A/N Weeeeeee! The person who's idea I am using for this chapter is…..
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quiet x ruler!!!!!!!! Cheer!!!
And she is a very lucky girl indeed. Since Nikki has been (ahem) "discarded of," we need a new host to assist Miss Danielle of Gryffindor, and that is quiet x ruler! Since she was chosen for this great honor I e-mailed her to find out her name…which is Karissa. So joining us as a host shall be Miss Karissa of Slytherin!
FYI:
The reason for the long wait for an update was I was on a cruise from the 7th to the 14th and was unable to update, but now I'm back and updates won't take that long anymore.
Also IMPORTANT STUFF:
I will be changing the rating of this story to "R" due to um…the sickness of well, this chapter and possibly later chapters. Sorry if you don't like that stuff, but hilarium usually involves sex, lol.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter…is not mine.
Snape scowled at James's referral to him as a pansy but remained silent, due to the fact that he was busy thinking up the most torturous dare he possibly could for his old "friend."
The other Marauders crowded around Snape, and Remus started poking him consistently.
"Wow…he's slower than Pete," observed Sirius, "And he still hasn't realized that there are NO COOKIES here."
"Cookie…?" asked Peter, leaning his head slightly to the left with a puzzled expression on his fat face.
"Yes Peter," said Sirius tiredly, "Cookie."
"LUPIN WILL YOU STOP INJECTING YOUR INDEX FINGER INTO MY FLESH!" Snape roared at Remus, who screamed like a little girl and hid under the table.
Everyone looked at him strangely…especially when he came back up and continued to poke Snape a second later. Snape then attempted to bite off his finger…but missed…thankfully…and instead he ended up scarfing down Dumbledore's half-moon glasses.
"NOOOOOO!" shouted Dumbledore, "Those were my thing in the book! My thing, you hear? J.K. Rowling ALWAYS talks about how my glasses are HALF MOON and EVERYONE knows me by them! They were my thing! I had a thing….and you ATE it! YOU ATE MY THING!"
The whole room went silent…until Danielle burst into peels of laughter.
"Dude…" she said wiping tears from her eyes, "That…sounded…so…wrong!"
McGonagall stood up, furious.
"ALBUS!" she roared, "YOU SAID I WAS THE ONLY PERSON TO EVER TAKE POSSESSION OF YOUR THING! You lied to me! So you weren't a virgin when you met me after all! When we did it the first time, it was only MY first time? You MAN-WHORE!"
"Wait! Minnie, I can explain!" cried Dumbledore, jumping up and walking over to her, "Miss Ginny Weasley was indisposed during her first year what with the whole Tom Riddle thing going on and all, so I gave her the only comfort I could. I fucked her so hard my thing was sore, Minnie, my thing was sore!" McGonagall's eyes flashed jealously.
"Albs, did I ever make your thing sore?" she demanded quietly.
"Well…I…" stuttered Dumbledore but Minerva McGonagall had had enough.
"That's it Albus, we're THROUGH!" screamed McGonagall, storming out of the room, "I'll show you exactly what you're missing someday!" she called over her shoulder and then she was no where in sight.
Silence rang throughout the Great Hall, until a mysterious girl came swinging from the chandelier and landed with a big thud on (surprise surprise) Danielle.
"Oh my friggin GOD!" Danielle shrieked and without warning she jumped on top of the girl and started beating her to a pulp.
Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Ghost-James circled them with interest.
"Ooo cat fight," grinned Sirius.
"What did that poor other girl do to that girl?" asked Remus furrowing his brows as he watched the new light brown-haired blue-eyed girl with sympathy.
"You mean other than fall on her?" asked James.
"Who is that girl anyway?" asked Sirius surveying the dark brown-haired brown-eyed girl.
"Umm Danielle or something," said James.
"Uh, who's the girl who's getting her ass kicked for virtually no reason?" asked Remus.
"Haha! For once it's not me!" sang Peter.
The other 3 marauders just looked at him and shook their heads.
"I'm…Karissa…!" gasped the girl, smacking Danielle in the face.
"YOU BITCH!" roared Danielle, "How dare you retaliate!" and she punched Karissa hard in the face.
"Whoa tootsie, slow your roll," said Sirius, grabbing Danielle by the arms as Peter grabbed Karissa. Danielle was spasing out though, so Lupin had to come over and help Sirius pull her away from Karissa, while Ghost-James attempted to help pull the Karissa girl.
When they were finally calmed down, Danielle's lip was cut open and bleeding and Karissa had a black eye. In attempt to make a truce with the hostess, Karissa asked Danielle sheepishly, "Hey do you like ice cream?"
Danielle brightened.
"Yeah!" she replied enthusiastically, "Do you?"
"Of course!" said Karissa.
"Well that's good enough for me," said Danielle, "Welcome to our game, you can be my co-host!"
"Ummm…what?" said Karissa.
"We're playing truth or dare. I started it, my other friend got chucked out the window by a super-hero wanna-be, so you can take her place, okay? Quick, truth or dare?"
"Um…dare?" said Karissa.
"I dare you to think of Potter Senior's dare," Danielle said gesturing towards Ghost-James.
"Umm…is he dead?" asked Karissa.
"Is he a cookie?" asked Peter eagerly and Sirius whacked him upside the head.
"Yes, got a problem mortal?" James said angrily to Karissa.
"Uh no…" said Karissa quickly, not wanting to upset a mental-case spirit, "Uh, your dare is to attempt to chop off the rest of Nearly Headless Nick's head, since you're a ghost and you can."
"WHAT?" cried James, "No way! That's disgusting and wrong!"
"So is Peter, Prongs, but we've yet to avoid him," said Sirius in mock (maybe) seriousness.
"Go chop down your cherry tree, George," said Remus pleasantly, winking at James.
"I USED TO CHOP MINERVA'S CHERRY TREE!" wailed Dumbledore, and when he saw that everyone was looking at him he muttered an apology and shut up.
"I miss my woman's cherries," said the nude Harry Potter thoughtfully, "OH HOOCHEY!" And he left blessing everyone with the first hand sight of a major erection on his part as fled the room.
"How does he get it to stay that stiff?" Snape whispered to Dumbledore.
"He's young," advised Dumbledore.
"No he's small," snickered Draco, "It can't be hard to keep that thing up."
"EWWWW SHUT UP YOU PEOPLE!" shrieked Danielle covering her ears and rocking back and forth slightly hysterically, "JAMES POTTER DO YOUR DARE!"
James gave her a blank look.
"NOW!" Danielle screamed at him. And James accepted an axe from Snape, on account of the lightning and thunderclouds that accompanied Danielle's demand.
"Yo Snivels, why do you carry an axe around with you?" questioned James quickly.
"It's to beat off the ladies," said Sirius wiggling his eyebrows in mock suggestiveness as the other marauders, Danielle and Karissa snickered.
"Sod off, Potter," spat Snape, blushing furiously, "What I use as sex toys in my masturbation sessions are none of your business!"
Needless to say, James shut up after that.
"Err…Nick? Nearly Headless Nick?" he called nervously, hiding the axe behind his back, "Could I speak to you for a moment?"
Nearly Headless Nick came floating over, giving off the depressed vibe he usually seems to radiate and wearing another one of those high-collared shirts.
"Err," said James, wondering how he'd do this properly with fabric in his way, and figuring he needed to get Nick to take off his shirt, "Um, it's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes…"
Nick blinked at him.
"What?" he said blankly, "Mr. Potter, is there something you'd like to say to me," then he added, sounding quite flattered, "Are you attracted to me, physically?"
"Umm…" said James, shooting Sirius a glare as he began laughing uncontrollably, "Sure. I mean…" said James, getting into it (not because he was gay, but because he was a total Drama-King) "Yes, Sir Nicholas. I've always found you quite sexy."
"My dear James," said Nick, fluttering his eyelashes, "I've always had feelings for you as well…."
Everyone looked up at them with their mouths wide open.
"Nearly Headless Nick's gay?" said Danielle, a bit too loudly.
But Nick ignored her and grabbed a rather frightened James by the ass, pulling him towards him.
"What would Lily say?" he asked huskily.
"Ummm…" said James, "Take off your shirt, I erm…w-want you…" he made a gagging sound but quickly covered it up with a cough.
Nick flashed him a seductive smile and cooed, "You do it, James Potter," and he licked his lips as he uttered James's name.
James promptly ripped off Nick's shirt ("oo, feisty," said Nick) and pulled out the axe and aimed a blow at Nick's severed neck.
Nick's head fell forward off his body and rolled down James's front, Nick's head started biting the air frantically in order to stop it from falling anymore, till it finally met a bulge in the front of James's pants and latched on.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" James shrieked like a 4 year old girl and zoomed out of the room, Nick's head still attached to his crotch, and his body fumbling around, arms groping at the air, floated after him.
The room was silent…except for Sirius who was in bursts of uncontrollable laughter. Danielle walked over to him and gently pulled him aside, placing an arm around his shoulders and trying to calm him down, while suggesting quite a few psychiatrists for him to speak with.
Just then, Ron and Hermione burst into the Great Hall.
"Alohomora!" cried Hermione.
"Hermione…" said Ron, "the doors aren't locked. They're not even closed."
"So?" barked Hermione, "We heard someone scream and I came to the rescue with perfectly casted magic! Is it wrong to show that I am one of the smartest people in the world and know how to cast a delectable "Alohomora" spell?"
"Uhhh…no ma'am?" Ron replied uncertainly.
"Precisely, Ronald," Hermione replied.
Seeing how it was Nearly Headless Nick's turn to truth or dare someone, and he was (ahem) preoccupied at the moment, and that the main hostess Danielle was ACTUALLY reducing Sirius's barking shrieks of laughter to hearty chuckles, Karissa decided to step in and take up where Nick should have left off.
"Okay umm…truth or dare Ron?"
"Huh?" said Ron, "is this a trick question?"
Hermione rolled her eyes at him.
"No, Ron, it's not. Just choose one, truth or dare. It's a muggle game."
"Oh," said Ron, screwing up his face in concentration, "Alright then, well, since I don't like to tell the truth…I pick dare!"
"Ha!" said Danielle, leading a now considerably calmer Sirius back over to them, "You shall now learn from your newest mistake, Ron. It seems that in this particular game, dare is the wrong choice if you want to stay sane."
A/N Dun dun DUN! What should ickle Ronniekins have to DO? Lemme know! Remember, If I pick your idea, you get put in the story for the chapter! Okay…
First off: REVIEW DAMMIT! I know the site is down the next 2 days (Aug 17th-18th) for reviewing, but after those 2 days, you get back on here and review or I will not update. I refuse to update unless I have at least 10 reviews each chapter, so if you want me to update anytime soon, come Aug. 19th, get on your computer and REVIEW!
Second off: Someone (I'll go find out who later, lol) has been requesting Hermione get dared to fake an orgasm. I am strongly considering this option, because of course, Ms. Perfect will eventually be asked the almighty question of this story, "truth or dare?" Just letting you know it may happen, but I'm not making any promises yet ;)
Third Off: DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW COME AUGUST 19TH (OR IF YOU READ THIS THE 16TH THEN YOU CAN REVIEW THEN) BECAUSE YOU CANNOT REVIEW OR LOG IN ON THE 17TH AND 18!!!!!!
Special Thanks To: divinething, portmanroxsmysoxs, Sue H (sorry for missing you on the previous chapter, I'll make you bold this time!), Bland Taste, Lum0s, evil-pillow (luv the pen name! :)), creeppieness, SuckerForGrint06, lil miz pureblood, GingerNCeline, Lorelei Star, Lol, mZp0HF3CT, crystaldreams611 and quiet x ruler (duh!)
