Title: Hikaru's Counter-Emo Master Plan (Chapter 3/7)
Author: Jengou
Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre: Emotastic!Crack (Humour)
Pairing: Kaoru/Hikaru (implied Mori/Honey and Tamaki/Kyouya)
Spoilers: This fic takes place at the end of episode 21, the afternoon after the Halloween class event.
Description: Cause: Kaoru is acting emo. Effect: Hikaru becomes a manwhore.
Disclaimers: Ouran High School Host Club is created by Bisco Hatori.
Acknowledgements: Super galactic THANKS to elict for betaing this! She is the coolest and most encouraging beta in the world :)
Chapter 3: Where We Get To See Hikaru's Manwhore Attempts In Action
SCENE: The Third Music Room. It is the Next Day, and a sign declares: The Host Club is now OPEN
HIKARU: Oh Honey-sempai!
HONEY: Hai, Hika-chan? ♥
HIKARU: I have cake for you...
HONEY: Yay, I love Hika-chan! ♥ ♥
HIKARU: ...on my chest. We've run out of plates. Here's a fork. Please be gentle ♥
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MORI: Mitsukuni.
HONEY: Hai, Takashi?
MORI: Did you enjoy Hikaru's cake?
HONEY: I did! ♥ Hika-chan put lots of strawberries in it! ♥ Not only were there strawberries on top of the cake, there were also strawberry chunks inside the cake! So I had lots of strawberries with every bite ♥
MORI: And... the plate was ok?
HONEY: Anou... it was a bit difficult when a piece of strawberry was caught inside Hika-chan's belly button. And you know how I love strawberries ne? ♥ It would hurt Hika-chan if I used a fork, he said, so I had to suck it out. Tasted a bit salty, which is ok, but I prefer sweet strawberries ne! ♥
MORI: ...
MORI: Please lend me Usa-chan.
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HIKARU: frolicking bare-chested Kyouya-sempai! Look, while feeding Honey-sempai cake, I noticed that I now have a total of three hairs on my chest. Do you think I should shave them when we wear revealing costumes? I quite like them though... they make me feel manly does Mr. Muscleman pose
KYOUYA: ... are they red? If so, yes, please shave them on a daily basis scribbles on clipboard.
HIKARU: Hai. Ah, Tono, lookit, hair on my chest! teasing tones I bet even you don't have hair on your chest
TAMAKI: ...!
HIKARU: beams mischeviously I'm going to show Haruhi! flounces off
TAMAKI: ... Mom...?
KYOUYA: ... Yes, Dad?
TAMAKI: Would you still love me even if I don't have hair on my chest?
KYOUYA: ...tilts his glasses, which could be interpreted as 'Yes', 'No', or more likely, 'I think, as the Mom, I should probably start shaving'
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CLIENT (GIRL): Ara! Hikaru-kun is being very cheerful today!
KAORU: wistful tone Yes, yes he is.
CLIENT (GIRL): Ah, I know how you must feel, Kaoru-kun. Neglected, oh so abruptly, by your own twin brother! It must pain you in the heart.
KAORU: wipes away tear
CLIENT (GIRL): There there, Kaoru-kun. Hikaru-kun is simply curious. It is perfectly normal to experiment like he does, so don't worry! pats Kaoru's arm condescendingly I am sure that when Hikaru-kun becomes bored of experimenting, he'll settle down and seek you out again.
KAORU: Ah, I hope so. thinking: MAY LIGHTNING STRIKE HER
CLIENT (GIRL): Ne, Kaoru-kun. May I ask you a question?
KAORU: Please go ahead, my lady. thinking: STRIKE HER TO DUST TO MINGLE WITH DOG POO
CLIENT (GIRL): gossip mode ON How many hairs on your chest do you have?
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HIKARU: Haaaruhi! Behold my chest hairs! whisper My Counter-Emo Master Plan is working!
HARUHI: earnest Get those away from me! whisper thissss isss sssoooo sstuuuupid! How do you know it's working anyway?
HIKARU: Ah, you are the first one to properly acknowledge the presence of my chest hairs! whisper The password for Kaoru's Super Secret Livejournal account is 'hikarukaoru4EVA' all in one word.
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SCENE: In Ouran High School Library, Computer Lab Section
KAORU: rapid click-click-click-clackity-clack-click sounds of typing
Dear Diary,
DEATH! GLOOM! MISERY!
In despair,
Kaoru
Next! Chapter 4: Where Hikaru is Supremely Underwhelmed by Kaoru
