Chapter 39

Michaela's knee took a little longer to heal than expected and because she wanted to be able to dance when they went out, a month passed before Michaela and Sully stood outside of a familiar restaurant. Sully was gently holding Michaela's hand, a gesture that she had become comfortable with over time, but which still worried her as she wasn't sure how much such a gesture meant to Sully and what it said to him about the love she had for him. She knew that Sully understood she loved him and she's almost been able to say it the last time he had, just the night before when they had been on a carriage ride through the streets of Boston. He'd leaned over and whispered it into to her ear as they rode along, careful not to attract the driver's notice. The way he'd said it had made her heart leap, but she couldn't say it back and she'd seen the look in Sully's eyes when she'd remained silent, though she knew he'd taken comfort in the fact that she hadn't released his hand from her own.

Lately they had spent so much time together playing with the children and exploring Boston that Sully almost forgot at times that they were divorced. It was especially difficult to remember such things when Michaela got emotional about missing the older children or when Katie begged to see her aunt Dorothy again, but it was precisely at these times that Michaela would turn white and back away from him, reminding him just how far they would have to come in order for her to be able to return with him to Colorado.

Now as they entered the restaurant, Sully took in his former wife as if for the first time. She was wearing an elegant blue gown and her hair was down in the way that he liked it. He had no doubt that she had dressed for him, though it humbled him to think that he still had that much pull on her heart. He had heard Rebecca, Michaela, and Katie discussing what she should wear hours before the planned dinner date and because he had known just how much care his wife had put into her dress, he had taken care to look his best for her, wearing a suit that tied him in a knot, but which shaped his figure well.

As they were seated at the same table that they had shared years before, Sully felt the same embarrassment and fear creep into his cheeks. What if he forgot which fork to use or in which manner to eat a certain dish? His throat went dry and he tried to recall all that his children had taught him so very long ago. He wished that they were here now to coach him, to reassure him, and also to care take of their Ma, for Sully knew that as much as Michaela seemed to be getting better, especially around the twins, him, and Katie, his former wife missed the older children terribly and that their walk in park had only increased her guilt over being away from them.

As she picked daintily at her escargot, he smiled sheepishly as he choked down his own. He wanted Michaela to see that yet again he was willing to eat the dish if it pleased her and that he would do so with a smile if it brought a smile to her own face. Michaela laughed softly at her husband's expression and smiled back into his blue eyes. In weeks, she had gone from giggling nervously around him to laughing along with him again and Sully's heart felt good knowing that she felt comfortable enough with him to laugh now, not just with her voice, but with her heart and soul as well.

All through dinner Sully caught Michaela looking at him with a look that in the later days of their relationship together had always meant that she desired to be with him, either in the sexual sense or merely to be held, kissed, or cuddled by him. Sully, however, was cautious about responding to such a look this time as he wasn't even sure Michaela knew she was exuding it and he wanted to be kind to her during this timid period.

They hadn't kissed since his arrival in Boston, not even on the cheek or hand. He had kissed her forehead weeks ago when she was scared of holding the twins, but that hadn't been a romantic gesture, just a friendly reassurance. Sully wanted his former wife to take it slow and to learn that he loved her through the experiences they had with one another, whether it was reading a bedtime story to the children, an activity that had become routine over the two weeks, or walking through the botanical gardens. They had spent this time in Boston, reacquainting themselves with one another and ostensibly falling in love all over again.

Even Katie had noticed the reappearance of the love for each other that her mama and papa had once had for each other. Last night before she'd gone to bed, he remembered that she had said, "Papa, kiss Mama?" A question that had made both parents blush furiously, but had prompted Sully to begin thinking about whether Michaela could possibly be ready for such a step. Katie had also mentioned on several occasions that Mama and Papa should tell each other that they loved each other before they went to bed in their separate rooms because she reasoned that Mamas and Papas should tell each other that just as much as they tell their children,

For the first few weeks Michaela and Sully had been courting, Michaela had more often then not, firmly reminded Katie that divorced people didn't say 'I love you' to each other, but those admonishments had all but vanished now and Sully wasn't sure what that meant for the future.

Michaela continued to stare at her husband all through their main course as well. She couldn't help it. Her heart was beginning to take wing again and although she heeded its caution because of all that had happened before, she couldn't help but blush when Sully came near and want him to hold her close when they were reading to the children or wish that he had pulled her close as they walked amid the flowers in the botanical gardens days ago.

As the after dinner music began to waft through the restaurant, Sully tried to summon the courage to ask his wife to dance. Slowly he stood and in a moment reminiscent of their first dance years ago, he silently bade her to take his hand and led her onto the dance floor. She was about to accept, when suddenly, he stopped his movements and left her on the edge of the expanse, quickly going to the orchestra and whispering something in the conductor's ear. As the band finished their song Sully returned to Michaela and took her hand, and though she was bewildered by his actions, she somehow felt that she could trust his proceedings now.

As the band began to play a new tune, Michaela instantly recognized it as something she had long heard in her heart. It was the same waltz they had danced to that night in Boston when their hearts were nearly ready to confess their love for one another for the first time. As Sully led Michaela around the dance floor with the grace of an expert, she felt tears come to her eyes and she knew the moment had come.

Gently stopping her own movement, she cued Sully to do the same. For a moment they just stood there, Michaela too frozen, too nervous, too timid, and too hurt to make the next move. Sully, sensing what she wanted, touched her forehead to his own and whispered, "I love you." An agonizing pause followed as Michaela debated whether she could really trust his words. Knowing she was nervous and knowing that after all that had happened, she would need some coaxing to confess what he knew her heart wanted to say, he stroked the back of her still clasped hand with his own, waiting until he could see her breathing calm and her shoulders square and relax. When they did, he let his own body release the tension that pervaded its muscles as well. However, the calm between only lasted a few seconds because Sully's heart leapt into his throat as she broke the silence by softly and almost inaudibly, whispering, "I love you," back to him before leaning forward to rest her head on his shoulder.

For a moment, he let her lie there, fearful that if he moved too quickly, she would take it back. Then slowly, he drew her upright again, gently stroking her face with his hands as they framed her chin and drew her closer. Though Michaela cared about Boston society and the cost of such public displays of affection, she knew she needed to be kissed by the one man she truly loved. And so, as Sully's lips gently fell upon hers in a sweet and lasting kiss, she closed her eyes and tried to banish all other thoughts. It didn't work. Though she wanted nothing more than to enjoy her husband's lips on her own, darker memories surfaced at the gesture and it was all she could do to pray the kiss would end and the other man's face would disappear.

As Sully pulled away he noticed the tears in her eyes and while wiping them away with his thumbs, he leaned forward to rest his forehead on hers again before softly whispering, "Nemehotatse, I am sorry."

Michaela basked in the glow of his words for only moments before her stomach churned against her will and she had to run from the restaurant, a bewildered Sully at her heels.


This is my first fan fiction and I would appreciate any and all feedback, so please feel free to review the chapter and any subsequent chapters if you think they are of interest either here or be orginal and comment on the "Stand By Me" thread of the fanfiction section of the Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman forum The link to the thread is: http/forum.drquinn.us/viewtopic.php?t3949

Thanks, Corinna