left us, you said you were confused about everything, except your love for Mama and that she was the only one who could help you," With that, Katie ran from the room with an expression that told her parents that even their daughter was as confused and frustrated as her parents.
Sully and Michaela stood shell shocked for a moment after their daughter had gone, trying to absorb all that their daughter had said. Finally Michaela spoke her voice trembling with uncertainty," Is that how you really feel Sully?"
Sully didn't want to answer for he still feared that she didn't feel that passionately about him anymore He knew they had gotten closer over the last two weeks, but he wasn't sure how deep feelings for him went. For her part, Michaela was worried that if he expressed his feelings and she reciprocated them, he would feel obligated to stand by her for a while and then once she gave him her love again, he would feel like he was losing his freedom once more and run away permanently, breaking her already battered heart. There was so much miscommunication on both sides, but now each knew they had to try. They needed each other.
Without answering Michaela's question, he walked to they side of the bed and asked softly, "Do ya still need help sittin' up?"
Knowing that he had avoided the question partly for her benefit, she gratefully nodded and let him gently lift her as she confided, " I'm so bored Sully, I feel so useless just sitting her, in fact, I can feel mind growing lethargic and it feels awful"
"I'm sorry, I bet it is borin just sittin there, I remember when I couldn't feel my legs. I hated feeling helpless, but you were right there for me, takin' me to see the world and to enjoy it. I wanna do the same for ya, so how about a walk?" Sully invited.
"I can't walk " Michaela whispered.
"I'll carry ya. " her husband offered. "Just let me check on Katie and we'll go."
A tentative smile spread across Michaela's lips and she blushed.
This is my first fan fiction and I would appreciate any and all feedback, so please feel free to review the chapter and any subsequent chapters if you think they are of interest either here or be orginal and comment on the "Stand By Me" thread of the fanfiction section of the Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman forum The link to the thread is: http/forum.drquinn.us/viewtopic.php?t3949
Thanks, Corinna
