A/N I'm ALIVE! I'm so so so SORRY! It's the schoolwork—I just entered High School, freshman year is HARD DAMMIT! Yeah, and I'm in 3 honors classes, groans it sucks the homework is horrible…but I didn't forget about you! ON WITH THE CHAPTER!

Haha yeah and I'm really sorry about the graphic/nasty/utterly WRONG parts of this…especially the dumbledore/mcgonagall crud that sum people find to be a little much, lol. But let me remind you all that this IS rated "R" after all. If you don't get the sick hysterical pleasure some of us psychos get outta certain parts of this simply skip over them. Lol enjoy the next chappie!

Anyways now for the more important announcement that you've all been waiting for…this chapter's featuring….

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Weasleylover35753 aka "Rachel"!!!!!

CONGRATS TO YOU!! Because you are also…the NEW CO-HOSTESS!

Read on to find out why…


"Sane?" repeated Ron, raising an eyebrow, "Why wouldn't I be sane after playing this stupid muggle—"

"Oh, Ron!" cried Harry, running into the Great Hall wearing Madame Hooch's bright red thong and push-up bra and putting an arm around his best friend's shoulders, "Damn that Hooch is one fine woman!"

Ron gaped at him, and whether it was for his words or his attire the world may never know. Ron gave a fleeting glance from one side of the hall to the other, jumped upon the table and started pounding his chest with his fists like a gorilla.

"WHAT IS THIS PLACE?" he boomed.

Silence. Then…

"…cookie?" came Peter's tentative suggestion. Sirius looked like he was gonna kill himself.

"FOR THE LAST TIME PETER!" he growled, "THERE ARE…NO…COOKIES! And you know what, Pete? I DON'T EVEN LIKE COOKIES!"

Silence once again filled the hall, and every head, stunned, turned towards Sirius.

Hermione stepped forward, infuriated.

"You don't like cookies?" she said, quietly and menacingly, "Cookies are the very foundation in which our establishment thrives on. Without cookies, the world as we know it would crumble, collapse and PERISH!"

As the whole room nodded in agreement Peter shook his head in Sirius's direction and muttered, "There is no God…"

"I AM GOD!" shouted Dumbledore, jumping up and causing lightning to strike and hit Draco in the umm…privates…

Draco screamed the highest pitched scream imaginable and ran around the hall in circles screaming, "MY DICK!"

Finally he stopped running and took a deep breath. And as he did that, his umm, "dick" disintegrated off of him from the heated electricity. Draco blinked down, looking between his legs.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he shrieked, "FUCK THIS SHIT! I NEEDED THAT!"

"Wow…" said Remus pleasantly, "How is he going to use the bathroom now?" Sirius sniggered.

"Who cares?" he said, "How's he gonna have sex now?"

"DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!" shrieked Draco, returning to running around in circles again, "I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO PROFESSOR SPROUT TOMORROW! HOW THE FUCK ELSE AM I GONNA PASS HERBOLOGY?"

"Haha sucks for you," said Harry in a sing song voice, starting to do the mocarana in Madame Hooch's underthings.

"Okay…ANYWAY!" said Danielle, clapping her hands loudly to restore order, "Let's see what emotionally scarring task Mr Weasley's going to have to complete…"

Just then, another girl fell from the ceiling…but since she was screaming the whole way down, Danielle noticed her and stepped aside leaving the girl to fall onto the bench.

"HA!" Danielle screamed, punching the air and jumping up in triumph, "The loser from space did NOT fall on me this—"

But Danielle didn't get to finish her sentence as a second girl had just landed right on top of her, sending her crashing down to the floor.

"FUCK YOU!" shrieked Danielle, jumping up and throwing the girl off, "FUCK YOU ALL!"

"I like the way this girl thinks…" Sirius said to Remus and Peter, grinning.

"Umm," said Karissa, helping up the first girl, "Hey, I'm Karissa. Are you here to assist us with Ron's dare?"

"Yeah," said the girl, shooting a rather frightened look at a seething Danielle.

"What's your name?" Karissa asked politely.

"Weaselylover35753," said the girl, casting a shy glance over at Ron whose ears turned bright red.

"Robot…"muttered Danielle.

"Um…but you can just call me Rachel," she added.

"And I'm just here to make sure one of us fell on you" said the second girl to Danielle, shrugging and then jumping out the window casually…and everyone thought it better just to pretend it never happened.

"Well we're happy to have you here!" Karissa chirped at Rachel.

"Yeah whatever," said Danielle, "So what's it gonna be for ickle Ronniekins?"

"Oo Oo I know!" cried Rachel excitedly, "How about we have Ron cross dress, than jump on the table dancing and singing "Yeah" by Usher?"

Both Danielle and Karissa blinked at her.

"That…is the greatest I've EVER heard!" Danielle exclaimed.

"Uh…" said Karissa, isn't that a bit…harsh?"

"Okay, that's the last straw…Draco?" Danielle said exasperated.

Draco stopped his frantic running around in circles and solemnly walked up to stand beside Danielle.

"Ahem," he said, clearing his throat and unrolling a ridiculously long sheet of parchment, "Due to your severe case a niceness maximus, 'state convicted here' will be—"

"Oh give me that!" snapped Danielle, tearing the parchment away from Draco, "In short, you're being too friggin nice Karissa, so…we're going to have to ask you to leave the premises, or else suffer the consequences."

"I now pronounce you husband and wife!" Draco cried, overjoyed as he hugged Karissa in congratulations and wiped a tear from his eye.

"Um…yeah…" said Danielle taking a casual step away from him, "So anyway—"

"YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE!" shrieked Draco.

"DRACO!" screamed Danielle, "SHUT UP!"

"Um…what?" replied Karissa, politely puzzeled.

"Okay that's it," Danielle snapped her fingers and Dumbledore shimmied over to them in a "genie" outfit. Purple see-through pants and a bikini belly-shirt. His shimmying intensified as he started singing, "I'm a Genie in a Bottle" by Christina Aguilera. He grabbed Karissa and did the tango with her (still singing "I'm a Genie in a bottle") until they reached the window, then he picked her up and dropped her out the window.

Everyone listened for her fading scream to come to a sudden crash…but it never did.

"Umm…okay…" said Rachel, "anyway…"

Danielle pouted.

"Aww damn," she said, "Now I need a new co-host…"

"I'll do it!" said Peter eagerly.

"Um, how 'bout no…" said Danielle. She turned to Rachel, "I like you, though. You dared Ron to cross-dress. You wanna co-host the show with me?"

"Umm sure…" said Rachel, "So um, Ron let's get started on your dare…" Ron laughed nervously.

"There is NO way you are getting me to—"

"Impedimenta!" Danielle said, waving her wand lazily and causing Ron to freeze in place, "Hurry Rach, it's temporary…"

Rachel grinned deviously and quickly slipped Ron into a pink power ranger costume, with black leather hooker boots. She applied dark red lipstick and heavy eyeliner with dark blue eye shadow, and added a long blonde wig on him to top off the "look."

The curse deteriorated and Ron blinked. Rachel smirked and handed him a mirror, while across the room you could hear Sirius laughing hysterically and saying,

"He looks more gay than this guy!" and pointing at a random picture of Legolas Greenleaf that had fallen out of Karissa's pocket before she was, ahem, disposed of.

Ron stared, horrified at his reflection in the mirror.

"Wow…" said Harry approvingly, "You're hot."

"I'M A BLOODY PANSY THAT'S WHAT I AM!" exclaimed Ron furiously.

"I know!" laughed Sirius, "It's so great! Peter you're finally not alone!"

Peter blushed furiously and muttered that he wasn't as pretty as Ron was, but if anyone heard it they chose to pretend they hadn't.

"Ready, Ronnie?" called Danielle sweetly, "And…action!"

The lights in the great hall dimmed and a huge spotlight formed on Ron as Rachel qued the background music to "Yeah."

Ron started to sing, gettting more and more into it by the second. He may have forgotten that he wasn't a girl, as he fluttered his eyelashes at Dumbledore and kicked off his boots teasingly as he walked towards him. Ron started shimmying around Dumbledore in his pink power rangers outfit and Dumbeldore yelled, "OH YEAH, BABY!" and grabbed his ass.

Ron giggled and continued the song, jumping up on the table and pumping out the moves, eventually Ron pulled Hermione up there with him and started ramming (still with clothes on, mind you, you sick, sick people! lol) his private place into Hermione's ass. Hermione thrust up her skirt and they humped each other.

"Sweet!" called out Sirius, "Girl on girl action!" he turned to Lupin. "I'm feeling very horny now." Lupin sighed.

"Now now Sirius," he said, "Did you take your pills today?"

"Maybe…" replied Sirius, his eyes rushing back to Ron who was now very suggestively showing off his non-existent chest.

Peter jumped up on the table excitedly and grabbed the mike from Ron.

The music shut off and new music started playing…

"I got, the magic stick," sang Peter, "I know if I can hit once, I can hit twice…I'll show you magic…"

"What, what?" giggled Ron.

"Magic…" echoed Hermione.

Ron started shaking his hips so vigorously while dancing around Peter that his skirt started to slip off…

"Peter's finally getting some…" laughed Sirius as Lupin chuckled.

"Ew no he's NOT and…CUT!" cried Danielle. The lights came back on, the music stopped, and Ron relealized what the hell he was doing…

"So Rhonda…" said Peter smoothly, winking suggestively as he slid closer to Ron, "My house, 8:00, be there….my bed has silk sheets…"

"MICHAEL JACKSON ALERT!" shrieked Danielle and Sirius at the same time.

"I AM NOT A GIRL, YOU SICKO!" screamed Ron, throwing off all his clothes and putting on a pink fluffy robe Hermione handed him. Peter pouted.

"Aw come on, does it really matter?" he whined, "I was gonna get me some mad sex tonight—"

"EW NO YOU WEREN'T!" Ron shouted at him.

"INTERVENTION!" shouted the impotent Draco Malfoy as he picked Peter up, held him above his head, and ran out of the great hall wildly cackling like a maniac on the loose.

"Yeah, anyway…" said Danielle, as Rachel put an arm around Ron and handed him some fuzzy pink bunny slippers to make him feel better, "Ron your turn to ask someone the question of doom."

"Hermione," said Ron, slipping on his slippers, "Truth or Dare?"


A/N Well well well, what does everyone want to see Miss "I've read Hogwarts, A History" permenently scar everyone in the great hall with? I know one of you is obsessed with having her fake an orgasm, lol. So REVIEW and tell me or I cannot update. :( lol.

&&Special Thanks To…&& punk-rock-chix, Caido Angeles The Dream Angel, katriana souless, Sue H, Kt Boo, quiet x ruler, divinething, SandDollaHuNnY, lil miz pureblood, Lorelei Star, GingerNCeline, anonymous, MrsBlack, Ben's Little Mickey, HarrYsLuveR13, finally-defeated, iris, torybabe, HP Fanatic5, TheGhostofLilyPotter, girltraveler, sweet raptured light and OF COURSE Danielle's new co-hostess…Weasleylover35753 aka Rachel! :)

Thank you all so much and I love you all. FYI incase you're wondering how I list these names, it's not like I favor the people who come first or last or whatever, I just type you guys up in the order of who reviews first so I don't get more confused than I already am..mwa haha.

lol