Title: Hikaru's Counter-Emo Master Plan (Chapter 3/7)
Author: Jengou
Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre: Emotastic!Crack (Humour)
Pairing: Kaoru/Hikaru (implied Mori/Honey and Tamaki/Kyouya)
Spoilers: This fic takes place at the end of episode 21, the afternoon after the Halloween class event.
Description: Cause: Kaoru is acting emo. Effect: Hikaru becomes a manwhore.
Disclaimers: Ouran High School Host Club is created by Bisco Hatori.
Acknowledgements: Super galactic THANKS to elict for betaing this! She is the coolest and most encouraging beta in the world :)

Chapter 3: Where We Get To See Hikaru's Manwhore Attempts In Action

SCENE: The Third Music Room. It is the Next Day, and a sign declares: The Host Club is now OPEN

HIKARU: Oh Honey-sempai!

HONEY: Hai, Hika-chan? ♥

HIKARU: I have cake for you...

HONEY: Yay, I love Hika-chan! ♥ ♥

HIKARU: ...on my chest. We've run out of plates. Here's a fork. Please be gentle ♥

MORI: Mitsukuni.

HONEY: Hai, Takashi?

MORI: Did you enjoy Hikaru's cake?

HONEY: I did! ♥ Hika-chan put lots of strawberries in it! ♥ Not only were there strawberries on top of the cake, there were also strawberry chunks inside the cake! So I had lots of strawberries with every bite ♥

MORI: And... the plate was ok?

HONEY: Anou... it was a bit difficult when a piece of strawberry was caught inside Hika-chan's belly button. And you know how I love strawberries ne? ♥ It would hurt Hika-chan if I used a fork, he said, so I had to suck it out. Tasted a bit salty, which is ok, but I prefer sweet strawberries ne! ♥

MORI: ...

MORI: Please lend me Usa-chan.

HIKARU: frolicking bare-chested Kyouya-sempai! Look, while feeding Honey-sempai cake, I noticed that I now have a total of three hairs on my chest. Do you think I should shave them when we wear revealing costumes? I quite like them though... they make me feel manly does Mr. Muscleman pose

KYOUYA: ... are they red? If so, yes, please shave them on a daily basis scribbles on clipboard.

HIKARU: Hai. Ah, Tono, lookit, hair on my chest! teasing tones I bet even you don't have hair on your chest

TAMAKI: ...!

HIKARU: beams mischeviously I'm going to show Haruhi! flounces off

TAMAKI: ... Mom...?

KYOUYA: ... Yes, Dad?

TAMAKI: Would you still love me even if I don't have hair on my chest?

KYOUYA: ...tilts his glasses, which could be interpreted as 'Yes', 'No', or more likely, 'I think, as the Mom, I should probably start shaving'

CLIENT (GIRL): Ara! Hikaru-kun is being very cheerful today!

KAORU: wistful tone Yes, yes he is.

CLIENT (GIRL): Ah, I know how you must feel, Kaoru-kun. Neglected, oh so abruptly, by your own twin brother! It must pain you in the heart.

KAORU: wipes away tear

CLIENT (GIRL): There there, Kaoru-kun. Hikaru-kun is simply curious. It is perfectly normal to experiment like he does, so don't worry! pats Kaoru's arm condescendingly I am sure that when Hikaru-kun becomes bored of experimenting, he'll settle down and seek you out again.

KAORU: Ah, I hope so. thinking: MAY LIGHTNING STRIKE HER

CLIENT (GIRL): Ne, Kaoru-kun. May I ask you a question?

KAORU: Please go ahead, my lady. thinking: STRIKE HER TO DUST TO MINGLE WITH DOG POO

CLIENT (GIRL): gossip mode ON How many hairs on your chest do you have?

HIKARU: Haaaruhi! Behold my chest hairs! whisper My Counter-Emo Master Plan is working!

HARUHI: earnest Get those away from me! whisper thissss isss sssoooo sstuuuupid! How do you know it's working anyway?

HIKARU: Ah, you are the first one to properly acknowledge the presence of my chest hairs! whisper The password for Kaoru's Super Secret Livejournal account is 'hikarukaoru4EVA' all in one word.

SCENE: In Ouran High School Library, Computer Lab Section

KAORU: rapid click-click-click-clackity-clack-click sounds of typing

Dear Diary,

DEATH! GLOOM! MISERY!

In despair,

Kaoru

Next! Chapter 4: Where Hikaru is Supremely Underwhelmed by Kaoru