Chapter Five:
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Angel and I remained in the barn house for a good hour, it neared past midnight.
We just sat there while she talked and talked about how we should be together, while I remained silent.
I recalled a song I heard on the radio once, so I quoted a part of the lyrics to her.
I hoped she understood the message I tried to tell her, cause at that moment, I couldn't find the right words to express my thoughts to her, without hurting her in some way.
"Someone told me: Love will now save us." I said the first line and turned to look at her, where she sat on the pile of prickly hay next to me. She stopped talking to look at me, somewhat started at the interruption after my long period of silence. "How can that be when look what love gave us. A world full of killing, blood spilling; that word never came."
We shared a long moment, we just stared at each other as if trying to figure out what the other was thinking, before I reached out with my hands to her, to cup her cute, heart-shaped face with my huge palms. She drew closer for the touch and scooted closer to me, and her skin was warmly delicate and smooth under my cool, thick and stubby fingers.
We shared another long moment of silence, our eyes locked in a sad, longing gaze.
She furrowed a bit, unsure of what I was about to tell her.
"Love won't mean anything to either one of us if you die in vein, Angel." I voiced out what I recited in my head several seconds ago, but never had the guts to say it in fear of hurting her, "You know who and what I am, what my brothers and I are the way we are, and what we stand against days in and days out." I reasoned wisely, her eyes were starting to turn glassy with the realization.
I braced myself once more, the saddened and hurt look in her eyes was killing me, "The chances of us going to battle and never come back home are pretty high, and the risk of having some innocent bystander is just as high. It's not a life I'm willing to share with someone I care about!" I reasoned some more, though I had a hunch a part of what I had said fell on deaf ears, "It just doesn't work that way."
She pressed her lips in a thin line with a hint of distaste. Her fingers caressed my face though a bit rougher than usual, before they gently slipped down to rest on my shoulders. With a saddened gleam in her eyes she leaned in and placed her ear on my plastron, to my heart with her eyes closed, she listened to my heartbeat. I merely stared at her where I still laid on my shell in the bed of hay.
After a moment, my hands slid off her warm skin and rested lightly on her shoulder blades, I pulled her closer and into a hug. Her shoulders squared for only a moment before she relaxed, and we lay on the hay. She had one arm draped across my chest, her free hand gently laid flat on my shoulder. I moved my arm to hold her hand, our fingers intertwined. I placed my hand on her hip.
"Let us assume that we had gone ahead and- did it," she hesitated and when I glanced at her, I smirked at the fact that her cheeks colored, with her eyes closed and cheeks flushed, she looked really cute, "would it really be all that bad?" she argued and snuggled closer, "I mean, if I put my mind into it I can handle a job, play the father role and get the money needed, you can play the mother role and take care of the kids." She smirked.
"There is no way in hell am I gonna play mama, ya got that?" I grouched.
She yelped when I pinched her ear and exclaimed my distaste with her suggestion. "Well gee, sorry! It was only a suggestion." She whined with a mock scowl and rubbed her offended earlobe, but after a moment her expression became neutral, "But seriously now, is there really no hope for us? What's to say it can happen?" she murmured softly.
"I'm a mutant and as mutants as far as Don told me, there is a pretty big change we can't reproduce." I huffed, now I just discouraged myself with the blunt truth. Who wants to have miniature copies of me running amuck, anyway? Not Leo or sensei that's for sure. "Angel, think about it this way," I started and pushed a bit up, I rested my weight on my elbows, "if we did it and you ended up pregnant, how would our life be?" I hoped she'd understand my reluctance to continue with this relationship, there is just no happy ending to the end of that tunnel.
"Well I'd be a working woman, you'd be a house wife and we'd live happily ever after." She grinned. I pinched her ear again and she yelped, but instead of whining she pinched my cheek, "Would you quit that?" she pouted, flustered and a bit annoyed.
"Angel, I'm being serious here!" I said with a funny voice since she was still tugging on my cheek, then released me so I tenderly rubbed the offended flesh, "Would you please stop looking at it thought the pink-girly-scope?" I grumped and stared at her with a hard, blank gaze devoid of any emotion. God help me, I'm gonna make her understand even if it kills me!
She stiffened inwardly and twitched a nervous grin, "Sorry." She pushed away.
I watched her while she held her hands, her fingers intertwined with each other. I sighed when she looked upset and the glassy look in her eyes sparked with suppressed tears, and then cringed when she started wringing her fingers.
Whenever she starts wringing her fingers, then she's that upset. 'Oh what a way to go Raph, you blew her off so bad, she's that upset! Casey is gonna make a flower pot out of my shell! I just know it!' I berated myself for such insensitivity. I've completely forgotten how feminine Angel had become, she's no longer that much of the tomboy I remember, and had developed a strange sensitivity to some topics.
I wanted to comfort her so I pushed off the straw-bed and sat upright, reached out for her hands, separated them and squeezed them gently, "Angel, listen, I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you." I confessed and assured her with an honest apology.
I guess apologizing had become easier to do through the past few years, I don't know who to thank, April, Mike or Angel.
Well, either that or I've really gotten soft.
I shrugged that matter aside, I freed one hand and flicked away a glassy droplet that gathered at the corner of her eye, "But ya need to understand that- well, to me, to actually find a girl who would love me and sacrifice everything to be with me, it's more than I could ever ask for." I confessed again and felt a tremble in my buckled legs so I shook my head, I had to clear my mind.
"Well I'm here." She insisted, unsure of what I said.
I sighed a little louder than intended, "Angel, I'm honored to have won your unconditional affection, I'm beyond flattered, but-" I was flustered. 'Geez I can't believe I said that! That was just so damn cheesy! And her tiny smirk is not helping!' I cleared my throat and continued, "but the chances are that even if you and I got together and actually- did- it," I cursed myself for stuttering.
'I'm twenty one years old, goddamnit! Pull yerself together!'
The warmth that invaded my face along with her gradually growing cheeky smirk didn't help. It took me a lot of will power not to duck my head or groan in embarrassment, damn! What's wrong with me? "Uhh… according to Donny, the chances are of us- to produce offspring is less than a five percent chance." I informed her, finally I managed to compose myself, "Also, the chances of baring a healthy child are less than one percent, meaning that there is a big risk, up to ninety nine percent that the child would be born handicapped, deformed or dead."
The crestfallen gaze she send my tore my heart out of my chest and ripped it to pieces, but I did my best not to let it show on my face. I squeezed her hands a little tighter, "Do you really want to risk baring a child into a world like this in such a state?"
"But there is a chance the baby would be born just fine, right?" she argued weakly, though clearly shook up, "If there is at least a five percent chance, I'm sure we can work hard for it, right?" she pleaded, a hopeful yet sad smile spread on her lips.
I sighed heavily and shook my head, no.
There is just no rational reasoning with this girl.
Abruptly, she pulled her hand from my hold and punched my shoulder, a small spot pulsed slightly after the contact with her knuckles, but it didn't hurt much, I've had worse, "Damn it, Raph! Why do you have to be such a downer?" she snapped, tears already welled in her eyes and trickled down her cheeks, "Can't you be optimistic for a change?"
"I don't do sugar coated lies, sorry." I grumped, though the pain in my chest hurt ten times more than the small spot on my shoulder, "It's a dog eat dog world Angel, I've always been the pessimistic negative guy in the bunch." I sent her a stare so hard, she flinched as more tears trickled down her flustered face, "If you can't stand that side of me, I don't see why you're still so attached." I growled with a scowl.
She trembled and bit her lower lip, before she suddenly hopped on her knees to slam against me.
We laid flat on the bed of stray straw, while she sobbed on my chest.
Despite the chill that started in the pit of my stomach, I felt something mildly warm and ticklish slip between my plastron scutes, "Why won't you just accept it as it is?" she argued, "Why do you have to question everything and be such a damn downer, Raph?" she wept as her tears trickled into the slits of my chest, "I love you, why wont you just accept it and shut up?" she snapped, but it was weak.
Emotionally drained, I closed my eyes and released a heavy sigh. There was just no winning with this woman. I had no energy to argue with her anymore; I'm sick of this fight; I wish if it would come to an end already.
I felt a grim smile form on my dry lips, so I ran my tongue over them, only to taste her strawberry flavored lip-gloss from her kiss earlier, "Sometimes I would wish to have Mike's optimism, if only for a day," I began a small ramble, unsure why I chose such a topic, while my arms wrapped around her petite frame, "but when I think about it, I realize that wishing to be like Mike isn't a very bright idea." I smirked and moved my hand, I brushed away those tears and cupper her face, "I'm not something worth crying over, Angel."
Her shoulders shuddered and she curled up, pressed herself closer and tucked her head under my chin, her cheek pressed against my collarbone as she quietly wept. Defeated by a weeping woman, I pushed off the hay and sat up, I gathered her in my arms and hugged her tight, and she wrapped her arms around my neck and sniffed whilst she tried to calm herself.
She sobbed and whimpered against my neck, nuzzled my throat and pressed herself closer, slowly her tears came to a stop and she calmed down. "Why wont you let me into your world?" she whined weakly, exhaustedly, "I try and I try, but you keep pushing me away Raph. I'm sick and tired of you running away." she exclaimed, voice raspy because of her tears, she swiftly pushed out of my hold to press her hands on my cheeks, "Why wont you just let it be? You care about me, don't you? You love me, right?" she begged for an answer, hot tears trickled down.
"I push you away because I love you, I don't want you to get hurt," I admitted. The knots in my stomach intensified, "I don't deserve you, Angel." I reasoned quietly and whipped away her tears, "Besides, what's there for me to offer you? I've got no job, no money and no future! All I can give you is worry, death and misery at every corner." I told her boldly, and wished deeply she would understand what I'm saying, "I love you, I really do! You mean a lot to me, more than I can explain or put into words!"
I confessed and confirmed my love to her with a deep kiss. Her eyes widened at first, but then they fluttered closed and she wrapped her arms around my neck once more, deepening the kiss. I love the feel of her nails on my skin, it sends shivers up and down my spine, it's- intoxicating.
After the kiss broke, she huffed a small shy giggle, before she raised her head to lock eyes with me, nestled comfortably in my arms, "Then- why won't you let me in?" she sniffled and nuzzled my throat again.
"I can't accept your sacrifice for it's more than it's worth!" I sighed softly, I loved the way her nails caressed those nerves at the base of my throat, "You have a better future with someone from your society, a human. Someone who would appreciate you, love you and can give and provide you with what I can't, everything your heart desires!" I insisted.
"I don't care about the money, you know." She muttered and then pressed herself to my chest.
"I know, but it's the language of today." I sighed and wondered what this world was coming to. People would kill and sell each other for money they'd later waste to make themselves ill or dead, how saddening. "You can hate money all you want, but unfortunately it's what most people care about." I tenderly rubbed her shoulder and nuzzled her head. "Or as they say: It makes the world go round."
Heck! Even Don kept an eye on stock market, and I found that fact kinda scary.
Dearly wanting to change the subject, I took a long whiff of her fruity scented hair, she smelled so sweet. "You smell nice."
She didn't answer at first, probably started at my comment, but then sighed softly and snuggled closer, "Thank you."
She just sat there in my arms, I held her close.
There were so many things I wanted to give her, to say to her, to pretend that it's normal, but whenever I look at myself, at my rough skinned and green, three fingered hands compared to her delicate cream-colored digits, I feel so depressed.
How can I accept her feelings and her sacrifice when I don't have anything of equal value to give in return? Yes, some people might think that I should just accept what she gives me and shut up, but the man in me refuses to accept it. I'm the male in this picture, I'm supposed to be the dominant one, or maybe it's just the turtle in me who things that way.
Human males aren't all dominant. Heck! Some of them are nothing but pushovers!
Angel is pretty hard headed and doesn't let just anyone push her around. She's so independent, she's like a tomboy. Rowdy and rough, but still possesses the charms of a lady when she wishes to be, or needs to con someone into buying something for her.
Angel and I knew each other since that day where the Purple Dragons captured Casey, she was barely thirteen or fourteen at the time, I think. I'm two or three years older, so the age difference is not by much.
Speaking of which, her birthday is four days away, so shouldn't there be a birthday party? I don't remember getting anything for the party, so did she celebrate it early? Was that why April wanted to go out shopping?
Angel will turn eighteen, while I'm twenty one. I'm three years older than her, that's not much, right?
Wrong. I remember Mike teased me about my dead serious and grumpy attitude, he called me a has-been. It's not my fault I act more mature for my age, unlike Mike who still acts like a five year old!
I wonder what Mike would do in a situation like this. Probably nothing, the guy had never been out on a date, and I've never seen him with a girl.
Heck! I wonder what Leo would do in a situation like this! With his love-hate relationship with Karai, he's bound to have some pointers, right?
What would Don do in a situation like this? Well, from how he dealt with April, though one sided, should I take that advice?
I don't know to ask, but I could sure use some advice right about now.
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A/N: …
