Living Nightmare: Raphael
"There are no stronger emotions than fear and love. Both can make you do crazy things."
A six-year-old Raphael woke up. He opened his eyes and looked at his surroundings, noticing that his brothers weren't there anymore. They were probably already up for training. Raph knew that it was time to get up too, but he just loved when he had all the mattress for himself. Since his Sensei and them had only been living in that sewers for some years, they didn't have much things down there, but his father had promised them that, in a couple of years, they will all have their own bedrooms. Raph couldn't wait for that but, for now, he just had to keep sleeping with his brothers.
Finally, Raph took a deep breath and stood up. He grabbed his bandana, which he had let on the floor before going to bed and walked to a small broken mirror that his Sensei had found in the trash some years ago. He looked at his reflection on the mirror as he yawned, when something made him stop. What had happened to his face? Someone had drawn a pig nose, a mustache, beard, glasses, hairy eyebrows and a pair of big lashes on his face and Raph knew exactly who had done it.
"Mikey!" Raph roared from the room.
The boy kicked the door open and walked angrily to the living room, where his brothers were watching TV as they ate breakfast. The three turtles looked to their brother in red and, even though his expression was so mad that he could actually kill someone, they couldn't help but laugh at the drawings that were on his face.
"What the heck did you did to my face?" He yelled at Mikey, who was sitting on the floor and playing with his teddy bear.
The younger turtle let out a small laugh before answering.
"What do you mean? You look handsome." He said with a smile as Leo and Donnie kept laughing.
"It's not funny, Mikey!" Raph exclaimed as he punched his brother's arm.
"Ouch!" Mikey complained as the smile ran away from his face.
"You're gonna pay for what you've done!" He yelled as he took the teddy bear away from Mikey.
"No!" Mikey cried.
"Raph, it was just a prank! Give him back his teddy bear!" Leo intervened.
"Yeah, sure! Just let me make him as handsome as me!"
With that said, Raph ripped the head off the teddy bear.
"Raph, no! That was my only toy!" Mikey said with tears in his eyes.
"Well, you should have thought about that before…"
"What is going on here?"
The four turtles looked as his Sensei, who had just gotten out of the dojo.
"Raph broke my teddy bear!" Mikey wept.
"You did what?" Splinter scolded.
"But look what he did to my face!" Raph justified himself.
"Raphael, he did it with a marker! You can take it off with water! That doesn't justifies what you've done with your brother's teddy bear! You know that we can't have much toys and that it's really hard for me to find them! To be a true ninja, you must learn to have compassion! Now, forget about watching TV for a week!"
"It's not fair!" Raph yelled as he ran to their room and closed the door behind him. Then, he looked to the front. That wasn't his room. He had entered the kitchen? Splinter was standing up in front of his brothers, who were sitting on the table, each one with one pencil. They looked older now. He looked at himself too. They were now 9 years old. He also noticed that he was also carrying his own pencil.
"Raphael, please hurry up and sit down with your brothers." Splinter ordered.
"Uh… hai, Sensei." He obeyed confused, sitting next to Donnie.
"My sons, I have been teaching you many lessons, but today, we'll see how much did you learned about math." Splinter talked as he gave each one of them a sheet of paper.
"Oh, great." Raph murmured to himself.
"Now, I have written a math problem in the sheets. Just one. You'll have 10 minutes to answer it. If the answer is correct, this will be the last math class that you will have, but if you don't, then we'll have to practice more. Time's running, my sons."
Raph looked to his brothers. Leo and Donnie started writing on their sheets while Mikey was just staring down with a confused and worried look on his face.
"I'm doomed." Mikey exclaimed after some seconds.
"Mikey, be quiet." Leo scolded.
"Concentrate, my sons. You can do it if you focus." Splinter said.
Raph looked down to his sheet. He tried to read what was on it, but it was like if Splinter had written the math problem in another language. He couldn't understand a word of what it said. How was he going to pass the test?
He then turned his eyes to Donnie, who kept writing more and more numbers in his sheet. How could he do it so fast? Then, he thought of something. He could just write down the same things that Donnie was writing down. He was pretty sure that his brother was going to have the problem right. He could clearly see what Donnie was writing down.
With discretion, Raph started to copy Donnie's answers in his sheet. Raph felt calm now. He knew that he was not going to fail that test and that meant that he will no longer be studying math with Splinter.
After some minutes, Donnie was the first one to finish the test, but Raph had already written down the answer to the math problem in his sheet. He just had to wait some time so that his Sensei wouldn't notice that he was done at the same time that Donnie was. One or two minutes later, Leo was done with his too. Raph decided to wait a couple of minutes more before telling Splinter that he had finished.
Finally, the time was over. Splinter collected the sheets and asked his sons to wait for the results outside of the kitchen. Minutes later, Splinter called them back inside.
"Well, I have checked your answers and I'm proud to announce that some of you passed the test. Donatello, congratulations! You're free to go now." Splinter smiled.
"Yes! Thanks Sensei!" Donnie smiled, showing the gap on his teeth and then, leaving the room.
Raph felt a relief. If his brother had passed the test, he sure had done it too.
"Leonardo, you have passed the test as well. I'm proud of you, my son. You may go now."
"Thanks Splinter!" Leo cheered, walking outside to join Donnie.
"Michelangelo, your results are pretty obvious, my son. You wrote nothing in your sheet. I'm afraid that we're going to keep practicing."
"I'm sorry, Sensei. I really hate tests, but I swear that I have learned lots of things about math so, can I please stop having math classes like my brothers?" He asked with his classic puppy eyes.
"Forgive me, my son, but you'll have to pass the test just as your brothers did."
"I knew it." Mikey sighted with sadness. "Can I go with Leo and Donnie now?"
"Yes, Michelangelo."
"Good luck, Raph." Mikey said as he left.
"As for you, Raphael, what made you think that I would write the same math problems in every sheet."
"Uh?" Raph was confused.
"You have the same answers as Donatello, but you have a whole different math problem so, I think that what you've done is obvious."
"But, I can explain…"
"Raphael, you were dishonest and clumsy. Apparently, you didn't even read what your math problem said. I gave you one of the easiest ones and you decided to cheat. You could have at least tried. Now, you're going to keep having math classes with me and you'll have to wash all the dishes for a whole month." Splinter ordered angrily.
"You don't even listen to me!" Raph shouted as he walked out of the kitchen, but instead of getting to the hallway, he entered the dojo.
"What the…?" He murmured as he stared himself and his brothers, who were inside too, warming up to start the training. They were all 13 years old now.
"You're late for training, Raphael." Splinter spoke up.
"Uh… sorry." He talked confused.
"Well, we'll start with the training now. Leonardo, Raphael, you'll start sparring each other. The first turtle that falls to the ground, loses the fight and will have to do 100 push-ups while the next couple is fighting each other."
Raph, still confused, decided to obey Splinter and got ready to fight his brother.
"Prepare yourself, Leo. I've been having a very weird and bad day and I plan to finally win a fight today." Raph warned, getting out his sais
"We'll see about that." His older brother replied, preparing his katanas.
"Hajime!" Splinter shouted.
The combat started. Both of them ran to fight each other. Leo attacked with one of his katanas, but Raph blocked it and tried to hit him too, failing. He decided to try again, but Leo dodged him for the second time. Leo began striking Raph with his two swords, but he avoided his brothers attacks as well. Raph's sai and Leo's katana crashed for a moment, until Leo kicked his brother away. Raph managed to land on his feet and flipped his sais. He wasn't going to let Leo win. He ran once more and attacked Leo, who succeeded in blocking the attack.
The fight kept going on for some minutes. With every second, the combat kept intensifying and with every punch that Raph failed, the feeling of anger kept growing more and more in his chest. He wanted to win the fight. He needed it. As the anger kept escalating, his kicks and punches became clumsier and easier for Leo to dodge them until finally, without Raph even knowing it, Leo kicked his legs and a moment after, Raph was lying on the floor.
"I'm sorry Raph, I guess you'll keep having a bad day." Leo smiled, catching his breath.
Raph's heart began beating faster than it was before, almost as if it could escape his chest. He could even feel it pounding in his head. He also started breathing faster, as if he couldn't catch his breath. His muscles tightened up and he felt his chest burning up. Anger took over him and now, his brother was out of guard.
Before Leo could even imagine it, Raph stood up quickly and attacked him with his sai. Out of nowhere, Leo felt a sharp pain in his arm and could no nothing but scream.
"Raphael! What do you think you're doing?" His Sensei yelled.
That's when Raph took control over his anger and looked at what he had done. Leo's arm had a long gash and lots of blood coming out of it.
"What the heck is wrong with you, Raph?" Leo shouted confused.
"I'm… I'm sorry Leo! I don't know what happened. I…"
"Raphael, you have to learn how to control your anger! Today, you attacked Leonardo while he was unguarded and, right now it's just a gash on his arm, but if you don't get rid of your anger issues, maybe you'll end up doing something that you'll regret and you'll never be able to fix!"
"But I…"
"Enough, Raphael! I'll go and take care of your brother's wound!" With that said, Splinter and Leo left the dojo.
Raph looked at Donnie and Mikey, who were both looking at him with impression and fear on their faces.
"Guys, I…"
"Don't worry Raph, you made your point." Donnie interrupted him, standing up and walking out of the dojo.
"Mikey…"
"I'll go and see how's Leo doing." He said with disappointment, leaving Raph alone.
"Argh!" Raph yelled with frustration, punching the wall.
All his life he had disappointed his family. Every time that he wanted to impress his father, or he tried to have a good time with his brothers, everything went wrong. Maybe, he was just a burden to the family. Maybe they would be better off without him. The worst part was that, even though he hated to admit it, he loved them, and he wanted to spend with them the rest of his life but, what if he hurt them again? What if he did something worse?
All of the sudden, the dojo started getting darker and darker until it was very hard to see. Raph observed his surroundings, trying to understand what was going on, until finally, he saw something that caught his attention. A pool of blood started coming out of Splinter's room. Raph tried to see what was inside, but the only thing he could see was dark.
Raph walked slowly to the pool of blood and stared at it. He saw his reflection. He was now 15 years old, his real age, but it didn't mattered now. He wanted to know what was inside. He stepped forward and entered the room. The sight of what was inside made him shiver and look the other way. Splinter's head was in the middle of the room. He remembered now. His Sensei was dead. Shredder killed him. Raph started crying, kneeling before his father's head.
"Raphael."
Raph looked up. Was the head was speaking? He was losing his mind.
"Sensei?"
"Raphael, all your life you let me down. I tried to make you someone better, but your anger ruined everything."
Raph cried. It was all in his head. It had to be. Splinter would never talk to him like that.
For the first time in your life, you were going to make me proud when you were going to kill Oroku Saki and avenge my death. Why didn't you do it, Raphael? You let me down again."
"Sensei, I can explain! I tried to do it, but Leo…"
"Raphael don't try to blame it in your brothers like you have done your entire life. If you had killed Shredder that night, you wouldn't be in that lab now. Donatello would still be alive. It's your fault."
"No… no! You're in my head. Splinter would never say something like that!"
Then everything was gone. Splinter's head disappeared and he was no longer on the dojo. Everything was black.
"He never said it, but you know he felt that way his entire life." A very deep voice echoed the place.
"That's not true! Splinter loved me!" Raph yelled.
"That's what you want to think, but deep down, you know that you were a burden. You are violent, hot-headed, aggressive and impulsive. You are a threat to your brothers. How many times have you thought about killing them?"
"I have never thought about that!"
"Are you sure? I'm in your head, remember? You can't lie to me."
"I'm not lying!" Raph shouted angrily.
"Can you feel that? Your heart pounding faster, your breathing accelerating, your whole body tightening up, your head aching and the hot feeling in your chest? That's me taking over you. Let's see what we can do together."
Suddenly, Raph lost control. He was too angry. He looked to the front and saw Mikey, staring at him with his face full of terror. Raph didn't even wanted to think about it, but he knew what his anger was going to make him do. His anger had taken control. He looked down to his hands and saw his sais, ready to attack.
"Now, I can make you do whatever I please and, to be honest, I've dreaming of this moment my whole life." The deep voice echoed in his head.
"No! You can't make me do this to him! I love him!" Raph begged.
"Yes, I can. But I can give you one more chance if you really want to keep them alive. I want you to answer one question. How where you created, Raphael?"
"What?" He asked confused, with tears in his eyes.
"How were you created?" The deep voice asked again.
Raph didn't know why, but something told him that he couldn't reveal that information. He couldn't trust whatever that being was.
"I'm not telling you that! I don't trust you!"
"Well, then we can start with the little one."
Raph started walking to Mikey, who could only look at him with his face full of terror.
"Raph, what are you doing? Raph!" He asked scared.
"I… can't control myself!" Raph tried to resist.
"Raph! Don't do this to me! I love you, bro!" Mikey begged with tears in his eyes.
"Run!" Raph yelled at him.
"Raph, I'm not leaving you alone! I trust you! You can control your anger!" Mikey tried to help.
Raph approached his little brother and placed his sai on his head, ready to push it through.
"Raph, fight it! Please!" Mikey cried.
"You can't." The voice in his head said.
Raph took a deep breath as a thought came to his head. 'Do it for Mikey'.
"I love you, little bro. I'm sorry." Raph murmured.
Before Mikey could do anything to stop him, Raph did it. He controlled his anger, but he couldn't risk himself to lose control again. He gave a last smile to his little brother and then, he pushed one of his sais through his plastron. The taste of blood filled his mouth and he fell to the floor.
"Raph!" Mikey yelled with tears running down his face.
"Now, I'm not going to be able to hurt you anymore." Raph said with a smile on his face.
"No!" Was the last thing he heard his brother shout before everything went dark.
So, finally, that was Raph's nightmare. I have to admit that this was the most difficult nightmare chapter that I ever wrote because I really didn't know what to do with Raph and after discarding many ideas, I ended up writing this. I hope that you liked it.
Don't forget to favorite and follow the story so that you won't miss any chapter, but most importantly, don't forget to leave a review with your thoughts about this chapter :)
BillieJean, thanks again for your review! It makes me really happy to know that I'm doing a good job! :)
Anyway, thanks for reading and don't miss Leo's nightmare :D
