One cold December morning, Jethro woke to quite a mess at work. Despite the recent announcement that Ziva was pregnant over dinner, she was, thankfully, still on the job for some time yet.
A Marine Corporal, Ron Flegman, was seemingly killed by a clown of all things. A street performer going and shooting someone… It was one for the books. Then again, they'd definitely had far weirder circumstances over the years.
At the crime scene, they'd found two cellphones with Flegman's belongings. One had about a dozen missed calls, all made from a room at the Adam's House Hotel.
Of course, that meant they had to pay the hotel a visit. And that was when the real mess began. Opening the hotel room door, Jethro and DiNozzo found his first ex-wife laying on the bed.
The scene that immediately followed that awkward moment was, frankly, the stuff of Jethro's new nightmares. Tobias walked out in nothing but a towel, clearly intending to do less than chaste things with Diane. An image he really didn't need…
Tobias was as good as a brother to him and he really didn't want to think of Tobias in that light. It was, simply put, disturbing.
Tobias visibly tensed as he finally realized that the two NCIS agents were standing at the door. "Well, tie me up and call me Loretta."
Jethro blinked. "Wow."
His second in command clearly felt similarly. "Wowzers."
Diane started to get up, evidently finding it as awkward as he did if her nervous laugh was anything to go by. "This is not what it looks like."
"Right," Tobias said. "We were just…"
"No," he barked. "I do not need the details."
"I wouldn't mind a few details," DiNozzo quipped.
That definitely got a reaction out of Tobias who was quickly grabbing a white bathrobe to throw on. "Okay, look -"
"Zip it, windbag!" Diane said. "Not another word."
"What are you talking about?" Tobias asked. "The cat is out of the bag."
Diane heaved a sigh.
Tobias turned back towards them, having thankfully tied up the bathrobe he was now wearing, to explain. "It just sort of happened, okay. We were gonna tell you. We just kept it hush-hush because -"
He shot Diane a pointed look. "She's married."
"Because," the FBI agent calmly countered, "we're concerned that Emily won't take it well. She's thirteen. This can be…" Tobias glanced at Diane. "…confusing."
"And Victor and I are separated," Diane added. "We're getting a divorce."
Glancing down at the ground, Jethro couldn't help the small smile that played on his lips. Why does this stuff keep happening to me?
"Your turn!" Tobias said. "What the hell are you doing in our room?"
"Well, -" he stammered.
"We got a dead Marine," DiNozzo chimed in without missing a beat. "His cellphone got a call from this room just prior to his murder."
"That's impossible," Tobias replied. "We've been in this room since last night, and I haven't used the phone."
Jethro watched as his ex-wife walked over to the bedside table near Tobias and started to pour herself a stiff drink. "Oh, but I'm getting a feeling she has."
Tobias turned back to their mutual redhead. Jethro had to stifle a laugh. The tone that the man used was proof he was the father of a spunky teenage girl. "Diane?"
Diane gave a little high-pitched hum and proceeded to inhale the rest of her drink. She then took a step towards Jethro. "Could I speak with you? Privately?"
"If you'd like to be shot," Tobias fired off.
"Okay, fine!" Diane conceded. "I used the phone." The redhead brushed her bangs out of her eyes. "But not to call some Marine." Where is she going with this? "I was trying to call my boyfriend Eddie."
"Oh, that's funny!" Tobias said. "It sounded like you said boyfriend."
"Well, ex-boyfriend now!" she said. "I was calling to break it off."
"While I was in the bathtub?" Tobias asked, voice raising the more he spoke. "You had a boyfriend while I was in the bathtub?!"
Diane turned to Jethro. "But he never picked up."
"So, you don't know Private Ron Flegman?" he asked. God, I want out of here.
"It's probably her fiancé!" Tobias exclaimed. The FBI agent then turned back toward Diane. "This is unbelievable."
"No," Diane assured him. "I've never heard that name in my life." She sighed and then turned towards Tobias. "No, you know what? You need to calm down. You just said it yourself; this just sorta happened."
Tobias immediately looked exasperated.
"So, yes, fine, you caught me." Diane dramatically threw her hands in the air. "I was dating someone else." At least Diane was being honest; he had to credit her with that. "But, you know, it was a little, innocent, overlap."
Tobias still looked displeased. "HAH!"
DiNozzo, thankfully, jumped in to try and get their very derailed conversation back on track. "Any idea why our victim would have your boyfriend's cellphone?"
"Ex-boyfriend!" Diane insisted. "And no." She deflated slightly. "But, you know, I gotta say, I'm not that surprised that Eddie is mixed up with some dead guy, because, um, I mean, huh, he was, he was fun."
Tobias stiffened. "I don't need the details."
Diane, thankfully, took the hint. "But the, yeah, there was… something wasn't right. I kept catching him in these lies, and… he has no credit history. Everybody has a credit history."
"Well, that's enough for me!" Tobias said. "Let's go arrest him."
"Oh, no!" he said. "We're gonna talk to him first."
His ex-wife sighed. Again. "I knew you were gonna say that."
Before Jethro could respond, he heard McGee's voice coming from the hallway. He and Ziva had apparently arrived. "Crime scene's locked up." McGee was now right behind him. "Thought we'd come by and se… Whoa."
Diane awkwardly smiled and waved. "Hi, Chucky."
"What?" Tobias barked.
Now it was Jethro's turn to sigh. "Let's all just go to NCIS and get this sorted out." He turned to Diane and Tobias. "You two get changed first."
Today was going to be one hell of a day. He could already feel the migraine coming on.
