Title: Hikaru's Counter-Emo Master Plan (Chapter 6/7)
Author: Jengou
Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre: Emotastic!Crack (Humour)
Pairing: Kaoru/Hikaru (implied Mori/Honey and Tamaki/Kyouya)
Spoilers: This fic takes place at the end of episode 21, the afternoon after the Halloween class event.
Description: Cause: Kaoru is acting emo. Effect: Hikaru becomes a manwhore.
Disclaimers: Ouran High School Host Club is created by Bisco Hatori.
Acknowledgements: Super galactic THANKS to elict for betaing this! She is the coolest and most encouraging beta in the world :)


Chapter 6: Where Someone More Stupid Than Everyone Thinks Appears

"Their problem is quite simple," the doctor explained for the umpteenth time. "Most, if not all, of their memories are intact - the memories are just jumbled because the section of their brain which stores a person's sense of self-identity is misaligned."

The host club members looked blank still. The doctor sighed imperceptibly (for he is a pro!).

"There is a node of our brain which gives us our sense of self-identity, the certainty that 'I am me' and 'this happened to me'. People can tell that an experience in the past happened to them personally thanks to this node of self-identity - there is extra closeness to events that happen to self. Are you with me so far?"

Some slow nods.

"For most people, it's not a severe problem even if this node in our brain ceased to work. That's because, as a back-up, you can identify memories that happened to you by identifying yourself in your memories in terms of physical characteristics. Like seeing yourself in a movie. So while the memory may not feel as close as with a functioning self-identity node, the sense of self-identity can still be deduced through logical reasoning.

"Now there is actually a second level of back-up in awareness of self-identity, and that is simply the fact that one person cannot usually hold complete memories of more than one person. For example, even if my self-identity node failed to function and I look exactly like Michael Jackson, I know I cannot be Michael Jackson because I have no memory of undergoing plastic surgery. Among other things." The doctor coughed.

"So the situation is this: Hitachiin Hikaru and Hitachiin Kaoru's self-identity nodes have been jogged out of place due to the train crash. The first level of back-up doesn't work because they are identical twins. The second level of back-up also fails because of their intimacy - they spend so much time together and have so many overlapping memories that they literally contain two people's worth of life-long memories in their brain. And THAT is why they remember potentially everything except who is Hitachiin Hikaru and who is Hitachiin Kaoru."

"So basically, Hikaru and Kaoru remember practically everything except who they are! Doctor, why did you take so long to explain this!"

The doctor nearly grumbled. "Because within my explanation lies the solution to our problem! Only one thing can instill their sense of self-identities again, and that is to realign the self-identity nodes. And to do that..."

"To do that...!" The host club members echoed in utter suspense.

"To do that, you must present to them indisputable evidence of who is Hitachiin Hikaru and who is Hitachiin Kaoru."

It took 5 minutes for the gravity of this statement to sink in.

"Doctor no BAKAAAAA! Our problem is that we don't know who is who! And now you tell us that the solution lies in finding out who is who! What USELESS advice!"

"I... how dare you undermine my years' worth of medical research!"

"What would your recommendation be if we cannot provide this 'indisputable evidence'?" Kyouya interjected.

"Well, in that case, I strongly discourage the continued use of their present names. The connotations attached to the names are irrelevant now, a hindrance even, for the two Hitachiin patients to establish new personalities. So, I recommend using new names. Eheh, I've always found Fred and George to be great names for twins." The doctor chuckled at this joke (no one else did).

"Ne ne, I think if we got the two of them to kiss, then everything will work out."

"...How does that work?"

"Well, it might jog a memory of something, and then jog the self-identity node into place through a domino effect!"

"Lame!"

"Wait, whose suggestion was that anyway?"


Author's Note: Last chapter tomorrow, please wait for it! By the way, the 'style' chapter 4 is written was supposed to imitate 'The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya' a little bit


Next! Chapter 7: Where Our Heroes Seek Indisputable Evidence