A/N: Hey. Thanks so much to all my reviewers! You guys make me smile. Alright so here's chapter four. I really hope you like it. It's just a bit of fluff, and a bit of stupidity. But whatever, we all like stupid fluff, right? Oh, and I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but they are in their seventh year. So sorry if you are a little confused. Um, that's it. Please review. Thanks and love.
Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter. And I never will.
Drunken Escapades
Chapter Four:
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James and Remus stumbled into the dorm room very loudly, so loudly in fact that Sirius jumped out of bed and ran over to see if they were reindeer. He had been reading muggle fairytales before bed again.
Remus began to explain how Lily had broken James' heart yet again. And he told the tale of his horrible date.
"Sirius, I don't understand how I can be so uptight around girls. Haley is everything I could ever want. She's so smart and beautiful. And funny. And beautiful, but I'm just so dumb. Sirius I need your help and James obviously does, too." Remus cried, while shooting a sympathetic glance at James, who now had Peter in a bear hug.
"Vhat is dis? My plan of gentlemanly proportions did not vork? Dat is very dizappointing. Vhat did you do wrong, James? Vere you wearing de monocles?" Sirius asked accusingly, but since he was still talking in his gentleman accent it didn't sound very threatening. He sounded more like a Russian birdwatcher.
James was so confused that he did not say a word, he just gave Sirius a blank look. Then he walked over to his trunk and pulled out two very large and oddly shaped socks. From the socks he pulled out two boxes. And from those boxes he pulled out some sort of bottles. There were four in all.
Silently James handed them out, he then grabbed the notebook used for Designated Divulging and thrust it into the Russian bird watcher's arms. Sirius drank a little bit of his liquor and found that it refilled what he had drank.
"James, Where'd you get these?" Sirius asked.
"It doesn't matter. Get writing, bitch," James snapped.
Sirius looked a little taken aback, but he did as James said and began to write.
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November 17th
Sirius "Unbelievably Attractive" Black.
A Little Place I Like to Call "Party Central"
And no, We're Not in my Pants.
James is Depressed. Remus is Depressed. I Like to Drink. And Pete . . . is Pete.
So James is a little meanie face, but he did give me this amazing bottle of shit. Well, no, it's not actually shit, but Prongs gave it to me, therefore it is shit. And well, anyways, it's amazing. Do you know why? Because it'll get you so incredibly drunk and you can say, "I only had one bottle." But one bottles of these . . . Is . . . It's a lot.
No one knows exactly how much it is, but that's the beauty of it. No one knows how much their drinking, it refills itself over and over and . . . over.
It's like Heaven in a bottle.
So we're drinking this because James is deeply depressed. Because he is a fool. And acts like a mental patient around the girl of his dreams, and he gives her boxers for a present.
Let me tell you, I, the master of girl impressing have never given someone boxers. The ladies do not like it. Or do they? Ladies like getting boxers for presents?
Does that mean my world's ending? Does anyone have locust problems? Is the Earth splitting open? Are the ladies losing their little balls of joy? NO, PLEASE LORD, DO NOT TAKE THOSE LOVELY TITS I- I- WOULD - oh my someone is knocking on the door quite loudly.
It's very loud. I don't think I drank that much already . . . Oh no, wait. It is someone at the door. I will answer it.
But very carefully. McGonagall is scary.
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Lily had been lying in her bed, thinking about James. No, she wasn't thinking about him in a "I Want Him to Slowly Undress Me" way. She was thinking about him in a "Oh My God. He's Serious About Liking Me" way. And she could not get the look of pure joy on his face when he thought of something to make her "happy" out of her head.
Maybe he was a good person after all.
Er, no. That couldn't be it. She lay there thinking about it, when she remembered that she had forgotten to tell James something. She laughed as she thought about this. She remembered that she had forgotten.
Since she was so exhausted it was more than funny, it was hysterical.
Lily didn't know what to do. She couldn't not tell him about the meeting tomorrow. He would get in trouble. But she couldn't just go sauntering into the Marauders' dorm, what if someone saw? She glanced at the clock.
It was one fifteen. Who'd be up now? She grabbed her sweatshirt and pulled it on, then changed from her pajamas into sweatpants. She pulled her hair into a pony and crept our of her room.
She walked down the stairs and over towards the boy's staircase, finally she got to the door. Lily knocked on it three times very quickly. She heard a shuffling noise and then the door opened a crack.
Sirius peered out from behind the door in a very "I was Taken Over by an Exorcist and Still Have Not Fully Recovered" way.
"Oh, hello Lily. Welcome to the Marauders' Dorm. Enjoy your stay, Love," Sirius slurred.
"Um, hi Sirius. I need to talk to James. Is he awake?" Lily asked politely even though she was deeply disturbed by Sirius calling her "Love."
Sirius opened the door a bit wider to show James drinking in the corner and jumping every few seconds. Sirius looked over and mumbled something very much like, "He must be seeing those invisible, floating, naked women again."
He then moved aside to let Lily in. She said, "Thank you" to Sirius then walked over to James. Cautiously she tapped him on the shoulder.
James very slowly turned to see Lily standing there. Then he began to scream.
Remus and Sirius were very worried about their friend, this was not a boy who usually screamed at the sight of a very pretty girl. This was a boy who turned on the "charm."
But it was Peter who took action and began to yell as he shook James by his shoulders, "JAMES. STOP IT MATE. THIS IS LILY, REMEMERBER, YOU THINK SHE'S SEXY."
James calmed down and turned around to face the wall. It looked as though he was having a very serious conversation about what he should do.
When he had finally decided the best course of action, he spun around and brushed his messy hair back in a sort of seductive way.
"Hello Lily Evans, Keeper of my Heart. What brings you to the gentleman's dormitory this evening?" James slurred without realizing what he was saying.
Lily tried desperately to hold back a laugh, but it was useless. James was the funniest drunk she had ever seen. Now that she thought about it, he was the only drunk she'd ever seen. He got drunk in the common room, in the corridor, in the Forbidden Forest. Was he ever not drunk?
She was about to ask Remus this, when James produced a little bottle for Lily to drink. She looked at it cautiously, but then she grabbed it and took an enormous swig.
The Marauders all looked at each other. "What the hell?" James asked.
"See, I told you. It's the sane ones you need to be careful of. They get crazy. The insane ones, they just get boring," Sirius spoke philosophically.
Remus looked at him sideways, "Was that supposed to make sense, Padfoot?"
"Well, yes I suppose it was . . . Anyways. Let's get this party started!" Sirius shouted while proceeding to grind up against Lily while holding his hands in the air.
"SIRIUS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY GIRL!" James screamed.
"Er. It was a joke mate. Sorry for violating you, Lily," Sirius said cautiously.
"THAT'S RIGHT SIRIUS. SHE'S MINE TO VIOLATE, DAMMIT," James kept screaming.
"James. Settle down," Remus said.
"NO, REMUS," James yelled. "Wait, no. I'm sorry everyone. So sorry."
Lily was trying desperately not to laugh. Normally she would not find this funny, but these circumstances were different. For one thing she was well intoxicated by now and for another thing she was in the marauder's dorm at two o'clock in the morning.
It was strange, to say the least.
She was standing there thinking about the funniness of life when Peter decided that they needed to play a game.
"What sort of game P-P-Petey Roo?" James slurred.
"A fun one," Peter replied, "Come on, sit down in a circle, everyone. We are going to play 'would you rather!'"
"Alright Peter . . ." Remus said.
"Yay. Well, then I'll go first. Would you rather . . . Eat a . . . frog or . . . A snail?" Peter spoke very excitedly, thinking that he was wildly clever and funny for thinking up such a thing.
"Do we all need to answer?" Sirius called out.
"Well, yes I suppose so," Peter said.
"Hmm. I think I would like to eat a frog. Because then maybe I could jump up really high, see. Because I would get the frogs jumping powers," James said.
"I would eat the snail. Because snails are delicious. And I'm already a good enough jumper," Sirius decided.
"I would eat the snail, too. It's smaller, so it would take that long to eat," Lily said.
"Er . . They're both gross. Maybe I'd eat the frog. It sounds better," Remus said.
"Okay. Who wants to go next?" Peter asked.
"I will! Would you rather sleep with Lily or with me?" Sirius said while trying to be seductive.
"Lily," Remus and James said at once.
Peter appeared to be thinking it over very carefully, he had three fingers up on one hand and five on the other, as though he were counting the pros of each option.
"Lily," he said at last.
"Sirius, do you realize that you're asking me to sleep with you or with myself?" Lily asked.
"Oh. Um. New game, Desert Island. Pick two things you would need to bring to a Desert Island," Sirius stumbled over his words.
"Well, I would need to take a bottle of this stuff and a . . .grocery store. Then I could get drunk and I could eat food at the same time," Peter explained.
"Oh. Those are good points Peter. I would bring my wand. And a sexy mama. Then I could have sex and I could make anything in the world," Sirius said.
"I would bring my wand, yeah. Then I would bring some food, not necessarily a grocery store, but definitely large quantities of substances that taste delicious," Remus answered, for some reason when he was drunk he didn't get stupid, he stayed the same, just used bigger words.
"Is it my turn?" Lily asked.
Everyone nodded.
"Oh, ok. Well, I think I would bring my wand and a library with every book in the wizarding world and in the muggle world in it. Then I could sit on the beach all day and read. Or else I would bring my wand and a sexy boy in a thong," She rambled.
"You mean like me?" James asked in a somewhat seductive way.
"Well, maybe. Do you have good legs?" Lily said after thinking for awhile and looking him up and down.
"Do you wanna see?"
"No thanks, James. It's your turn to say what you'd bring to a Desert Island," Lily said, but she was too late. James had already taken off his pants and thrown them across the room.
He then decided that pole dancing would be fun, so he grabbed his broomstick and swung himself and his very toned legs around it.
Lily and Sirius began hooting and catcalling while Remus repeatedly slapped himself in the forehead and Peter looked on in awe. Finally, James stopped his provocative moves and sat down in the circle again.
"What were we talking about?" He panted out.
"The two things you'd bring to a Desert Island with you," Peter said.
"Hmm. That's easy, isn't it? My wand and a mirror. Because I'd miss looking at myself," James said. The sad thing about this was that he was being completely serious.
"Alright. Fair enough," Remus said in a sarcastic way.
"Hey, I know a game," Lily said.
"What is it!" Peter exclaimed.
"It's called 'Spin the Bottle.' And what you do is spin a bottle and whoever it lands on, you have to kiss them," Lily said before realizing that she was the only girl sitting the circle right now, "Or you know we could play . . . 'Go to Sleep.' Where you sleep until you wake up. It's pretty fun."
"I like the sounds of the first game," Peter said.
They all gave him a disgusted look.
"Why don't we play the second game?" Remus yawned.
"Alright, can I just sleep here tonight?" Lily asked.
The guys nodded and crawled into their beds. Lily curled up on the floor, but she couldn't get comfortable at all. She was cold and the ground was hard. She lay there for awhile, but then Peter's and Sirius's snores scared her.
Lily stood up and saw that all of the boys were asleep. She crept over to James' bed and gently tapped him on the shoulder.
He lifted his head and opened one eye, "What's wrong, Lily?"
"It's really hard and cold on the ground. And Sirius and Peter snore really loudly. Do you think I can sleep here with you?" She whispered.
"Yeah," He said while lifting up the comforter and patting the spot right next to him, "lay right here."
Lily nodded and crawled into his bed. James lifted the comforter over them both. She snuggled down, and moved a little closer to him. He smiled into her hair while she put his arms around her.
James softly smiled. And maybe it was the alcohol, but Lily found herself grinning a bit as she drifted into a dreamless sleep.
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A/N: Um. So what do you think? Please review.
Love.
Abbey
