Part 2
Awaking to the sound of a light breath against my neck was something I wasn't expecting. I stopped for a moment and convinced myself that it was just me, I was still dreaming but that was not the case. I was holding Catherine in my arms, holding the blond against me – our limbs entangled and her body is flush against my side. I still can't believe she's still here, she's still with me. Usually she'd have left, the only evidence she'd been here a letter and the scent of her on my sheets, by now she'd be back with him – usually.
She's beautiful.
I can't help but run my hand down her arm until I rest it on her waist and run my thumb softly across her waist. My breath comes out broken, only one person has had the power to take my breath away- she's the only one who has ever had a hold on me like this.
I'm not sure how long I've been watching her now but she begins to stir and her eyes flutter open. She moved her head further into my neck as she tried to fight against the pull – "ugh" She mumbles.
"Morning baby"
"Morning" She breaths into my neck – before I feel her lips softly kiss against my pulse.
She knows what this does to me. I groan a little and move my one hand to her lower back and run my fingers in circles. It's then I feel her place her hand on my stomach and running it up my body. Not lustfully, lovingly she explores my skin with her palm. "Thank you" She whispers into my ear.
"What for?" I ask.
"Last night" She tells me.
It's then that she stops kissing my next and rests her head against my shoulder just wanting to be held. It's what I do. Wrap her safely in my arms. "Don't thank me" I tell her. I don't want to be thanked. "I love you Cath" I tell her.
"Why?" She asks after a moment, and then she lifts her head so she locks eyes with me. Her bruise worse now than last night – I'm confused, what did she mean? Why?
"Why do I love you?" I ask her as concern fills me, she shrugs her shoulders and breaks eye contact.
"All I do is hurt you. Over and over again"
"What?"
"It's true… I mean if you were the one with another guy – I don't think I could do this. So I shouldn't be asking it of you"
"Don't…don't do this to me Cath" I tell her. I can't have her feeling sorry for me. I move my hand to push the hair behind her ear, "Don't tell me you couldn't…" I move in the bed so that I am now straddled across her. I move my lips against hers and spoke softly, "I do this for you and it kills me, don't tell me you couldn't do it for me" Then after a lengthy kiss in which I showed her my love I told her, again, "I love you"
I think she has tears in her eyes, as she speaks into my neck, "I love you more"
I lean back, then I run my finger slowly over her black eye, and then to her neck and followed the bruise to her ribs. "You know I could change all this right?" I whisper.
She bites her lower lip and looks to where my hand is on the purple mark that her husband left. "I could give you the life you deserve…we deserve"
"You are too good for me – you get that right?" Catherine whispered back, sometimes I wonder what she really things when I ask that question. Some times I'm convinced she still loves him. I'm too tired to fight it out with her, I'm to sick of the fighting. I pressed my lips against the skin on her lower neck and then move off her and lay at her side. I wish that there was something that I could do. I really wished she loved me as much as I did her – I think she can sense this about me as she wraps an arm around me and pulls her into her side. I let her, I let her do everything else, I'm a fool for her love and worst off all I know it. Moving my hand I run my fingers over her wedding band – it's that keeping me from her. I close my eyes trying so hard to block it out – she's mine, just mine, no one else's – no matter how much I tell my self that however it isn't the truth. She'll never be mine as long as she has this ring on.
"Baby…" I hear her on the other end of the line. I cradle the phone to my ear as I lean back against the kitchen counter. Catherine had left that morning and now five hours later she was ringing. After last night I thought one thing, I thought the worst.
"Baby you okay?" I must have sounded concerned as I feel.
"Yeah…I'm fine. Just miss you" Catherine explained.
I sighed a little in relief – I lent my head on the side of the refrigerator – "You to baby…" I tell her. It is true I do miss her. "…how you feeling?"
"Much better after been with you" Catherine spoke huskily, then there was a silent gap "Tell me you don't hate me Sar, please"
"I don't" I tell her. "I really don't and that's the problem Cath"
"I hate myself for doing this to you"
"It doesn't have to be this way though" I respond, she has choices, options.
She just sighs – "one day I'll make this right" she mumbles.
"Yeah…one day" I scoff. I'm sick of hearing it, one day, not now. I slid down the counter till I was at the floor – "Is he with you"
"Gone out…"
"What did he say when you got back?" I can sense the hesitation and I know just what that meant, it meant that the two of them fort and then the argument was followed by make up sex. And that thought alone chokes me up – I can see him touching my woman and it is enough to make me cry.
"He…"
"Forget it…" I tell her abruptly. Then silence follows again.
A few seconds pass before she tries to fix this, "Sar, Hun? It means nothing to me"
"Yeah"
"I mean it – you're the only one I'm thinking about"
"Well that makes it all better than…look Cath, I have to go – I'll see you later."
"At the club"
"Yeah maybe"
"Love you"
"Love you babe" with that I terminate the call and throw my phone across the kitchen before sitting and thinking about what I had let my life become.
It was Friday night, the busiest night of the week and guys were pouring into this place from every available entrance. They were looking for one thing, a show – and it wasn't something that was hard to find here in Vegas. I was stood, in my usual place behind the bar – offering refreshments to these customers who were more than willing to offer me something in return – I have lost count how many times that they'd made a pass at me, reached across the bar – how many times that I had been forced to remind them that I'm just the bar girl and that the ones they were here for were on the stage opposite. Comes with the job, you work in a place like this; you deal with guys like that.
For the third time that night I stood, lent on the bar and I watched as the blond came onto stage, taking her position, that look of fearless confidence – sparkling blue eyes that were so sure, so very sure of her self. I was entranced by her, I always am. The way she moved, the way she walked – I was captured by everything that was Catherine Willows. I didn't see the body, not like the others, and I didn't lust after the blond. I, Sara Sidle was captured by everything Catherine's eyes held, the emotion, and the fearlessness. Moving closer to the bar I sighed, I know that I was probably the only one that saw the bruise around her eye, I was probably the only one that was looking their and not at her scarcely clad figure that was becoming less coved with each passing beat. She locked eyes with me, something that she does often and made it sure I knew that in her head it was for me. She was dancing for me. I keep my eyes locked with hers, as she sways her body against the pole, wishing that it was me … I can't help it.
"Hey Hun…" my thoughts were broken by the gruff dialect of a guy at the bar a little to my side. I turned to him and tried to rid myself of ever little thought in my mind at that time – it proving hard however with the object of my longing dancing on the stage ahead of me.
"What can I get for you?" I ask, stepping back from the bar and taking the cloth I had to wipe it in my hand and putting it over my shoulder.
"JD on the rocks babe" He slurred, he'd had enough as it was, but who was I to deny the guy, I nodded, and turned only to aware that his eyes were looking me up and down. I was used to it by now. "Hey, doll, make it a double"
The pet names are what get to me, the names that I know these guys use in their fantasies. Turning, I force a smile and place the shot in front of him, "There you go sweetheart" I say a little harshly.
He smirks, and hands the cash, his fingers lingering a little longer than I'm happy with – I get the required change from the till as I throw a glance in the way of my love. Man how I wish that I could be with her right now – too bad huh? Turning back I pass the change to the guy who runs his thumb over my palm. "You're a pretty lady…"
"Yeah, so I been told" I tell him coldly.
"How about you show me what you're made of…"
"The dancers are here for than Sir" I tell him, "I just give out the drinks"
"Oh I'm not after a dance" he smirked as his eyes moved down my body, "Come on baby" he winked.
To be honest I don't understand why I was been so hostile tonight, I mean I'm used to getting this off the guys and usually I just blow them off with a sly comment and a wink – tonight though I'm finding myself wanting to take all of my frustration out on him. Then I see Eddie stood looking at Catherine, as he has his arm around another blond and I know why I'm been like I am. I hate guys who think they hold power over women, and I really hated that guy, Catherine's husband. "Watch the dancers – and get your privet dance…fine with me but that is all you'll be getting tonight" I tell him flatly before turning and stepping back to lean on the counter behind. I sigh, looking back up at Catherine who is finishing off – I watch as she dips onto the lap of a guy in the crowed – making sure no contact is made but also making sure he'll be left wanting to pay, for a privet session. With a wink I watch her get back on the stage and thrust into the pole – now her eyes on me again. She offers a wink letting me know – there is nothing to worry about. But I only have to case a glance a little to my side to see her husband to know nothing is fine and I have him to worry about.
"Hey"
Her voice was enough to force me to stop; I turned and locked eyes with her- things are closing up here now and she's just given her last in a long string of privet sessions – the punters are leaving the club so I do – "Hey"
I could see something in her eyes, they were a little glazed, "Baby?" my concern out weighing what I felt earlier when on the phone, "You okay?"
"I will be when you say you will be my next dance" She growls lowly.
Is she being serious, this isn't like her. I try to see what she's thinking but can't. "Your husband may have something to say about that" I tell her.
And then I watch, as he walks over, she changes how she is when he wraps his arms around her and pulls her in to him his hands roaming over her body. "Hey sexy…"
He was drunk, he was high and here I am standing watching helplessly as he claims her. He claims the woman that I love. I see her, even though it is his lips on her neck she's looking into my eyes. Desire. Sorrow.
I cut eye contact with her, i'm angry and she knows it -
I turn and I walk away.
tbc - thanks for reading
